HLP234 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I've been stuck helping my mother out some weekends which takes time from my gf. I spent this weekend with my gf and we've had arguments about my family and so on how I always have to do stuff for them. This weekend she wants me to stay with her since her dad won't be at home and she doesn't want to be alone. My mom is having car problems and my bro and sis want to go see their friends every weekend which leaves my mom alone in my house, and she hates that. My gf and I started arguing because I can't commit to her plan of staying with her this weekend. How do I know what will happen in the next few days till friday? She says she is gonna have one of her friends (a guy) stay at her house instead so she's not alone. She says she will sleep in her bedroom and he on the couch. Wtf?? We are engaged, shouldn't I be mad? I am but I can't seem to get her to understand that sometimes you can't make plans when you don't know what my family may need from me when Friday comes. I always get blamed for ditching her for my mom. So messed up I would never invite another girl to come stay with me even if I had to stay alone.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Sounds like you are placed with the ultimate situation of "does he trust me". I'd be mad but that's just insecurity seeping through to the surface. Try not to sweat it though, just because people have the chance to... uh.. cheat... doesn't mean they will take the initiative to do so. I do think she is a bit childish for not being able to be home alone for a few days.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Really? Is your girlfriend that petty? And what about your brother and sister? They can't sacrifice one weekend away from their friends?
lonelynyc Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Excuse me, but your girlfriend sounds a little spoiled and self-centered. Someone who loves you understands when you have to address your other responsibilities. My father is terminally ill and my ex, right before our break up, gave me a hard time about one night that I had to leave her to tend to him. Life is full of challenges and if she's going to play games with you every time you do the right thing, is she worth it?
Author HLP234 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 My bro and sis are 13 and 14. They are staying with me until they move out temporarly. I've had to find them a car, apartments, everything. My mom complains when my gf argues with me that I should go hang out with her. I know I want to but theres no reason I should have to stay in with my mom, I'm 24 and I know my mom cant do anything by herself shes always lost but I shouldn't have to get in fights with my gf about this. There has been maybe 2 weekends I did not spend with my gf and I got chewed out by my family about it. My gf says she should not have to beg and there is no reason why I should have to stay in with my mom. My little bro and sis are wise asses and don't care they want to do what they want and thats it. They don't care and tell me I should stay with my mom. Now she is saying I'm causing drama when she is the one making such a huge deal because I dunno what may happen between now and this weekend.
D-Lish Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Does your mom have an illness or something? If the 2 of you are engaged, that means you're going to be moving in together at some point right? What will your mother do then?
Author HLP234 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 She is not ill, just depressed majorly because she is going through divorce. And her culture is different and she believes I should give everything up to help my family out and she doesn't get why my gf is so controlling and selfish she says. She heard us arguing one time and she never met my gf but got a bad impression of her because of our fights. We never fought before my mom came here. My mom talks all kinds of crap about her and stuff but I still care for her and love her.
D-Lish Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Well, you may not want to hear this- but your mother sounds just as controlling. You have this choice to stay at home and soothe your mother, or a chance to spend a night with your gf that has told you she needs you this one night. Yet you can't even make a commitment to your gf because you don't know how your mother's mood is going to be that day???? That just sounds crazy to me. Come on guy, you're 24, you're engaged, you're gf wants your attention and you'd rather give it to your mother. I know you think I'm being harsh, and I know family matters and always should. It just sounds like your mother has become your #1 priority and you've placed your gf on the back burner. I'd be hurt to if I were her- just providing a different view. If your mother had a serious illness that needed monitoring, that would be a different issue. You're talking about blowing off your gf everytime your mom feels "sad". Maybe it's a cultural issue that I am not getting.
Author HLP234 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 It is a culture issue you are not understanding, I have never ever ditched her or made other plans before, or cancelled anything. My parents don't like her they say she is not right. She went through my emails one day and saw an email my dad wrote to me about being engaged to her without asking his permission (another culture thing). I'm not american but I grew up in the U.S. She replied to that email saying he disrepsected her and her family. Then she heard a fight me and my dad were having on the phone and she wrote another email saying that if he acts like that with me or threatens me with stupid things he wants me to do then she will call the cops. My dad is middle eastern and she mentioned terroristic threats when my dad was just mad at me and trying to scare me saying if i don't do what he wants then he will come down here and just raise hell basically. So my family doesn't like her because of this and she should not have written any emails because I understand she was worried for me but really it made things worse for me dealing with them. I have to hear about them bitching about me with her all the time. I'm not gonna leave her because they want me to, thats night right. But at the same time the way she has been acting is pretty nasty. I would never write stuff like that to her parents if I never knew them.
D-Lish Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 It is a culture issue you are not understanding, I have never ever ditched her or made other plans before, or cancelled anything. My parents don't like her they say she is not right. She went through my emails one day and saw an email my dad wrote to me about being engaged to her without asking his permission (another culture thing). I'm not american but I grew up in the U.S. She replied to that email saying he disrepsected her and her family. Then she heard a fight me and my dad were having on the phone and she wrote another email saying that if he acts like that with me or threatens me with stupid things he wants me to do then she will call the cops. My dad is middle eastern and she mentioned terroristic threats when my dad was just mad at me and trying to scare me saying if i don't do what he wants then he will come down here and just raise hell basically. So my family doesn't like her because of this and she should not have written any emails because I understand she was worried for me but really it made things worse for me dealing with them. I have to hear about them bitching about me with her all the time. I'm not gonna leave her because they want me to, thats night right. But at the same time the way she has been acting is pretty nasty. I would never write stuff like that to her parents if I never knew them. Well, you're right, I'm not going to be able to offer anything helpful given that I can't relate to the cultural perspective you are coming from- so good luck.
Author HLP234 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Neither one of them understands which is why I am in this mess. She always has to blame everything on me and how she turns everything to be about her no matter what explanation I give is just ridiculous. Before my family arrived here and needed my help, I spent every weekend with her, did everything with her, and was always available to her. Even her family told me she is used to getting what she wants when she wants ita nd when she doesn't she gets like this. I'm sorry, but she is 1 year younger than me. At least try to be tolerate rather than making excuses that I don't love her and don't wanna be with her. Would I rather be stuck in a hot apartment with my mother? Hell no. Homebrew, you have some good points there. I understand those and all my friends are telling me the same thing, that she is too controlling and childish at times. We should not be having arguments about this type of issue. She loves her family so much and she would do anything for them, I know this because I have seen it. My parents were fine with her before they heard about her emails she wrote and how she has been acting ever since my mother arrived. They liked her and approved of her even though they never met her. Its how she's been acting now that the situation is no longer to her liking that gave my parents a bad impression. Also, dating someone from my culture is not possible. I'm half arabic/european so its hard. I am a really nice person and I do anything to make someone that cares happy. I don't believe in the arranged marriage or any of that crap, my dad never did that why should I? What sucks is my parents liked my ex gf until she left me for a "best friend" because she said I did not compare to him. They had never met her until later but they were also not going through a divorce at the time, they were together so they didn't care about what I did. She was also very self centered and had issues and insecurities but we never got into fights if I said I may not be able to hang out because I may have to do something else. From my understanding, my parents are putting their issues on me and making it seem like I am the man of the family now who has to take care of everyone. That is the big problem. And like many others have said, a girl can always leave you but family will always be there. I will resent my family if she leaves and i will not be happy nor will I act the same with them if this turns out bad. At the same time, I can't just let someone go because I still love her no matter what or how she has been acting, don't know why netiher do I have a reason not to love her, I just do. So that is the hard part about all this. Edited July 12, 2011 by HLP234
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