Muzzy2003 Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. all my friends and family love him. hes a great guy and i love him alot. what bothers me is that i feel insecure about this whole relationship because for one: he hasn't told me he loves me and i told him i love him. this is an issue because i feel like the one i love doesn't love me back. he may care for me, but hes not at that "level" two: he doesn't show his feelings or expresses anything to me. we talk alot and we communicate very well, but he never tells me or shows me much to prove that he really is into this relationship, which leads to... three: he doesn't seem like hes into the relationship as much as i. I understand that he wants to have fun and hes living in the now. I think I am too. but this is where we have conflict. He thinks that i don't take this relationship seriously. But i find that hard to believe because everytime i look at him, i smile with so much happiness knowing that hes here with me. I cannot be more affectionate than what i already am to him. I think i show exactly how i feel everytime i touch him or hold him. he obviously doesn't see that. And now, i feel fine. I feel like our relationship is ok and there are no issues, but i know next month i will get this same feeling. the bigger issue is that i have felt this way since the first month (i didn't think he was taking it seriously) and every month after that, i have brought this issue up. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!! HOW DO I GET OVER THESE STUPID PROBLEMS!?!??!?!
DiorAddict Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 If a cycle's repetitive, and it's not a good cycle, take note and confront the man! If it keeps happening, Ciao!
bonified Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 So, basically, you want confirmation (in the form "I love you") that his feelings are as deep as yours, eh? Hmmmm...and you have told him how you feel and what you need. Maybe you should ask him to talk to you generically about what the term "love" means to him. It's possible that he is simply unwilling to throw around such a heavy word. If this is the case then that might be a good thing. When he does say it...you can be certain he means it. On the other hand, I notice that you said something about him wanting to live in the "now". This is a very spiritual concept and benefical if employed properly. However, he also might be using this concept to avoid confonting the REALITY of now. Guys esspecially love to do this. If he has comittment issues this "now" philosophy may be a convient way to justify not working on himself. I am currently engaged to a guy that I have been dating for six years. One of the things I have noticed about men is that they function on a completely different plane of existance when compared to women. They do not think about things to the extent that we do. They do not put effort into anticipating a person's emotional needs. For instance, if you had a girlfriend that would buy you cards to show that she cared every once and a while...I imagine that you would kind of, get the clue, and buy her a reciprocal card. Guys don't get things like that. If you expect stuff like that from guys you will be sorely disappointed. Take care...and remember to breathe
deesgirl Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 Try backing off with the affection and I love you's a little. Some men like to do the chasing. Right now he's getting all of the attention without any effort. If you take it away he may have to work a little for it.
Author Muzzy2003 Posted April 27, 2004 Author Posted April 27, 2004 i agree with all of these opinions...i think all of you guys are right...right now, i am slowly trying to deal with not being wth him so much. we spent the weekend together and that kinda helped him getting on my nerves (in a good way) so its easy for me right now to not be with him. hopefully this can last, but i don't want me backing off turn into a distant relationship. we have a very healthy relationship (besides this issue) and i don't want to lose it. i figured i should go out more and stop worrying about if he is going to tell me or not. THOUGH, one thing that does bother me is that just the other day, he had told me he has purposly holding back his feelings because he doesn't want to be in love or he says hes not trying to right now. that alltogether made me think that this is a part time relationship. and that is something i will not have. if thats the case, i will have no problem leaving. but he says he cares for me and he knows sometime in the future he will honestly love me. And i know i think to much forward in the future which is another thing im working on, but for now...i guess i gotta relax...i will keep everyone updated on my situation (this is not the end!)
magda Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 He thinks that i don't take this relationship seriously. But i find that hard to believe because everytime i look at him, i smile with so much happiness knowing that hes here with me. I cannot be more affectionate than what i already am to him. I think i show exactly how i feel everytime i touch him or hold him. he obviously doesn't see that. I've dated guys that started giving me the googly eyes really fast... I didn't return it because I didn't believe they took the relationship serious. If you're anything like those guys, then my guess is that he thinks you're in love with the idea of him, in love with having a boyfriend. You even said you'd have no problem leaving him if it turned out he turned off the love. It is my opinion that you definately need to chill on making the googly eyes, and you should be more honest and communicate with him more often about deeper stuff. If you're all the time thinking "why hasn't he said he loves me" and acting needy, where's the stuff you reveal that makes him genuinely admire you as a person?
Author Muzzy2003 Posted April 28, 2004 Author Posted April 28, 2004 Yes!!! that is such a good point! i'm realizing that i do need to calm down and it is alot harder than it seems. see, he used to spend the night practically every night and just last night, i told him that maybe he should stay at his house. he seemed a little surprised by that. i think because i have done all the chasing, he doesn't have to put much effort into this relationship which will then get him to feel secure that im not going to leave. its just really hard because i want this so bad from him. i don't know how to calm my feelings down without ruining the relationship. (if i start to detatch myself from him, im afraid i will detatch myself from the whole relationship) I need help! OH! I don't know how to get him to open up to me and have him express his feelings. Any suggestions?
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