donnamaybe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Woggle's friend is behaving in a discourteous and disrespectful way. It wouldn't be disrespectful for him to say "I enjoyed our night together, but I'm not looking for anything right now". That would just be honest and respectful of her desire to know what meaning she should attach to the night they spent together. And this is spot on, and IMO the only issue. Two people had sex. Big deal. If she made it into something it was not, as I said before, that's on her. But yes. He should stop pretending she doesn't exist. That's just rude.
sally4sara Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I don't really agree he has to vocalize her existence. Of course he knows she exists; they had sex. Would it be better if he could still find her company desirable even if just as casual friends? Sure. Here is the thing: its not within his power to deem her trash or worthy or anything really. Why is it up to him to tell her what meaning the night they shared she should hold? Can't it just mean whatever meaning it had that resulted in her choosing to have sex with him? Did she nail down the specifics or what the next day would hold for him BEFORE deciding sex with him was the thing to be doing? It would seem she didn't need that info before having sex with him so why does she need it now? I just see this as the typical aftermath women think they need to put themselves through for acting in their own sexual interests. The natural result of coming up through a history lacking acceptance for our sexual impulses. Guilt over sex wasn't a state we asked for but one foisted on us by centuries of others. I understand it still echos in us for what we've been taught but its so pointless. So why seek absolution from anyone other than yourself OR decide before you act how your actions will have you feeling under the different outcome that might result.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I just see this as the typical aftermath women think they need to put themselves through for acting in their own sexual interests. The natural result of coming up through a history lacking acceptance for our sexual impulses. Guilt over sex wasn't a state we asked for but one foisted on us by centuries of others. I understand it still echos in us for what we've been taught but its so pointless. So why seek absolution from anyone other than yourself OR decide before you act how your actions will have you feeling under the different outcome that might result. I agree absolutely, but I believe that the overarching concepts of courtesy, kindness and civility require that he NOT ignore her texts and calls. To be "right," he needs to return her communications ONCE. If she carries on, that's too bad for her. In everyday life (not related at all to one night stands, of which I have none), I believe that I need to return phone calls & emails. Even if my response is simply "I am not interested." Honestly, also I think that if she was good enough for him to screw, she is good enough for him to answer. And, finally, it's clear that he wants her to feel like crap because he's butthurt himself, through no fault of her own, and that is on HIM.
donnamaybe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 A simple reply text along the lines of "I'm not interested in anything more than last night" wouldn't really put him out. When someone doesn't respond at all, the sender might think they didn't receive the text.
Author Woggle Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 He finally called her back and it turns out she just got out of an abusive relationship and the two of them had a really nice conversation. They are glad they could rock each other's worlds and plan to keep in touch though it is strictly friendship at this point. I don't know how smart that is with both of them in a vulnerable state but it's good things came out well. That comment he made about the power trip was said in anger. He is sick of treating women well only to have them treat them like crap and he is understandably bitter. The fact that he called her and smoothed things over I think says more about him than one comment.
donnamaybe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 He finally called her back and it turns out she just got out of an abusive relationship and the two of them had a really nice conversation. They are glad they could rock each other's worlds and plan to keep in touch though it is strictly friendship at this point. I don't know how smart that is with both of them in a vulnerable state but it's good things came out well. That comment he made about the power trip was said in anger. He is sick of treating women well only to have them treat them like crap and he is understandably bitter. The fact that he called her and smoothed things over I think says more about him than one comment. Good. He's treating her like a human being instead of his own personal venting tool. Not that he owes her any kind of R, even just friendship. They had sex. That's it. But I'm glad to see he's not allowing that cheating POS ex of his to change him.
Trimmer Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 That's great it turned out well for both of them, and neither of them likely put as much thought into the matter as any of us LOL. Heh heh... And some of "us" will probably go on arguing about their argument about the way they are arguing. Kinda like people do in a relationship.
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