BrittanyB23 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) Relationships in itself are tough to get over when they end, regardless of reason. Add the fact that he possessed a lot of qualities that you desire in a potential mate? Even harder. The fact that maybe if you would have handled things a little bit differently things could still be working? Even more harder. The fact that you’re watching him move on right in front of your eyes? Extremely HARD. Although I agree that it’s been MONTHS since we’ve broken up and it’s definitely time for me to move on and let it go, it doesn’t make it all that easy seeing him so happy with someone new. It’s like she just came outta nowhere and took my place, he let her, closed the door and hasn’t looked back. It’s hard to get over when we never stopped talking even after we broke up and he started to entertain someone new. Still hitting me up for pictures, flirting, etc made it even more tough for me especially when I just wanted to work things out. Now he has moved on and I need to as well, but it’s just hard. I have to keep telling myself that it’s a process and also experience, but I know this is gonna take A LOT of time. She seems like everything he wants in a relationship, everything I wasn't and I can't help feeling like if I had just done things differently we could still be. Granted, we both were at fault, but geez I feel terrible. He could care less how I feel now that he's happy with someone new. And everytime we do talk, it seems to be on his time. He had a lot of good qualities that I desire in a mate and it doesn't help that I feel extremely lonely now. It was easier getting over my first boyfriend because he cheated on me, but I'm the one who messed this relationship up by trying TOO hard to make things work when there were problems instead of letting them work itself out. I know he's gonna make a great boyfriend and husband one day and it just hurts that it's no longer with me. I feel like crap. Any suggestions on how to just let this go already? I feel like I'm being stabbed in the heart repeatedly . Edited July 11, 2011 by BrittanyB23
shortee143 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Aw I feel for ya- I too am a few months post break up, and not moved on, however he clearly is. We are is rather constant contact...no calls or texting, but we have a ton of mutual friends, so I see him often. I have to watch him move on, and be happy with someone new, you are right, it is HARD! I hate knowing she gets to be with him and have what I once had. Watching the ex move on is brutal- esp when we arent there yet. I am angry and hurt with my ex, but I still would take him back. I dont even know why I got dumped, never was given a reason. Dont blame yourself though on the coulda/shoulda/woulda thing, and that if only you did things different than all would be ok. You'll drive yourself crazy! I think of all the possible external factors that coulda broke us up (his move, new friends, etc). Moving on is for sure a process, and there is no time limit, but it is an awful process too. I have moved past my heartbreak (prior to this one), and never thought that woulda happened! Letting go- although does take some conscious effort, also happens naturally too. Dont fret, you are not alone in this moving on struggle. Just remind yourself that you WILL be ok...(that is always my reminder to myself if I get panicky about this all)
Author BrittanyB23 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 It's sooooo hard watching somebody move on and be happy with someone new especially when you're the one who messed up the relationship.
dreamscape123 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I think seeing your ex with someone else when you still love them, and are not over them has to be one of the worst feelings you could ever experience. I know it was for me... Like you said earlier, seeing them with someone new, and the new person experiencing the things you did and loved with your ex... when you just want it to still be you.... Hurts like hell....
Author BrittanyB23 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I'm really hurting here, can anyone else help me out? I can't stop crying and it really bothers me that he could care less how much I got hurt in this process. The entire time he was talking to someone new after we broke up, he would still text me for explicit pictures, flirting and trying to be "friends" and everytime I said no he would reply with, "I shouldn't have hit you up", I can't let this go! I can't compete with the new chick.
dreamscape123 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I'm really hurting here, can anyone else help me out? I can't stop crying and it really bothers me that he could care less how much I got hurt in this process. The entire time he was talking to someone new after we broke up, he would still text me for explicit pictures, flirting and trying to be "friends" and everytime I said no he would reply with, "I shouldn't have hit you up", I can't let this go! I can't compete with the new chick. If he stated that he should have hit you, then you should be thankful you are now away from him... I know you probably cant see that right now, but that is seriously abusive of him to say that... You need to go NC and not be his door mat.. It hurts like hell , trust me , most people on here know exactly how you are feeling, but in order to heal, you need to spend time just being you, and working on you, and not thinking about him... That is so hard at first, but take each day one at a time.... Also dont compete with his new woman.... You are better than that, and should not have to compete for him... and why would you want to? He made his choice... and it is ultimatly his loss... He does not deserve you....
Author BrittanyB23 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Thanks dreamscape123, I keep trying to tell myself that but it's just so hard. We had such a great relationship and then it all went downhill. When there were problems he withdrew from me so much and I would try, try, try to talk and hang out but never could get that. I feel like I pushed him away by trying too hard and now he's living happily ever after not caring how I feel and it hurts seeing them so happy together when I'm still so hurt. Especially when just last week he was asking ME for pictures, yet he's been talking to her since January. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
shortee143 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Exactly- I still very much love my ex (ugh i shouldnt after how hes has acted) and seeing him move on now with someone else is the most emotionally painful thing I have ever felt. Someone's gotta move on first, and it is usually the dumper that does.... I compare myself to his new girl...why? why her and not me? what is she better? etc - but we cant do that! It isnt fair to ourselves. Our exes made their choice, and I know what you mean about how awful it feels when they could care less. It is like were is there heart? I always told me ex reverse the role...but he still doesnt give a hoot. My ex never gave me a reason as to why we broke up, did it via phone..and anytime I even tried to ask what was wrong he ignores me, or he flips out and says I am causing drama. All from a 27 yr old 'man'. You are def not alone with this, take comfort in that, as best you can. Dont blame yourself, it is life, and we all have regrets and want to change the past sometimes. Just keep trudging thru- I am right there with ya!
dreamscape123 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 See, you are not alone... and trust me, its not just guys who mess you girls around... I am a guy, and everything was great in my relationship, then after 19 months, my ex G/F dumps me, and meets a new guy within a week... It was a complete shock... She was such a good person, really thoughtful , loving etc etc... it was completely out of character for her.... shortee143 is right too, we should not compare ourselves to their new partners... its hard not to, but it is un healthy... Its a new chapter in our lives... and remember... ITS THEIR LOSS !!!!!
Author BrittanyB23 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Exactly- I still very much love my ex (ugh i shouldnt after how hes has acted) and seeing him move on now with someone else is the most emotionally painful thing I have ever felt. Someone's gotta move on first, and it is usually the dumper that does.... I compare myself to his new girl...why? why her and not me? what is she better? etc - but we cant do that! It isnt fair to ourselves. Our exes made their choice, and I know what you mean about how awful it feels when they could care less. It is like were is there heart? I always told me ex reverse the role...but he still doesnt give a hoot. My ex never gave me a reason as to why we broke up, did it via phone..and anytime I even tried to ask what was wrong he ignores me, or he flips out and says I am causing drama. All from a 27 yr old 'man'. You are def not alone with this, take comfort in that, as best you can. Dont blame yourself, it is life, and we all have regrets and want to change the past sometimes. Just keep trudging thru- I am right there with ya! OMG Shortee, everytime I try to explain my feelings to my ex, I get the I'm causing drama speech as well as if I plan to do this. It's so hard to see someone move on when you still have feelings and they could care less about you. As bad as it sounds, I'm almost HOPING they don't work out....
dreamscape123 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 It's so hard to see someone move on when you still have feelings and they could care less about you. As bad as it sounds, I'm almost HOPING they don't work out.... I think we all think that about our ex`s when this sort of thing happens...
Author BrittanyB23 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 See, you are not alone... and trust me, its not just guys who mess you girls around... I am a guy, and everything was great in my relationship, then after 19 months, my ex G/F dumps me, and meets a new guy within a week... It was a complete shock... She was such a good person, really thoughtful , loving etc etc... it was completely out of character for her.... shortee143 is right too, we should not compare ourselves to their new partners... its hard not to, but it is un healthy... Its a new chapter in our lives... and remember... ITS THEIR LOSS !!!!! Sigh, you're right. I'm just having a hard time TRULY comprehending and coming to terms with that. Everytime I try to get over him, he texts me out the blue being extremely friendly as if he cares about how I'm doing and I almost feel as if I have to respond if 1. I want him back and 2. To be mature, but it always messes things up more, because he then starts asking for pictures or flirting and my signals get crossed, because he doesn't want that with me
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