heartcan Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I met this guy on a dating website in May 2011. He is 53 and I am in my late 30s. He has brain tumor and currently has monthly chemo treatment, which will make him drowsy and tired for 1-2 weeks each month. That means we can not see each other during these days. We had been seeing each other for 6 times. But he’d never given me his cell or residence no. ( I sometimes drove to his home to pick him up or drop him off. ) All of our communications were done either by email or face-to-face. We had emails every day. I like him more and more. On the 6th date, we were trying to have sex but failed because of the tiny car. Then we were talking about going to his cottage after he recovers from chemo reaction of this month. On July 5, he told me in email that he started to fill drowsy because of chemo but would be better in a couple of days. I cheered him up saying no hurries and I would like to wait for his recovery like last month. But on July 6, he threw me an email saying he would have to take a break to “sort things off” and call our releationship off. I asked him in email weather it’s due to his health or someone else. But he just replied that he was “confused with some bad timing” and “felt sorry for the pain I brought you” and “you are very special” etc. Till now I still can not accept it logically. Is it men always change their mind or affection all of sudden? Or he had never liked me? Or because of the unsuccessful sex?
oldguy Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I would probably go with it being his health. He may even be feeling like he doesn't have as much to offer as he believes you deserve, I don't know, it's impossible to know unless he wants to tell you but I am sorry for your pain & confusion.
Author heartcan Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 thank you for your guessing. It made me a bit comfortable. But why could not he just directly tell me so or ask me if I could wait for him? He said he did not expect me to wait for him to sort things out. It is killing me for the past few days for no longer receiving his emails.
Author heartcan Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I forgot to mention that on Jun. 24th, 2011, at end of our 5th date, he suddenly told me that there was a girl in Quebec. There were together before and in April 2011 he had invited her to come to Toronto. The girl booked the flight of July 12th. But he decided to ask her to cancel the trip and would like to compensate her financially loss if any. He said he told me this because he did not want to lie. On June 27, he emailed me saying he was upset because he broke her heart. And he broke up with me on July 6th by the excuse of “a couple of weeks to sort things out”. And today is July 12th. Is it possible our break-up is because of the Quebec girl?
thehead Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I forgot to mention that on Jun. 24th, 2011, at end of our 5th date, he suddenly told me that there was a girl in Quebec. There were together before and in April 2011 he had invited her to come to Toronto. The girl booked the flight of July 12th. But he decided to ask her to cancel the trip and would like to compensate her financially loss if any. He said he told me this because he did not want to lie. On June 27, he emailed me saying he was upset because he broke her heart. And he broke up with me on July 6th by the excuse of “a couple of weeks to sort things out”. And today is July 12th. Is it possible our break-up is because of the Quebec girl? It's very possible. Heartcan, this is more complicated than it may be worth. You sound like a nice woman. Regardless if the guy has cancer, he's not treating you very well. Move on. Let him sort out his drama.
Author heartcan Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Jizzara, thehead, thank you for your kind advice. Why he lied to me by saying he did not want to lie? I told him in reply to his break-up email that I just realized "truth always lies beneath the superficiality, including true colors of a person". He replied that he was not a bad guy and just needed some time to sort things out. Wouldn't it be easier for him to directly tell me that there's someone else or he could not see any future for us?
Author heartcan Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 It is so hard to move on. I've been thinking about the time we spent together all these days. What shall I do?
thatone Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) what if they told him the chemo isn't working and he's got 3 months to live? that's a real possibility. it's just as likely that he doesn't think it's fair to ask someone he's only dating to sit around and watch him die. what would your response be if that were the case? you have to consider all possible situations and how you would react to each one, before making such decisions. Edited July 14, 2011 by thatone
April72 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I'm sorry but the first thing that popped in my head reading your post was .... he's married. Why not give a phone number or address. I hope I'm wrong but that was my first reaction. Have you asked him for his reason? I know personally if I had cancer I wouldn't want to start a relationship at that point. Hang in there.
Author heartcan Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 I do know his home address. because I needed to pick up him from his home and dropped him off every time. (He is not allowed to drive during chemo stage until his driving license is changed). But I was never invited into his home. Just stop the car in front of his house. The first response I had to the breakup letter was, too, something happened about his health. And I asked him. But he did not explain directly. Just say "I was confused with some bad timing". What is "bad timing"? Yes, it's the time for him to have terrible reaction of the side effect of the monthly treatment when he wrote the breakup letter. On the other hand, the 2 weeks he said he needed to sort things out, could be the time the Quebec girl's visit (she had planned to come to Toronto on 12th July before his claimed cancellation). I am still very, very confused. That's why I am desperate to get options from 3rd party.
Author heartcan Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 Still trying to flip the page and move on as suggested by friends around. But it is too, too hard!! How long is it gonna take?!
thehead Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Hang in there Heartcan. It's tough but it's the right thing to do to protect your heart long term.
Recommended Posts