MsKnightSoul Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Hello, I'm Faith. Lol I might not be good with grammer, spelling, and big on words. Anyways, I've been asking myself if I'm over this guy(J), whom I had an online relationship with. we had it off & on for about a year, and 1 month. I guess you can say everything was my fault, knowing the way I was; my motives. To me, it took like 5 months to actually tell him I love him, first it was weird. Since I've never really had a real relationship (like it was long-distance, or he dumped me for another chick. OR i was just too scared to jump into one;so fast like this one dude, me only 15 at the time. So yeah can't blame myself there) Well, it started from this video game(xboxlive ) called Phantasy Star universe; DEMO. we hung out a lot(talked on there.its like an MMORPG but for xbox360), then i dont know what happened (lol because i forgot D: ) i think he aked me out, then I wasnt over my other ex(T) online bf lol (whom i also met from PSU DEMO; that ex (T) & i talked about marriage lol "so in love(puppyluv)" & meeting each other in real life. but then i fell outta love) ANYWAYS again lol i can tell a whole story! haha but i want to keep it short, knowing some people *hurry get on with the program!* xD This dude(J) I dont know how everything went, but I guess you can say my insecurites got to me a lot with him. Lonely ness ate me up inside, & I pretty much left him for another online guy(me thinking why did i do that when there was nothing there, like the feeling i had for(J) ). Everything just toally got to me, back then when I had my first xboxlive online relationship(D); i didnt know "impatience". I was just calm with him. I was fine when he was away, because i was pretty used to it. LOL this makes me sound like I jump from guy to guy on there, I DONT! (D) was my first xboxlive bf(now i sound like a loser who dates online i dont, i have had real inperson relationships) we were together for 5months in 2009, and then I met (T) same year dated also for 5months then BOOM! everything gone, anyways AGAIN! LOL xD i met (J), I guess u can say, i jumped to my insecurites, only wanted his time when he came online. But I never told him! I kept quiet to myself, the feelings & stuff building up. Till I exploded to him, and then remove him(scared of what he'd say) then another month passed, I talk to him( me missing him ) I talk to him again, saying "how are you?" acting like nothing ever happened but it had to come out of no where, same thing happened it repeated it self till end of 2010, I knew the way i was acting and everything but this stubborn self of me was like BLAH! this time around Christmas(2010) I started talking to him, I was done being that girl who was always leaving him(because of my stupid insecurites, lonely ness) he was cool with it, anyways(once again ) on new years i drank with my Siblings at home. but i guess later when i was totally buzzed, i left him msgs, saying my true feelings for him. (there goes my 'then' again) THEN, on Feb 3rd, he finally had time to speak with me, and that... I told him "I love you" and he said the same thing, I didnt want that night to end. but he had to go. which kinda got me all like"awwww " inside. well on Feb 5th, 2011 (my brother's birthday) I celebrated with them, drinking (its only been 1 month since i drank then) I guess I got soo drunk I dont remember leaving nasty msgs to (J) he really said nasty stuff that really hurt, me thinking i guess i deserve it because of the time i left him without a word I knew he got tired of my bull**** scared ness etc.... I really didnt want it to end! I WAS REALLY wanting to stay, this is what he said to me " ur immature, you need to grow up, u dont know what you want, i dont date girls who drink lots" thats what he said. that was really depressing, I guess he got tried of me leaving him because of my stupid ness, and that was only twice i drank.... the next day I asked him why! ? he said it was over, and I didnt believe him. I was acting like a desparate person, like a psycho ex gf. I didnt want to lose him, I was even crying to him on the mic, but he wouldnt give.. LOL awww i still feel kinda bad, because i stuck a finger with my red eyes on a picture for him. anyways i use to sing with my whole heart for him, i even started playing guitar when we started talking again( i use to play a lot when i was 16 then 18 took long 1/2 yr breaks). I really don't know if i'm over him, but i get sooo depressed right away when i listen to this one song, & sometimes i even think of him. well, like this couple of times, I try and sing, but I CANT! I get all depressed right away, even listening to the songs i use to listen too. when i use to talk to him back in Dec & jan. Plus playing Black Ops kinda got me depressed too ( i use to play a lot with him, even Final Fantasy XI online ) hmmm I just dont know if im over him..its been 5 months( he officially said bye Feb7, 2011 right on my niece's bday; she was born that day & year) you know I have never felt like this for someone, i can still remember those days of sadness, my mom was trying to calm me, because i asked her "how long does it take to get over someone?" she never answered me. Right now, I still feel that "hoping" for him..(J) I have never spoke about my online lover's because i thought they judge me. I'm not that socialable in life, im more of keep to self & respect. i used to play a lot of video games on xbox360(live) but i dont anymore, its not the same, but i still do play once in awhile. but i wont be able to play when i go to university in the fall( maybe) oh yeah, i forgot to mention that i sent him letters(like mailing paper to house; first time i sent him one he said he never go it. well he lives in the USA & im from Canada...i didnt know how to send over there...since its a bit diifferent; so im thinking now that he didnt get his 2nd D: ) but got nothing back. i even did email(feeling it may be closure to let go). n i recently found out hi GAMERTAG (he changed it, how i found it out was..i had his CARD on the FuLL GAME) we use to play the full game of PSU;Phantasy Star Universe) together, u give ppl card to talk to u/ & they can view ur gamertag. that how i know his new gamertag name, at time i wanna talk to him. but then NO. plus i use to have his BESTFRIEND's gt on my list but removed him, i wanna add him & ask how he's doing.. lol xD what do u think i should do(apparently i forgot it D: )? or do u think im over my ex(J)? because i dont know if im confused or not. hmmm... please? THIS IS NOW! (not the future) now is now.. xD Edited July 12, 2011 by MsKnightSoul
Author MsKnightSoul Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 Can someone give me an answer? should i contact him or no? please! I dont know if i am over him!
MissMoni Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 It's hard to tell. But, if you have to ask, I would say you are not. I'd say, if you have any indication that you care about J's response to your contact..no.
PelicanPete Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 Simple answer is if you have to ask, chances are you aren't over them. The more observant answer is you said yourself you're still "hoping". When you're done hoping and you are able to accept what happened and move on without thinking of him all the time, you're pretty much over it.
Author MsKnightSoul Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 kay thanks! i just sorted myself and i'm over him now.. i listened to those songs, that remind me of him. and nothing. but i still cant sing. lol he will always have a place in my heart
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