Kilty Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I've seen a few posts on here regarding rebound relationships of their ex partners and most are sitting in hope that their ex's will come back. There are also many sites offering advice on this and the best way to approach it etc My opinion is that they are a lot of rubbish and only feed the denial of the partner that hasnt moved on. Whether there is such a thing as the classic rebound or not is a moot point. I have seen a lot of the explanations of the state of mind of the people that jump into another relationship so quickly and whether this is plausible or fact is again meaningless. I feel i am able to put across this point of view as my ex falls into the classic rebound category. However the bottom line is that once the break up happens and one of the partners goes with someone else there is no going back. As much as we would like to fantasise that an ex has rebounded onto someone else to hide their hurt over the breakup and eventually those feelings will somehow emerge at a later point in time and they will come running back - is what it is - pure fantasy. Even if that was to happen, and im sure it does in a tiny proportion of cases - the reality is that things could never, ever be the same if they were to come back - and those that are comforting themselves with the thought of their ex rebounding and coming back are kidding themselves on. What should be promoted is that once your ex goes with someone else then your relationship with them is completely OVER - it is the final nail in the coffin of what you both had. Thoughts ?
wilsonx Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 The hope that someone's ex is in a rebound and might come back has to do with your mind not taking a huge blow all at once. Its a protective measure of your own brain and psyche. It helps keep yourself from going from everything is ok, to oh **** im at rock bottom now, let me go jump of a bridge. As humans we like to hope about positives from negative situations in order to let ourselves down much easier. There are instances where ex's do come back months later to even years later and people post here about them all the time. I had my ex back in 2 weeks after she broke up with me. It was one of the worst mistakes I have made in my life and I got a nice wound from it. I know I will never make this mistake again. If its over its over, doesn't matter who ended it. The pain from 2 breakups in a row without any time to heal reflect and grow was way too much for me. The posts that people post on here about rebounds do happen. It is possible to be your ex's rebound rebound. Do you really want to? No. And people need to learn for themself. I did not know any better when I got my ex back after 2 weeks. My friends who hated my ex but were supportive of me encouraged me to go after what I wanted. In the end its a learning experience
0hpenelope Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I've seen a few posts on here regarding rebound relationships of their ex partners and most are sitting in hope that their ex's will come back. There are also many sites offering advice on this and the best way to approach it etc My opinion is that they are a lot of rubbish and only feed the denial of the partner that hasnt moved on. Whether there is such a thing as the classic rebound or not is a moot point. I have seen a lot of the explanations of the state of mind of the people that jump into another relationship so quickly and whether this is plausible or fact is again meaningless. I feel i am able to put across this point of view as my ex falls into the classic rebound category. However the bottom line is that once the break up happens and one of the partners goes with someone else there is no going back. As much as we would like to fantasise that an ex has rebounded onto someone else to hide their hurt over the breakup and eventually those feelings will somehow emerge at a later point in time and they will come running back - is what it is - pure fantasy. Even if that was to happen, and im sure it does in a tiny proportion of cases - the reality is that things could never, ever be the same if they were to come back - and those that are comforting themselves with the thought of their ex rebounding and coming back are kidding themselves on. What should be promoted is that once your ex goes with someone else then your relationship with them is completely OVER - it is the final nail in the coffin of what you both had. Thoughts ? All I can say is this: I know better now than to attach "always" and "never" to all of my personal relationships.
Nohbody Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I was holding onto the rebound thing... but I think I'm beginning to become resigned to the idea that it's really and truly over for good. Do we really want them back, or do we want what we had (or thought we had)? People are not unique butterflies, and patterns of behavior emerge... but banking on a 'rebound' seems about as wise as expecting them to suddenly 'come to their senses'. Kill that many headed hydra. Kill it with fire.
radiodarcy Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 i'm inclined to agree with this as well. it's tempting to see an ex's current relationship as a rebound but it does nothing for the dumpee's healing; other than continue to allow us to hold out false hope. whether an ex has moved on to someone else or not is a moot point - - the point is that they have moved on from us. that's all that really matters. consider this: i had a co-worker who's marriage came about after the man who is now her husband left the woman who was his wife at the time for her. my co-worker and this man married soon after. their marriage lasted for over 20 years. long after his ex-wife passed away. granted this is one situation; however, the point is -- it's never a good idea to put too much stake in a rebound being a temporary situation.
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 You are right with this but at the same time there are some rebounds that you know will never work. like my 23 year old ex leaving me for a 38 year old guy. If that works and she marries him and moves into his trailer with him and his 14-15 year old daughter, I will be shocked. I will actually laugh my way to the grave and shake my head. Now the only thing I can classify this as is GIGS as shes young and immature and he is just as immature so they are a good match together
radiodarcy Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 oh yeah - - other factors can definitely influence the success of a rebound relationship. i'd just rather assume that the next relationship they move onto will be successful. because it makes it easier for me to move on. sounds like you dodged a real bullet with the ex moving on to that other guy. GIGS or not that doesn't show the best decision-making skills. she probably will wind up regretting it...
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