Nina Myers Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Hey! So, this is my first post and I need advice! Here goes: So, there was this guy, C--, who I dated for just under a month back in March-April. Honestly, it was a pretty amazing month! Most of us gals have our lists of traits that we'd like to see in our boyfriends/husbands. This guy honestly had everything on my list except for a couple of unimportant ones. (And my list is actually a pretty hard one for a guy to measure up to, just because I'm kind of a quirky woman looking for a kind of quirky guy.) In terms of beliefs, values, lifestyle, and interests, we lined up almost perfectly. Great physical chemistry too (no sex yet)! Then he dumped me because he was still hung up on his ex. He told me that he doesn't think anything will ever happen with her again, but I'm pretty sure he's still been trying to contact her. He told me that he's been through a pretty bad year emotionally, so he can't date me. Fair enough. But he still flirts with me and acts all shy around me as if he still likes me. Argh!!! Frustrating, but I can still see something happening between us, maybe. But now I've met this other guy, K--. I don't know K very well yet, but I think he would meet about 1/2 - 3/4 of the requirements on my list. He hasn't asked me out yet, but I'm pretty sure he's going to. I don't dislike K, but I'm certainly not as attracted to him as I am to C. Long term, I think things maybe could work out with K, but I don't really think they would. If C wasn't in the picture, I would likely date K to see how things go, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. But, if I date K, will I end up killing my chances of ever dating C again? If C saw me out with K, it wouldn't make him get jealous and try to get me back. If C saw me out with K, he'd be more the type to sadly slink away and resign himself to missing his chance. So, should I date K? And, if C flirts with me, should I flirt back? By flirting, are C and I helplessly hanging on to something that can never happen? Or are we keeping alive a spark that may one day ignite again?
ChessPieceFace Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Actually, you're choosing between whether you want to subjugate yourself to allow "C" to chase after another woman while you pine away and wait for him, or whether you respect yourself enough to also go after someone else as he is doing, and accept the fact that if "C" can't accept the fairness of that, that he wasn't worth it anyway.
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