rafallus Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) That has yet to be seen, hasn't it? Hence why I have suggested he, a grown man, consider taking his dates out on actual dates, rather than meandering around a mall like a teenager. I can go find a similar thread where all the people bashing me in this one told another poster that a mall date was a very, very bad idea. Or you can just take my suggestion for what it's worth: a mere suggestion. Meh. You feel bashed? You take it personally, quite obviously. I just happen to have done mall dates (at least as a transient thing in meeting) in my short life, and, as the matter of fact, I would say that it's better idea than standard dinner date where you sit idle for some time, maybe even across the table, and just talk and talk with little to no touching involved (unless happened to ramp it up before and girl can't wait till I finish eating, and dinner is just one phase of crazy outing - if so, then no problemo). Edited July 12, 2011 by rafallus
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 You can't compare a 20 year old dating a child to a 30 year old dating a 21 year old. A 21 year old is an adult, an 11 year old isn't. I agree. That was my point. You can't compare a 21/30+ relationship to a 31/40+ relationship, as Nexus attempted. Age differences mean less as folks age and mature. At 21, very few people are mature enough to be in the same life-place as someone who's 30+, especially a 21 year old who enjoys roaming the malls on dates. Honestly, mall dates were what me and all my friends did before we could drive. All I'm saying is: do something else!!! A non-mall date. Sheesh. String me up already!
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Otherwise, would you suggest it would be okay if he were 20 and dating an 11 year old? Something has me thinking you knew very well that that was not what I implied with my post. I very clearly said they were both adults. Very clever of you to paint me as the devils advocate by the way, while I took no such stance. Your dirty little attorney tricks won't work on me SG.
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 You feel bashed? You take it personally, quite obviously. Not at all, I find the reactions quite odd but funny.
denise_xo Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I agree. That was my point. You can't compare a 21/30+ relationship to a 31/40+ relationship, as Nexus attempted. Age differences mean less as folks age and mature. At 21, very few people are mature enough to be in the same life-place as someone who's 30+, especially a 21 year old who enjoys roaming the malls on dates. Well, this is what I'm questioning. Some people will not be mature enough, but others will. As I said, for me it worked well and I know several people who have been in my position. I wouldn't undermine the OP's relationship purely on that basis without really knowing the personalities involved.
Teknoe Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Getting back to the topic at hand here... Hmm, so half the people are telling me to try and make a move and the other half are saying not to. (Some)Dude... this is why I tell people obsessing about their crushes on LS is NOT a healthy idea. You said it right there, more or less. You've gotten 50/50 down the line contrasting opinions, and you don't know what the hell to do. When you see her, don't be surprised if you're subsconsciously wishy washy, 50/50 yourself, double guessing yourself, your actions, your words. Your body language will convey it, and your tone will as well. This is why it's not healthy to keep posting about your crush asking for what should I do (next) advice. At some point you're just going to have to learn it as a man learns. It's time to man up, dude. Trust me, I used to post my play by play, and the conflicting board opinions always led to me being very mechanical on my next 1 on 1 with my crush. Learn to trust your own instincts, and learn to be confident! Women will gravitate toward that. I can still say yes to the dinner. I am dropping her off at her house. I guess I'm just waiting to see how today goes before I commit to eating with her family. Sorry to say, but that's a lame way of thinking. You gotta go all in, or you're already ALL OUT. Be assertive. Instead of playing it safe "well now i'll just see how it goes" say "I'M GOING TO THAT DINNER NO MATTER WHAT, AND I'M CHARMING THE PANTS OFF HER FOLKS AND HER AS WELL." I guess you're already on your mall excursion with her. I'd bet 5 bucks that you don't end up going to the dinner, based on your initial gut reaction to the dinner invite + this wishy washy attitude right here. In a situation where going to dinner is CLEARLY the grown man move to make, you didn't embrace it head on. What can I say... if you end up not going, you missed the biggest opportunity with this girl. I really hope you go to that family dinner.
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Your dirty little attorney tricks won't work on me SG. A personal attack on my profession? Is that all you've got? All I said was suggest he consider other date activities. It's clear we disagree on that point. Why not just move on?
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Well, this is what I'm questioning. Some people will not be mature enough, but others will. As I said, for me it worked well and I know several people who have been in my position. I wouldn't undermine the OP's relationship purely on that basis without really knowing the personalities involved. I understand what you're saying. Seeing as she enjoys meandering around a mall as a date, I suppose I inferred that she wasn't as mature as the average 30-year old. I forgot to consider that maybe the OP isn't either. Whops.
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 A personal attack on my profession? Is that all you've got? I meant that jokingly, I was laughing while I wrote it. All I said was suggest he consider other date activities. It's clear we disagree on that point. 1. That's not all you said, you also mentioned the age difference as an issue. Which was the point I reacted to. 2. I did not say I disagreed with you on the idea of the mall date. Why not just move on? Fine by me, lets focus on something else, but you're probably just saying that because you're losing the argument. Another attorney trick eh?
rafallus Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Not at all, I find the reactions quite odd but funny. A personal attack on my profession? Is that all you've got? I don't think you found that funny though. Commited to the case, I see: http://i2.pinger.pl/pgr221/76bbbf80000eae1d4d768d0c
Ross MwcFan Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Not enjoying mall dates does not make an adult boring, I assure you. I don't have trouble finding dates with fun, entertaining, adult men who carry themselves as such. Keep that in mind, Ross. I never said that not enjoying a mall date makes an adult boring.
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Rafallus, that link links to an infected website/server. Just saying, my virus scanner picked it up. Could be a false positive, but better safe than sorry, so I wouldn't recommend anyone clicking on that link.
Ross MwcFan Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Difference being, a mall date is a pretty juvenile activity. I mean, I'm thinking about the people who hang around the mall for socialization, and can't imagine how a grown adult man would belong in "that world." He's a grown man, and should be dating someone closer to his age. Who are you to say who he should date and who he shouldn't date? For all you know, he could be young for his age and she could be old for her age, and they could suit each other really well. Plus he lacks experience, so that would probably make him more suited to someone younger anyway.
rafallus Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Rafallus, that link links to an infected website/server. Just saying, my virus scanner picked it up. Could be a false positive, but better safe than sorry, so I wouldn't recommend anyone clicking on that link. Odd, because mine didn't pick up on anything, and it's pretty known for false positives (Avira). Still, would love to actually attach an image ("WHY SO SERIOUS?") in post, but forum apparently disallows such actions. Anyway, end of OT.
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Odd, because mine didn't pick up on anything, and it's pretty known for false positives (Avira). Still, would love to actually attach an image ("WHY SO SERIOUS?") in post, but forum apparently disallows such actions. Anyway, end of OT. Just use imgur.com as a host for the image, they're solid.
Ross MwcFan Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 A personal attack on my profession? Is that all you've got? All I said was suggest he consider other date activities. It's clear we disagree on that point. Why not just move on? Lol, he was only joking. Stop taking everything so personally.
krz12 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 6) Go for the kiss...progress slowly; make sure you don't try to shove your tongue down her throat right from the start I have a question about this. If you potentially f this part up are you a goner? The last girl I went out with, I gave her a (somewhat awkward for me, but I suppose it could be worse) quick peck on the lips. Nothing with tongues anywhere. A couple days later I got the 'no chemistry' line. The rational part of me tells me I was doomed long before then, but I'm not sure. I can't imagine it works as it does in the movies....
thehead Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) Difference being, a mall date is a pretty juvenile activity. I mean, I'm thinking about the people who hang around the mall for socialization, and can't imagine how a grown adult man would belong in "that world." He's a grown man, and should be dating someone closer to his age. Here in SoCal, there are some incredible upscale malls. Many of them are outside with restaurants, music, and bars, that attract cool, hip singles ages 21 on up to people in their 40s. They come to drink, eat, listen to music, hang out, dance. They look like this: http://www.tenzercommercial.com/third-street-promenade-night.jpg They aren't your father's shopping mall. Have fun, somedude. Ignore the haters. Edited July 13, 2011 by thehead
bac Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I really want to find out if she feels anything at all for me. And I know that talking to her about it is the wrong way to go. Funny thing, she invited me to have dinner at her place with her family instead of me just dropping her off. I declined because that would just be too awkward for me right now. Since I don't neatly fall under the categories of friend or boyfriend it seems weird for me to be around her family. She knows how much I like her and that I want to date her, so it seems a little odd for her to invite me. IMO First, you should go to her family dinner. Then, if her family approves of you, she will let you kiss her someday.
bac Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 My goal for trying to kiss her is find out if she likes me at all. If she's had a couple of drinks and still turns down a kiss, I'm basically done. She likes you because she spends her time with you. She likes you because she wants you to go to her family dinner. But, she will probably reject your kiss because she is not ready for intimacy yet. She might need her family approval or grow up or smth else.
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Fun but uneventful. I didn't do the dinner. We didn't even talk about it when I was with her. No, she is not ready for intimacy yet. She won't even let me hug her yet... We briefly talked about it and she said that she doesn't even hug the friends she's known for a long time. She also said that she wants to trust me more before we do something like that. The way things are going she might let me hug her in six months and kiss her in 5 years. I like this girl but I do feel that I'd be better off chasing somebody else. Aside from her intimacy issues she's great. But I can't imagine what it would be like actually trying to get her to sleep with me after who knows how much effort would be required to kiss her. I am starting to make progress with her, but it's going so slow it's beginning to frustrate me. Beggars can't be choosers.
Rinas Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Aw sorry that it didn't go as planned. Wish she would have came around. It may be a good idea to see other options, but if you're getting closer slowly you can still hold a friendship until she's ready.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Fun but uneventful. I didn't do the dinner. We didn't even talk about it when I was with her. No, she is not ready for intimacy yet. She won't even let me hug her yet... We briefly talked about it and she said that she doesn't even hug the friends she's known for a long time. She also said that she wants to trust me more before we do something like that. The way things are going she might let me hug her in six months and kiss her in 5 years. I like this girl but I do feel that I'd be better off chasing somebody else. Aside from her intimacy issues she's great. But I can't imagine what it would be like actually trying to get her to sleep with me after who knows how much effort would be required to kiss her. I am starting to make progress with her, but it's going so slow it's beginning to frustrate me. Beggars can't be choosers. Uh...she has to trust you more to be able to hug you? Dude. Seriously. "Slow" is the understatement of the century. I think it's time to move on.
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) Aw sorry that it didn't go as planned. Wish she would have came around. It may be a good idea to see other options, but if you're getting closer slowly you can still hold a friendship until she's ready. Actually, it pretty much went like I expected it to. Heck I even made us some drinks but I made them too sweet and she didn't finish hers. She said she didn't like alcohol so I tried a little too hard to cover it up. Getting back to what I said earlier. It went exactly as a I planned or expected it to. I even knew that I wasn't going to even get a hug at the end. I'm just hoping that she will surprise me sometime soon. Maintaining the friendship is up to what she tolerates. Every now and then I remind her that I like her and am being more touchy with her. I'm also starting to talk about sex more with her. There just may come a point where she's had enough and that will be it. But I may be too respectful and not trying to push things fast enough. Right now I just wish I was in this situation with a girl who was actually open to dating. I'm putting too much thoughts and emotion into something that will most likely not turn out right. Eventually there will come a point where the pain of not being able to do anything with her will overcome the enjoyment I get from being with her. When that happens, I'll need to regretfully walk away. Then I'll be back on square one with no prospects. But I don't know if I can even consider this girl a prospect anymore. Edited July 13, 2011 by somedude81
Author somedude81 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) Uh...she has to trust you more to be able to hug you? Dude. Seriously. "Slow" is the understatement of the century. I think it's time to move on. It's possible she's just using not trusting me as some BS reason. The girl came to my house and had some drinks with me. Of course she trusts me. I thinks she's just really weird. Ugh, now I'm starting to get really depressed. I feel like a kid who just got a brand new toy that he really wanted for a long time, but he's not allowed to take it out of the package. Edited July 13, 2011 by somedude81
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