Dust Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Actually I have an idea how to do it. I can guide a conversation to kissing. Then I'll either ask her when the last time she kissed somebody was or if she's ever kissed anybody. I'll give my response to her answer, then lean in close and tell her she's beautiful and to close her eyes. That should be fine. Please don't do this. LOL, it was that bad? It’s worse then bad. I keep telling you talk is cheap. Seriously you don’t have conversations about kissing with girls you’ve known going on years who you’ve wanted to kiss. You just do it. Seriously do you want to be really awkward and lame? You’d have better luck playing truth or dare and daring her to flash you. Just kiss her, don’t talk about it.
cerridwen Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 LOL, it was that bad? Yes somedude, it really is. It's registering a high 8 on the Cringe o' Meter.
welikeincrowds Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 One time, when I was too embarrassed to kiss this girl I was hanging out with (she had invited me over to her place after a date), I was playing some kind of card game with her, and I said something like: "The loser of this game should have to kiss the other person's toes." She said: "Um, nooo... :rolleyes:" It was a very awkward night
Author somedude81 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Heh, so obviously I don't have a clue how this whole process is supposed to work
Dust Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Heh, so obviously I don't have a clue how this whole process is supposed to work Make a move already.
rafallus Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Told ya, keep touching and go more and more intense, she could very well be the one kissing you first.
Teknoe Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 somedude, I'll say this one last time. I think you're much better off NOT posting "what should I do next?" or "If this is OK?" type posts. All this over analyzing... just cripples your game in real life. At some point, you need to just be who you are, and use whatever God's brought you to this point. That's the only real way you'll ever learn how to interact properly with the opposite sex. All these conflicting opinions, 2 cents, etc. they do nothing but throw your brain into overdrive. NO MORE PLAY BY PLAYS. Please try to refrain from asking for others' advice and see where that gets ya. You might be surprised when you learn to CALM DOWN and RELAX. Look, all I'm saying is has any of this posting ever worked out for ya? No. So why not try the opposite? Stop posting about it. Trust your instincts. You'll learn a lot more on your own. But it's your choice. If you wish to keep posting new topics about how to get with this or that girl, going into 2012, don't be surprised if the threads repeat the same pattern of failure. I've been there. Now I stop posting about what I should do. You gotta learn on your own, man. That's the best, healthiest way.
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Is this chick Asian by any chance? Culturally speaking some Asians can be more conservative about intimacy in general.
bac Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 LOL, it was that bad? It was bad because it was about sexual activity. You put pressure on her to please you sexually. It is bad. She will be afraid of you and upset with you.
Dust Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 It was bad because it was about sexual activity. You put pressure on her to please you sexually. It is bad. She will be afraid of you and upset with you. It’s more pressure to ask about her last kiss or when she kissed then to just kiss her.
P&R Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Heh, so obviously I don't have a clue how this whole process is supposed to work Don't talk about it just do it. I recommend watching these girls video's
Author somedude81 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 All these conflicting opinions, 2 cents, etc. they do nothing but throw your brain into overdrive. NO MORE PLAY BY PLAYS. Please try to refrain from asking for others' advice and see where that gets ya. Actually I was planning on using that line I posted earlier and everybody told me it was a bad idea. I don't see how asking for advice is harmful at all. Trust me, there is a lot going on that I don't write about. Most likely we're going to the beach on Sunday. Notice how I haven't asked for any advice on that at all? Is this chick Asian by any chance? Culturally speaking some Asians can be more conservative about intimacy in general. No she's not Asian or even seems that conservative. I thinks she's just inexperienced and not really comfortable with non-platonic male attention. It’s more pressure to ask about her last kiss or when she kissed then to just kiss her. The reason I even mentioned her last kiss is because I have a strong hunch that she has never kissed anybody. That's when I was planning on segueing into a kiss. So if I do kiss her, there is a chance it will be her first kiss, plus I haven't kissed anybody in over five years.
P&R Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Actually I was planning on using that line I posted earlier and everybody told me it was a bad idea. I don't see how asking for advice is harmful at all. Trust me, there is a lot going on that I don't write about. Most likely we're going to the beach on Sunday. Notice how I haven't asked for any advice on that at all? No she's not Asian or even seems that conservative. I thinks she's just inexperienced and not really comfortable with non-platonic male attention. The reason I even mentioned her last kiss is because I have a strong hunch that she has never kissed anybody. That's when I was planning on segueing into a kiss. So if I do kiss her, there is a chance it will be her first kiss, plus I haven't kissed anybody in over five years. it's still a terrible idea to ask her about her last kiss.
P&R Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Fair enough. If you date goes well just go for it. Over the duration of the date try some flirting and touching(not her breast or anything). If she seems responsive and the date went well then go in for the kiss.
Els Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I That is a possibility. Though so far her reasons have seemed somewhat valid to me. Though one thing we have talked about is going to a movie in the park event and those take place in the evening. What I need to do is plan an activity where we have some down time and are able to talk for a bit. I'm trying to arrange a beach picnic for this weekend or next. That would be a good idea. I have not talked about love yet. I could be in love with her but it's not something I'm willing to admit/accept until I know she has some interest in me. Most likely I won't say it to her until after I've kissed her. Though she does know that I really like her and that I want to date her. How did you communicate 'liking her and wanting to date her', then? And what was her response? And no, asking her over to play video games does not communicate it clearly enough. Yes, asking her about her last kiss is probably a really bad idea. If you want to do it through talking, a romantic emotional confession would be far, far better than talking about kissing.
Els Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 To set the record straight, not once have I ever said or even implied that a guy should just go a try to immediately kiss a girl. What I'm talking about is the notion that a guy should wait a long ass time to slowly reveal his feelings to a girl and "match" her emotional responses. Maybe I interpreted that incorrectly, but I've seen guys (hell, I've been that guy) try that approach and get nothing in return but a sense of bitterness. It's a waste of time. To me, that's an extremely pussy approach to dating. Girls already have one pussy; they don't need another one. There's nothing wrong with being romantic and gentlemanly. Forcing a kiss when there's obviously no chemistry is not being gentlemanly, romantic, or smart. However, the guy needs to be able to clearly communicate to her his reasons for hanging out with her, be it as a friend or as a romantic interest. Fair enough. You said that bac's method would not work, however. I have totally fallen for the romantic confession thing, and would immediately categorize a guy as a douche if he ever tried Dust's method. I do think the 'humble servant' part etc is just slightly overdone though.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Fair enough. You said that bac's method would not work, however. I have totally fallen for the romantic confession thing, and would immediately categorize a guy as a douche if he ever tried Dust's method. I do think the 'humble servant' part etc is just slightly overdone though. I think most of us advising him to kiss her already were thinking more along the lines of the old man in one of the scenes from It's a Wonderful Life. The part where he says "why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?" More sweet and cute than pushy. At least that's what I'm thinking of.
Author somedude81 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 If you date goes well just go for it. Over the duration of the date try some flirting and touching(not her breast or anything). If she seems responsive and the date went well then go in for the kiss. Yeah, that's something I have to work on. Honestly, the thought of trying to kiss her does scare me. I have to try and figure something out. How did you communicate 'liking her and wanting to date her', then? And what was her response? And no, asking her over to play video games does not communicate it clearly enough. Yes, asking her about her last kiss is probably a really bad idea. If you want to do it through talking, a romantic emotional confession would be far, far better than talking about kissing. Well, she lives about 30 min from me and she doesn't like to drive. She wanted to go to a certain mall which was out of town. The city I live in was between her hometown and where the mall is. So she had her mom drive her to a meeting place in my city, then I picked her up and we drove to the mall. On our way there I asked her, Me: "So what does your mom think of me? Her: "Oh she thinks you're nice."' Me: "Does she know that I like you?" Her: "I think she knows. We don't really talk about it that much" Me: (Laughing) Your mom drives you 30 minutes to go hang out with a guy and you don't talk about it? Her: Nope At this point it's pretty much established that I like her. I don't think I've actually said to you, "I like you and want you to be my girlfriend" but she's had a mutual female friend tell her and we've talked about dating. That's when she says that she doesn't want to date but she wants to get to know me better/trust me more/ become more comfortable etc. I think the way I act around her makes it obvious that I like her. I also flirt a lot and giver her small things. I recently gave her a copy of Turtles Forever that I burned and even made a DVD jacket for and she got a kick out of it. My biggest mistake with the girl before her, is that I spent a lot of time with her and she didn't know that I liked her and ended up actually having sex with another guy. That hurt like hell. For this girl I'm making it plain as day that I like her. The only reason we aren't a couple is because she's not ready for it. I'm afraid that being too romantic/mushy will put her off.
Els Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Urgh. So she flat-out told you that she's not ready. Right, I remember now. I don't think ANY of the methods will work then. Either you wait patiently and try every few months or so or you set your sights elsewhere. I would recommend the latter, but I know that's easier said than done.
carhill Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Set your sights elsewhere, get some kissing practice and, if no fireworks with others, re-visit her, like El suggested, in a few months. If it works out, it does; if still a flat-line, accept it and continue socializing with others. Things appear way out of kilter investment-wise and IME that's never healthy. I'll leave you with a bit of advice, probably already mentioned. When you listen intently to a woman sharing with you, her talking and you listening builds intimacy. This is often a complaint women have of their men, that the men don't really listen. Then, after listening, rather than talking, use your lips to show her how much you care about her and use zero to few words. Embrace her, kiss her and listen some more. Like another poster said, kiss her and don't talk her to death. I had this issue during my M where I wanted to talk to build intimacy where my wife wanted to fµck to build intimacy. We were 'missing' each other in our styles of intimacy. She was used to a more 'normal' man. That's what I'm sensing here, that you're 'normal' in about the same ways I'm 'normal'. You'll work it out. The good news is that there is plenty of time to both meet the right person and work out your style to be attractive to that person. Change is ever the constant. Good luck.
Author somedude81 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 (edited) What I'm doing is trying to is spend more time with her and just get her more comfortable with me. All the while I'm reminding her that I like her and lightly pushing her. When our 'date' was ending, before she got out of my car, I asked her, "so when do I get to hug you?" Then she said "When I become more comfortable with you. Also I don't even hug my friends that I've known since middle school." "Heh, so I need to get your approval up." "Uh, this isn't a dating sim." We're both playing dragon age so that's what I meant about approval. Edited July 15, 2011 by somedude81
aj22one Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 What I'm doing is trying to is spend more time with her and just get her more comfortable with me. All the while I'm reminding her that I like her and lightly pushing her. When our 'date' was ending, before she got out of my car, I asked her, "so when do I get to hug you?" Then she said "When I get become more comfortable with you. Also I don't even hug my friends that I've known since middle school." "Heh, so I need to get your approval up." "Uh, this isn't a dating sim." We're both playing dragon age so that's what I meant about approval. Ugh. I dated a girl like that once. She refused to hug or kiss. At first she said it was because she was worried people would see and tell her parents (she was Muslim) then she eventually hugged me, and then she just said she didn't feel comfortable hugging anymore. Once we were sitting on a couch watching TV and I touched her leg and she flipped out. She claimed she had never dated before, but a friend of mine who had gone to high school with her told me she was frequently seen making out with her coworker in public. Needless to say I ran away from that situation. I don't know if your girl is like that but always be aware.
Els Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 OP, her responses to you just sound so... stand-offish, to me. They sound EXACTLY the same as the ones I give to platonic male friends that I want to make boundaries clear with.
Author somedude81 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Set your sights elsewhere, get some kissing practice and, if no fireworks with others, re-visit her, like El suggested, in a few months. If it works out, it does; if still a flat-line, accept it and continue socializing with others. Things appear way out of kilter investment-wise and IME that's never healthy. Oh I would love to get some kissing practice in. It's just that I rarely get close enough to women where kissing somebody was an actual option. The most recent girl was somebody I had a few dates with about this time last year. She started ignoring me before I was ready to try. The kissing and intimacy thing is something I have very little experience with. I've only kissed one girl in my entire life and that was about five years ago. OP, her responses to you just sound so... stand-offish, to me. They sound EXACTLY the same as the ones I give to platonic male friends that I want to make boundaries clear with. Hmm, I wasn't aware that was a tactic that girls use. I have thought about something like that and it's why I haven't actually tried to kiss her yet. I'm pretty sure that trying to kiss her when she hasn't given me the right signals would get her mad and she wouldn't see me anymore. I'm going to keep pushing, slowly, because I'm not content with a purely platonic friendship. And I will not be surprised if I do end up crossing her boundary eventually. Frankly I rather her getting mad at me and refusing to hang out with me anymore then being stuck in limbo forever. But I just can't throw the fight and lose on purpose (trying to kiss her too soon, grab her butt or something) I need to know that I tried my hardest and that it just didn't work. Ugh. I dated a girl like that once. She refused to hug or kiss. At first she said it was because she was worried people would see and tell her parents (she was Muslim) then she eventually hugged me, and then she just said she didn't feel comfortable hugging anymore. Once we were sitting on a couch watching TV and I touched her leg and she flipped out. She claimed she had never dated before, but a friend of mine who had gone to high school with her told me she was frequently seen making out with her coworker in public. Needless to say I ran away from that situation. I don't know if your girl is like that but always be aware. That's an odd situation. Especially with her being seen making out with other people. This girl doesn't freak out about me touching her at all. Just hugs, which is the most intimate thing I've tried. I higly doubt she spends much time making out with people. Though I could be wrong.
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