robdrm32 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Recently broke up with my ex. It was mostly mutual as I wasn't happy and she wasn't ready for a relationship. Found out though that her mom basically planted the seed that she is too young for commitment and should be having fun. Which in essence i do agree with but at the same time i don't see why having a relationship is a bad idea but w/e. Question i have is the ex wants to stay friends, and she has said that possibly in the future we could try again but she isn't sure. Now i'm not angry/bitter towards her but i'm wondering what the best approach would be. I could either: A. Stay friends, see her on occasion and stay in her life, and hopefully she will reach a point where she is ready and wants to try again. Or B. Go no contact, and see if she decides to come back at any point. No, i'm not waiting around for her, I am trying to move on its just i feel like she is a good girl and for me thats been very hard to find so there is a part of me that doesn't want to "let her go" entirely, and stay friends with her. But i also don't want to stay "friends" with her and have her put me in that category for good. I eventually want to date this girl again when she grows up and i am in a better spot. Any suggestions?
ruffster Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I've been in a similar situation before, so here is an option for you: Agree to be close friends with the future open on becoming a couple again. Talk to her probably once a week or every two weeks. The trick is that when you do talk to her, keep it friendly but at the same time intimate, talking about deep and meaningful things with her, stuff that she's interested in and that she has her heart into. Also flirt with her occasionally. Finally, when you do talk to her, allow her to feel your heart and love for her. But keep it light at the same time. One thing to not do, do not complain to her about her heart being guarded or that she isn't moving things along fast enough. When the time is right, ask her out to a fun but nice date. In the meentime, keep your options open, and allow her to keep hers open. You can think of it as having an open relationship. Good luck.
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) In my eyes, what she and her mother did is pretty f*cking degenerate. Her mother basically told her to get out of a decent relationship and f*ck other men. Then when she's done being f*cked by other men, then maybe she'd consider you again, as you were that one stable guy from way back. However not before she'd let all those other meaningless men f*ck her. So when she's done she'll probably say: "yeah but that was all meaningless." Meaningless to her, but high treason to you. Besides, what kind of mother tells her daughter to go and be a slut? So personally I'd be completely done both with her mother and herself for going along with her mother's plan. It's treason, it's a major breach of loyalty. You held up your end of the bargain, they chose to walk another path and leave you behind. Keep your honor, walk up straight and find a girl that's worthy of you. Edited July 12, 2011 by Nexus One
rafallus Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Found out though that her mom basically planted the seed that she is too young for commitment and should be having fun. Which in essence i do agree with but at the same time i don't see why having a relationship is a bad idea but w/e. Rule of thumb: someone that easily influenced by someone else is not a good partner, period. She did you a favor, pretty much painting "I'm crap partner" on her forehead. If you want to move on, NC plain and simple.
Author robdrm32 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 In my eyes, what she and her mother did is pretty f*cking degenerate. Her mother basically told her to get out of a decent relationship and f*ck other men. Then when she's done being f*cked by other men, then maybe she'd consider you again, as you were that one stable guy from way back. However not before she'd let all those other meaningless men f*ck her. So when she's done she'll probably say: "yeah but that was all meaningless." Meaningless to her, but high treason to you. Besides, what kind of mother tells her daughter to go and be a slut? So personally I'd be completely done both with her mother and herself for going along with her mother's plan. It's treason, it's a major breach of loyalty. You held up your end of the bargain, they chose to walk another path and leave you behind. Keep your honor, walk up straight and find a girl that's worthy of you. I kind of agree, that was my first reaction. Even before she said her mom talked to her I knew she had to have talked to someone. Because its like overnight she went from into it, to the total opposite. She is a virgin so i dunno if she will be a slut, but when we first got together she always said how she wants to go out of state to a 4 year school. And i said if thats dead-set then maybe we just part ways for now. She thought it over and said she wouldn't go out of state since her parents didn't want her to. But what I don't get is she is going to be around here for 2 more years atleast, she may not even go away. Now, she did say she wants to be alone, she doesn't want commitment but again, just days earlier she "couldn't lose me" So her mom must have had a good talk...
carhill Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 C. Stay friends and date other women. Treat her like any other friend and expect like treatment. If she wants you around to boost her ego, this won't work for long, simply because she'll be a lousy friend. By dating other women, e.g. 'having fun', you de-prioritze her romantically and put her right where a friend should be. Win-win. She made this choice; she can own it.
Author robdrm32 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 C. Stay friends and date other women. Treat her like any other friend and expect like treatment. If she wants you around to boost her ego, this won't work for long, simply because she'll be a lousy friend. By dating other women, e.g. 'having fun', you de-prioritze her romantically and put her right where a friend should be. Win-win. She made this choice; she can own it. Thats kind of what i had in mind. but she wants to see me one more time and i'm thinking of asking her whats the real reason, and if she gives the same drab i'll just get everything off my chest and tell her to go away. Like you said she made the choice she can own it.
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