somedude81 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Hey it's me again talking about the same girl I always do. So we're going to hang out tomorrow. Going to go to the mall for a few hours then back to my place to play some games and watch a movie. Of course there is always a monkey wrench in my plans. She wants to be back at her place by six for a special dinner her mom is cooking. Sigh, every time we've hung out she had something going on in the evening. How am I supposed to try and make a move when this happens? My goal was to curl up with her with a night time movie, have some drinks and just try to kiss her. But now I can't do that. I guess I can offer her a drink when we get back to my place at 3 pm or something. Does that seem as weird to anybody as it does me? Trying to kiss her without loosening her up first seems like a really bad idea. And before anybody says it, I do not want to get her drunk, nor do I have any intention of sleeping with her at this point. I don't mind waiting a bit. I really want to find out if she feels anything at all for me. And I know that talking to her about it is the wrong way to go. Funny thing, she invited me to have dinner at her place with her family instead of me just dropping her off. I declined because that would just be too awkward for me right now. Since I don't neatly fall under the categories of friend or boyfriend it seems weird for me to be around her family. She knows how much I like her and that I want to date her, so it seems a little odd for her to invite me.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 How am I supposed to try and make a move when this happens? My goal was to curl up with her with a night time movie, have some drinks and just try to kiss her. But now I can't do that. I guess I can offer her a drink when we get back to my place at 3 pm or something. Does that seem as weird to anybody as it does me? I know exactly what you're doing, buddy. You are scared of making a move, so you are engaging in self-sabotage (i.e. convincing yourself that offering a her a drink is weird...why would it be???) If she's willing to come over to your place, it means that she feels comfortable with you and would likely be receptive to escalation. All you need to do is a follow this basic scenario (which pretty much works all the time provided the girl is interested): 1) Start with some alcohol (and don't limit it to one drink either; she may need more to loosen up if she's particularly shy). 2) Continue with light touching, like touching her knee briefly when making a point. 3) Hold her hand hand while looking "intently" in her eyes and smiling...for some reason, chicks love this 4) Put your arm around her 5) Start stroking her arm, leg, outer thigh...then move on to stroking her face/playing with her hair 6) Go for the kiss...progress slowly; make sure you don't try to shove your tongue down her throat right from the start 6) Move your hand to her breasts, then inner thighs, then start rubbing her pussy 7) Start removing her clothing and kissing/licking her breasts, kissing her shoulders, neck.. 8) Start fingering her 9) Remove her panties and give her oral 10) Optional: make it known that you want a blowjob (you don't actually have to verbalize this) 11) Sex! Simple, huh? From my experience, this works about 80% if the girl is already at your place. If at any point you encounter "token resistance" (i.e. her saying "I'm not sure we should be doing this", just ignore it). Only stop if she actually tells you to.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Listen to Feelsgoodman, the window of opportunity is closing on this girl, for various reasons (mostly because she sounds weird to me, at least the way you describe your encounters with her). If this doesn't work I think you need to at least begin entertaining the idea of finding someone else.
Teknoe Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Gonna try to help you out. Of course, as it is with anyone's advice, you can take it or leave it. I humbly ask you at least sleep on it and chew on it some bit before that natural reaction of yours kicks in and says "I'm doing it MY way" Hey it's me again talking about the same girl I always do. This is the root of the issue at hand. You're always talking about her on LS. As such, no doubt you're thinking about her in real life a lot more. This obsession with a crush is not healthy for ANYBODY. Have you ever noticed the successful relationships aren't the ones that come from the guy obsessing about the girl on a message board forum months and months before they become a couple? If you're already obsessing over a girl on a forum, asking strangers what to do, it's over. You need to be calm and cool around her, and you can't do that if she's on your mind a lot. Think about it: do you think she is obsessing over you? Do you think she's started some threads about you on another relationship forum? Highly unlikely. As the MAN in this potential relationship, you need to stop obsessing about every little detail in your friendship with her, and just enjoy being with her. Besides, obsessing about your time with her will only make that time with her weird and mechanical. Unnatural. Uncertain. And the girl will pick up on that fast and be turned off. So we're going to hang out tomorrow. Going to go to the mall for a few hours then back to my place to play some games and watch a movie. Of course there is always a monkey wrench in my plans. She wants to be back at her place by six for a special dinner her mom is cooking. Sigh, every time we've hung out she had something going on in the evening. There is no monkey wrench here. The only monkey wrench is the one in your mind. See, already you're overthinking it. Just go with the flow, which brings me to... How am I supposed to try and make a move when this happens? My goal was to curl up with her with a night time movie, have some drinks and just try to kiss her. But now I can't do that. I guess I can offer her a drink when we get back to my place at 3 pm or something. Does that seem as weird to anybody as it does me? Trying to kiss her without loosening her up first seems like a really bad idea. And before anybody says it, I do not want to get her drunk, nor do I have any intention of sleeping with her at this point. I don't mind waiting a bit. GO WITH THE FLOW! You can't force a kiss. It's either there or not there. No amount of secret planning, plotting and manpower can force the girl to kiss you IF SHE AIN'T ATTRACTED TO YOU. Lose the obsession with kissign her, because trust me I've been there, I was so obsessed with "finding the right moment to kiss her" that I was unnatural and mechanical. You're so focused on kissing her that you won't even be able to enjoy your 1 on 1 time together. BE IN THE MOMENT, stop thinking about that kiss. If it comes, it'll come naturally. If it's not meant to be, no amount of alcohol or pickup line will work. Funny thing, she invited me to have dinner at her place with her family instead of me just dropping her off. I declined because that would just be too awkward for me right now. Since I don't neatly fall under the categories of friend or boyfriend it seems weird for me to be around her family. She knows how much I like her and that I want to date her, so it seems a little odd for her to invite me. DUDE! SomeDude! Do you remember this? Of course there is always a monkey wrench in my plans. She wants to be back at her place by six for a special dinner her mom is cooking. Her mom is cooking a SPECIAL DINNER. Your crush invited you to dinner. And... you declined? I see where the monkey wrench in your plans is now... and it has nothing to do with HER but everything to do with YOU! Look, I know you're nervous, and you think a dinner with her parents will be awkward, but I say GO! Even if it bombs, you'll learn a valuable experience in getting more interaction with girls' parents. If you can impress her parents, she will be doubly impressed with you. I say ditch any plan you're trying to conjure to kiss her, and go to the dinner! Don't blow this one. It's very possible she's already friend zoned you, but I think regardless, a family dinner will be a positive learning experience for you. At this point, let's continue to learn and grow. No pain, no gain. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. GO TO HER FAMILY DINNER. Since she knows you like her and want to date her, as you posted, why oh why are you declining her dinner invite? Don't you see she's trying to see if you're boyfriend material? (maybe not, though, but a decent chance... friends don't just invite their friends who like them in that way to family dinners). This is a test, and by saying no, you're failing big time. If you fail, at least fail swinging. What's the worst that can happen? GO.
Author somedude81 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I know exactly what you're doing, buddy. You are scared of making a move, so you are engaging in self-sabotage (i.e. convincing yourself that offering a her a drink is weird...why would it be???) If she's willing to come over to your place, it means that she feels comfortable with you and would likely be receptive to escalation. All you need to do is a follow this basic scenario (which pretty much works all the time provided the girl is interested): 1) Start with some alcohol (and don't limit it to one drink either; she may need more to loosen up if she's particularly shy). 2) Continue with light touching, like touching her knee briefly when making a point. 3) Hold her hand hand while looking "intently" in her eyes and smiling...for some reason, chicks love this 4) Put your arm around her 5) Start stroking her arm, leg, outer thigh...then move on to stroking her face/playing with her hair 6) Go for the kiss...progress slowly; make sure you don't try to shove your tongue down her throat right from the start 6) Move your hand to her breasts, then inner thighs, then start rubbing her pussy 7) Start removing her clothing and kissing/licking her breasts, kissing her shoulders, neck.. 8) Start fingering her 9) Remove her panties and give her oral 10) Optional: make it known that you want a blowjob (you don't actually have to verbalize this) 11) Sex! Simple, huh? From my experience, this works about 80% if the girl is already at your place. If at any point you encounter "token resistance" (i.e. her saying "I'm not sure we should be doing this", just ignore it). Only stop if she actually tells you to. Nice stuff Feelsgoodman Though I'd stop after 6, the first 6 The second 6 is too far for me at this point. Listen to Feelsgoodman, the window of opportunity is closing on this girl, for various reasons (mostly because she sounds weird to me, at least the way you describe your encounters with her). If this doesn't work I think you need to at least begin entertaining the idea of finding someone else. LOL window of opportunity. Yes this girl is weird. If it becomes obvious that it's not going to work out, I'll move on and find new girls. School starts in a few months which means more freshmen girls. No not the high school kind This is the root of the issue at hand. You're always talking about her on LS. As such, no doubt you're thinking about her in real life a lot more. This obsession with a crush is not healthy for ANYBODY. Have you ever noticed the successful relationships aren't the ones that come from the guy obsessing about the girl on a message board forum months and months before they become a couple? If you're already obsessing over a girl on a forum, asking strangers what to do, it's over. You need to be calm and cool around her, and you can't do that if she's on your mind a lot. Always talking about her? I make one thread about every two weeks. Am I obsessed? Yes. Does it affect anybody but me? No. I don't have a clue how relationships are formed. I've never been in one nor seen people I know get together. Yes she is always on my mind. Is that preventing me from being calm and cool with her? Absolutely not. GO WITH THE FLOW! You can't force a kiss. It's either there or not there. No amount of secret planning, plotting and manpower can force the girl to kiss you IF SHE AIN'T ATTRACTED TO YOU. Lose the obsession with kissign her, because trust me I've been there, I was so obsessed with "finding the right moment to kiss her" that I was unnatural and mechanical. You're so focused on kissing her that you won't even be able to enjoy your 1 on 1 time together. BE IN THE MOMENT, stop thinking about that kiss. If it comes, it'll come naturally. If it's not meant to be, no amount of alcohol or pickup line will work. From what I've read, a lot of women need some alcohol in their system to loosen them up so they can get physical with a guy. All I know is that I've spent a lot of time with her when alcohol wasn't involved and I really haven't seen any signals from her. Granted I just may be really bad at reading them. Her mom is cooking a SPECIAL DINNER. Your crush invited you to dinner. And... you declined? I see where the monkey wrench in your plans is now... and it has nothing to do with HER but everything to do with YOU! Look, I know you're nervous, and you think a dinner with her parents will be awkward, but I say GO! Even if it bombs, you'll learn a valuable experience in getting more interaction with girls' parents. If you can impress her parents, she will be doubly impressed with you. Really? I should go? Yes the whole thing makes me very nervous. What concerns me the most is her introducing me as her friend then I have to say how I know her and all that. Something like, "Hi I'm dude and I'm infatuated with your daughter, but she doesn't want to date right now. So I'm just spending time with her as friends." It just feels dishonest since I don't want to be just her friend and I'm not dating her. Since she knows you like her and want to date her, as you posted, why oh why are you declining her dinner invite? Don't you see she's trying to see if you're boyfriend material? (maybe not, though, but a decent chance... friends don't just invite their friends who like them in that way to family dinners). Hmm, I just don't know. Can any women address that point?
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Honestly somedude, you know this girl better than us (or at least you should know her better than us) so only you can know whether or not she's inviting you to this dinner as more than just a friend. Granted I come from a different culture, one in which you only bring guys home for dinner when you're very serious about them, so I could never have imagined bringing a guy friend home for dinner. But, I also could not see inviting a guy to dinner in a serious manner if I hadn't even kissed him yet. It's a very weird setup to me. I don't know, maybe you should just go and at least get some free food out of this deal.
Author somedude81 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 My guess is that she is inviting me just as a friend. But inviting an opposite sex friend to dinner seems weird to me. Free food does sound good. Though I guess it depends on how the day goes. It's probably not a good idea to stay for dinner after she rejected a kiss
veggirl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 GO TO THE DINNER. Don't go for a kiss before that. Hang out with her and be fun, charming, etc. You can lightly flirt ex: touching her arm, complimenting her etc, but don't go for a kiss. Go to the dinner. Offer to help clean up, etc...so that you are still there when everyone else leaves! Be funny/nice around her family--if her family likes you, that is mega bonus points! Once everyone is gone, THEN you can go for the kiss. OR you can leave with a long hug that leaves her awake thinking I don't think she is inviting you as a friend. At all.
veggirl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 and OMFG do not listen to anyone who has told you to get her drunk and finger her at 3pm before her family dinner.
Author somedude81 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 LOL, fingering her then going to dinner. Hope nobody gets a wiff. Oh that's bad. No I don't plan on doing that at all. She lives with her parents so there will be no opportunity to go for a kiss at her place, unless when I'm leaving.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 GO TO THE DINNER. Don't go for a kiss before that. Hang out with her and be fun, charming, etc. You can lightly flirt ex: touching her arm, complimenting her etc, but don't go for a kiss. Go to the dinner. Offer to help clean up, etc...so that you are still there when everyone else leaves! Be funny/nice around her family--if her family likes you, that is mega bonus points! Once everyone is gone, THEN you can go for the kiss. OR you can leave with a long hug that leaves her awake thinking I don't think she is inviting you as a friend. At all. If you've read any of his posts about this girl you get the sense that she's not exactly the "normal" type. I think grabbing the bull by the horns is probably the best bet right now. Otherwise the situation will just fester. and OMFG do not listen to anyone who has told you to get her drunk and finger her at 3pm before her family dinner. The gist of Feelsgoodman's post was for him to be bold. There's no place for timidness in dating. Somedude's not going to "finger her at 3pm before her family dinner", but going for a kiss would be perfectly fine. What's the worse that could happen?
Feelsgoodman Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 and OMFG do not listen to anyone who has told you to get her drunk and finger her at 3pm before her family dinner. And why exactly would that be a problem? Just make sure you wash your hands before dinner..
Teknoe Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 STOP OBSESSING ABOUT THE KISS. It puts a major damper on your game. You can't think like that. Just focus on being in the moment, listen to her, and yes, offer to help clean up after dinner. Quit worrying yourself blue about how/when to kiss her. All you want to do tomorrow is: -Have dinner with her and her family -Paint yourself in a good light -Make her laugh -Make her feel more comfortable around you -Leave her associating positive thoughts about you You see how simple it is? No need to overthink this. NOW GO! Remember, keep things light and fun. Maybe, just maybe, you will be able to relax and show her what a great guy you are. If you relax, trust me, so will she. But if you're tense and awkward, she will follow suit. You are the man here, SO NOW GO AND BE THE MAN.
runner Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 take it easy, dude, don't build up all sorts of expectations in your head. keep it simple, light and fun. and definitely don't focus on the kiss so much; sounds like this girl might not be the type to be too receptive to aggressive manoeuvres- just from the way you've been describing her. when it's time to kiss, it'll happen. and if it doesn't, who cares, you have a friend. the fact that she still wants to see you and hang with you, and even invite you for dinner plans is good news, so don't take it as something weird. i think you should go along with it, have fun and be cool.
Teknoe Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 take it easy, dude, don't build up all sorts of expectations in your head. keep it simple, light and fun. and definitely don't focus on the kiss so much; sounds like this girl might not be the type to be too receptive to aggressive manoeuvres- just from the way you've been describing her. when it's time to kiss, it'll happen. and if it doesn't, who cares, you have a friend. the fact that she still wants to see you and hang with you, and even invite you for dinner plans is good news, so don't take it as something weird. i think you should go along with it, have fun and be cool. +1. I really hope you take our advice, somedude. No need to play Doc Brown from Back to the Future, you don't have to make a model of how and when to kiss her as the clock strikes midnight (you get the drift...) Trust me, when it comes to hanging out with crushes, nothing cripples you more than obsessing about the NEXT move, about how and when to kiss. You need to STAY IN THE MOMENT. Have fun, and report back tomorrow!
rafallus Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 GO TO THE DINNER. Don't go for a kiss before that. Hang out with her and be fun, charming, etc. You can lightly flirt ex: touching her arm, complimenting her etc, but don't go for a kiss. Go to the dinner. Offer to help clean up, etc...so that you are still there when everyone else leaves! Be funny/nice around her family--if her family likes you, that is mega bonus points! Once everyone is gone, THEN you can go for the kiss. OR you can leave with a long hug that leaves her awake thinking I don't think she is inviting you as a friend. At all. The longer he sticks with "not making a move" policy, the harder it will be to break out from it. As long as you two are alone before, it's game on.
Eeyore79 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 9) Remove her panties and give her oral 10) Optional: make it known that you want a blowjob (you don't actually have to verbalize this) This is where I'd draw the line. Sex is usually protected, but oral sex often isn't - also it's very intimate and requires an established relationship and a lot of trust. I'd be willing to have sex with a condom long before I'd be willing to give or receive oral. If a guy asked for a blow job, I'd cut him off at that point and he probably wouldn't get sex either.
Eeyore79 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I really want to find out if she feels anything at all for me. And I know that talking to her about it is the wrong way to go. I once had a close male friend who had a crush on me. I saw him as just a friend; in fact I was dating someone when we first became friends. After I split up with my bf, my friend broached the subject of him liking me, and I was utterly freaked out because throughout our friendship I'd never had any idea that he liked me. Suddenly the whole friendship felt like a fake, like he'd been pursuing me the whole time and just pretending to be my friend. It was too much of a jump from friendship to potential relationship, and I couldn't process it. Now, if my friend has slowly adjusted my expectations so I saw him as a romantic prospect - then maybe I might have dated him. But he just jumped from "platonic friend" to "let's have a relationship" way too fast with no preparation. A better approach would have been to initiate some physical contact, flirt a little, create a little sexual tension - then go for the kiss. In fact I later dated a friend who moved himself from friendship to relationship using that approach. He re-positioned himself in my mind from being a friend to being an attractive man who I was starting to have a little crush on, and by the time he kissed me I actually wanted him to do it.
buster2209 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Man, just ask her out for a date and then you'll know. No 'lets hang out' crap. A date. If she says no, and doesn't come up with a counter offer, then she only wants to be a friend. And yeah, if she says no it will suck but at least you will know. Take the bull by the horns. Women like that!
Nexus One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I'm not so sure that declining to have dinner with her and her parents was such a good idea, because she might be one of those girls that wants the approval of her parents before she gets into anything beyond friendship with a guy. If that's the case, then you might have missed an opportunity there. I'm not saying that that was her intention, but there is a chance that that is/was the case. I understand your reasoning, you don't know where you stand yet with her, but then again this might have been an opportunity to turn the table.
Author somedude81 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Hmm, so half the people are telling me to try and make a move and the other half are saying not to. I once had a close male friend who had a crush on me. I saw him as just a friend; in fact I was dating someone when we first became friends. After I split up with my bf, my friend broached the subject of him liking me, and I was utterly freaked out because throughout our friendship I'd never had any idea that he liked me. Suddenly the whole friendship felt like a fake, like he'd been pursuing me the whole time and just pretending to be my friend. It was too much of a jump from friendship to potential relationship, and I couldn't process it. Now, if my friend has slowly adjusted my expectations so I saw him as a romantic prospect - then maybe I might have dated him. But he just jumped from "platonic friend" to "let's have a relationship" way too fast with no preparation. A better approach would have been to initiate some physical contact, flirt a little, create a little sexual tension - then go for the kiss. In fact I later dated a friend who moved himself from friendship to relationship using that approach. He re-positioned himself in my mind from being a friend to being an attractive man who I was starting to have a little crush on, and by the time he kissed me I actually wanted him to do it. I don't know if you've been fallowing my threads, but this girl definitely knows that I like her. There is no suddenly surprising her. I'm trying to do the later that you described. I'm not so sure that declining to have dinner with her and her parents was such a good idea, because she might be one of those girls that wants the approval of her parents before she gets into anything beyond friendship with a guy. If that's the case, then you might have missed an opportunity there. I'm not saying that that was her intention, but there is a chance that that is/was the case. I understand your reasoning, you don't know where you stand yet with her, but then again this might have been an opportunity to turn the table. I can still say yes to the dinner. I am dropping her off at her house. I guess I'm just waiting to see how today goes before I commit to eating with her family.
Dorie Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 GO TO THE DINNER. Don't go for a kiss before that. Hang out with her and be fun, charming, etc. You can lightly flirt ex: touching her arm, complimenting her etc, but don't go for a kiss. Go to the dinner. Offer to help clean up, etc...so that you are still there when everyone else leaves! Be funny/nice around her family--if her family likes you, that is mega bonus points! Once everyone is gone, THEN you can go for the kiss. OR you can leave with a long hug that leaves her awake thinking I don't think she is inviting you as a friend. At all. Agreed! Going to the dinner, and you NOT acting buddy/buddy (veggirl describes this above very well) could help re-frame the relationship in her mind. Go eat!
Shaun-Dro Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 My guess is that she is inviting me just as a friend. But inviting an opposite sex friend to dinner seems weird to me. Free food does sound good. Though I guess it depends on how the day goes. It's probably not a good idea to stay for dinner after she rejected a kiss You're going to get friend-zoned. Or you're already there from what I've been reading so far from you. Here you are looking for the right moment to spring a kiss on her? Who the hell cares? This should've been done a long ass time ago. Please learn from this experience because you blew this one .
Author somedude81 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 You're going to get friend-zoned. Or you're already there from what I've been reading so far from you. Here you are looking for the right moment to spring a kiss on her? Who the hell cares? This should've been done a long ass time ago. Please learn from this experience because you blew this one . I'm pretty sure I've already been friendzoned; a long time ago. Though our "relationship" seems to be changing and she's willing to get closer to me. She's a lot more comfortable with me now and she's known I liked her for a long time. This girl is different from most girls so I've had to take a different approach with her. If she was any other girl I would have given up a long time ago. My goal for trying to kiss her is find out if she likes me at all. If she's had a couple of drinks and still turns down a kiss, I'm basically done.
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