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My new view on this figment of our imagination that we call "love"

mywreckedworld54

By mywreckedworld54
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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mywreckedworld54 Member

mywreckedworld54

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Well things have change and always will. I used to think love was something that was great and grand and a real feeling that is genuine, but I have found that is sheer and utter bull*****. Love is only a figment of our imaginations. It is something fake we hold on to like the god in hope of a brighter day. I am not talking about love in context to family, in which is much different IMO because we have a blood connection with those relatives. In that instance we sort of have no choice. I am talking about the falsity that we can give another person our heart and soul and have any sort of what we believe to have a real emotion. Got bad news for you all, it is something we hold onto for hope and is totally fake and will ultimately crush you because you believed in it so deeply. That is my belief from here on out.

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mywreckedworld54 Member

mywreckedworld54

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Wierd how no one has anything to say about this one huh???

HeartOfAPhoenix Established Member

HeartOfAPhoenix

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Give it time, You'll believe in love again. It's natural to feel this way after a breakup and many others have come to their own conclusions about love as well. But I'm willing to bet that when they met the next 'right' person they started believing again.

 

I think nobody has responded because they either:

 

1.) thought you were just venting and didn't need an opinion.

 

2.) realize that this is a natural part of the healing process.

 

 

I had basically the same conclusion as you after my breakup, but as time goes on I am finding that belief in love again.

lonelynyc Established Member

lonelynyc

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I think love is a wonderful thing, and it certainly exists, it's just not all that common in contemporary society. We live in an age of self-aggrandizement and convenience. Hardships abound, but we are programmed from the beginning to find ways around them (despite the fact that they're inevitable) and always look out for ourselves. Think about what the most successful TV shows, pop stars, etc. preach--independence and individual success at all costs. Love is messy by it's very nature. It means sticking by someone through the worst types of illness, pain, suffering because you couldn't imagine any other possibility. And that person doing the same for you. If you ask the old timers, they'll tell you some of their fondest memories are of making it through all the hard times with the one they love by their side. Even the quirks and weaknesses of the one they love are things they came to appreciate over time. There isn't much of that old-fashioned mentality around here anymore. Beyonce's mantra of throwing her man "to the left" is the way people live their lives. It's all about discarding and upgrading these days. We have become spoiled and fickle. Making it work with someone is no longer deemed worth it when we have countless new potential partners at our fingertips through the social networking sites and Match.coms.

loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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Hey I totally see where your coming from. I was thinking the exact same thing after my break up. Unfortunately I guess my definition of love is much different than hers. When I love someone I make sure I say it when Im sure and know its durable enough to not take back or regret. She said she loves me too but in the end she dropped me like a hat. I think love is a universal religion and next time you should be careful who you say it too be not be discouraged by what has happened to you.

 

A flower for example is such a beautiful thing, it takes alot to make it that way but i can be stepped on and picked and killed so simply. the same as love. A living human is another example. It takes 9 months to create, so many intricate systems working to make it work then one day we die if not killed before hand. But people are still being born, and flowers are always blooming. Im not trying to be cheesy here but put things in perspective.

 

After my break up I came up with this quote which is my own (so no one steal it). I encompasses what I see love as.

 

"Love is the accumulation of respect,sacrifice,care and trust, laced with passion and the signatures those who have displayed it and passed it down to you.When given to someone it should be well deserved and durable.Those who give it away cheaply or fall out of it as such don't deserve it and will be blind to its sight if they see it again.Although Love is blind,its touch brings perspective to all who feel it."

M22 New Member

M22

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The irony is that you feel as strongly as you do because love does exist...if it didn't you wouldn't care one way or the other.

WTRanger Established Member

WTRanger

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Well things have change and always will. I used to think love was something that was great and grand and a real feeling that is genuine, but I have found that is sheer and utter bull*****. Love is only a figment of our imaginations. It is something fake we hold on to like the god in hope of a brighter day. I am not talking about love in context to family, in which is much different IMO because we have a blood connection with those relatives. In that instance we sort of have no choice. I am talking about the falsity that we can give another person our heart and soul and have any sort of what we believe to have a real emotion. Got bad news for you all, it is something we hold onto for hope and is totally fake and will ultimately crush you because you believed in it so deeply. That is my belief from here on out.

 

Good luck with your lonely life from here on out. But hey, at least you won't ever get hurt again.

 

If you believe your heart lies within the hands of a significant other, you need to rethink how you structure your relationships. Only one person is responsible for your heart. Care to guess who that is? I'll give you a hint, it's NOT your significant other, nor is it Superman.

 

Love is like life. That means that, yes, you will fail at it. This like isn't modern sissy-times in America where everyone gets a trophy just for breathing correctly. This is real life, and you WILL lose from time to time. If you just want to give up, pack up your sh*t and wallow in the corner, so be it. Or you can pick yourself up, learn how to fail and how to take failure, and get on with leading a successful life.

FlyMoon Member

FlyMoon

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As sad as it is, I kinda do feel the same way.

Maybe ppl just use the name "love" to justify being used and using someone else with less guilt. How cruel is that..

 

I was also wondering about the purpose of being in a relationship if all is but to be lost anyways upon BU? We did it bc we want it? Well, the love is then just a momentary deceptive feeling that does no more than justfying give and take in essence.

Oh you do get some fun initially maybe but the pain you get from BU is so much greater than that, there is no practical reason either.

 

After thinking about what R really is, I got really sad because I just lost all the happiness and hope that I once thought about the R and "love" bc they are indeed short-lived and meaningless.

Forever Learning Established Member

Forever Learning

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Love is like life. That means that, yes, you will fail at it. This isn't modern sissy-times in America where everyone gets a trophy just for breathing correctly. This is real life, and you WILL lose from time to time. If you just want to give up, pack up your sh*t and wallow in the corner, so be it. Or you can pick yourself up, learn how to fail and how to take failure, and get on with leading a successful life.

 

hilarious and awesome. I am really chuckling about getting a trophy for breathing correctly.

Audrina Established Member

Audrina

Posted
Posted
Well things have change and always will. I used to think love was something that was great and grand and a real feeling that is genuine, but I have found that is sheer and utter bull*****. Love is only a figment of our imaginations. It is something fake we hold on to like the god in hope of a brighter day. I am not talking about love in context to family, in which is much different IMO because we have a blood connection with those relatives. In that instance we sort of have no choice. I am talking about the falsity that we can give another person our heart and soul and have any sort of what we believe to have a real emotion. Got bad news for you all, it is something we hold onto for hope and is totally fake and will ultimately crush you because you believed in it so deeply. That is my belief from here on out.

 

You've obvsiously been heart broken and for that I'm sorry. Hopefully it doesn't turn you cold as love is something to believe in.

FinOuch Established Member

FinOuch

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I felt the same way once. And I wholeheartedly believed I could never have faith in love again.

But, after some time and healing...I did.

 

Too bad he turned out to be such a d*uche! Lol

Rinse and repeat.

 

 

But I've seen it work for other couples...and for my parents (against ALL odds).

It just takes time to heal and rebuild.

Your breakup is still fresh. Your feelings about love will change, and eventually you'll meet someone who won't knock them down again.

Exit Established Member

Exit

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My view on love has definitely changed. I'm not quite so cynical about it, but I'd say "more realistic". Love is the easy part of the relationship. Love is what most people call that tingly feeling you get from someone, most of the "honeymoon period" BS that makes people think "oh I'm so in love". I realize now what's more important to me is commitment, respect, communication, things that real people would already include in their definition of "love", but I'm realizing most people don't factor that in.

 

What most people consider love is mostly a chemical thing, and yes there are multiple people roaming around this planet who can make you feel like you're in love, attractive, interesting people, who set off some process in your brain. This is what happens when exes leave and find someone else right away. They think what they're chasing is "love", but it's not.

 

Love doesn't require any effort. You either love someone or you don't. Someone who loves you isn't really "trying" or "doing" anything for you. Someone who commits to you, someone who communicates to you, someone who loves you with all your imperfections included, that takes effort, that's a person who cares.

 

When I think about "love" these days, I think about the 2nd to last gf I had, who told me she loved me a few weeks into our relationship, a relationship which folded a few short months later. Luckily at this point in my life I was just starting to mature enough that when she told me that I said "I really like you, but I'm not ready to use that word yet". Just a few short months earlier, I would have been foolish enough to say "oh wow I love you too, this is so awesome!". I've learned what the early stages of a relationship feel like, I know it's exciting, I know it's awesome, but I know love doesn't begin or end with that.

 

Most people just have a very immature idea of love. I hope some day I can find someone who shares in my definition of love. My current ex claims she loves me, acts like she wants to come back, but claims she still has long term concerns about us (she actually says about HERSELF being able to stick with it), and those two things just don't add up with me. If you love me, you'd want to be with me, and face whatever life throws at us.

 

I'm really thinking I'm not even going to let myself get "serious" with someone while I'm still in my 20s, people are just too immature these days. Unfortunately there are 30 and 40 year olds still walking around with the mindset of teenagers as well. But I'm ready to stop wasting my time with the 20-somethings who just can't figure out what they want.

 

Love exists, but it is not the magical, hollywood movie experience that people think it is. Love is not only about the great days, but it's about the worst days, the disagreements, the rough patches, and still sticking with the person you care about.

 

I guess in a sense I don't even believe that "falling out of love" can even exist. Something was missing in the first place. All you ever had was an infatuation, or an immature interest in someone, if one day you wake up and feel that it's gone. Like OP said, think about the type of love you share with family, that doesn't go away, that's not a temporary thing, these people are your blood and the people you can count on, even in the case where you don't always get along with your family members.

HeartOfAPhoenix Established Member

HeartOfAPhoenix

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I'm really thinking I'm not even going to let myself get "serious" with someone while I'm still in my 20s, people are just too immature these days. Unfortunately there are 30 and 40 year olds still walking around with the mindset of teenagers as well. But I'm ready to stop wasting my time with the 20-somethings who just can't figure out what they want.

 

Love exists, but it is not the magical, hollywood movie experience that people think it is. Love is not only about the great days, but it's about the worst days, the disagreements, the rough patches, and still sticking with the person you care about.

 

I guess in a sense I don't even believe that "falling out of love" can even exist. Something was missing in the first place. All you ever had was an infatuation, or an immature interest in someone, if one day you wake up and feel that it's gone. Like OP said, think about the type of love you share with family, that doesn't go away, that's not a temporary thing, these people are your blood and the people you can count on, even in the case where you don't always get along with your family members.

 

 

I agree completely, I am turning 21 in 2 months. I even thought like you did (not dating in your 20's) for a while, and sometimes I still even consider that approach. You are right about the 30 and 40 yr olds as well lol. people call me very mature for my age and now I'm wondering if you get the same comments, you being in your 20's and you seem to have the same outlook on this "love" scene.

stray Established Member

stray

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I have to agree with Exit as well. Love is not obsession, infatuation, great sex, perfect bodies, a cute laugh, or a desire to prove to yourself you can "get" someone other people want. Love is the desire to be with someone, be in their company, want to listen to what they have to say, respect, support, and stand by them, advise them, show them the way, let them show you the way, through the great times and the tough times. Many people get out of the honeymoon period and then they get to know the real person they're with. When the infatuation has worn off, the sex has become sort of predictable, mood swing due to life's circumstances weave in and out, and people are forced to determine whether they love that person. Unfortunately, many people do love that person, but are still stuck on the "dream of perfect love" - some human being that simply by fault of being human cannot possibly exist. A lot of people on this board will find love though, because they know what's important in a partner. It's just a matter of finding that other person who knows what's important too.

FinOuch Established Member

FinOuch

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I think Exit and Stray have really hit what defines real love spot on. That was great stuff guys. I couldn't have defined how I felt any better.

 

When the infatuation has worn off, the sex has become sort of predictable, mood swing due to life's circumstances weave in and out, and people are forced to determine whether they love that person. Unfortunately, many people do love that person, but are still stuck on the "dream of perfect love"

 

I wholeheartedly believe this is the situation with my most recent ex, and so I can't help but throw out one more opinion that I have about this particular subject.

 

I think there's the quick and powerful version of "love" that we've been talking about - which is just really nothing more than infatuation (which based completely on surface level factors and an internal desire to be wanted by another person), and then there's the real deep love that lasting relationships and marriages are built off of.

The catch twenty-two is that you can't experience that deep level of love with another person without first making a decision to commit, respect, and openly communicate with them.

 

So I guess my point is the worthwhile type of love is a decision. It's an effort...not some magical occurence.

This is why the age old adage that "relationships are work" exists. Because it's true.

Nohbody Established Member

Nohbody

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Man Exit, great reply post!

londonbloke Member

londonbloke

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Love is a word, feelings are real :)

Edited by londonbloke
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