How's this for a flake-proofing strategy; giving someone an item to give back to you?

[U1987]

So a lot of you said there's no way to flake-proof a girl; that there's nothing stopping her from no-showing on a date or blowing you off last minute.

 

But I was just cleaning through my drawers and found a knock-off Diesel watch I bought on the streets of New York a few years ago that I thought I'd lost. It still looks pretty good and works, but it only serves as a spare now since I have a newer, nicer watch.

 

I was wondering, how would this work for a flake-proofing strategy?

 

I start wearing the watch. The next time I randomly meet a girl, we hit it off and get her phone number, I say "Wait up. Before I go, hold out your hand, palm up." Then I take off my watch and strap it on her wrist and say, "There. I'm lending this to you until the next time we see each other. Now we have to meet up, or else it's theft" Of course, I would say the "or else it's theft" part jokingly.

 

What do you think?

[kalikula]

Lol, no.

 

I would not take the watch.

 

People are unpredictable AND ALSO: Allowed to change their mind, believe it or not. Deal with it.

[spiderowl]

It might stop them flaking but wouldn't you rather a girl turned up to see you of her own free will? If she's not turning up, she's not worth bothering with. It's a kind of natural filter to help you find the right girl for you.

[U1987]

It might stop them flaking but wouldn't you rather a girl turned up to see you of her own free will? If she's not turning up, she's not worth bothering with. It's a kind of natural filter to help you find the right girl for you.

 

I really hate getting my hopes up and my time wasted. I just thought this would be a good way to guarantee more face-to-face time. Lots of girls give their numbers to guys they may think are cute on the spot, but haven't decided if they like him yet.

[ascendotum]

Don't do this, imo. I've seen this strategy done before with small value things like books & CDs (but without the or else it's theft line), and the guy simply never had them returned or if he did it was in a communal setting where there was no chance of romance. I know the watch is not worth a lot to you, but the girl wouldn't know that, she would assume its worth a reasonable sum of money and would find this eagerness of you to give it to her weird and staged. She may not realise your reason behind it, but I feel she would find it weird that you just eagerly give her a valuable item without getting her okay beforehand, especially since she likely has a watch of her own or has a cell/smart phone with her 24/7 that gives her the time.

I do agree with SO's response as well.

[little_bear]

you probably would just never see that watch ever again.....

[mogul]

Honestly, imo it wreaks of desperation. Whatever chance you might of had with her, would instantly be gone. She can instantly say don't worry about it, and have you keep the watch.\

 

Even if you are joking, it may seem like a binding verbal contract with the "or else it's a theft" remark.

[Enchanted Girl]

I really hate getting my hopes up and my time wasted. I just thought this would be a good way to guarantee more face-to-face time. Lots of girls give their numbers to guys they may think are cute on the spot, but haven't decided if they like him yet.

 

You waste even more time with girls that don't really like you if you try to find ways to force them to come back against their will.

[SmileFace]

Haha, crazy enough I did the whole leave an earring beyond trick with three different guys and that somehow worked all three times. However I wouldn't place the earring in his hand and say "You are destined to see me again." Get the difference?

[Mme. Chaucer]

If you did this, you would be perceived as a wierdo, and a girl would be much less likely to respond to you than she might be if she found something likable about you.

 

Why are you constantly fixated on controlling the behavior of women? It's never going to work, and I imagine that you probably send off some pretty strong signals that scream "STAY FAR, FAR AWAY FROM ME!" or else the majority of your contacts with women would NOT result in "flaking."

 

You've made it perfectly clear that you are not offering anything at all to women except the brilliant opportunity to spend a few hours with you and to have a sexual encounter with you at your will.

 

That's not very enticing.

 

Try professionals.

[Eddie Edirol]

Anyone who wasnt that interested in you in the first place would see right through it, and be repelled by it. So its pretty much a guarantee that you'll get flaked on.

 

So instead of getting your hopes up when you meet these women, how about you just dont get your hopes up? Thats alot easier than thinking of ways to make people like you that will never like you. Why are you so obsessed with this anyway?

[utterer of lies]

How's this for a flake-proofing strategy; giving someone an item to give back to you?

 

Very, very bad. Might be cute coming from a girl, but creepy from you.

 

 

Also, accept that the world will not change just because you want it to. Select better women or ask out girls you know for longer than a few minutes of idle chatting.

[lino]

It will most likely not work. You'll probably be ignored & not see your watch again.

 

 

Very, very bad. Might be cute coming from a girl, but creepy from you.

 

 

Also, accept that the world will not change just because you want it to. Select better women or ask out girls you know for longer than a few minutes of idle chatting.

 

That's pretty much it.

[Arasae]

"There. I'm lending this to you until the next time we see each other. Now we have to meet up, or else it's theft" Of course, I would say the "or else it's theft" part jokingly.

 

What do you think?

 

If someone were to do this to me, one of three things would happen:

1) If I don't like this guy: I refuse to take the watch and you find out, very quickly, suddenly, abruptly, and in a way that I would not prefer that I don't want to see you again. I am also annoyed and will not have any second thoughts about not seeing you again. Bye bye.

 

2) If I'm on the fence about this guy: I laugh nervously and bite my tongue. I take the watch. I am annoyed and start to think, long and hard, if I want to see this person again. I take the watch home, think about it some more, and probably decide that I don't want to see him again--so I tell him so and negotiate a time to drop it off, probably while he's at work. If he refuses or for some reason can't receive it at work, I bring a friend with me and escape as quickly as possible.

 

3) If I like this guy: I laugh nervously and am a touch annoyed. I take the watch. I'm glad he likes me too, but.. still. Ugh. Not a fan. Depending on if I like him a little or like him a lot, this may bump my esteem for him down a few notches. I take the watch and wear it the next time I see him, but I was going to see him again anyway... so... guess the watch didn't matter. Hopefully he's more confident next time.

 

There--three situations, laid out for you. I vote you don't do that, as I feel it would do more harm than good. The end! =) I hope it helped.

[D-Lish]

I wouldn't even take the watch.

 

Secondly, if I kinda liked the guy and he pulled this BS, that would seal the deal of NOT wanting to see him again.

[veggirl]

Okay I did laugh, but no no no it's a bad idea. It's very awkward and it's too much pressure. I mean how many girls have bailed that you now think this would be a good idea? I think what you need to do is work on expecting they will bail (sh*tty, I know) and just confirm before you start getting ready or leave your place, etc. And if they do bail, then I see no problem in legit calling them out, not even in a jokey manner.

[welikeincrowds]

Your plan can only work against you, U1987.

 

One time I accidentally left a notebook at a girl's place. It was an important notebook in that it had client credit card numbers in it. I was annoyed at myself for leaving it, because I didn't like her enough and I didn't like being beholden. I would have been even more annoyed if she had left something at my place. But the worst thing would have been if she had done something like what you propose. I probably would have taken whatever she had to give me in advance, but in hindsight, the technique would lose any of its charm (and if she were charming enough to pull it off in the first place, she could have handed me a mop), and make the coerced meet-up to follow even less palatable -- if it were to happen at all.

 

You remind me of people who try to lose weight by doing anything but eating right and working out. "No" is a reality that comes with dating and you need to accept that. You can't be clever about this -- all you can do is be vigilant.

[dispatch3d]

Make sure it isn't an expensive watch.

 

Also figure out a way to identify repeat customers.

[sm1tten]

If a random stranger bumped into me and did this, even if he was the hottest thing walking and we were totally hitting it off, this would completely stop me in my tracks and make me go wtf.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I'll chime in and say that if a guy did this, even if he was the complete package otherwise (perfect looks, intelligence, and personality), I'd think it was really freakin' weird.

 

Please don't do it. It hurts to even read.

 

The first time I spent the night at my current SO's place (somewhere around our 5th date), I genuinely accidentally left a pair of earrings there (they were super cheap anyways so it's not like, if something ended up happening between us, I would have needed them back). He texted me jokingly "I found your earrings today...I'm holding them hostage so that you have to come see me again. ;)" That was cute.

 

But intentionally placing something in their "care"...just...weird.

[Mark1]

This is the worst idea ever.

[Dusk1983]

Aniother day, another terrifying thread that reveals how staggeringly clueless the average single guy is.

[Nexus One]

Who would want a relationship with a person that flakes? Obviously they're not interested enough. No need to pressure them into meeting up again, because even if you manage to get into a relationship with them, then it would likely be an unbalanced, if not one-sided relationship.

 

Would you, as a guy, really want to pressure someone that would flake on you into a relationship with you? Flaking is a message, it's a clear message. It means "I'm not into you enough to even care to show up".

 

When it comes to flaking, unless there was some sort of unfortunate event or miscommunication, then it's "case closed". People who flake CAN of course change their mind over time, but then the ball is in their court. They then would need to make the move and put in the effort to show that they are serious.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Aniother day, another terrifying thread that reveals how staggeringly clueless the average single guy is.

 

I agree that it's terrifying, but I don't agree that U1987 is your "average single guy."

[oaks]

I imagine it's the sort of thing that would (only) work in a Romantic Comedy. You're wasting your talents... get that script finished and sent off to Hollywood!