hating the way I feel...

[changes]

....i'm trying to cope with the anger and hatred I feel toward my ex-husband and his girlfriend...(homewrecker)

 

I was married for 17 years.. I worked my rear off to put my husband through school and he thanked me by having an affair with his female "study partner".

He had cheated on me before and had several inappropriate "friendships" with other females through out our marriage so this time I bagged up his belongings and deposited them on his mistresses front lawn.

 

I then filed for divorce and it's been a roller coaster ride through hell. The divorce is final but I'm still angry and hurt. I'm filled with rage over the whole situation. I don't want him back but it kills me that he and his "friend/study partner" are "just now" finding them selves in a romantic relationship...(YEAH RIGHT) He has introduced this woman to my daughter (11 yo) and of course my kid thinks this woman is so nice! They go all kinds of places and do all sorts of things that I BEGGED my husband to do when we were a family but he refused.

 

It's killing me to hear my daughter tell me all about how great this woman is and about all the cool things the three of them do together. I know it's all a big put on by my ex-H and that he will show his true colors eventually but in the mean time it kills me to watch him play "happy family" with my child and his homewrecker..(she knew he was married and that I was devastated when I caught them in a hotel room together).

 

Since we're divorced now and I wouldn't take him back I thought I'd try to take the high road and try to extend an olive branch to this woman. I wrote her a very sincere email letting her know that I felt it was important for her and I to have a positive rapport with each other for my daughters sake. After all I have no idea what my exH told her about me or our marriage...I know what a lying POS he is so it's safe to assume he gaslighted her as well.

 

It's been a week and she hasn't responded although my exH said she read my email and would respond "when she had time". She has plenty of time to take my daughter shopping and get their nails done. She's constantly buying things for my daughter and taking her to do things I can not afford to do. So I'm now the single, broke mother and this woman get's to enjoy my family in ways that I never could because my husband refused to try and make things better for our families sake. I guess replacing me in the equation makes all the difference in the world for him. I swear I could drop off of the planet and they would be grateful for it.

 

Ugh...how do you cope with your exH mistress after the divorce?

How do you cope with your exH when he has zero consideration for what he's done and how he treats you? I'm at a total loss and don't know what to do with all of these negative feelings.

 

Thanks for reading

[DontWorryBHappy]

Oh wow, this is a horrible situation! Do you have any friends or other support? I think you really need it right now, and also if there is any way you can seek the help of a therapist. The mistress is obviously trying to put on a show for your daughter, as is your ex... Somehow I doubt it will be happily ever after for them. I would suggest immersing yourself in something else and dealing with your daughter's comments about all the "fun" as best as you can... At least she does love you and you do have her, you are still her mother. I hope any of this can help you at least a little.. I feel for you a lot!

[headsinclouds]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, this has to be the worst possible pain. Just console yourself with the fact that in a few years he will be cheating on her and putting her through the same pain. Please go to counseling or seek a support group. Hugs.

[bikinibeach]

oh my god.

 

that woman is the lowest of the low. how can you kiss ass someone who's MOTHER you completely disregard???

 

i was SO happy to read that you put his things out and were just done with it. i can't stop shaking my head. inappropriate relationships with women...funny thing is, his gf is going to suffer sometime soon with him exhibiting that type of behavior.

 

and a man like that is going to be miserable for the rest of his life. it is hard being consistently dissatisfied.

 

for him to think it's ok to make excuses for someone who is sucking up to a child and cold fronting the mother, who sounds like an above decent and strong woman, is just beyond DISGUSTING!!!

 

i am just so repulsed by reading this. does he have parents? let them know what he's doing! who raises someone like this?

 

i think this is emotional abuse and when your daughter is of age to realize what you must have been going through as they used her as a pawn, she will feel alot of regret.

 

i don't know what advice to give you other than get professional help. go see a families counselor and NOT with your asshat husband, he's a whole other case.

 

let someone know what is going on and what you should do.

 

i'm really sorry all of this happened to you and your family. no one deserves to be treated that way.

[changes]

Thank you all for your insight.

 

I've tried to seek therapy...God knows I really need it. Unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover it and my Ex left me so far behind on the bills it's all I can do to keep my head above water financially.

 

the GF did finally respond..it took her a week...her response had only to do with my "precious child". She proclaimed that my daughters well being was of her "utmost importance". She mentioned to me that my daughter speaks of me often when they are together and that I should view that as "a good thing".

 

She completely side stepped the fact that I expressed how emotionally traumatizing the end of my marriage was for me as well as ignored mentioning her involvement in it. Her response was 100% about my daughter and said nothing about how she came to be in my daughters life in the first place.

 

I swear I'd be fine with letting it all go if my child was not involved. I no longer care where this man lays his head but the fact that my daughter is being gaslighted makes me sick.

 

As far as exH's parents go.... I called my exMIL before D day because my exH was so "unhappy" and wouldn't talk to me. I thought maybe she could help us by talking to him and setting him straight. That was a huge mistake.

She claimed that he never confided in her about anything and that she knew nothing of what was going on with her son. The night I discovered my Ex and his GF in the hotel I called my MIL...she answered the phone...said "I'm not speaking to you" in a nasty tone and hung up on me. Those are the last words I've heard from that woman.

 

However I see now that she is friends with exH's GF on facebook...posts comments like "love you guys" and "can't wait for you to come visit".

It's as though over night I became the enemy and I have no clue why.

The funny thing is my exMIL had the exact same thing happen to her when she was married to exH's father. He stepped out on her...treated her like garbage and I've heard those stories from her over and over again for years.

 

When I think about it all my head just spins. So truthfully I feel doubly betrayed. Instead of helping me fix my marriage by speaking to her son she stabbed me in the back by enabling him to walk away from his family. In one conversation I had with her I told her I had discovered that he had hidden thousands of dollars from me and that all of our bills were behind. Her response was "you must have done something to make him feel vulnerable."

 

Oh yeah...baby boy is so vulnerable! What a load of sh*t! It all just makes me sick.

[Sugarkane]

Man those two are so low! I don't understand how she could do that, knowing in time he could very well do exactly the same thing to her! I've never been divorced, but I've experienced first hand how the dumper [who's clearly in the wrong], turns their friends and family against you. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be angry in this situation! Do you have any other friends/family who could offer you some support?