lonelynyc Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 After breaking NC on Saturday night to tell me she still loves me, wants to be there for me, but can't be in a relationship with me anymore (hasn't forgiven me for things I did 2 years ago) my ex gives me another call tonight. The call was about something completely trivial--she just complained to me about people making noise outside of her building. I was friendly, and discussed the issue with her. Again though, like an *******, I let her know that I miss her. She became completely cold when I said that, telling me "it's your fault we're not together." I apologized to her for getting emotional, but COME ON! If she didn't miss me too, I wouldn't have received a call like that. We talk for a few more minutes, I tell her I love her, and she actually says (didn't imagine this) I love you too. A few minutes later I get ANOTHER call from her to talk about some more random, trivial stuff. I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit this, but I was practically elated by all of this. It felt like we were back in a relationship. I feel like this is all very dangerous. Like I'm being lulled into thinking she'll be in my life moving forward, only for her to change her mind at some point and shut me out forever. How do I read into her behavior? She doesn't act like or talk to me like someone who is over me romantically, or even on the road to being over with me... Or am I just deluding myself? Why would she come to me with all this minor ****?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 did you ask her why it's your fault that the two of you are not in a relationship? she's obviously not over you and has some sort of connection, whether she is stringing you along or not is trivial although not out of question because she got cold towards you. Personally, I would ride this out and see where it goes but beware that it might have a very painful ending.
Author lonelynyc Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 did you ask her why it's your fault that the two of you are not in a relationship? she's obviously not over you and has some sort of connection, whether she is stringing you along or not is trivial although not out of question because she got cold towards you. Personally, I would ride this out and see where it goes but beware that it might have a very painful ending. I cheated on her at the very beginning of our relationship, 2 years ago. It was a mistake, I atoned for it, and was a very devoted boyfriend after that. Look, I know I don't deserve anything. Many women would probably never talk to a guy again after they discover the type of betrayal I committed. Yet, we had a healthy, happy relationship for a YEAR after that. And I'm really not looking at it with rose-tinted glasses. There were no real signs that this was festering in her heart. I think what brought this issue back up again for her were other factors like both of us working longer hours, and the crisis of my father's declining health. I think I want to see where it goes too... but I have very low expectations. The biggest reason for me continuing this contact is so that I don't have to lose 2 of the most important people in my life in the same month. I don't know if I'd be able to come back from that. Why do you think this is worth pursuing?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I cheated on her at the very beginning of our relationship, 2 years ago. It was a mistake, I atoned for it, and was a very devoted boyfriend after that. Look, I know I don't deserve anything. Many women would probably never talk to a guy again after they discover the type of betrayal I committed. Yet, we had a healthy, happy relationship for a YEAR after that. And I'm really not looking at it with rose-tinted glasses. There were no real signs that this was festering in her heart. I think what brought this issue back up again for her were other factors like both of us working longer hours, and the crisis of my father's declining health. I think I want to see where it goes too... but I have very low expectations. The biggest reason for me continuing this contact is so that I don't have to lose 2 of the most important people in my life in the same month. I don't know if I'd be able to come back from that. Why do you think this is worth pursuing? I'm not sure where you are in your healing process so there is a possible win/win if you ride this out. obviously one of those wins will be in disguise as a massive loss but this is what I'm thinking could happen. 1.) you reconcile, yes you cheated at the beginning but if it never happens again I see that as a HUGE obstacle tackled. basically if she can forgive you for this she is very much in love with you. I just hope you feel the same for her if this is the outcome. 2.) you don't reconcile, you lose her out of your life possibly forever. But you won't think back at this moment and say "what if... I just went along with everything". It will give you the satisfaction of knowing that you did everything you possibly could to fix things between you two and in a sense give you a solid foundation for the closure you may be looking for. Now there's also the possibility that this could only lead to friends, I'm not sure if that is a possibility you are willing to settle with but I wouldn't recommend it unless it's years down the road. I guess before you decide whether you want to ride this out you need to ask yourself "how much do I love/want this girl?" and "am I willing to suffer massive heartache again?"
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