JaneyAmazed Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I would take it a step further and out right tell him, "If you contact me one more time, not only am I telling your wife, I'm going to go to the police station and file harassment charges against you since you won't leave me alone! And, don't think I WON'T do this! I will! I want you to get out of my life and leave me alone!" Sorry, but why can't you change your number? This might be the best advice yet. Sometimes doing nothing adds more fuel to the fire (for that type that would go crazy or snap). If he knows you will file harassment charges, maybe he'll back off.
myname Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I don't know if harassment laws have changed a lot from 15 years ago, they might have, but back then when I was actually being stalked and phoned every day numerous times and threatened and had my family threatened by an ex boyfriend the police were unable to do anything. And really threatening to go to the police, that's pretty dramatic action too, especially just throwing it out there as a warning, that's just as likely to keep the drama up. It might well be best to just duck out of it all, be thankful you can ignore him and his contact and do just that. Just do the best you can for yourself.
26pointblue Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I don't know if harassment laws have changed a lot from 15 years ago, they might have, but back then when I was actually being stalked and phoned every day numerous times and threatened and had my family threatened by an ex boyfriend the police were unable to do anything. And really threatening to go to the police, that's pretty dramatic action too, especially just throwing it out there as a warning, that's just as likely to keep the drama up. It might well be best to just duck out of it all, be thankful you can ignore him and his contact and do just that. Just do the best you can for yourself. Agreed . . . at least where I live you can get a temporary restraining order right away but then the parties have to go to court, & that would be a pain when she's trying to avoid him. I think if he does threaten or say anything malicious she obviously needs to protect herself & file charges & let him know she's serious & will get the law involved to leave her alone. But right now he is apparently just sending mushy 'I wanna marry you' emails which doesn't make a lot of sense when he ran away from her before . . . I guess the guy is all over the place & only wants what he can't have & doesn't want what he can have. So there is no need to be worried about him if that's the case, she can just block his email or calls or change her email address & phone number, anything she can to keep him out of her life & move on. It was strange to me though that he told her to show up outside his work. To me that was a big red flag that she should be careful. But if she ignores him/ takes away his way to get ahold of her, she won't have anything to worry about. On the chance that he is out for revenge, telling his wife would only inflame matters, not improve them, from my viewpoint anyway.
Emme Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Say what! Show up outside his job. He's a Drama Queen also. Drama Drama Drama... Men love Drama just as much as women. Lord knows the school's officer is waiting for her with a picture not to let her on the premises. Stop this crazy lady Rooke she's a stalker. She better not go! No need for protective order... More Drama. Drama Drama Drama!
chalkfarm Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I forgot to mention! This is an absolute GEM!! He said he wanted to marry me and was buying an engagement ring and he would be bringing it to my flat, while he's still married and has a few week old baby. How pathetic and ridiculous is that???? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE MEN? And I'm not being facetious! I really don't understand.... why would someone want to bleed both of these women dry? I can sort of understand saying you love someone as a bit of a whim - but saying you want to marry someone and buying a ring??? I repeat - WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE MEN?
myname Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Agreed . . . at least where I live you can get a temporary restraining order right away but then the parties have to go to court, & that would be a pain when she's trying to avoid him. I think if he does threaten or say anything malicious she obviously needs to protect herself & file charges & let him know she's serious & will get the law involved to leave her alone. But right now he is apparently just sending mushy 'I wanna marry you' emails which doesn't make a lot of sense when he ran away from her before . . . I guess the guy is all over the place & only wants what he can't have & doesn't want what he can have. So there is no need to be worried about him if that's the case, she can just block his email or calls or change her email address & phone number, anything she can to keep him out of her life & move on. It was strange to me though that he told her to show up outside his work. To me that was a big red flag that she should be careful. But if she ignores him/ takes away his way to get ahold of her, she won't have anything to worry about. On the chance that he is out for revenge, telling his wife would only inflame matters, not improve them, from my viewpoint anyway. I agree he could well just be all over the place and not an actual threat that needs the police getting involved, and if that was necessary then there should be no warning to him of it. The turning up outside his work suggestion might not be all that suspect or have any other ulterior motives than to have you come to see him. It's just as likely to be the easiest way for him to see you and he's putting out there all the opportunities he can find to create a situation where he sees you. Best off you take care of yourself, and as you don't want to see him anymore then take strength from the fact that he's making useless attempts to entice you and ignore him.
SidLyon Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So about 2/3 weeks ago he broke NC and sent me an email. I replied and said nothing had changed and I wanted nothing to do with him. I then went to Portugal for ten days and turned my phone off, got back to literally hundreds of messages in various forms to which I have not responded. I have blocked his email address but I can't change my phone number. Should I tell his wife (again) that he is pestering me? I seem to remember that previously you didn't know how to contact his wife, so I assume that you've since found out. Well you've possibly got yourself the MM equivalent of a bunny boiler, I think. This one sounds manic. Unfortunately you probably can't tell if he's potentially dangerous or harmless. My advice is to let his wife know and offer to send her the "evidence". Also go to the police with the same evidence and make a report. Later you may have to ask for a restraining order, and your earlier police report will help.
Glinda Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So he ran away from you when you went to his workplace & now -- after you reported his affair to his supervisors -- he's telling you to be outside his workplace? Something's up, I think he wants revenge. He is mad at you & wants to get back at you. File a restraining order!!!!! Just get him out of your life. I agree with the previous poster- you stirred the pot, now the game is on. Nothing good comes out of keeping these MMs in our lives, even- or maybe 'especially'- if our motive is revenge.Agreed. After catching up on the backstory, there's no other conclusion other than revenge. Rooke can tell BW if she wishes, but MM has surely made her out to be a nutjob by now. BW won't believe anything she says. I know I wouldn't.
bentnotbroken Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Agreed. After catching up on the backstory, there's no other conclusion other than revenge. Rooke can tell BW if she wishes, but MM has surely made her out to be a nutjob by now. BW won't believe anything she says. I know I wouldn't. She may not want to believe it, but it is kind of hard to ignore an email that is forwarded from his email address. Personally I would go to the police with the messages and then to a lawyer to make sure he knows that you are more than serious. There is always a way to squash a bug or whip crap off your shoes. It maybe a little messy but such is cleaning up the messes we make.
fooled once Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Yes. Start fwd'ing them all directly to her. Don't even forwarn him. Just do it. You've told him your boundary, and he continually violates it. Let him suffer the consequences for it. Then change your number/email/etc... if you can to prevent further contact from him. Yep. Rooke, I don't think you have enough stuff for a harassment charge. That is usually a lot harder to prove. And definitely not enough for a restraining order; that has to show you are in imminent danger and none of his messages are threatening. Police will tell you to change your number. And really, our law enforcement have enough real issues to deal with than this stuff. This is kinda high school stuff, ya know? Send his wife the emails, copying him, that you would appreciate it if she could encourage him to stop contacting you. You realize what you did was wrong (having an affair) but since it ended in (state the month/year), you have not contacted him and even asked that he stop contacting you. And then CHANGE your email/phone number. I know you don't want to, but if you truly are tired of hearing from him (and I kinda wonder if you get a buzz from seeing these messages from him and a little 'in your face' that he keeps wanting you -- an ego boost for you) then you will take necessary steps to stop this.
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