Rooke Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So about 2/3 weeks ago he broke NC and sent me an email. I replied and said nothing had changed and I wanted nothing to do with him. I then went to Portugal for ten days and turned my phone off, got back to literally hundreds of messages in various forms to which I have not responded. I have blocked his email address but I can't change my phone number. Should I tell his wife (again) that he is pestering me?
Owl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Yes. Start fwd'ing them all directly to her. Don't even forwarn him. Just do it. You've told him your boundary, and he continually violates it. Let him suffer the consequences for it. Then change your number/email/etc... if you can to prevent further contact from him.
MissBee Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So about 2/3 weeks ago he broke NC and sent me an email. I replied and said nothing had changed and I wanted nothing to do with him. I then went to Portugal for ten days and turned my phone off, got back to literally hundreds of messages in various forms to which I have not responded. I have blocked his email address but I can't change my phone number. Should I tell his wife (again) that he is pestering me? Yes, if that will stop him. You can first tell him that that's what you're going to do and see if that stops him, if he continues, tell his wife.
Owl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I disagree MissBee. He's had his warning...a couple of times. If Rooke forwarns him, he'll try to do damage control and talk with his wife and tell her that Rooke is crazy, stalking him and trying to force him to resume the affair, etc.... Do it without warning.
myname Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Hi Rooke I think Owl is right, if you're going to tell her don't give him another warning, and send her something that is proof beyond doubt. He does seem to be very persistent and not affected by what you've done already, didn't you send a letter to his workplace a while back? What happened with that?
Author Rooke Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Nothing as far as I can tell. One of his messages while I was away said if I wanted to see him to be outside his workplace. I mean as if! I wouldn't wee on him if he was burning to a crisp!!
anne1707 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 One of his messages while I was away said if I wanted to see him to be outside his workplace. And when you are waiting outside his office, he could/would then use this to his wife as an example of how you are stalking him. If it suits him, he will twist the truth to suit him. No warnings - just forward everything to his wife.
Owl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 And when you are waiting outside his office, he could/would then use this to his wife as an example of how you are stalking him. If it suits him, he will twist the truth to suit him. No warnings - just forward everything to his wife. Or point her out to his employer for the same reason...to claim she's stalking her in an effort to invalidate her email to them.
myname Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Nothing as far as I can tell. One of his messages while I was away said if I wanted to see him to be outside his workplace. I mean as if! I wouldn't wee on him if he was burning to a crisp!! Ah, that must be annoying, don't know what to suggest, looks like he won't give up easy, if you do send messages onto his wife pick the ones least likely to be able to be explained as instigated by you. You know that you've not said you wanted to see him but he could potentially try to twist this message he sent around to suggest you'd been bugging him, crazy as it might sound his wife could believe that this was a sign of your stalking him if he turned it round enough.
KathyM Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So about 2/3 weeks ago he broke NC and sent me an email. I replied and said nothing had changed and I wanted nothing to do with him. I then went to Portugal for ten days and turned my phone off, got back to literally hundreds of messages in various forms to which I have not responded. I have blocked his email address but I can't change my phone number. Should I tell his wife (again) that he is pestering me? Yes, tell the wife. She has a right to know. And let him know you'll be in contact with his wife if he continues to harrass you.
Author Rooke Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I forgot to mention! This is an absolute GEM!! He said he wanted to marry me and was buying an engagement ring and he would be bringing it to my flat, while he's still married and has a few week old baby. How pathetic and ridiculous is that????
MissBee Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I disagree MissBee. He's had his warning...a couple of times. If Rooke forwarns him, he'll try to do damage control and talk with his wife and tell her that Rooke is crazy, stalking him and trying to force him to resume the affair, etc.... Do it without warning. I suppose...although, if she has the evidence of his voicemails and messages, there is not much for his case of her being the crazy one, since he has NOTHING to show as far as her stalking him, while she has EVERYTHING to show that he is the one stalking her. It's a lot more drama for her to go to the wife, or to me it seems like it anyway,that if it could be avoided by threatening him first, would be my first resort. If he doesn't stop then she has all the evidence she needs to show the wife. But it's up to Rooke and what she finds easier on her. Going to the wife first would be more of a burden on me personally, but if it doesn't matter to Rooke then she can just go straight to that option.
MissBee Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I forgot to mention! This is an absolute GEM!! He said he wanted to marry me and was buying an engagement ring and he would be bringing it to my flat, while he's still married and has a few week old baby. How pathetic and ridiculous is that???? LMAO Smh....I'm glad you're at this point Rooke. I know from experience that in my heyday of delusion, had the unavailable guy(s) I was involved with promised me those things, I would have crumbled and thought "Hmmm....although I am upset....maaaybe he's serious this time and actually sorry....maybe he realizes he can't live without me" But thankfully you see the pathetic display for what it is and are not biting the bait. Good for you!
myname Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I forgot to mention! This is an absolute GEM!! He said he wanted to marry me and was buying an engagement ring and he would be bringing it to my flat, while he's still married and has a few week old baby. How pathetic and ridiculous is that???? I'd say that's the one to forward on if you want to show her what he's doing.
MissBee Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I'd say that's the one to forward on if you want to show her what he's doing. Indeed.....how mortifying for him. I honestly feel bad for this woman who's married to such a sleaze....omg She has a new baby so I feel bad for her husband's mess to be put on front page as added stress in her life...but she does need to know what a loser she has on her hands. But my philosophy in general is that what's in the dark does eventually come to light.
Owl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I say fwd it on to his wife with the recommendation that she make arrangements to be in your apartment when he arrives with it.
JaneyAmazed Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I say fwd it on to his wife with the recommendation that she make arrangements to be in your apartment when he arrives with it. If you do this, Rooke, please don't forget to tell us all about it! I like this idea, Owl.
whichwayisup Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So about 2/3 weeks ago he broke NC and sent me an email. I replied and said nothing had changed and I wanted nothing to do with him. I then went to Portugal for ten days and turned my phone off, got back to literally hundreds of messages in various forms to which I have not responded. I have blocked his email address but I can't change my phone number. Should I tell his wife (again) that he is pestering me? I would take it a step further and out right tell him, "If you contact me one more time, not only am I telling your wife, I'm going to go to the police station and file harassment charges against you since you won't leave me alone! And, don't think I WON'T do this! I will! I want you to get out of my life and leave me alone!" Sorry, but why can't you change your number?
Emme Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So about 2/3 weeks ago he broke NC and sent me an email. I replied and said nothing had changed and I wanted nothing to do with him. I then went to Portugal for ten days and turned my phone off, got back to literally hundreds of messages in various forms to which I have not responded. I have blocked his email address but I can't change my phone number. Should I tell his wife (again) that he is pestering me? Isn't that what you wanted. You wanted him back in your life so now he's in your life. That's what happens when you're still invested in a MM to a point where you aim to destroy his livelihood. You sent a letter to his employer exposing your affair on an entirely different level. I'm surprised he's not waiting for you out side your home ready to destroy you physically. You kept dreaming of him wanting to contact you. You got your wish. You placed yourself in this circumstance. For every action there is a reaction. Toughen up and deal it. Game on.
Author Rooke Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Isn't that what you wanted. You wanted him back in your life so now he's in your life. That's what happens when you're still invested in a MM to a point where you aim to destroy his livelihood. You sent a letter to his employer exposing your affair on an entirely different level. I'm surprised he's not waiting for you out side your home ready to destroy you physically. You kept dreaming of him wanting to contact you. You got your wish. You placed yourself in this circumstance. For every action there is a reaction. Toughen up and deal it. Game on. God there's always one. Who think it's their right to tell you what you think/feel/want. No I did not want him back in my life, nor did I 'dream' of him contacting me. Nor did I think that letter had the capability of ruining his livehood, which clearly, it did not. Do not tell me what I want, because only I know that.
26pointblue Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 So he ran away from you when you went to his workplace & now -- after you reported his affair to his supervisors -- he's telling you to be outside his workplace? Something's up, I think he wants revenge. He is mad at you & wants to get back at you. File a restraining order!!!!! Just get him out of your life. I agree with the previous poster- you stirred the pot, now the game is on. Nothing good comes out of keeping these MMs in our lives, even- or maybe 'especially'- if our motive is revenge.
26pointblue Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 God there's always one. Who think it's their right to tell you what you think/feel/want. No I did not want him back in my life, nor did I 'dream' of him contacting me. Nor did I think that letter had the capability of ruining his livehood, which clearly, it did not. Do not tell me what I want, because only I know that. Okay yes you did . . . I remember you saying you didn't think he should be able to be a teacher, & so you reported him. Everyone questioned why you think he shouldn't be able to be a teacher & you said what he did to you was wrong . . . telling you to come to another place & then abandoning you once you got there. Well now he is responding to you, not abandoning you. Why did you mess with his life if you didn't want him contacting you anymore??? He was already not contacting you, now he is . . . so what do you want? I don't get it. I just think you need to be more honest with yourself.
myname Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I'm not sure, it could be some master plan of revenge, get you to come to the workplace and 'prove' you're the crazy one... but I think it's just as likely to be that there's no plan, he's just still contacting you to see what he gets back from it, even still thinks you might pick up with him again. I don't know what to suggest you do, it's hard, you've every right to feel all the things you do, take care of yourself.
Emme Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 God there's always one. Who think it's their right to tell you what you think/feel/want. No I did not want him back in my life, nor did I 'dream' of him contacting me. Nor did I think that letter had the capability of ruining his livehood, which clearly, it did not. Do not tell me what I want, because only I know that. My dear Rooke I'll be more than happy to be the one. I'll be the one to tell you what you did was not in your best interest. What would have been in your best interest was to live your life without adding additional drama because you had to soothe your ego. Everyone here can tell you to throw gasoline on a already lit fire. I'm going to be the one to tell you let the fire die out. The phrase let sleeping dogs lie is not just a saying. You have to know when to let go. Everyone here can tell you escalate this issue. Reason being they won't feel the end result. There is oh so far you can push someone before they reach a breaking point. No matter how much you might think you know him... he can snap. If he does snap and your body disappears no one here will know. No one here will be there to save you. Stop playing games. Games are for children. You want to live your life, live it. Don't live it through this affair. If you knew what you wanted, you would never have posted. LIVE YOUR LIFE! LET THE DRAMA GO!
26pointblue Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 My dear Rooke I'll be more than happy to be the one. I'll be the one to tell you what you did was not in your best interest. What would have been in your best interest was to live your life without adding additional drama because you had to sooth your ego. Everyone here can tell you to throw gasoline on a already lit fire. I'm going to be the one to tell you let the fire die out. The phrase let sleeping dogs lie is not just a saying. You have to know when to let go. Everyone here can tell you escalate this issue. Reason being they won't feel the end result. There is oh so far you can push someone before they reach a breaking point. No matter how much you might think you know him... he can snap. If he does snap and your body disappears no one here will know. No one here will be there to save you. Stop playing games. Games are for children. You want to live your life, live it. Don't live it through this affair. If you knew what you wanted, you would never have posted. LIVE YOUR LIFE! LET THE DRAMA GO! As someone who recognizes my previous propensity to indulge in drama, & who attempts to currently resist it & let things go, I agree 100%. If you tell his wife he will have more reasons to contact him. Clearly this guy either doesn't get the message/enjoys the drama himself [kind of a drama-filled tango the two of you are dancing in together] or is dangerously looking for revenge . . . no matter what his issues, this is not a good situation & I say do what you have to do to get out of it without having anything else to do with him. Change your number [there's no good excuse not to] or if you don't want to, file a restraining order. It's really that simple . . . if he calls or otherwise contacts you, he'll be in violation, & have to go to jail. So there you go, problem solved. Or move away [didn't you move there just for this guy? What is keeping you there? I'm not being snippy, I'm really wondering]. To me invovling his wife is just going to keep you in this drama & it is unnecessary since she knows about you & is staying with him anyway [unless I'm getting your story wrong, but you said, tell his wife {again} so I'm guessing this is true.] I really don't think telling the wife will do anything but keep you embroiled in this drama even longer. Just move on, let it, Emme's advice is great. I think both she & I are trying to help you - get honest with yourself & stop the drama/craziness - not hurt you.
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