tb24 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 My (now ex) girlfriend broke up with my two weeks ago because "she felt like she didn't know me well enough" after a week of practically ignoring me. We chatted online A LOT afterwards and I really managed to open up with her. We went on a really fun date and she kissed me, was very touchy feely towards the end of the date. The next day she texted me to tell me she enjoyed the night. We chatted online a lot more and it seemed to be going well for a few days. However, then it became weird. One time she'd speak to me and be seemingly really into me, the next time she'd give me 1 or 2 word answers and not even want to know. She went away for a week with her family, during the week I texted/called her a few times. She only initiated contact one via text. Again, she seemed very hot/cold. She made me feel like I had to walk on eggshells around her. The day she got back (saturday) we had plans to go to a club we both enjoy and meet a couple of people we know. The entire night, I felt like she was looking for reasons to be annoyed at me. She seemed VERY distant and wasn't acting at all like she usually would. She's usually very tactile, always hugging/kissing me (even on our very first date). That night she wasn't at all. Anyway, I managed to annoy her by saying something very minor, I can't even remember what it was but it was not that big of a deal. She stormed off, then we met up a bit later and had an argument on the way home and she now doesn't want to speak to me. What frustrates me is that she led me on. Why was she so welcoming when we met up after the breakup? Why did she become a lot more interested after that if she wasn't actually bothered about trying to make it work? Why bother? Just to mess with my emotions? I'd rather she'd just said no after breaking up with me the first time if she had no intentions of even trying to make it work. It's probably for the best it's over, she often managed to make me feel on edge while I was around her but it's just annoying that she treated me like this. In hindsight, I shouldn't have put up with it... but we did have fun at other times and really connect to begin with.
0hpenelope Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Feeling on edge with anyone doesn't sound fun. I got the same vibes with mutual friends because even though I don't talk to my ex anymore, the fact that I risk letting him know news about me through sharing w/ them totally bothered me. I decided today to just forget about it all. I've made strides in moving on and healing, so I want to just focus on that. And the majority of my healing progress, they weren't a part of at all. I can't keep chasing ghosts, it's so pointless. In any case, I think your ex felt that rush of good feeling towards you, then realized she just got caught up in something that she didn't want in the first place. You know, something seemed like a good idea at the time, then in retrospect it wasn't. Impulsiveness doesn't do at all. I think she's a good example of acting out of impulse. Don't get caught up in her hot/cold trap, please. Not worth it and I'm happy to hear that you're recognizing it, even though you're hurting over it. Use that as an impetus to keep moving away from her.
Trappedinyou Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I think ex's do this to just satisfy themselves it's really over and the only way out for them is to make it a problem that does not exist instead of being straight about it.
Author tb24 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 In any case, I think your ex felt that rush of good feeling towards you, then realized she just got caught up in something that she didn't want in the first place. You know, something seemed like a good idea at the time, then in retrospect it wasn't. I think you're right. I also think she remained undecided as to what she actually wanted which is why she was so hot/cold. I can't really blame her for that but I wish she'd been more open with me about it as it just left me wondering what I'd done wrong and in the last couple of weeks gave me the feeling like sending her a text would be "pestering" her. I guess she didn't know how to just tell me so was looking for reasons to get mad at me. Which is the vibe I was getting from her for a while. I realise now that the reason she wanted an argument and me to do something "wrong" was so that she could justify to herself that it was over and by refusing to talk to me she's trying to protect herself from going back into that undecided state. Again, it'd be far better for both of us if she was just honest about all this to begin with rather than leading me on and trying to pretend things were ok. I do feel better about it now I've thought it through but it's still annoying having to read between the lines to see what's actually going on.
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