velociheart Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Hello all, Just like everyone here I'm in pain, confused and wishing that I could be numb and have moved on already. I've talked to friends and they're great of course but this forum is the best for this type of situation so I'll explain myself and see what some of the sages of the forum have to say. Had a very long relationship close to a decade long and it ended early this year during a stupid argument in which I asked if we should split. He took that ball and ran and he was livid during all the arguments in which I tried to reconcile and he stated I couldn't change, it's over, I've been emotionally prepared for a while. During the time I had to stay and find a new place to move to he apparently found someone new and was going to move 'within weeks'. I finally got to leave, only had some of my stuff and went to a different state for a month. During that time I had to call to let him know when I was able to get my stuff he was polite and always picked up the phone. During this time he had deleted me from social media etc...and then friends told me of posting pics of his new girl who lived in a different state and whom he'd never actually met and then a month later they were 'engaged'. Lost all contact with the mutual friends we had as they live near him, and don't want in the middle. His reasoning for our break up was too many arguments despite our friends indicating he's always been this way and his relationships including two marriages in the past have failed due to the women cheating. I move back to the same state to collect the rest of my stuff and my animals and he's polite every time I see him, chatting me up and showing me what he's been doing etc. During all this time he's made no effort to contact me and I haven't called him except to collect things and once to ask if he's interested in meeting my daughter that he was excited about when we were together. He said what's the point and said no but then told me to say hi to her? Last time I saw him was after the 'visit' from his intended which lasted 1 week from and not the original 2 weeks that was slated..she left early apparently but I'd heard nothing else of it. He's still living here btw and hasn't moved to be with her and it's 5 months later. During the last visit to pick up stuff he was nice, we sat for hours and chatted about nothing essential but he made no moves for me to leave and seemed happy to see me. He got upset when I asked about doing stuff online/gaming with him and brought up the times I hadn't in the past with him. Whenever I've called he's picked up, he's refused to say good bye and actually told me he wouldn't and hung up on me and my work is still up on his website in spite of ridding himself of me otherwise in his life. I know I wasn't the easiest person to live with and neither was he but, I truly loved this man and we had so much in common and enjoyed our life for the most part. We did encounter financial issues during the past few years and he was becoming far more argumentative but it was always 'my fault' according to him. Since I've been gone I've taken 2 anger management courses, reading communication books, and helping others with conflict resolution and it's been a great way to change the habits I once had. Sadly, it doesn't seem that he will ever see it though I wish he could. I'm still having trouble letting go, his birthday is coming up and no, I will not call or arrange anything like I did for all those years and I was the only one who ever did in his life. However, I'm considering sending a birthday card. I'm truly confused and wondering if he's sending mixed signals or if I'm just imagining things? My heart is very much on the shelf and greatly damaged and we are both in our 40's him in his latter part which makes me consider mid life crisis as well. Sorry for the scattered thoughts and lengthy entry but I've seen some great people on this forum and figured some of you would be apt at figuring this out. Many thanks.
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