m.houst09 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 hi this is my first time doing anything like this but i really need some help or just somone to talk to.me and my girlfriend had been going out for four years we are both twenty.about a month ago she had decided to break up with me saying that she dosnt think she feels the same way about me as i do about her. she says that she dosnt think she loves me because i'm the first boyfriend shes ever had and she dosnt know what love is which i can understand as she is my first real relationship aswell i had thought while we where together about the same thing but i ignored these thoughts because i knew i loved her and i didnt want to be with anyonelse.the past six months of the relationship where very hard due to her having college exams and me being under alot of stress with my job we often took these frustrations out on eachother.when we split up i was devastated i couldnt and still cant believe it i really cant see my life being complete without her.we met up about a week later and we where supposed to be going to two festivals together but i said it would be too hard which i now regret.i left it about another week and then contacted her asking how she had been and if she wanted to meet up sometime.we met up the week before i was going to one of the festivals with my brother, we had a great time laughing,smiling we went for a meal and watched a film and i walked her back home to which we started talking about us and our relationship i told her i knew where i had gone wrong and that i was sorry but the break up made me realise where we both went wrong, she agreed and the next night we where talking on the phone and she said she went to bed very confused, i said did she want to get back together and she said yes i then said or do u want to see where this goes and she said yeah lets just see where this goes.we kept in contact regulary and even went out for a few drinks and a dance to which in the middle i asked her if she thought we would get back together which she said yes she thinks we'll be together in the future which made me so happy.she even text me about her going to see her uncle in australia saying depending on how things go with us i might be going with her.now i went to speak to her last night because i hadnt seen her for a week and i could tell she didnt want me there, we started talking and she basically said that she thinks if we got together shell feel the same way and not know if she wants me because she hasnt had any other experiance. i asked her if i wasnt good enough and she replied that thats not what she is saying and she just wants some time because even when we broke up we still saw each other and still had contact. this took me back abit and i couldnt understand why she had changed her mind so much from we where getting back together to now we wont.i think i'll leave her alone for about a week or two but she invited me out with her for a few drinks and a dance which is in two weeks which she originally said it would be special if i asked her to be my girlfriend on that date but yesterday she said she had changed her mind and she dosnt want me to ask.please if anyone can help me i'm so confused and lost i love her so much and i really thought we where back on the right track does anyone think there is still hope.thankyou
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 first I would like to make a recommendation: please structure your posts with paragraphs, it was a little tough reading that wall of text. now as for your post... There is always hope. I wouldn't say there is a guarantee though. take these 2 weeks of NC and work on yourself. become the confident guy she fell for in the first place and by no means should you ask her out on this dance/drinks occasion. go as friends, be civil, and be yourself (but the confident you). go out and have fun with her as friends. after the 2 weeks of her not hearing a peep from you and then showing up being confident and fun she may reconsider things but I wouldn't hold onto this outcome. prepare for the worst, pray for the best.
Author m.houst09 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 thank you so much. im sorry about the big wall haha.thank you for your advice i really appreciate it, its just been so hard not knowing if she means what she says or if shes just scared to commit so soon after the break up. Its been about a month maybe a month and a half since the actual break up.I just wondered what if she dosnt get into contact about the night out we had planned should i be friendly and contact her and ask if we are still going?of course i would only do this at the last moment like the day before we are supposed to go just to give her more time and space.thank you
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 No I wouldn't contact her the day before, I wouldn't contact her at all. If she doesn't contact you to go to the drinks/dance then take it as an extension of your no contact period. keep working on yourself and improve you. from what I've read I think the chances of her contacting you are very high as it is. So if she doesn't contact you for the dance thing I think she'll contact you at another time. Don't add stress to the situation, that'll just make your confidence dwindle. Just focus on you and improve yourself. when/if she contacts you for drinks and dance or after for some other occasion you will have your chance to show your improvements. I also recommend buying new clothes for the occasion as well. it doesn't have to be anything fancy or out of character, just something she's never seen you wear before. And if your not already, go to the gym or do some sort of workout routine. obviously you won't change your physique to much in 2 weeks time but it'll add to your new look. Try not to think about the dance, when you'll see/hear from her, how she will act towards you, and don't worry about her forgetting you because she won't. Focus on YOU during this time, and you only.
Author m.houst09 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 it seems all hope is gone and she wont even speak to me anymore.feels like everything nice she ever said to me was a lie, now she would much rather ignore me and spend time doing anything but being near me.
Mack05 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 it seems all hope is gone and she wont even speak to me anymore.feels like everything nice she ever said to me was a lie, now she would much rather ignore me and spend time doing anything but being near me. Everything nice she ever said to you wasn't a lie. People change, feelings change ESPECIALLY when you met at such a young age. All your questions might answered here buddy -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986 I personally don't believe in GIGS, but this seems to be the most popular thread on the forum. "Sadly, there is nothing you can do, but respect her wishes. She is very young and is entitled to live her life the way she see's fit. All you can do is respect her choice and move on. I know that is so hard, but that is what you have to do. Hassling her, begging, pleading and looking for answers will just driver her further away. I personally feel she is way too emotionally immature to be in a relationship right now. Therefore she will not be able to make you happy long term. Looking at it logically mate, most of us (I would confidentally say 9 in 10) meet people at a young age, they are our first loves but it rarely works out. Just chalk it down to experience and move on with your life. The crucial thing is (no matter how bad it gets) is NOT to break NC. I have been through a few of these in my time. The same rules apply to us all.."
XmaryfeyX Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 i hate to say this, but you are twenty- that's awful young. I felt the same way about my ex before I left to go to college. I just felt that I wanted to explore new things (not necessarily people) whereas he still wanted to stay put in Idaho and was living a totally different life in a different place. She will keep leading you on, until she finds someone new and exciting- harsh but true, I'm sorry) and wanting to be friends. You need to cut her off and give yourself sometime to think. Honestly I think, it can then go two ways- she'll find someone else and maybe wanna be friends or she'll realise that she can't find anyone better and want to be your girlfriend again. In that case enough time will have passed for you to make a decision as to whether or not she deserves you and you still want her. Good luck.
Author m.houst09 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 thanx guys your posts have really helped me.i guess no contact is the way to go whether it brings her back or not i'll hav to wait and see but i cant wait around feeling sorry for myself anymore.
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