R32 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Alright, so my gf of 4 years broke it off 2.5 months ago. To keep a long story short, in mid January she left for Europe for an exchange program through her University. Things were great before she left, and we had plans for me to visit her some time during the 6 months she would be there. Everything was great while she was there, we kept in contact just about everyday through skype and facebook. Upon wrapping up my semester at school, we got more into detail of planning my trip. I flew in and I guess she changed her mind about my presence. She had made new friends, and was enjoying herself just fine without me there. I was quite devastated and disappointed upon finding this out, as I spent a lot of money to go visit. She didn't want to break up, but just wanted this time alone as it was a time of self discovery. Fine, I can accept that, however it would've been nice to know before I flew in. In the end, I still had an awesome trip traveling around Europe with her before making flight arrangements for an earlier departure. On the day I left, she was very upset, and told me she would make it up to me when she got home. I never really got along with her new friends, I'm a very outgoing individual and have no problem conversing with others. However, I really did feel a bit of hostility and awkwardness from these girls. I also noticed they really rubbed off onto her, as she developed more of an attitude. I'm not surprised she changed her mind, as she befriended a group of single girls. As a result, I kept chit chat to a minimal with her friends, and never acted on my feelings to keep the peace. My ex admits to the attitude change, and things were fine for the most part. She agreed to work on it, and things were great. Upon arriving home, the attitude seemed to worsen as my presence was no longer there. Things were fine for about a month, we still kept in contact everyday either through facebook messages or skype. One day, she suggested coming home early, as her exams would be done and her family from the UK was planning on visiting Canada. She suggested coming home a week earlier from her initial departure date. And asked me to speak to the travel agent regarding costs + penalties. I then suggested it may not be worth it to come home a week earlier, as the cost was a bit high and she would only have a few days with her family. (She wanted to come home on the 14th, and her family would be leaving on the 17th) I brought up how it would be very rushed, and she would probably be jetlagged and wouldn't be able to enjoy herself comfortably. I suggested she come home on the 7th, as her exams would be done, and she would have much more time to enjoy with her family. Furthermore, the change fees were the same for the 7th and 14th. She disagreed and became quite defensive. I was quite rattled, and became defensive as well. In the end, we broke up over a stupid argument. I phoned her the next day to apologize, and told her I really didn't care when she was coming home, but the bottom line was I didn't want to end things over something stupid. She said "no" she needed her space and wanted to figure out what she wanted. She said she still loved me, and we would talk soon. We went NC for a while, up until I found out she was experimenting with some hardcore drugs while she was in Spain. This was a big concern for me, as I am currently in the applicant process of becoming a police officer. And this may very well jeopardize my career. I confronted her about the issue, and she was very defensive. I tried to reason with her, but overall she was just being stupid about the situation. The phone call ended bad, and one of us hung up. She sent one last message to me on facebook, saying she was sorry about the incident, but didn't want to work things out. Then deleted and blocked me. At this point, I really wasn't sure what to do. I've developed a very strong relationship with her family over the past four years. She neglected to tell them we were done, so they assumed everything was still fine. I addressed this issue with her 3 best friends and we all agreed it would be wise to notify her parents of the situation. We've all tried to reason with her, and she hasn't made much of an effort to speak with her friends at home as she's probably too busy with her new friends. We all agreed if she was so easily influenced to do drugs the first time, what if **** hits the fan the second time? I knew I would be the first person her parents would question. I didn't want to be "that guy" who knew something was going on and didn't bring attention to it. Neither did her friends. Upon her parents confronting her about this, I received an angry phone call the next day from her. Asking me why I told her parents. I explained my reasons, and also added it wasn't just me who felt this way, but her friends also strongly believed it was the right thing to do. She disagreed and claimed I was doing it to ruin her life. Myself, her friends, and parents believed she would be the last person to ever touch drugs. We knew this decision was not made on her own. After this confrontation, we went NC for a while. With the exception of a few calls/emails here and there as I needed some personal information from her for my application. I really didn't want to put her down, however I was told I didn't have a choice. She started to talk to her friends back home again, and explained her side of the story. She was also asking them how I was doing, and what I've been up to etc. It almost seemed as if she was having a reality check. I remained close to her parents, as her mom would phone me here and there to chat. I also swung by the house a few times to talk to them. They recently told me that she phoned home and basically begged them to put her on a flight home for July 7th. No one really understood why she wanted to come home all of a sudden. However, one of her best friends came forward and said the reason was, she never knew she would felt this way but she's now home sick and misses her family/friends.. now that the friends she made on the exchange have gone back to their native home. A few days later, I received a call from her mom asking for my assistance in changing her flight. I really didn't want to be involved, however I also did not want to say no to her mom. So I helped her out a bit, and in the end she got the flight changed to the 7th. The last time I spoke to her, she was going off again about why I told her parents. It all started out when I sent her a message notifying her that whatever I do submit on my application may get noted. I was unsure if it was a big deal or not, but I wanted her to know for her own sake. After the angry phone call, we went NC again. The day before she arrived home, I spoke to one of her best friends, and we decided we didn't want her to come home and feel hostility. So we decided to decorate her house and show up at the airport to welcome her home. I really didn't know what to expect, as the last time we spoke it ended bad. When I saw her walking out of the arrivals section, I lost it and walked away. She was greeted by her family and friend. Everything seemed fine and dandy, she had no idea I was there. As they walked out, I was standing near the exit. Surprisingly she had a big smile on her face when she saw me and walked towards me. She asked why I looked so sad, and I told her I was fine. She proceeded to say "I can't kiss you yet, because we have to talk first" and tried to choke back her tears. I told her I wasn't expecting anything anyways, and we hugged. I dropped off a few pieces of her luggage, and helped bring some of her bags upstairs. When she saw the decorations she was quite flattered, and was all smiles when she saw her room covered with balloons. I left roses, a card + chocolate on her bed. As she reached for the card, I headed downstairs. Her friend stopped me, and asked why I walked away at the airport like I didn't care. I told her, I was just really nervous and really wasn't sure what to expect. I asked if everything was cool, and she says she's unsure. When she asked the ex if she was fine, she said "No I think I'm going to cry". The friend then asked if I was leaving, and I said yes. She told me to upstairs and say goodbye first. So I proceeded up, and told the ex I was heading out. She thanks me for the effort, and told me if I wasn't doing anything that night to text either her or her friend. She told me once again to not look so sad. As I caressed her hand I told her I was fine. She said we'll talk real soon, and I pinched her cheek and gave her a smile before leaving. Again, she almost broke down. I haven't heard from her since, and it's been about 4 days. I really don't expect to as her family is still here visiting. However, a mutual friend spoke to her a few days ago and she denies everything. She claims that she felt awkward which is why she almost cried, and that her mind was blank but what she said to me was the first thing that came to her mind. She says she doesn't want to be with me anymore and will contact me when her family leaves. She also mentioned that she hasn't unpacked because she doesn't want to be here... wtf? (She was begging her parents for that flight) I know since this incident, she's been skyping often with her exchange friends. And it almost feels like she's still there under their influence. I know she tells them everything, and it really pisses me off as their opinions are quite biased as they know nothing about me or the relationship. Now my question is, should I bother talking to her when she contacts me? She does have the vibe that I'm willing to work things out and ready to talk whenever etc... I feel as if she hasn't had enough time to settle in yet, and I don't want her to base her decision on how she feels now as she's quite occupied with family at the moment and clearly is still influenced by her new friends. Her parents have yet to speak to her regarding the whole issue, as they want her to enjoy her time with the family visiting. Her friends have also yet to bring up any issues they have with her for the same reason. I know within the next few weeks, her new friends will carry on with their lives and the skyping may tone down. And for sure, the issues her parents/friends have will be addressed. So when she contacts me, should I ignore her/tell her I'm not ready to speak? I know there's at least one event in the next 2 weeks we'll both be attending, and I want to give off the vibe that I really don't care. I really want to work things out with her, however I feel she's still somewhat in her own little world. I honestly can't say I read every single signal wrong.... But I do believe after speaking to her exchange friends, they may have tainted her opinion. Sorry for the long read, if anyone needs more background info feel free to ask.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Okay, this girl has a lot of baggage to sort out. I'm sure there were a lot of things that happened oversea's and things you probably don't want to know about. That's probably why she said that she wanted to kiss you but you needed to talk first. I think she wanted to come clean about everything, but the timing was off. You got enough on your plate, I suggest leaving her be. When she's ready to talk, she will. Until then, live your life. DO what YOU need to do for yourself.
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