kiss_andmakeup Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 It's possible she's just using not trusting me as some BS reason. The girl came to my house and had some drinks with me. Of course she trusts me. I thinks she's just really weird. Ugh, now I'm starting to get really depressed. I feel like a kid who just got a brand new toy that he really wanted for a long time, but he's not allowed to take it out of the package. The bolded part is key. There is nothing wrong with you. She obviously has some pretty serious intimacy issues (and I'm not even talking about sex - I'm talking about being close with people on any level) that she needs to work out on her own. This is not a result of something you did wrong. It's her issue. Time to find someone who is a little more together emotionally.
Rinas Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Perhaps It would be best to move on, she has many trust issues and it would take quite some time to break through those walls. I take you'' be resuming friendship anyway. You seem like a good guy, you'll find someone, just don't be so down on the situation.
welikeincrowds Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Ugh, now I'm starting to get really depressed. I feel like a kid who just got a brand new toy that he really wanted for a long time, but he's not allowed to take it out of the package. Yeah, okay, she's probably a cool looking action figure, but she's just an action figure. Just wait until you get to play with an Xbox.
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Why is dating so hard for me? 30 years old and she's the first girl who has let me get this close to her and she ends up having what appears to be a bucket load of issues. Is this the best I can hope for? How can I walk away from her when I have nothing to walk towards? I don't know how long it will be till I find another girl who actually gives a damn about me.
Rinas Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Dating isn't always easy for people, don't give yourself a hard time about it. I'm not exactly having the easiest time in my relationship. Have you considered online dating/ joining social groups and activities? It's easier to meet women that way.
cerridwen Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Why is dating so hard for me? 30 years old and she's the first girl who has let me get this close to her and she ends up having what appears to be a bucket load of issues. Is this the best I can hope for? How can I walk away from her when I have nothing to walk towards? I don't know how long it will be till I find another girl who actually gives a damn about me. She's not disappearing out of your life, somedude. She'll still "give a damn about" you. If anything, you two may grow closer as friends once the sexual tension on your side is removed. She'll sense it, feel "safer", and may relax further into your friendship. There's a lot to be said for having a friend who REALLY gives a sh^t. And while that happens, the new crop of freshmen will appear on the horizon. New girls you don't yet know exist can come along; girls without intimacy issues who can keep up with a sexually healthy guy. Is she the end all, be all? I dunno. I'd resist thinking that way. Not even being able to hug isn't a good sign. Feeling so body conscious you won't take your jacket off even indoors is not a good sign. Being 21 years old and not having any interest in sex? Not a common thing or IMO, a good sign. Sounds like a platitude but I'm gonna say it: You can do soooo much better.
Teknoe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Fun but uneventful. I didn't do the dinner. We didn't even talk about it when I was with her. Please don't take this harshly. But you didn't take control of this situation and didn't have enough BACKBONE to show her you're a MAN. Here's what you should have done. As soon as you saw her today, you should have commented on how nice she looks. Secondly, you should go right into it. "Oh by the way, about tonight's dinner at your place with the folks -- I'm totally down." It was your job to bring it up. She wouldn't. And you chose not to, either, so no one brought it up. I can just imagine that thick awkward air in-between you guys today... you guys both knew about the dinner, but nobody brought it up. Awkward. That was YOUR CHANCE TO SHINE. As the man, you need to take the lead and LEAD HER. I bet she would have been happy if you took charge and told her "Yeah, I'm down for dinner with the folks." We all told you TO GO TO THE DINNER. Instead, you wanted to play it by ear and see how the day goes and how you'd feel before committing to the dinner (in other words, you basically said no for all intents and purposes). Next time, MAN UP. Ladies aren't looking for a follower, they're looking for someone who can lead and protect them. Chalk this up as a lesson learned. The ball was totally in your court. And you didn't even shoot the ball. Missed opportunity. Again, sorry if this sounds harsh, but it really sounds like self-sabotage. You should have gone to the dinner! But you didn't because you were nervous and thought things might be awkward. Guess what, thoughts become reality. Now you two are still in this awkward "friends eh?" cycle. Next time, be a man about things. You're 30 for crying out loud. You're not 21 anymore.
Star Gazer Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Here in SoCal, there are some incredible upscale malls. Many of them are outside with restaurants, music, and bars, that attract cool, hip singles ages 21 on up to people in their 40s. They come to drink, eat, listen to music, hang out, dance. They look like this: http://www.tenzercommercial.com/third-street-promenade-night.jpg They aren't your father's shopping mall. Have fun, somedude. Ignore the haters. I am quite familiar with the Promenade (in the picture), as well as The Grove, and Century City. I don't consider those "malls" anymore than I do the cute shops strewn about in Brentwood or Rodeo Drive. A "mall" is Beverly Center, Glendale Galleria, South Coast Plaza. Think Mallrats, the movie, literally.
Star Gazer Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 No, she is not ready for intimacy yet. She won't even let me hug her yet... We briefly talked about it and she said that she doesn't even hug the friends she's known for a long time. She also said that she wants to trust me more before we do something like that. The way things are going she might let me hug her in six months and kiss her in 5 years. Gah! Was she serious?! My gut would tell me that she's just making up excuses, and really bad ones at that to drive you away... But maybe she sincerely has some pretty severe intimacy issues. The problem isn't you, it's her. Big time.
Teknoe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Gah! Was she serious?! My gut would tell me that she's just making up excuses, and really bad ones at that to drive you away... But maybe she sincerely has some pretty severe intimacy issues. The problem isn't you, it's her. Big time. Actions speak louder than words. Had he gone to the dinner, that ACTION would have spoken LOUDLY to her. Your crush/dream girl/girl you been obsessing about invites you to a SPECIAL dinner her mom is cooking, and you say no? Really? REALLY? This is self-sabotage and self-friend zoning. I sense she is very shy, but she did give him a chance to get closer to her by inviting him, and he refused to go, because he lacked self-confidence. Otherwise he would have went, probably shown her what a capable charming man he is, and she would have felt more comfortable opening up to him emotionally and physically in the coming days ahead. It wasn't mission impossible. It was mission VERY POSSIBLE. And he didn't accept it. Now the tape's self-destructed. Might just be time to move on. Next time, be more bold. Let your actions do the talking. Quit sabotaging yourself with the second guessing and "I'm not good enough" mentality. If you think that, you've already struck out.
Star Gazer Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Actions speak louder than words. Had he gone to the dinner, that ACTION would have spoken LOUDLY to her. Perhaps, but what good would that have done HIM? She's not going to let him even hug her for a very long time. I hate to use the word "normal" in describing behavior, but her attitude here is certainly not normal. In fact, it's straight up weird. Even 10 year olds who think the opposite sex has cooties hug one another. Who wants to date someone who makes you feel like you need to run a gauntlet just to be able to get to know them?
Teknoe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Perhaps, but what good would that have done HIM? She's not going to let him even hug her for a very long time. I hate to use the word "normal" in describing behavior, but her attitude here is certainly not normal. In fact, it's straight up weird. Even 10 year olds who think the opposite sex has cooties hug one another. Who wants to date someone who makes you feel like you need to run a gauntlet just to be able to get to know them? I think if he just had been assertive and started off the hang-out by reassuring her he would go to dinner with her folks, he would have changed the ATMOSPHERE of the friendship right there. Then there would be no need to have a "can I hug you?" talk. I mean really, who has a "Is it OK if I hug you?" talk? Talk about a-w-k-w-a-r-d. He could have gone to the dinner, woo'ed her through his bravery and interaction with her parents, and to end the evening, hugged her and said "thanks for tonight, I had fun. Let's go out to ____ next ____." She would have let him hug her in the moment. But talking about it? Ew. Talk about killing what should be a simple instantaneous moment. All I see here are two people who lack relational skills and SomeDude sabotaging himself. @ somedude, did creating this thread honestly help you in ANY way during the hang out? Or did it create more thoughts and anxious what if scenarios in your head? I think next time, you're almost better off NOT making a topic about what you SHOULD do, instead, go out with her (or the next girl) and rely on YOURSELF. Then, and only then, should you post about it. I think obsessing about something yet to come makes you very mechanical. I know, because I've been there. Can't hurt to try something new next time...
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) Dating isn't always easy for people, don't give yourself a hard time about it. I'm not exactly having the easiest time in my relationship. Have you considered online dating/ joining social groups and activities? It's easier to meet women that way. My issue isn't meeting women. It's getting them interested enough to want to spend time with me. Online dating is pointless for a man of my stature. She's not disappearing out of your life, somedude. She'll still "give a damn about" you. I'm not afraid that she'll disappear out of my life. But that I'll have disappear from her's. It's hard being with somebody I really like when I can't do the things I want to do. I want to have sex with her, to kiss her and I can't even hug her. I'm starting to wonder if being around her with the conditions is better then not seeing her at all. If anything, you two may grow closer as friends once the sexual tension on your side is removed. She'll sense it, feel "safer", and may relax further into your friendship. There's a lot to be said for having a friend who REALLY gives a sh^t. And while that happens, the new crop of freshmen will appear on the horizon. New girls you don't yet know exist can come along; girls without intimacy issues who can keep up with a sexually healthy guy. I know we can grow to be closer friends. But what I'm worried about is that she'll start thinking of me in the wrong way. I don't want her to become comfortable with me if she ends up seeing me as a brother and getting physical seems gross. I need to have an adult relationship much more than I need a close friendship. I will meet new girls next semester. I always do. But the most likely outcome is that I'll get rejected by all the ones I become interested in. I was getting to know 4-5 girls last semester and being rejected by all of them wasn't fun. Is she the end all, be all? I dunno. I'd resist thinking that way. Not even being able to hug isn't a good sign. Feeling so body conscious you won't take your jacket off even indoors is not a good sign. Being 21 years old and not having any interest in sex? Not a common thing or IMO, a good sign. Sounds like a platitude but I'm gonna say it: You can do soooo much better.She actually had her jacket off for most of the day. It's not a body conscious issue but temperature related. If she's hot she'll take it off. But not until she actually feels hot. Not being able to hug is very odd. My guess is that having a male who is sexually interested in her, having that kind of physical contact with her freaks her out. I know I deserve better, but doing better? I don't know. Gah! Was she serious?! My gut would tell me that she's just making up excuses, and really bad ones at that to drive you away... But maybe she sincerely has some pretty severe intimacy issues. The problem isn't you, it's her. Big time. I don't think she wants to drive me away at all. Especially since she wants to see me again next week. It probably is intimacy issues. I wonder if she see's a hug as something sexual? And is afraid that letting me hug her would lead me on? I think if he just had been assertive and started off the hang-out by reassuring her he would go to dinner with her folks, he would have changed the ATMOSPHERE of the friendship right there. Then there would be no need to have a "can I hug you?" talk. I mean really, who has a "Is it OK if I hug you?" talk? Talk about a-w-k-w-a-r-d. I didn't see any benefit from going to the dinner with her folks. All it would do is put me in an awkward situation. There is little chance she would have let me hug her afterwards. This isn't about impressing her or her parents. The last time I tried to hug her, she physically stopped me. Now it is something we have to talk about because me trying to hug her is something she would see as disrespectful because she has already told me how she feels about them. So I make a joke about it at the end of the "date" and we briefly talk about it. But for whatever reason, it's still making her feel uncomfortable. ------------- For now I need to figure out if it's in my best interest to keep spending time with her. For all I know we can keep playing this game for a long time and I might not get anywhere with her. I'm starting to get real tired of it and want to move to the next stage. Edited July 13, 2011 by somedude81
Teknoe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I didn't see any benefit from going to the dinner with her folks. All it would do is put me in an awkward situation. There is little chance she would have let me hug her afterwards. This isn't about impressing her or her parents. Wow, I dunno what to say, dude. You see ZERO benefits from going to a SPECIAL dinner her mom was cooking and that she invited you to? Are you serious?? I mean think about it for a minute before you say yes or no. Your crush invites you for dinner with her parents. That's not something done casually. My gut here is, you fear interacting with a certain crowd of folks... maybe you were scared her parents would have asked you questions that would have made you feel uncomfortable/didn't know how to handle. Because of this fear, you see no benefit in potentially making yourself look bad. I suggest broadening your horizons and learning to interact more with different types of people. That way, in the future, parents won't scare you so much. It sounds like you're a guy who, deep down, is afraid to face the music. This is probably why you're attracted to younger, more inexperienced girls. A typical 30 year old woman probably wouldn't be interested in who you are TODAY. Lemme put it this way. If MY crush invited me to dinner with her parents, especially if I'm the ONLY guest, I'd be all over that. How many guys do you think your crush has invited to dinner with the folks? You probably were the first! But you claim it would have been awkward + it's NOT about impressing her or her parents. I dunno what to say. Can't help you if you don't want to help yourself. If you don't care to impress her, why all these topics about her and what you should do? In a way, you're trying to leave a good impression on her anyway... so what you said sounds contradicting. sigh. it almost hurts me to see you acting this way with the ladies -- I used to act very similarly to you not too long ago. I know what self-sabotage, negative thoughts and self-friend zoning looks like. And this is a prime example of how to do just that to yourself. final recommendation: TAKE A PUBLIC SPEAKING COURSE. Look for one offered at a junior/community college, or try Toastmasters. It will help you tremendously. It'll develop your confidence, help you to think quicker on your feet, and increase the quality of your interpersonal relationships.
rafallus Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 She won't even let me hug her yet... It's obviously BS. I (and many other guys for that matter) have hugged the girls who they have spoke to for like 5 minutes or so. Then again in HS I was very non-touchy-feely to the point of absurd, and was ending up kinda like you to my endless frustration. I don't think a magic bullet exists for that situation. You just must accept that girls want to be touched, as long as you aren't coming off like a creep.
Eeyore79 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I don't know if you've been fallowing my threads, but this girl definitely knows that I like her. There is no suddenly surprising her. So she knows you like her. This leads to one of two possibilities: 1) She likes you but is shy, hence why she wants to keep seeing you 2) She doesn't like you and is ignoring the fact that you like her because she enjoys your friendship My situation with my ex-friend was 2. I knew he liked me, and I didn't like him but I enjoyed our friendship, so I basically ignored the signs that he liked me and just continued the friendship. When he eventually tried to make a move, I told him in no uncertain terms that I only saw him as a friend. I guess it was good for both of us to get that out in the open, because at least he knew where he stood. With hindsight, I wish I'd been clear from day 1 that he was only a friend, because then we might have been able to stay friends. I really liked him as a friend, and was sad to lose him - as I feared, he stopped being my friend as soon as he found out I wasn't into him (that's why I didn't tell him earlier that I wasn't into him). In light of my experience, I think the best thing you can do is either make a move or otherwise ask her point blank if she's interested in you as a boyfriend. Reassure her that you're still her friend even if she isn't into you (fear of losing my friend was what stopped me telling him he wasn't my type). At least you'll know where you stand, and can make your next move. Are you afraid to broach the subject in case she says she isn't interested? Maybe it's easier to live in hope than to find out the truth?
tman666 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I think that realistically, after what you described, she has some potential severe intimacy issues. I tried to date a girl like this in high school. Cold as ice. I tried to hold her hand one time and she told me "she wasn't ready". Whatever. When she told me that, she made me feel extremely undesirable and awkward. Over time, I came to realize that SHE was the one with issues, not me. I think it's the same way here. Ask yourself if you really want to deal with that kind of behavior. She's unlikely to come around. You can still value her friendship and hang out with her, but you need to start training yourself to view her as a friend only. If you wait around for her to start having romantic feelings for you, you'll find yourself in a world of hurt and self loathing. You've got to move on.
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 But you claim it would have been awkward + it's NOT about impressing her or her parents. I dunno what to say. Can't help you if you don't want to help yourself. If you don't care to impress her, why all these topics about her and what you should do? In a way, you're trying to leave a good impression on her anyway... so what you said sounds contradicting. If all I had to do was impress her, I would have her by now. But she has other issues which is being talked about in this thread. The topic was mainly about if I should make a move or not and then to talk about her. If I knew that she liked me and was considering a relationship I would gladly meet her family. Right now I'm just a friend who likes her. It's obviously BS. I (and many other guys for that matter) have hugged the girls who they have spoke to for like 5 minutes or so. Then again in HS I was very non-touchy-feely to the point of absurd, and was ending up kinda like you to my endless frustration. I don't think a magic bullet exists for that situation. You just must accept that girls want to be touched, as long as you aren't coming off like a creep. I know that girls want to be touched, though it took me a long time to figure it out. This girl doesn't seem to have an issue of being touched at all. I've touched her arms, shoulders & back. It's just with being hugged she doesn't like. I haven't tried to hold her hand yet. But that's mainly because that's more for established couples. So she knows you like her. This leads to one of two possibilities: 1) She likes you but is shy, hence why she wants to keep seeing you 2) She doesn't like you and is ignoring the fact that you like her because she enjoys your friendship My situation with my ex-friend was 2. I knew he liked me, and I didn't like him but I enjoyed our friendship, so I basically ignored the signs that he liked me and just continued the friendship. When he eventually tried to make a move, I told him in no uncertain terms that I only saw him as a friend. I guess it was good for both of us to get that out in the open, because at least he knew where he stood. With hindsight, I wish I'd been clear from day 1 that he was only a friend, because then we might have been able to stay friends. I really liked him as a friend, and was sad to lose him - as I feared, he stopped being my friend as soon as he found out I wasn't into him (that's why I didn't tell him earlier that I wasn't into him). In light of my experience, I think the best thing you can do is either make a move or otherwise ask her point blank if she's interested in you as a boyfriend. Reassure her that you're still her friend even if she isn't into you (fear of losing my friend was what stopped me telling him he wasn't my type). At least you'll know where you stand, and can make your next move. Are you afraid to broach the subject in case she says she isn't interested? Maybe it's easier to live in hope than to find out the truth? I think it's a combination of 1 and 2. I wouldn't say that she's shy, but she is afraid of intimacy. She may also have an issue with her female gender role. In addition she could have a low sex drive, but she's a virgin. I don't know if I can ask her if she gets horny or masturbates. I know she enjoys the friendship but she has to basically close her eyes, but her hands on her ears and go "la la la la" to ignore that I like her. So I wonder if she just accepted that I like her as part of who I am and spends time with my anyways? She might also think that because she rejected me, that I'm going to stop going after her. But it should be obvious by now that it's not going to happen that way. We have had a couple of talks where we got everything in the open and she's said that she doesn't want to date me or anybody else. But then she always mentions something about wanting to get to know me better, feel more comfortable with me or trust me more. Which I understand as, "Not now, but spend more time with me and ask me later." No other girl has ever said anything like to me. And that's what's encouraging me to keep trying. I think that realistically, after what you described, she has some potential severe intimacy issues. I tried to date a girl like this in high school. Cold as ice. I tried to hold her hand one time and she told me "she wasn't ready". Whatever. When she told me that, she made me feel extremely undesirable and awkward. Over time, I came to realize that SHE was the one with issues, not me. I think it's the same way here. Ask yourself if you really want to deal with that kind of behavior. She's unlikely to come around. You can still value her friendship and hang out with her, but you need to start training yourself to view her as a friend only. If you wait around for her to start having romantic feelings for you, you'll find yourself in a world of hurt and self loathing. You've got to move on. There are a couple of reasons why I'm dealing with it. I have no alternatives. I really like her. I want a girlfriend and she fits that mold very well except for the intimacy things. I like her too much and am too attracted to her to just see her as a friend. The only way I could do it is if I had a girlfriend who was fulfilling my needs. So my only other option is to just quit, cold turkey. Since I'm completely alone, I kind of want to keep being with her until I find somebody who can replace her.
cerridwen Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 ... Since I'm completely alone, I kind of want to keep being with her until I find somebody who can replace her. Do you feel you can do that? Be open to dating others now, I mean? I'd hate to see you put this girl on a pedestal of inattainability. It might shift your focus or zap your energy for pursuing more viable females.
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Do you feel you can do that? Be open to dating others now, I mean? I'd hate to see you put this girl on a pedestal of inattainability. It might shift your focus or zap your energy for pursuing more viable females. I have always been open to dating others. But it takes me a little time after meeting a new girl to consider dating her. The problem is that I see this girl as a potential girlfriend and with new girls I'd have have to start at the beginning and get to know them and all that stuff. I'm also worried that we won't have as much in common as I do with her. It's almost like I'd be settling if I go for somebody else. A couple of months ago I actually had this conversation with her. She asked me if there were any other girls I was chasing. I told her that I was interested in a few girls and only liked one. She knew exactly what I was talking about. Unfortunately, all those other girls ended up rejecting me, and she's all I have left. If I have anything at all.
JohnnyCage Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Why does all relationships have to be based on how much sexual tension exists between the couple? If she spends time with you and invites you to a special dinner then I am sure she likes you. I will be happy to be around my wife for eternity without expecting anything in return.
rafallus Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I know that girls want to be touched, though it took me a long time to figure it out. This girl doesn't seem to have an issue of being touched at all. I've touched her arms, shoulders & back. It's just with being hugged she doesn't like. I haven't tried to hold her hand yet. But that's mainly because that's more for established couples.You gotta push. Not quite like if you were having a baby (like I would know that :E). You have a sex drive, right? Does she stimulate you? When you look at her, don't you have heartbeat go wonky and thoughts like "Holy ****, she's sooo hot*, I must get her"? If she gives negative response, take a step back and attack again. *Assuredly, this isn't restricted to supermodels-alike. In fact skinny, barely alive-looking supermodels are pretty unlikely to get such reaction from author
Teknoe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 If I knew that she liked me and was considering a relationship I would gladly meet her family. Right now I'm just a friend who likes her. Girls often times are more subtle than guys. Are you waiting for a big sign that drops from the sky saying "DUDE SHE LIKES YOU!" ?? 1. She knows you like her more than a friend 2. She invited you to a special dinner her mom was cooking 3. She invited JUST you Me thinks you should have grabbed the bull by the horns. Anyone else on LoveShack disagree or agree with this? She offered him a golden opportunity, and I can't believe he turned her down. Relationships involve risk! Yes you risked making a fool of yourself in front of her family, but you also lost out on a great opportunity to shifting her perspective of you as just a platonic friend. That is how you need to look at things from now on. Instead of asking yourself "Why? :sick:" ask yourself "Why NOT? ;)" Why is this so hard to understand?
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Oh I'm pushing. I touch her every opportunity I get. When she was sitting down in a chair looking through her phone I was standing behind he with my hand on her shoulder looking at her phone. After getting out of my car on a long drive she said something about her back feeling sweaty and I put my hand on her back to see if I could any moisture. When we took a photo I put my arm around her and was really close to her. Basically I use any excuse to touch her. And she never says anything nor does she react negatively. Trying to hug her is the only thing I've done that's gotten a negative response from her. Of course I haven't tried to touch any of her intimate areas or attempted to get a kiss. Does she stimulate me? Hell yeah she does. The only thing I don't really like about her body is that she has a flat ass. Though some time in the gym can rectify that.
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Girls often times are more subtle than guys. Are you waiting for a big sign that drops from the sky saying "DUDE SHE LIKES YOU!" ?? 1. She knows you like her more than a friend 2. She invited you to a special dinner her mom was cooking 3. She invited JUST you Me thinks you should have grabbed the bull by the horns. Anyone else on LoveShack disagree or agree with this? She offered him a golden opportunity, and I can't believe he turned her down. Relationships involve risk! Yes you risked making a fool of yourself in front of her family, but you also lost out on a great opportunity to shifting her perspective of you as just a platonic friend. That is how you need to look at things from now on. Instead of asking yourself "Why? :sick:" ask yourself "Why NOT? ;)" Why is this so hard to understand? Teknoe, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. This was not a golden opportunity. If anything it would have been a slightly awkward to neutral experience. I simply don't want to be the focus of attention at this point in our "relationship." Also I've already met her mom and she thinks I'm a decent guy. There will be other times to eat with her family. "but you also lost out on a great opportunity to shifting her perspective of you as just a platonic friend." How could eating dinner at her house do that?
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