Kzway Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So it's been literally 8 days since we have broken up, I found out she was taking all our troubles to a guy she had been friends with for over a year now and she was starting to develop feelings for this friend. So I cut ties with that after 5 months of dating and thought well shes lost to me now. Now as of the past 2 days she's tried to keep contact by asking how I've been doing and trying to be all friendly and what not. I see there is a motive to this and I can't quite pick it out yet. Any help would be greatly appreciated as to see what I can do about this situation.
GivenUp0083 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So it's been literally 8 days since we have broken up, I found out she was taking all our troubles to a guy she had been friends with for over a year now and she was starting to develop feelings for this friend. So I cut ties with that after 5 months of dating and thought well shes lost to me now. This is shady and good for you for having the thought "she's lost me". That's a step many people never get to after months post-breakup. She broke up with you and turned to someone else. Could you do that? It sounds like you see how harsh that is. Now as of the past 2 days she's tried to keep contact by asking how I've been doing and trying to be all friendly and what not. I see there is a motive to this and I can't quite pick it out yet. Any help would be greatly appreciated as to see what I can do about this situation. There's a couple reasons she could be doing this, and NONE of them are because she wants to get back with you. Here's what's going through her head: - I dunno if I made the right decision, what if I made a mistake? I don't want him out of my life forever because I like talking to him and spending time with him, yet I'm not willing to commit myself to a relationship with him anymore. Maybe I'll try to be friends in case I change my mind so that I can still get him back if I decide that I made a mistake or can't find anyone else/doesn't work with the other guy. (Insecurity) - I feel horrible for leading him on and hurting his feelings. I feel like a bad person, I don't want to feel this guilty any more. Maybe if I act like we're friends and check in on him he'll get over it faster and be nice to me and I won't feel as bad about it anymore (Guild relief) Niether reasons benefit you. If she wanted you back or made a mistake, she would be waiting on your doorstep for you to get home so she could cry in your arms and beg you to take her back. But she's not doing that.....she's just wondering how you're doing and trying to be friends. Don't buy into it. Block her, delete her, ignore her. Make it hard for her to get in contact with you. If she really wants you back she'll have to jump across some obstacles to get in front of you again.
Author Kzway Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 So would it be wise to just ask her what is her damn motivation, because I am not an option. Or just be straight up with her?
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Well, if I learned that she had feelings for someone else. Done! Whether she was making a mistake or not, that's a mistakes she has to live with, because you don't. As far as her contacting you, she's just pulling on the leash to make sure the dog is still there. Ignore it. Nothing less than, I'm sorry, I really want us to be together and lets work on us would get me to respond.
geegirl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So would it be wise to just ask her what is her damn motivation, because I am not an option. Or just be straight up with her? It would be wise to ignore her. If she had something of substance to say to you, you would have heard it by now. You don't have to be straight up with her, she knows where you stand and what you would want. Her motivation is to see if you're still there as her fallback.
Author Kzway Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 So she ends up texting me today about how she misses me and still loves me and wants things to work out so we can be together in the near future. I am willing and open to talk with her and see how it goes, but she has the guy still even tho she tells me she doesn't. Now the key is how do I go about telling her if she really cares about me and wants things to work out she has to drop this guy and let him know that we are going to try and work things out. But he is a close friend of ALL her friends so he's most definitely going to be around every time she decides to hang out with friends. how do I go about this and handle this?
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