Ex keeps hurting me even after he's left

[tegan1234]

This is my first post so I'm sorry if it's a bit long!

I'm 20 years old and my ex boyfriend left me around five months ago when I needed him the most. I suffer from a personality disorder and I was in the middle of a really rough time and he decided he "couldn't handle it". What was worse is that he told me he would wait for me to recover - he didn't, instead he decided to tell me he'd slept with another girl and remove me from his life completely.

This wasn't even the end. Over the five months I have been subject to very odd behaviour from him - I have had incredibly abusive messages sent to me on Facebook, and then apologies, and then more abuse. More recently he posted an indirect (but very obvious) dig at my physical appearance on his blog - I have a small gap between my front teeth and he seemed intent on how certain he was that he needs to find "girls with NO gaps".

I realise this might sound very immature but to me it is so sad because I still love him. I can't get over him. And I have blocked him on facebook, I have blocked his blog so I can't see it but every day I wish for him to send me another abusive message because in a way it means he hasn't forgotten me?

I can't seem to get over him, and the idea that he has moved on and forgotten everything we could have been makes me so sad because I was really prepared to work at rebuilding our relationship. I loved/love him so much and even though we weren't together for that long I felt that we were meant to be.

So why does he feel the need to keep hurting me? And why do I want him to keep bullying me?

xxx

[EliceSwank]

i reallly wonder sweety .. y he is still doing all this... i agree its not dat easy to move on.... but the mental torture he is givng u ir really ridiculous.... try to get rid of his thought..spend max. time with ur frends and family.... you really deserve someone better... and sure will get sooon....

[Mack05]

Tegan,

 

Firstly to acknowlege you have a personality disorder is a MASSIVE step forward in your recovery. I have been reading a lot of personality disorders recently and the biggest problem in tackling them, is that the sufferer refuses to admit to themselves that there is a problem and they keep deluding themselves, running away from their problems making them worse and worse. This is disastrous consequences longterm as personality disorders get worse with age. You should be really proud of yourself being so young and facing your problems head on.

 

Secondly your boyfriend is a spiteful, vindictive character. I mean really would you want to get back together with this guy after the way he has treated you? Believe me one day you will find yourself a man who will love you for all of you. He will be compassionate and understanding. He will be empathetic to your situation and will hold your hand every step on the way on your road to recovery.

 

I know it hurts Tegan. When we show someone the worst part of ourselves and instead of hanging in there loving and supporting us like they promised they would, instead they tuck tail and run. You just need to try gain acceptance that this guy will never be one of the special one's. He doesn't see your heart and you need to find yourself a man that see's your heart.

 

Right now you have to focus on you. Just you. You have been very courageous in accepting that you have a personality disorder. You need to put all your efforts into getting better and also rebuilding your self esteem (the reason you want him to bully you, is low self esteem/lack of self worth/self respect). I presume you are seeing a therapist? Ideally, yes it would be great to have his support, but you need to drill it in to yourself that this is something you will have to do without him. In the end it could be a blessing in disguise because firstly you saw this guys true colous and secondly, doing this on your own will make you such a strong person in future. I hope things work out for you

Edited July 12, 2011 by Mack05

[Istherehope1]

My wife of 15 years and two kids left me two and made my life even more hell than it was with her. I'm over $20 grand in lawyer fees already just tryi g to see my kids and starting a divorce that I only started to see if she woke up. She didn't. She just got more cruel. They say that if they still argue there are stil feelings. Yes feelings of more revenge and cruelty when want they were searching for didn't work out and you are the one to blame. Look ur not married or have kids then do all the no contact bid. Ignore him, go out have fake fun and fake love if you have to. Maybe he will notice and beg to change and want you back then u will have the decision of giving him a chance or moving on. But take care of urself #1. Work out, get fit, close the gap, enjoy life and he will see what he missed. Might be just a little to late. Could be Mr prince charming came along and swept u away. For now give it a 30-45 rest and concentrate on u. Maybe he returns a new man but if he's still immature don't take his evilness and as they say move on.

[shortee143]

That made me sad to read bc i can just feel how painful that is! I am so sorry first off that h left you during a tough time, they seem to do that when we need them most (more proof that we can do better, and a real partner would stick by us thru tough things, rather than run). It is terrible he is putting you done and being verbally abusive so to say. I understand that you still love him- it is the big mystery...they do nasty things, we know we shouldnt want them, but we still do and love them. It is obvious he is being very immature. I know with my ex, I am extra sensitive with things with him (broke up 4 months ago, but in contact due to mutual friends). I still too love him, so if he acts like a jerk, I take it extra personally, or get extra upset. Your ex is being really immature, and you dont deserve that, just keep reminding yourself that too. Dont fault yourself for still loving him, despite his actions, you are only human, and the heart and brain take awhile to get on the same page!