Woggle Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 A coworker of mine just had his ex fiance cheat on him and he was heartbroken so I took him around my way for some fun this weekend. He had a blast and it was great to see him just forget about his ex. He starts chatting up this woman at a bar from Long Island and he gets her number. The next morning I find out that he met her at the hotel and they had sex. He said he needed to just have a good screw with a woman and be a man for once in his life. She is texting him and he is ignoring it. He doesn't want to hear from her again and said that it was just a one time thing. I must admit that he was a swagger I have yet to see and seems like a new man. It sounds messed up but maybe this is what he needs to finally grow a pair of balls. Is he wrong for this?
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I don't think he was "wrong" per say for what he did, but it's better to make it clear ahead of time that it was a one time thing before you have sex with someone so feelings are less likely to be hurt. (Otherwise, you are kind of using the other person in order to feel better about your situation.) Also, he should tell her that it's over right away so that she can move on.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 A coworker of mine just had his ex fiance cheat on him and he was heartbroken so I took him around my way for some fun this weekend. He had a blast and it was great to see him just forget about his ex. He starts chatting up this woman at a bar from Long Island and he gets her number. The next morning I find out that he met her at the hotel and they had sex. He said he needed to just have a good screw with a woman and be a man for once in his life. She is texting him and he is ignoring it. He doesn't want to hear from her again and said that it was just a one time thing. I must admit that he was a swagger I have yet to see and seems like a new man. It sounds messed up but maybe this is what he needs to finally grow a pair of balls. Is he wrong for this? Oh please how is he wrong for it? She cheated and they broke up justifiably. A man in his position, he deserved to tap that ass.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Well he's doing the same thing women who flake do since there are threads on that going on now, she is an adult and had a ONS. Any expectations either of them have past that are probably unrealistic. Yep, pretty true, except remember . . . . two wrongs don't make a right. It's very equally possible for women who flake and men who use women for their bodies to both be wrong. Not that I'm saying it was wrong because it was an ONS, but still, keep your reasonings logical.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I don't think he was "wrong" per say for what he did, but it's better to make it clear ahead of time that it was a one time thing before you have sex with someone so feelings are less likely to be hurt. (Otherwise, you are kind of using the other person in order to feel better about your situation.) Also, he should tell her that it's over right away so that she can move on. He doesn't have to tell her anything. If he didn't reply, she got the clue. She just doesn't want to accept it.
Author Woggle Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 The way he sees it is that he was always considerate and respectful of women and he saw where that got him with his ex and past relationships so he is changing his ways. Chances are she wanted nothing more than a ONS as well.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 The way he sees it is that he was always considerate and respectful of women and he saw where that got him with his ex and past relationships so he is changing his ways. Chances are she wanted nothing more than a ONS as well. Then why is she texting him? People who want ONS usually never want to speak to the person again. And there's no reason to hate a group of people and treat them with disrespect. That makes someone a horrible and abusive person. I've gone through a lot of **** in my life, but that doesn't give me the right to produce MORE suffering in the world as if there wasn't enough already.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 He doesn't have to tell her anything. If he didn't reply, she got the clue. She just doesn't want to accept it. She gets it faster if he just tells her. I'd never do this to a guy because I have actual respect for them. I tell them directly what my intentions are and they deserve no less from me.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 The way he sees it is that he was always considerate and respectful of women and he saw where that got him with his ex and past relationships so he is changing his ways. Chances are she wanted nothing more than a ONS as well. Also, everyone is an individual. My ex was abusive, my current boyfriend is amazing. He doesn't deserve to be treated like **** just because there are *******s out there in the world. There's *******s and bitches present in every group, but it would be irrational for me to be mean to everyone.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I don't see a problem with him stepping out on a cheating woman. But I would see a problem with him misleading the woman he had sex with. As long as he didn't pretend he was interested in something more than sex with her, I think he's in the clear. If he pretended he wanted something more, that's not cool.
Author Woggle Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Then why is she texting him? People who want ONS usually never want to speak to the person again. And there's no reason to hate a group of people and treat them with disrespect. That makes someone a horrible and abusive person. I've gone through a lot of **** in my life, but that doesn't give me the right to produce MORE suffering in the world as if there wasn't enough already. I don't know why she is texting him and I do see your point but what do I tell him? Being nice got him nowhere so he is trying a new approach. He should just text her back and tell her it is not going any further though.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I don't know why she is texting him and I do see your point but what do I tell him? Being nice got him nowhere so he is trying a new approach. He should just text her back and tell her it is not going any further though. Be patient with him. Right now, he's bitter, but keep reminding him that not all women are evil by pointing out the good ones and the hurt ones in the world. But not forcefully pointing them out because he won't listen.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 She gets it faster if he just tells her. I'd never do this to a guy because I have actual respect for them. I tell them directly what my intentions are and they deserve no less from me. She already got it by how it played out. He didn't make any promises to her. Just suck it up and move on.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 She already got it by how it played out. He didn't make any promises to her. Just suck it up and move on. "He didn't make any promises to her." Leaving out information isn't any better than lying. It takes guts to tell someone directly that you weren't interested in them, but you do it because its the right thing to do so you don't use people and aren't being a selfish jerk. I can't say whether she's figured out that he's not interested by now or not. I don't live in her brain.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Just know that I've gotten mad at my girl friends for pulling this same crap. Ignoring a guy and expecting him to take a hint. Yes, you can ignore him, but only after YOU EXPLAIN THAT ITS OVER FIRST.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 "He didn't make any promises to her." Leaving out information isn't any better than lying. It takes guts to tell someone directly that you weren't interested in them, but you do it because its the right thing to do so you don't use people and aren't being a selfish jerk. I can't say whether she's figured out that he's not interested by now or not. I don't live in her brain. How did he "leave out information?" What information? He didn't have to tell her anything and it's not like she cared about it since she jumped into bed with him so quick. She's a grown woman not some helpless little girl beign taken advantage of because of her gender. Sorry a man doens't have to cater to a woman's fantasies of one day falling in love together after a ONS, simply because he's a man. She and many other women need to move on and stop thinking a man wants them after having a ONS. If someone is interested in you they will tell you.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 How did he "leave out information?" What information? He didn't have to tell her anything and it's not like she cared about it since she jumped into bed with him so quick. She's a grown woman not some helpless little girl beign taken advantage of because of her gender. Sorry a man doens't have to cater to a woman's fantasies of one day falling in love together after a ONS, simply because he's a man. She and many other women need to move on and stop thinking a man wants them after having a ONS. If someone is interested in you they will tell you. And he was a grown man, not some child, but what his ex fiancee did to him was still her being a horrible bitch to him. Adults deserve respect for their feelings, too, not just children. He left out information by not making it clear from the beginning what his intentions were. It's fine for him to have as many ONS as he wants, but not to use people. When he uses people, he becomes as horrible as his ex is.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 And he was a grown man, not some child, but what his ex fiancee did to him was still her being a horrible bitch to him. Adults deserve respect for their feelings, too, not just children. And I'm not saying what happened to him wasn't wrong but that is a separate issue, considering he dropped her. He left out information by not making it clear from the beginning what his intentions were. It's fine for him to have as many ONS as he wants, but not to use people. When he uses people, he becomes as horrible as his ex is. He didn't have to tell her anything simply because she called him a few times. She knew what she was getting into when she jumped into bed so fast with him. If she wanted to know his intentions she has two lips and a tongue to ask him. Sorry one doesn't have to say something all the time when the intentions are quite clear. And he's not even close to being as horrible as some cheating scum. He's not obligated to talk to her. No need to be so sexist and word it like he took advantage of her someway just because she's a woman.
Jason Todd Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 The reason he should text her back is because her text actually said: "Sir, you forgot to take your change!" And I would've said, "That's okay b*tch, keep it.":laugh:
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 And I'm not saying what happened to him wasn't wrong but that is a separate issue, considering he dropped her. He didn't have to tell her anything simply because she called him a few times. She knew what she was getting into when she jumped into bed so fast with him. If she wanted to know his intentions she has two lips and a tongue to ask him. Sorry one doesn't have to say something all the time when the intentions are quite clear. And he's not even close to being as horrible as some cheating scum. He's not obligated to talk to her. No need to be so sexist and word it like he took advantage of her someway just because she's a woman. As I've said repeatedly, it's about respect of people. You're the only person uttering "woman" or "man" this or that. And it's kind of ridiculous that I need to explain this to a man because its usually women I'm telling this to . . . . . you need to speak your thoughts and intentions out loud. Girls leave hints all the time for men to pick up on and think they are being obvious and get mad when men don't get it and I tell them its because they didn't tell the person directly. The world isn't full of mind readers. If he was a good person, then he should have no problem discussing his intentions because his intentions were good. If he was a bad person then that's why he'd hide behind other things. He was a victim and so was she. Never once have I said,"Wow, she was the only victim because she is a woman." You're the one saying that he's the only victim because he's a man and men should be allowed to do whatever they want with women and not state their intentions to them.
Author Woggle Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I doubt she was a hooker. There are plenty of women out here looking for a good time and he gave it to her.
elleorbianca Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I feel bad for him and I feel bad for her. I guess it's true what they say: "Hurt people hurt people" Why doesn't he just text her back and say "sorry, I don't see this going any further. I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready for anything serious"? He's not saying this because he wants to purposely hurt her to make up for how he was hurt. He wants to feel some power over her as he felt powerless in his broken relationship. So, in conclusion, yes, he's wrong.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 A coworker of mine just had his ex fiance cheat on him and he was heartbroken so I took him around my way for some fun this weekend. He had a blast and it was great to see him just forget about his ex. He starts chatting up this woman at a bar from Long Island and he gets her number. The next morning I find out that he met her at the hotel and they had sex. He said he needed to just have a good screw with a woman and be a man for once in his life. She is texting him and he is ignoring it. He doesn't want to hear from her again and said that it was just a one time thing. I must admit that he was a swagger I have yet to see and seems like a new man. It sounds messed up but maybe this is what he needs to finally grow a pair of balls. Is he wrong for this? Having a relatively rigid sense of sexual morality, under normal circumstances I'd say yes he was wrong. But, when you agree to have sex with a man you just met, at a bar, in a hotel, I think you'd have to be pretty naive to not know what was going on. I think if she keeps texting him he should spell it out in gentle but fairly blunt terms. But I can't see a "wronged" party here.
Author Woggle Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I will tell him to get back to her and tell her that it won't go any further. He doesn't owe her a relationship but he owes her that.
Hot Chick Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Well, I hope he is not enjoying hurting the woman, but casual sex in and of itself really isn't wrong. If he needed that for therapy, and it helped him, that's great. If the woman is going to get intimate so easily and quickly, then she is a big girl, she knows the guy is probably just out for a good time. If she isn't the type who can handle it and gets emotionally attached easily, she shouldn't hook up so quickly with random men. As for him, I hope he is not gaining a sense of "revenge" by hurting a random woman...he shouldn't feel good about that but the woman should know what she's in for. If your friend is focusing on revenge and feels good about hurting a woman he hardly knows, then yes, he is messed up. but...there's nothing wrong with having a fling. I'm not saying I do that, but I don't judge others who do.
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