Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Why do you go under the assumption that he lied to her? The fact that she called him back has me thinking he wasn't upfront with her about his motive.
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 *sigh* Women are not fragile porcelain dolls. I didn't say that. I said, just because someone has a weakness, that doesn't justify anyone to exploit that weakness. If her weakness is 'being naive', then that doesn't give anyone the justification to exploit her.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I didn't say that. I said, just because someone has a weakness, that doesn't justify anyone to exploit that weakness. If her weakness is "being naive", then that doesn't give anyone the justification to exploit it. Again, then she has no business being out by herself. She needs an escort because she will be taken advantage of (not just in relationships either).
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Again, then she has no business being out by herself. She needs an escort because she will be taken advantage of (not just in relationships either). I think your reasoning is off track. You're shifting the blame to her, while HE was the one who did something wrong. Do you know how many people have weaknesses? Everyone. By your logic very few people would be qualified to walk the streets or do anything for that matter.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I think your reasoning is off track. You're shifting the blame to her, while HE was the one who did something wrong. Do you know how many people have weaknesses? Everyone. By your logic very few people would be qualified to walk the streets or do anything for that matter. The blame is on no one. She wanted to sleep with him, and she did. No harm no foul. It takes two to tango here. If she wanted a relationship then she should not have agreed to sleep with a strange man. This isn't rocket science. Perhaps you're right though. I have no idea how this woman was brought up, but apparently whoever parented her did not do a good job of teaching her how the world works. A strange man who wants to sleep with you is not looking for a relationship, and a strange man named Bernie Maddoff who promises you a guaranteed 400% return on your investment is not a good person to trust with your money.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 ? I thought the point being made was that he had every right to go out and get sex. He probably should just tell the ONS woman to stop calling him now because he doesn't want to see her again, and it's the decent thing to do. Not sure where the disconnect is? Isn't that what you think a standup person, man or woman, ought to do? Exactly what I was saying. He just wants to be mad at this point.
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 The blame is on no one. She wanted to sleep with him, and she did. No harm no foul. It takes two to tango here. If she wanted a relationship then she should not have agreed to sleep with a strange man. This isn't rocket science. Perhaps you're right though. I have no idea how this woman was brought up, but apparently whoever parented her did not do a good job of teaching her how the world works. A strange man who wants to sleep with you is not looking for a relationship, and a strange man named Bernie Maddoff who promises you a guaranteed 400% return on your investment is not a good person to trust with your money. You're shifting the responsibility from the violator to the victim. I'm just not down with that.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I think your reasoning is off track. You're shifting the blame to her, while HE was the one who did something wrong. Do you know how many people have weaknesses? Everyone. By your logic very few people would be qualified to walk the streets or do anything for that matter. I agree with you 100%. This is the kind of logic they use with rape victims. They shift the blame on them, saying they were dressed slutty and wanted it and should have known what was going to happen, so its their own faults.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I agree with you 100%. This is the kind of logic they use with rape victims. They shift the blame on them, saying they were dressed slutty and wanted it and should have known what was going to happen, so its their own faults. Seriously? Rape? A violent act that the victim didn't willfully participate in versus consensual sex that both parties actively and willfully participated in. They're not even in the same universe of likeness. No one is a victim here, no one gets blame.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Seriously? Rape? A violent act that the victim didn't willfully participate in versus consensual sex that both parties actively and willfully participated in. They're not even in the same universe of likeness. No one is a victim here, no one gets blame. Because you are focused on the wrong thing. It's okay for people to have one night stands. We just want to make sure everyone is on the same page when they do and that both people are treated with respect. A rape victim will suffer more emotionally trauma, but it's not enjoyable to be used or misled by someone. It hurts. And I was just pointing out the fault in your logic because you wouldn't get it unless I gave an example.
Author Woggle Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 How do we know that she wasn't looking for the same exact thing? Maybe she wanted a one night stand as well. She made the choice to take him back to her hotel room and have sex with him on the first night they met. For all he knows she might have a boyfriend or a husband.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 How do we know that she wasn't looking for the same exact thing? Maybe she wanted a one night stand as well. She made the choice to take him back to her hotel room and have sex with him on the first night they met. For all he knows she might have a boyfriend or a husband. We don't know anything for certain. But people's actions usually reflect their heart much more than their words and her actions were that she wanted to continue speaking to him. (Which most people who want an ONS never want to speak to the other person again.) And his actions say that he has no respect for her because he can't even tell her: "Sorry, but last night was a one time thing. I'd appreciate it if we could end it there and I wish you the best of luck."
Hot Chick Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 They exchanged phone numbers which leads me to believe that this is what made her think it could go beyond the one night? Otherwise, why bother to exchange numbers.....of course there's the possibility that they agreed to meet somewhere later and needed each other's numbers incase one of them had to cancel...but even that wouldn't be necessary, because if you decide you don't want to go, just cancel... I like Trimmer's point of view on this and agree with him, as far as the "wrongness" of the situation goes. He stated it very well.
Taramere Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Returning somebody's text isn't exactly a marriage proposal. I can understand that if it's a one night thing that isn't going anywhere, that might need to be clarified...but along the lines of "circumstances aren't right for us to take this further, but I want you to know I had a really great time." There's a basic standard of human decency that doesn't need to be abandoned simply because sex was involved. The sense is that he felt sh*tty and the way for him to feel better was to dump that on somebody who from the sound of things had done nothing wrong other than be friendly, interested and amenable to having sex with him. I don't see that the fact that this girl entered into a one night stand means she shouldn't be treated with the minimum degree of courtesy you would normally extend to somebody after, for instance, a date (eg dropping them a line to let them know you had a good time). She's not entitled to expect a relationship to result from this interlude, but the expectation of a bit of human courtesy wouldn't exactly be an unreasonable one.
KathyM Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 A coworker of mine just had his ex fiance cheat on him and he was heartbroken so I took him around my way for some fun this weekend. He had a blast and it was great to see him just forget about his ex. He starts chatting up this woman at a bar from Long Island and he gets her number. The next morning I find out that he met her at the hotel and they had sex. He said he needed to just have a good screw with a woman and be a man for once in his life. She is texting him and he is ignoring it. He doesn't want to hear from her again and said that it was just a one time thing. I must admit that he was a swagger I have yet to see and seems like a new man. It sounds messed up but maybe this is what he needs to finally grow a pair of balls. Is he wrong for this? Good grief. He uses her for sex and then dumps her. How selfish. He's got his swagger back and the girl is left feeling used and taken advantage of. I wish men wouldn't use women like this. They are people with feelings--not objects.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Returning somebody's text isn't exactly a marriage proposal. I can understand that if it's a one night thing that isn't going anywhere, that might need to be clarified...but along the lines of "circumstances aren't right for us to take this further, but I want you to know I had a really great time." There's a basic standard of human decency that doesn't need to be abandoned simply because sex was involved. The sense is that he felt sh*tty and the way for him to feel better was to dump that on somebody who from the sound of things had done nothing wrong other than be friendly, interested and amenable to having sex with him. I don't see that the fact that this girl entered into a one night stand means she shouldn't be treated with the minimum degree of courtesy you would normally extend to somebody after, for instance, a date (eg dropping them a line to let them know you had a good time). She's not entitled to expect a relationship to result from this interlude, but the expectation of a bit of human courtesy wouldn't exactly be an unreasonable one. This is more or less what I was trying to get across. I considered the "is my friend wrong" question to be a two parter: 1) was the sex wrong 2) was not being straight with her after the fact wrong? On the first part no, both parties consented and on the second part I did say that he should be straight with her if she continued to text. At the same time however, if the woman in question was a friend of mine I'd tell her to stop trying to contact him and forget about him. Enjoy the night of fun you had but if he's not interested in anything further that's his loss. I wouldn't be plotting out revenge for his "evil actions".
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 She's not entitled to expect a relationship to result from this interlude, but the expectation of a bit of human courtesy wouldn't exactly be an unreasonable one. Exactly. I agree.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 This is more or less what I was trying to get across. I considered the "is my friend wrong" question to be a two parter: 1) was the sex wrong 2) was not being straight with her after the fact wrong? On the first part no, both parties consented and on the second part I did say that he should be straight with her if she continued to text. At the same time however, if the woman in question was a friend of mine I'd tell her to stop trying to contact him and forget about him. Enjoy the night of fun you had but if he's not interested in anything further that's his loss. I wouldn't be plotting out revenge for his "evil actions". No one is saying revenge on him should be plotted.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 No one is saying revenge on him should be plotted. Granted. A bit of an exaggeration, but you get what I mean. She is free to walk away just as much as he is. And I would suggest that she do so. On the subject though, this is in large part why I think people should avoid casual sex as much as possible. It tends to lead to messy situations.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 ? I thought the point being made was that he had every right to go out and get sex. He probably should just tell the ONS woman to stop calling him now because he doesn't want to see her again, and it's the decent thing to do. Not sure where the disconnect is? Isn't that what you think a standup person, man or woman, ought to do? He didn't do anything wrong. The both of them are adults and she knowingly jumped into bed with him. He didn't take advantage of her. Just because he didn't return her calls or texts doesn't mean she was somehow betrayed (WTF). The only reason why he's taking so much flame is because he's a man. If this was a woman posters here would be stating this guy needs to get over it.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 You're shifting the responsibility from the violator to the victim. I'm just not down with that. And she was not a victim.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 He didn't do anything wrong. The both of them are adults and she knowingly jumped into bed with him. He didn't take advantage of her. Just because he didn't return her calls or texts doesn't mean she was somehow betrayed (WTF). The only reason why he's taking so much flame is because he's a man. If this was a woman posters here would be stating this guy needs to get over it. I also wonder how many people (of both genders) go out on dates, even multiple dates with someone, get emotionally attached (no sex) and the other person just doesn't return phone calls or texts. They just sort of fade out on them. In most of these situations we tell the person to just move on the other person just wasn't interested. And I guess that just because sex was involved here things are supposed to work differently. People should just have sex if they want to have sex, otherwise don't. That way you won't get hurt when something like this happens.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 He didn't do anything wrong. The both of them are adults and she knowingly jumped into bed with him. He didn't take advantage of her. Just because he didn't return her calls or texts doesn't mean she was somehow betrayed (WTF). The only reason why he's taking so much flame is because he's a man. If this was a woman posters here would be stating this guy needs to get over it. Usually people that make this kind of accusation are actually the sexist ones themselves. They are projecting their faults onto others. So far, honestly, I haven't felt like anyone was thinking about gender except for you in this thread. Woggle was a tiny bit, but he admitted to it.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I also wonder how many people (of both genders) go out on dates, even multiple dates with someone, get emotionally attached (no sex) and the other person just doesn't return phone calls or texts. They just sort of fade out on them. In most of these situations we tell the person to just move on the other person just wasn't interested. And I guess that just because sex was involved here things are supposed to work differently. People should just have sex if they want to have sex, otherwise don't. That way you won't get hurt when something like this happens. It depends on who you are talking to. As I've said repeatedly in this thread, I have girls for friends who try to pull this ignoring **** and they get nagged by me about it. But if I was talking to the girl in this thread and not woggle, I'd tell her that she should just get over it and that there's nothing she could do and that she should stop texting him.
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