Too early to be talking about marriage? Things happening too fast? We're only 19!

[Enjaycee]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 1/2 months now. Everything is great between us right now. We're already talking about marriage and kids. Her best friends know about it and even joke about it some (we even have a little inside joke about what we're going to name our first kid). Recently she's told me that she's got high expectations for when I propose to her, and we even looked at engagement rings just last night. We're planning on waiting at least until after we get out of college before we actually tie the knot.

 

Thing is, we're only just about to begin our sophomore undergrad terms in college. We're both only 19 years old and it's gonna be another 2-3 years before we get out of college (we're both planning on graduating in 4 years). I know that at this age, most relationships don't typically work out and stuff.

 

Are we moving too fast with this? Am I setting myself up for disaster? I don't know. I feel like that she's the one for me, but a lot can happen between now and graduation.

[ChessPieceFace]

Everyone is different, statistics can only tell you what's probable, not what will happen. However, I would say it seems unnaturally fast, and also you sure better wait till after college to get married.

 

Of course, I would also recommend any man think very long and hard before marrying any woman, or at least before having kids with her, is I suppose the bigger risk. Is she really the kind of woman you would trust to stay with you through thick and thin?

 

If she's saying things like "I have high expectations for your proposal" that seems to me to be shallow, self-centered and vain. Only you would really know if that's the case.

[Lucky_One]

There are a gazillion wedding shows on tv now, and many times, young women and girls get all caught up in the fun, excitement and drama of planning a wedding, without actually thinking about what a marriage means.

 

The wedding is merely a day - the marriage is a lifetime (hopefully).

 

I would wait until you have dated a solid two years before you actually propose. It takes time to know someone really really well, and you need to see how you deal with each other being sick, being bored, being angry, being cruel, being indifferent, being selfish. All of those things WILL happen in your relationship, even though you don't believe it will.

[Saxis]

Recently she's told me that she's got high expectations for when I propose to her...

 

I cringe at the thought of a woman telling me that... Usually those type of expectations would have me looking for the door.

Edited July 12, 2011 by Saxis

[PelicanPete]

OP I was in a similar relationship not too long ago. We were talking marriage at 19 and thought we had the plans of waiting til college was over, but she left me for someone else and married him 4 months later at 20.

 

Are you really wanting to get married? You seem to be asking the same questions I did during my relationship. It wasn't til we were broken up for a few weeks did I realize I wasn't ready to be married so soon, but felt forced by her because I didn't want her to leave.

[Enchanted Girl]

Why did you guys look at wedding rings if you're not planning on getting married for several years?

 

I think its fine after 7 months to talk about the possibility of marriage. She has agreed that it won't be for a few years, right? Then you both have plenty of time to think about it and wait.

 

I was proposed to by my ex of five years, by the way, and he never actually went through with the marriage and he didn't have to and I don't resent him for it. He was the one putting all the pressure on himself to marry me. I was okay with waiting.

 

Just stop doing things like looking at rings that makes it sound like you might get married in the immediate future.

 

My current boyfriend and I have been dating as long as you two have and we have mentioned marriage and kids and what all that would be like, but it doesn't mean its for sure going to happen or be in the near future.

[Bridgey]

There's nothing wrong with talking about marriage at this point in your relationship, but since you know it can't happen for at least another 2-3 years theres no reason to get wrapped up in it. Looking at engagement rings is going a little far I'd say. Chances are your gf is like most other young women and is enthralled with the idea of a wedding and marriage. Don't let this distract you from what the reality of marriage is. Enjoy your relationship for what it is right now. No need to rush into a proposal or anything for quite a while.

[Enjaycee]

Thanks for your input everyone. I really appreciate it.

 

Marriage seems to come up a lot in our conversations these days. We recently talked about where to live/where to get jobs after college and getting married. We always end up concluding "We'll see about it later".

 

I think right now we both are relishing in the ideal thought of marriage without actually thinking about what comes after the wedding. I know that I feel secure in the thought of having a future with someone and being with her and working with her towards a successful life.

 

I believe that you guys are right in that I should wait at least until 2 years and see if things are still going as well as they are now. I'd really like for that fire to still be there.