Seeing her again tomorrow

[Els]

Oh I would love to get some kissing practice in. It's just that I rarely get close enough to women where kissing somebody was an actual option. The most recent girl was somebody I had a few dates with about this time last year. She started ignoring me before I was ready to try.

 

The kissing and intimacy thing is something I have very little experience with. I've only kissed one girl in my entire life and that was about five years ago.

 

Hmm, I wasn't aware that was a tactic that girls use.

 

I have thought about something like that and it's why I haven't actually tried to kiss her yet. I'm pretty sure that trying to kiss her when she hasn't given me the right signals would get her mad and she wouldn't see me anymore.

 

I'm going to keep pushing, slowly, because I'm not content with a purely platonic friendship. And I will not be surprised if I do end up crossing her boundary eventually.

 

Frankly I rather her getting mad at me and refusing to hang out with me anymore then being stuck in limbo forever. But I just can't throw the fight and lose on purpose (trying to kiss her too soon, grab her butt or something) I need to know that I tried my hardest and that it just didn't work.

 

 

Fair enough. My suggestion is ask her out, directly, for something that cannot possibly be misconstrued as platonic. The evening alone, like you said. Or a romantic dinner for two. If she's a decent person, like she seems to be, she won't lead you on in stuff like that. And if she agrees, you can take it as a valid signal to make moves on her.

 

Grabbing the butt is a horrendous idea, yep. And yes, girls use the 'platonic friend' signal a lot. Perhaps it is a cowardly way of avoiding confrontation or embarrassment by not having to say, 'Okay, let's make this clear, dude, there's nothing between us, yeah?'. Perhaps, on the other hand, it's a way of approaching it with delicacy and finesse. Regardless, I do that quite a lot.

Edited July 15, 2011 by Elswyth

[somedude81]

So what are some activities that are considered dates more than hangouts?

 

BTW a romantic dinner just sounds boring and expensive. Neither of us would enjoy it. Though dinner and a movie at my place sounds better.

 

So far we've spent the day at my place playing games and watching anime, we went to the mall, gone bowling and played arcade games, spent the day at the aquarium and got lunch at a pizza place. Next we're making plans on going to the beach (I can't wait to see her in a bikini ) We also talked about doing go-karts.

 

Heh, if it wasn't obvious, neither of us particularly enjoy doing grown-up stuff.

[Els]

Hrmm. See, romance is mostly a grown-up activity. It's difficult to unmistakenly signal romance without such activities. 'Kiddy' activities are fine too, the bf and I play games (arcade, video, and card) together lots too. But I also do that with my male platonic friends. Hence there is no distinction.

 

You could do dinner at your place, but try to make it last through the night (can you cook? It'd be more romantic if you cook instead of grabbing takeout) and have it lead to some time together on the sofa or something. No, NOT while you're both playing Xbox.

Edited July 15, 2011 by Elswyth

[somedude81]

Hrmm. See, romance is mostly a grown-up activity. It's difficult to unmistakenly signal romance without such activities.

And that's where I'm getting messed up. I don't really understand what romance is or how to do it. My main focus with this girl is to do things that the both of us would enjoy. I want her to have a good time with me.

 

How do people who first start dating do romance? I really can't picture a couple of teenagers going out to dinner at a restaurant. Granted neither of us are teenagers, but we have about that level of relationship experience. Nor are we particularly mature.

 

Which is also one reason why I don't like the thought of dating a woman my own age. I wouldn't know what to do with her.

 

'Kiddy' activities are fine too, the bf and I play games (arcade, video, and card) together lots too. But I also do that with my male platonic friends. Hence there is no distinction.

Hmm, so there is no difference between the kiddy things you do with your BF and platonic friends?

You could do dinner at your place, but try to make it last through the night (can you cook? It'd be more romantic if you cook instead of grabbing takeout) and have it lead to some time together on the sofa or something. No, NOT while you're both playing Xbox.

I can cook on a very basic level.

 

Time on the sofa but not playing games. So watching a movie? I'm guessing it shouldn't be a kids movie? I don't know what other types of movies she likes.

[Els]

And that's where I'm getting messed up. I don't really understand what romance is or how to do it. My main focus with this girl is to do things that the both of us would enjoy. I want her to have a good time with me.

 

How do people who first start dating do romance? I really can't picture a couple of teenagers going out to dinner at a restaurant. Granted neither of us are teenagers, but we have about that level of relationship experience. Nor are we particularly mature.

 

TBH, I don't know either. Had my first date at 18. Yeah, I know, I know. I like to think it's because I was in a convent school til then though.

 

 

Hmm, so there is no difference between the kiddy things you do with your BF and platonic friends?

 

Actually, yes, there is pretty much no difference in the 'kiddy' stuff I do with bf and platonic friends. I would not consider any of the time I spend with the bf playing games to be a 'date night', if you get what I mean.

 

I can cook on a very basic level.

 

Does this level extend beyond sandwiches and instant meals? If it doesn't, I urge you to reconsider the 'dinner at home' bit.

 

Time on the sofa but not playing games. So watching a movie? I'm guessing it shouldn't be a kids movie? I don't know what other types of movies she likes.

 

Yeah, movie might be good. Maybe ask her what type of movie she likes.

 

Basically just something that doesn't take TOO much concentration. And that allows you to, err, be free to move if you want. If you get what I mean. >.>

[bac]

 

For this girl I'm making it plain as day that I like her. The only reason we aren't a couple is because she's not ready for it.

 

I'm afraid that being too romantic/mushy will put her off.

 

She told you that she was not ready to get physical. Therefore, you are freinds.

You will break your promise if you force her to do anything sexual including kissing. So, she will know that she can not trust you. From my experience, if a man forces me to do smth sexual when I am not ready for that, it feels as bad as it takes (it feels like rape which I allowed to do to myself).

 

To make her ready for sexual stuff, you wash her brains with romantic ideas of love and that you are special for each other. When the job is done, she believes that you are on her side and she can trust you because you care for her as a person but she is not just a sex object for you.

In other words, let her get romantic and emotionally attached first, then she will be ready for sexual stuff.

 

Romantic thoughts for a girl are ideas of being beautiful, desirable, the best, special, perfect, accepted, respected (including the fact that she is not ready for sex), you are special, she can rely on you, you are always here for her, you do things for, you please/help her and probably smth else. She should believe that you are a great guy who is in love with her. You do not have to tell her directly that you are in love with her, she will figure out it by herself based on your actions and words.

[somedude81]

You will break your promise if you force her to do anything sexual including kissing.

I don't remember making any promise that I wouldn't try anything. I think the fact that I'm making it very obvious to her that I like her, means I will try something. It's not something I'm suddenly going to spring on her.

 

Of course I am waiting till when I think she feels ready.

 

I don't think there is any point in getting too romantic with her because she's already established that she doesn't want to date.

 

I'm going to try and keep pushing a little more physically each time I'm with her. So then when I try to kiss her, it wouldn't seem rushed and hopefully not freak her out.

[rafallus]

She told you that she was not ready to get physical. Therefore, you are freinds.

You will break your promise if you force her to do anything sexual including kissing. So, she will know that she can not trust you. From my experience, if a man forces me to do smth sexual when I am not ready for that, it feels as bad as it takes (it feels like rape which I allowed to do to myself).

I think you take her far too seriously.

 

Friends thing could be said due to her emotions of indifference/lack of connection at the time. Had he man up and done things correctly, she may easily forgot, why she even said that.

 

If she won't like his advances altogether, she'll just reject him, and that's it. "Forcing" (I take it you mean putting pressure on her) OTOH would guarantee rejection at best, frames him as a creep at worst.

Edited July 15, 2011 by rafallus

[rafallus]

She told you that she was not ready to get physical. Therefore, you are freinds.

You will break your promise if you force her to do anything sexual including kissing. So, she will know that she can not trust you. From my experience, if a man forces me to do smth sexual when I am not ready for that, it feels as bad as it takes (it feels like rape which I allowed to do to myself).

 

I think you take her far too seriously.

 

Friends thing could be said due to her emotions of indifference/lack of connection at the time. Had he man up and done things correctly, she may easily forgot, why she even said that.

 

If she won't like his advances altogether, she'll just reject him, and that's it.

Of course I am waiting till when I think she feels ready.

 

Wrong mindset. She won't feel ready, unless you make her feel like that.

[somedude81]

Well she declined going to the beach.

 

I'm going out of town Monday for about a week and I wanted to hang out before I left, which she knew.

 

She messaged me yesterday asking when I wanted to go the beach. I replied back either Saturday or Sunday but that it will be nicer on Sunday.

 

Fast forward to today and I haven't heard from her, so sent her a sarcastic " 'ey, you forget about me;)" message. Immediately she replied back, "nope-although I think I'll pass on the beach picnic. Thanks for inviting me though." I messaged her back, "Heh I know u did, Anyways we'll do something when I get back." "Sure" was her reply. Honest? Sarcastic? Only she knows.

 

I'm disappointed that I had to prod her to get an answer. She has mentioned and demonstrated having some memory issues but this just seems like I wasn't important enough to message on her own and only did it to defend herself. An obvious sign of having little concern about me.

 

I'm very certain that if I didn't initiate the next contact, I'd never hear from her again.

 

We have a lot of fun when I manage to drag her out, but it's a bummer knowing that she can go either way. She does a real good job of unintentionally lowering my self-esteem.

 

Of course I'm going to be an idiot and try to make plans with her when I get back, while I wonder what it would be like to be in a situation with a girl who actually likes me and doesn't spend time with me just because she's bored and I invited her.... sigh

[aj22one]

Well she declined going to the beach.

 

I'm going out of town Monday for about a week and I wanted to hang out before I left, which she knew.

 

She messaged me yesterday asking when I wanted to go the beach. I replied back either Saturday or Sunday but that it will be nicer on Sunday.

 

Fast forward to today and I haven't heard from her, so sent her a sarcastic " 'ey, you forget about me;)" message. Immediately she replied back, "nope-although I think I'll pass on the beach picnic. Thanks for inviting me though." I messaged her back, "Heh I know u did, Anyways we'll do something when I get back." "Sure" was her reply. Honest? Sarcastic? Only she knows.

 

I'm disappointed that I had to prod her to get an answer. She has mentioned and demonstrated having some memory issues but this just seems like I wasn't important enough to message on her own and only did it to defend herself. An obvious sign of having little concern about me.

 

I'm very certain that if I didn't initiate the next contact, I'd never hear from her again.

 

We have a lot of fun when I manage to drag her out, but it's a bummer knowing that she can go either way. She does a real good job of unintentionally lowering my self-esteem.

 

Of course I'm going to be an idiot and try to make plans with her when I get back, while I wonder what it would be like to be in a situation with a girl who actually likes me and doesn't spend time with me just because she's bored and I invited her.... sigh

 

Same exact thing kept happening with the girl I mentioned earlier in this thread. The bolded stuff is exactly how I felt/stuff that she did or said. Sometimes you just gotta walk away. Maybe she's different, but I don't like the looks of this.

[somedude81]

Yeah I could walk away but I fear I'm too lonely to do so. Also the fantasy of actually having a relationship with her keeps driving me to maintain contact.

 

It's so hard to admit defeat. To do so would remove all hope and that's not a good situation for me to be in.

 

At least I got to have a pretend girlfriend. That's better than being completely alone, right?

[Teknoe]

sent her a sarcastic " 'ey, you forget about me;)" message. Immediately she replied back, "nope-although I think I'll pass on the beach picnic. Thanks for inviting me though." I messaged her back, "Heh I know u did, Anyways we'll do something when I get back." "Sure" was her reply. Honest? Sarcastic? Only she knows.

 

 

Two things. 1. Her "sure" reply is indifferent. She couldn't care less really if you never followed up. She is extremely lukewarm toward you in general. And this, you can be sure of.

 

And 2. ABORT ABORT ABORT.

 

This is now officially beating a dead horse.

 

I was sad when I read your last line about having a pretend GF is better than being completely alone. You can't think like that man. The best life saying other than "50% of life is just showing up" is "If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough WITH it."

 

Think about it. Write down all the things you can offer a woman. So you like a girl. Let's say she likes you back. Great, now you guys like each other. BUT NOW WHAT??

 

How long does that last?

 

Try to think long term here, man. I mean, you're 30. It'd be different if you were 21, or even say, 24. At 30, you need to get to the root of the issue here: and I think that's finding out who you really are, and what your purpose here on earth is.

 

Until you contemplate and work on that, you'll always be stuck in the same ole rut.

[somedude81]

Yeah, indifferent has always been a good way to describe her.

 

I was sad when I read your last line about having a pretend GF is better than being completely alone. You can't think like that man.

How else am I supposed to think? I've never been in a relationship. The vast majority of women don't care about me.

 

So finding a girl who is willing and seems to enjoy spending time with me feels like something I should be grateful for. But it's nowhere near enough.

 

"If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough WITH it."

I don't get it.

 

So you like a girl. Let's say she likes you back. Great, now you guys like each other. BUT NOW WHAT??

 

How long does that last?

I don't know. How long is it supposed to last? I don't really know what you're talking about.

 

At 30, you need to get to the root of the issue here:

The root of the issue has always been that women are not attracted to me. It's happened time and time again. It's not my fault that I'm only 5'6 or that I had a bad childhood where I never developed any self-confidence. Now as an adult all I've ever done with women is failed.

 

I'm so sick of just being platonic friends with women.

 

I think that's finding out who you really are, and what your purpose here on earth is.

Without a woman in my life, I can't have a purpose.

 

I see no reason for living on 50 more years if I'm going to be by myself. So far there has been nothing to give me any comfort that things won't turn out that way.

Edited July 16, 2011 by somedude81

[Teknoe]

I don't get it.

 

That quote is in reference to an olympic athlete the night before his big competition. His coach told him "A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough WITH it."

 

Replace gold medal with girlfriend. I tell people this all the time. You gotta find a way to be happy about yourself geniunely first, before you can ever experience a healthy relationship. If you don't know what the hell to do by yourself, or be content being alone, how the hell you going to lead someone else/be content with someone else? Sure, the first couple weeks it's a great honeymoon period. But after that wears off, you need substance.

 

Do you expect her to be content spending every Friday night staring into your eyes as you tell her how beautiful she looks? That works the first month. Not after that.

 

You gotta build up some substance.

 

 

I don't know. How long is it supposed to last? I don't really know what you're talking about.

 

A relationship is supposed to last til death do you part. Unfortunately, often not the case in our American society.

 

 

The root of the issue has always been that women are not attracted to me. It's happened time and time again. It's not my fault that I'm only 5'6 or that I had a bad childhood where I never developed any self-confidence. Now as an adult all I've ever done with women is failed.

 

You know what, I'd recommend checking out a local therapist. It sounds like you have some issues that could use some working out by sharing with a professional trained to help repair damaged thought patterns. Hey, I'm only 5'6" myself. That's not unreasonable and certainly isn't a valid excuse. (though, it's a good thing I prefer Asian ladies, lol)

 

 

Without a woman in my life, I can't have a purpose.

 

Let me ask you this:

 

1. What do you do for a living? What is your job?

2. If you could have any DREAM job in the world magically, what would it be?

3. What are your hobbies?

4. What are your passions?

 

Start thinking about what your life vision is. You need to create a roadmap. Where you've been, where you are, and where you want to go.

 

If getting a woman to be by your side is your sole purpose in life, honestly bro, the odds are slim if you keep believing that is your only purpose. Ladies like a man with drive, ambition (other than ambition to please them). Since you really desire a girlfriend so bad, you owe it to yourself to put yourself in a more favorable position of landing one. But it's gonna take some hard work and most likely a change of lifestyle.

 

So many people say they want it (as in relationship)

 

But they prefer to daydream about it rather than work on putting themselves in a more favorable light. When you take care of your stuff, the rest will take care of itself.

 

Final advice: join some kind of club, activity, volunteering, whatever, but find a support group. Find some men in your age range (28-35) who can come along you on this life journey and give you friendship, accountability and loving you in truth. This will also ease your mind off the intense desire of wanting a girlfriend so badly.

 

Focus on meeting new people and hopefully you'll make some new friends. Remember, friends know other girls you don't, who they can introduce you to. All in all, it's win win.

 

Now I ask you, are you willing to make some changes in your life/thinking? If you truly are, you'll be just fine in due time. If you continue to go through life the same way you are today, well... let's just say before you know it you'll be 35 longing for the days when you were "only" 30 and still able to change your own life, change your own destiny.

 

Godspeed.

[somedude81]

Replace gold medal with girlfriend. I tell people this all the time. You gotta find a way to be happy about yourself geniunely first, before you can ever experience a healthy relationship. If you don't know what the hell to do by yourself, or be content being alone, how the hell you going to lead someone else/be content with someone else?

Honestly, I don't think it's natural for a human to be content by themselves. That's the reason why this forum and so many others like it exist. As a species we need others in our life to feel happy.

 

 

Being with girls I like makes me happy.

 

 

 

Sure, the first couple weeks it's a great honeymoon period. But after that wears off, you need substance.

 

Do you expect her to be content spending every Friday night staring into your eyes as you tell her how beautiful she looks? That works the first month. Not after that.

 

You gotta build up some substance.

Substance?

 

We already get along great, have many interests in common and have a good time together. What else is there?

 

A relationship is supposed to last til death do you part. Unfortunately, often not the case in our American society.

Marriage is a distant thought. I'll worry about that once I have a relationship that lasts longer than a month.

 

 

 

You know what, I'd recommend checking out a local therapist. It sounds like you have some issues that could use some working out by sharing with a professional trained to help repair damaged thought patterns.

Been there, done that. I've seen several therapists. It's not something that can help me.

 

It's futile to treat the negative thoughts that are caused by being alone, while I'm still alone.

 

Hey, I'm only 5'6" myself. That's not unreasonable and certainly isn't a valid excuse. (though, it's a good thing I prefer Asian ladies, lol)

I didn't know you were as short as me. Are you Asian?

 

Either way, for all I know, me being short could have been a reason why no girls have ever liked me. Girls aren't going to come out and say that they don't want to date me because I'm short, but they will say that they are not interested or don't like me like that. I've also been rejected by plenty of Asian girls.

 

Start thinking about what your life vision is. You need to create a roadmap. Where you've been, where you are, and where you want to go.

I'm already on my road-map to get my dream job.

 

But having that job and coming home to an empty house is a very sad thought. So sad that the whole thing seems like a pointless waste of energy.

 

If getting a woman to be by your side is your sole purpose in life, honestly bro, the odds are slim if you keep believing that is your only purpose. Ladies like a man with drive, ambition (other than ambition to please them).

Getting a girl is not my only purpose. But it is the foundation.

 

 

Focus on meeting new people and hopefully you'll make some new friends. Remember, friends know other girls you don't, who they can introduce you to. All in all, it's win win.

I put in a lot of effort in trying to meet new people and make friends this past semester.

 

You know who was the only person who returned my calls and hung out with me this summer? You get one guess.

 

If you continue to go through life the same way you are today, well... let's just say before you know it you'll be 35 longing for the days when you were "only" 30 and still able to change your own life, change your own destiny.

 

Godspeed.

If things don't change, I won't make it to 35. Edited July 16, 2011 by somedude81

[Teknoe]

If things don't change, I won't make it to 35.

 

 

please please do NOT say that.

 

you're scaring me. i don't know you, but even as internet strangers, seeing something like that crushes me. please don't ever consider suicide. it's not even an option.

 

you are important now as a human being, you have a place in this world, and one day hopefully the cards fall right and you find the right lady for you. but if you don't, no sweat man, life goes on.

 

keep pressing on. never call it quits.

[Content]

Women do seem overly picky these days

 

I know tons of average looking women who go on dates but dont feel a "spark" unless the guys really good looking

[Dust]

Honestly, I don't think it's natural for a human to be content by themselves. That's the reason why this forum and so many others like it exist. As a species we need others in our life to feel happy.

 

 

Being with girls I like makes me happy.

 

I don’t think it’s natural to seek approval in other people the way you do. You’re living in a very unnatural way your choice.

 

Fact is you aren’t by yourself. You’re in the world. You’re hanging out with a girl. You’re just upset because you base your worth on other peoples approval. You’re also pretty lame about going about it. I mean you don’t make moves. You say stuff like “you forgot about me” then when she says “no she didn’t” you take it a step further and say “yes you did!” I mean you come off so needy and doormat like in all your posts. Seriously make a move. Have some fun! Yes think how fun it would be to grab her and kiss her the next time you two are together. How fun it would be even if she gets upset to hold her. If she rejects you oh well the fun was in trying. If she half ass rejects you but keeps hanging out with you as some guy “girl friend” then its your job to reject her. You were there for a sexual/romantic relationship not the mythical single guy platonic relationship. It’s not her job to look out for your best interest, that’s yours. If you expect other people to provide for all your emotional and other needs they will fail every time. It will be your fault. Just the act of trying and making moves on this girl and then being willing to walk away if it doesn’t work out may get you this girl. Girls respond to guys who make moves. Girls respond to guys who get tired with their crap and walk away. Even if she doesn’t respond it’s time to get to know a new girl. You really don’t know this girl. She’s kept you at bay. Thinking she is perfect is all in your head. You don’t know her the way you think you do. I knew my gf better in the first month of dating then you know this girl in the almost years she’s kept you at bay. Fact. Make the moves, then move on if it doesn’t work.

 

 

Been there, done that. I've seen several therapists. It's not something that can help me.

 

 

It's futile to treat the negative thoughts that are caused by being alone, while I'm still alone.

 

You’re negative thoughts is the reason you live alone. You’re doing it to yourself. There are plenty of people. You’re not really alone. Your mind set is “unless some girl likes me for being whiney then I’m alone.” You also seem to expect other people to provide you’re happiness. Seriously, you have a girl you’re hanging out with her you should just have fun regardless of what she feels. You should also just try the things you know you need to try like kissing, then of course walk away from this if it’s not working out and try again with some one new. Make some real friends like girls you aren’t attracted to or more importantly make one or two guy friends. People that can be positive with you and you can be positive with them instead of always being upset.

 

 

I didn't know you were as short as me. Are you Asian?

 

Either way, for all I know, me being short could have been a reason why no girls have ever liked me. Girls aren't going to come out and say that they don't want to date me because I'm short, but they will say that they are not interested or don't like me like that. I've also been rejected by plenty of Asian girls.

 

 

I’m over 6’ tall. Still I had mental blocks that kept me from dating all through HS and college. It’s not like I can’t point out major problems with the way you are living your life. 1) you have no guy friends you hang out with and you don’t seem to be trying. 2) you don’t try to get gf’s you just lazily hope for the best with one girl and make excuses why you can’t try harder with her or others. 3) you feel so sorry for yourself it comes through in most posts you make here 4) you’re looking for other people to make things better instead of doing it for yourself.

 

I'm already on my road-map to get my dream job.

 

But having that job and coming home to an empty house is a very sad thought. So sad that the whole thing seems like a pointless waste of energy.

 

Getting a girl is not my only purpose. But it is the foundation.

 

It’s actually really easy to get a girl you don’t even try though. If I could teleport my confidence with women into your mind and body you would have had a gf by now. When things didn’t work out with my ex’s some times it was zero time before finding a new gf some times it took over a year of dating girls that didn’t work out. The thing is I was never as hopeless as you. When I found a gf it didn’t turn into “now the nightmare was over” it was more like “this person is a lot of fun and its great to share my life with them.”

 

 

I put in a lot of effort in trying to meet new people and make friends this past semester.

 

You know who was the only person who returned my calls and hung out with me this summer? You get one guess.

 

Your mom? Nah jk!

 

Look stop feeling so sorry for yourself!

 

If things don't change' date=' I won't make it to 35. [/quote']

 

 

You have a mental sickness to say things like this. You should speak to some one in person about it. I’m sure you school might have some one. You could also just talk to your family.

 

I really feel you make the world a more stressful place then it has to be. You sound like you have everything going for you. You’re relatively young, even 35 is young. You’re healthy. You also say you feel on tract to achieve your professional goals.

 

If you want take a vacation out to where I live. I could suggest a nice hotel with a great pool and greater women. You need to just relax and not worry about things for a while.

[Dorie]

^Just shameless

[Eternal Sunshine]

Somedude, one of the best things you can do for yourself is learn when to cut your losses in life, love and friendship.

 

This girl is NEVER going to be into you. That's right: NEVER. If you continue to pursue friendship with her and get crumbs, you will only become more depressed and suicidal. It will lower your non-existent self-esteem even further. It will only keep you in the negative loop you have gotten yourself into.

 

There is one thing that you can do for yourself right now: delete her contact info. Never contact her again. Start from there, please.

[Cracker Jack]

Honestly, I felt bad reading how she responded to you, man. And I also felt bad when you mentioned the "pretend girlfriend" part. I know you don't want to hear this, but sometimes giving up is a good thing. Especially in a hopeless situation like this. At this point, it's just...not worth it.

[bac]

Hrmm. See, romance is mostly a grown-up activity. It's difficult to unmistakenly signal romance without such activities. 'Kiddy' activities are fine too, the bf and I play games (arcade, video, and card) together lots too. But I also do that with my male platonic friends. Hence there is no distinction.

 

You could do dinner at your place, but try to make it last through the night (can you cook? It'd be more romantic if you cook instead of grabbing takeout) and have it lead to some time together on the sofa or something. No, NOT while you're both playing Xbox.

 

Being romantic is about romantic thoughts and feelings (love and attachment). It is only partly about what you do and it is mostly about what/how you feel and say to her.

Many men who are looking for ONSs and FWBs do romantic activities to get laid. I mean the men who are successful in getting laid with quality women.

The men are cooking dinners, eating out, going to museums, going for a walk in romantic beautiful places, buying flowers(but not the US), reading poetry, and many other activities.

 

 

A girl wants to kiss a guy when she feels romantic. It is an effect of estrogens on brains. A male does not have estrogens enough to get romantic because he does not have the ovaries where estrogens are produced.

 

A male wants to kiss a girl when he feels horny. It is an effect of testosterone on brains. A girl does not have testosterone enough to think as a male does because testosterone is produced in the balls.

[Els]

So sorry to hear this, OP. Have you been trying to go out with other girls during this time that you've known her? You should, even though there's no harm maintaining the friendship with her in the meantime. That is assuming you would still like to be friends if you knew the both of you could never be.

[fortyninethousand322]

So sorry to hear this, OP. Have you been trying to go out with other girls during this time that you've known her? You should, even though there's no harm maintaining the friendship with her in the meantime. That is assuming you would still like to be friends if you knew the both of you could never be.

 

I disagree. There are few things more painful for a guy (especially someone in Somedude's position) than continuing to be "friends" with someone that you have an attraction to. He needs to walk. Now.