CaliBabe Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 It happened... A month ago, my boyfriend of 7 years ended our relationship. Both mid 20's. He says he was unhappy and wanted to do something new with his life. He has been under an immense amount of pressure at school and also with work and I'm sure I didn't help with asking to spend more time together and would not be too happy when we didn't, we would occasionally argue over it. He movied two hours away to go to school so we didn't see eachother much, only on the weekends which is fine since I work long hours during the week. It is just so weird being dumped. I have never been dumped before in my life. He told me I was his dreamgirl and I was absolute perfection to him (in the beginning). He had worked so hard in the beginning trying to win me over. After much time and work, I gave him a chance and fell for him. (Also, I am his first girlfriend ever.) I love every single thing about him. The nerdy unpopular boy became the love of my life. We had so many good times, and wonderful memories together. I just can't understand how he fell out of love with me. I think it may be that I am not as attractive as I use to be 7 years ago, or he got sick of me, he found another woman at school that peaked his interest, or maybe the distance? Towards the end of the relationship I could feel him pulling away from me which only made me want to hold on and gave off the impression of being needy. (Not smart on my end). As far as I know he is not dating anyone and is spending time with his friends going out. Again, I have been NC for a month and plan on sticking with it. I don't know what to make of it. Another girl? Stress from school and work? Or maybe the relationship just ran it's course and he just fell out of love? What can I expect to happen? My last two relationships that ended have resulted in the ex coming back but I'm not sure on this one. He told me he has already moved on and that I should do the same. (Gosh that hurt). I've noticed there has been a pattern with people breaking up around this time. Maybe wanting to have a fun summer testing the waters? I'm not entirely sure but any outside insight would be much appreciated. Thank you.
kittycat95 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Heyyy hun! I'm in a very similar situation as you! My boyfriend of 5 years dumped me about a month ago. We would fight occassionally but I really believed he was too emotionally connected to me to end it for good. But we didn't "make up" as per usual which caused a lot of panic on my end and desperation, then just meanness when he wouldn't reply to me. He actually told me the last time I was "mean" that he didn't want to be with me because I was mean. We were long distance (6 hours apart) for the past year and a half as well. I think when you're in a long term relationship + normal stress + distance it's easy to emotionally distance yourself and then not feel too bad about telling someone goodbye. Maybe in his head he feels like you will be around and "wait" and he"s going thru some emotional confusion of his own. Probably the best thing as many on this board will advise you to do is to limit your contact with him as much as possible and if I can throw in any advice, it would be to not be "mean" to him. It will be natural to feel anger but it will do nothing for the situation. You don't know how things will go so just try to be calm, be patient, and worry less about what's going on in his head and more about your own well being right now. Keep us posted on this forum it's a great resource! And tell me about it! This summer is like Heartbreak in the Heat 2011. Lol.
Author CaliBabe Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Thanks for replying. I am new here and have been poking around reading and trying to educate myself as much as possible. I am 100% completely NC right now. There is no communication on either end. I think you are right when you say the distance and stress can make it easy for them to disconnect emotionally but does this last forever? Will they forget us entirely? After so long don't you long for that love?
sleepykitten Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Hey there cali-yep, my b/f did the same, at the beginning he was amazing, said i was his one, now he found me he was never going to let me go etc etc, like this for the first yr, romance, like a movie, cards every month, texts daily, the works, tailed off, thought thats ok, then he stopped making any effort, but said he loved me just as much etc didnt want to leave, went out with his friends more, never took me out, i used to arrange everything, then-"youre not the one for me" couldnt tell me why, what happened, he said he hadnt met anyone else just it wasnt working-i had issues with how much he had changed, he knew he had, apologised said he didnt know why. Said he didnt want me anymore-well not right now were his words. Been nc for a week, broke up 6-7 weeks ago. Its tough but deep down i know i can do better, but sucks the way he did it and how he handled it after. stay strong, this forums great.
kittycat95 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 it's hard to say hun but the last thing you want to do is force him to make a decision or put too much pressure on him
Author CaliBabe Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Sleepy- Did he try to contact you again after the breakup?
sleepykitten Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 He e mailed after i text him saying i didnt want any contact, he asked about a concert we were supposed to be going to together, and said he loved and missed me, then we did go to the concert as i broke nc and still took him with me-the tickets were his bday present but i made him pay for his. We spent the night together and he left saying-he loved me and would see me soon, also said how hard it was for him, opening a wound that had just started to heal etc etc...he text me that afternoon saying thank you for a lovely evening have a great weekend, and that was 9 days ago.
Eeyore79 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 He probably met someone else; that's usually the reason why these things happen. Sorry
Kuite09 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Heyyy hun! I'm in a very similar situation as you! My boyfriend of 5 years dumped me about a month ago. We would fight occassionally but I really believed he was too emotionally connected to me to end it for good. But we didn't "make up" as per usual which caused a lot of panic on my end and desperation, then just meanness when he wouldn't reply to me. He actually told me the last time I was "mean" that he didn't want to be with me because I was mean. We were long distance (6 hours apart) for the past year and a half as well. I think when you're in a long term relationship + normal stress + distance it's easy to emotionally distance yourself and then not feel too bad about telling someone goodbye. Maybe in his head he feels like you will be around and "wait" and he"s going thru some emotional confusion of his own. Probably the best thing as many on this board will advise you to do is to limit your contact with him as much as possible and if I can throw in any advice, it would be to not be "mean" to him. It will be natural to feel anger but it will do nothing for the situation. You don't know how things will go so just try to be calm, be patient, and worry less about what's going on in his head and more about your own well being right now. Keep us posted on this forum it's a great resource! And tell me about it! This summer is like Heartbreak in the Heat 2011. Lol. Hey Girl, I know exactly how you feel it was 7yrs for me too. I did do full NC for 3 weeks but ended up having limited contact by me the past 2 weeks but it went okay. Atleast I am not being pushy like I first was when we broke up and stuff. I know its hard but sometimes we need to just let them breathe.
Author CaliBabe Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Kuite09- Thanks for responding, it is so relieving to know I am not the only one going thru this, it gives me a sense of not being alone.
Kuite09 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Kuite09- Thanks for responding, it is so relieving to know I am not the only one going thru this, it gives me a sense of not being alone. You arnt alone girl and just stay positive and focus on you.
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