singlelife Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Most women (35 and up) mostly want a decent man who is fun and not too crazy and excellent in bed. Once they have been through the messed up men they seem to place a high value on the above type of guy. Looks aren't always as important as they become attracted to this guy. I have had friends ask me when they see ht girls with ok looking guys and they are fwb and no problems. Well from what I know the above seems to be why. I could be wrong but that's why I am posting this to get the ladies opinion. I'm sure they can articulate it better or explain if I am off base.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I agree with you that the qualities you described are more important to women than looks. Most women who want something with any depth at all place a higher value on positive interior traits than exterior ones.
ruffster Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 generally speaking, I think that hot women with much older men are in it for the money. Also, by the time they reach 36 years of age, they figure out that most men have a lower tolerance to stress, get frustrated easily, and act like a little boy way too often. That's why when they do find a good man, they give him their romantic love, passionate sex, and amazing conversation.
grkBoy Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Here's my male standpoint: I think the late teens and early 20s are a growth period for both genders. Many guys now are raised to be sensitive and "nice" to women. Unfortunately, women are raised to desire big bold manly men, which often is the opposite of the sensitive "nice" guy. So women spend that time from 17-28 seeking out that masculine man while rejecting the sensitive guys. The problem though is they then run into the issue that the men they pursue generally don't end up being the long-term thing they hoped for. It's why you'll see many women chase "eye candy" guys and yet end up disappointed. The women have been educated about "dream men" from soaps to Twilight movies, Sex and the City, Jersey Shore, and even chick flicks. Meanwhile, the men divide up. One half realizes women want a hot looking guy with "excitement" surrounding him. Maybe this guy originally wanted to find a wife, but the ego boost of women jumping into bed easily with him makes him question why he should give anything. The other half is confused. They were raised by their moms to love women and be good to them, but their actions only make them alone. Perhaps even their moms went though what the younger women went through and thus didn't want their son to grow up to be like their dad. Unfortunately these guys end up facing a lot of hell. Now we get older, and the women more or less "figured it out". They came to the conclusion that most of the eye candy guys they lusted for won't be good to them, and now as they are reaching the big 3-0 they fear missing out on marriage and possibly children. So they change up their selection standards, and even wonder if they can find a nice balance between sensitive guy and manly man. On the other side of the gender gap, the men who have gotten sex easily simply keep up with it and prioritize on staying in that zone. Maybe they make more money, stay in the gym regularly, or whatever. Some of them simply move on to slightly older insecure women they can toy with, others move on to very trashy drama queens who look hot. The sensitive guys though end up bitter and angry. They feel betrayed and burned. Many then become commitment-phobic and misogynistic, so the women who are now seeking that "balanced guy" end up meeting loads of guys who won't commit or even trust women. Thus the mess continues.
stillafool Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Well I can't speak for all women over 35, but I think most women in that age range would like to date a decent, fun, guy who is great in bed. I can't say that looks do not matter at that age because they do. People are attracted to what they are attracted to but I can say from experience that most people's taste change as they age. Still, what I find physically attractive in a man may be the complete opposite of what one of my friends will find attractive.
Author singlelife Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 generally speaking, I think that hot women with much older men are in it for the money. Also, by the time they reach 36 years of age, they figure out that most men have a lower tolerance to stress, get frustrated easily, and act like a little boy way too often. That's why when they do find a good man, they give him their romantic love, passionate sex, and amazing conversation. Good choice by the women then. Because most men over 35 just aren't going to put up with bs. Now I don't mean the men should be jerks or uncaring, but they just don't have time for that.
Woggle Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Here's my male standpoint: I think the late teens and early 20s are a growth period for both genders. Many guys now are raised to be sensitive and "nice" to women. Unfortunately, women are raised to desire big bold manly men, which often is the opposite of the sensitive "nice" guy. So women spend that time from 17-28 seeking out that masculine man while rejecting the sensitive guys. The problem though is they then run into the issue that the men they pursue generally don't end up being the long-term thing they hoped for. It's why you'll see many women chase "eye candy" guys and yet end up disappointed. The women have been educated about "dream men" from soaps to Twilight movies, Sex and the City, Jersey Shore, and even chick flicks. Meanwhile, the men divide up. One half realizes women want a hot looking guy with "excitement" surrounding him. Maybe this guy originally wanted to find a wife, but the ego boost of women jumping into bed easily with him makes him question why he should give anything. The other half is confused. They were raised by their moms to love women and be good to them, but their actions only make them alone. Perhaps even their moms went though what the younger women went through and thus didn't want their son to grow up to be like their dad. Unfortunately these guys end up facing a lot of hell. Now we get older, and the women more or less "figured it out". They came to the conclusion that most of the eye candy guys they lusted for won't be good to them, and now as they are reaching the big 3-0 they fear missing out on marriage and possibly children. So they change up their selection standards, and even wonder if they can find a nice balance between sensitive guy and manly man. On the other side of the gender gap, the men who have gotten sex easily simply keep up with it and prioritize on staying in that zone. Maybe they make more money, stay in the gym regularly, or whatever. Some of them simply move on to slightly older insecure women they can toy with, others move on to very trashy drama queens who look hot. The sensitive guys though end up bitter and angry. They feel betrayed and burned. Many then become commitment-phobic and misogynistic, so the women who are now seeking that "balanced guy" end up meeting loads of guys who won't commit or even trust women. Thus the mess continues. This is very true. By the time women get it half the men are still enjoying being a player and the other half are so bitter and angry that they are not a good choice for any woman.
Author singlelife Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Here's my male standpoint: I think the late teens and early 20s are a growth period for both genders. Many guys now are raised to be sensitive and "nice" to women. Unfortunately, women are raised to desire big bold manly men, which often is the opposite of the sensitive "nice" guy. So women spend that time from 17-28 seeking out that masculine man while rejecting the sensitive guys. The problem though is they then run into the issue that the men they pursue generally don't end up being the long-term thing they hoped for. It's why you'll see many women chase "eye candy" guys and yet end up disappointed. The women have been educated about "dream men" from soaps to Twilight movies, Sex and the City, Jersey Shore, and even chick flicks. Meanwhile, the men divide up. One half realizes women want a hot looking guy with "excitement" surrounding him. Maybe this guy originally wanted to find a wife, but the ego boost of women jumping into bed easily with him makes him question why he should give anything. The other half is confused. They were raised by their moms to love women and be good to them, but their actions only make them alone. Perhaps even their moms went though what the younger women went through and thus didn't want their son to grow up to be like their dad. Unfortunately these guys end up facing a lot of hell. Now we get older, and the women more or less "figured it out". They came to the conclusion that most of the eye candy guys they lusted for won't be good to them, and now as they are reaching the big 3-0 they fear missing out on marriage and possibly children. So they change up their selection standards, and even wonder if they can find a nice balance between sensitive guy and manly man. On the other side of the gender gap, the men who have gotten sex easily simply keep up with it and prioritize on staying in that zone. Maybe they make more money, stay in the gym regularly, or whatever. Some of them simply move on to slightly older insecure women they can toy with, others move on to very trashy drama queens who look hot. The sensitive guys though end up bitter and angry. They feel betrayed and burned. Many then become commitment-phobic and misogynistic, so the women who are now seeking that "balanced guy" end up meeting loads of guys who won't commit or even trust women. Thus the mess continues. Interesting. I can see this.
grkBoy Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 This is very true. By the time women get it half the men are still enjoying being a player and the other half are so bitter and angry that they are not a good choice for any woman. That was my point.
Author singlelife Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Here's my male standpoint: I think the late teens and early 20s are a growth period for both genders. Many guys now are raised to be sensitive and "nice" to women. Unfortunately, women are raised to desire big bold manly men, which often is the opposite of the sensitive "nice" guy. So women spend that time from 17-28 seeking out that masculine man while rejecting the sensitive guys. The problem though is they then run into the issue that the men they pursue generally don't end up being the long-term thing they hoped for. It's why you'll see many women chase "eye candy" guys and yet end up disappointed. The women have been educated about "dream men" from soaps to Twilight movies, Sex and the City, Jersey Shore, and even chick flicks. Meanwhile, the men divide up. One half realizes women want a hot looking guy with "excitement" surrounding him. Maybe this guy originally wanted to find a wife, but the ego boost of women jumping into bed easily with him makes him question why he should give anything. The other half is confused. They were raised by their moms to love women and be good to them, but their actions only make them alone. Perhaps even their moms went though what the younger women went through and thus didn't want their son to grow up to be like their dad. Unfortunately these guys end up facing a lot of hell. Now we get older, and the women more or less "figured it out". They came to the conclusion that most of the eye candy guys they lusted for won't be good to them, and now as they are reaching the big 3-0 they fear missing out on marriage and possibly children. So they change up their selection standards, and even wonder if they can find a nice balance between sensitive guy and manly man. On the other side of the gender gap, the men who have gotten sex easily simply keep up with it and prioritize on staying in that zone. Maybe they make more money, stay in the gym regularly, or whatever. Some of them simply move on to slightly older insecure women they can toy with, others move on to very trashy drama queens who look hot. The sensitive guys though end up bitter and angry. They feel betrayed and burned. Many then become commitment-phobic and misogynistic, so the women who are now seeking that "balanced guy" end up meeting loads of guys who won't commit or even trust women. Thus the mess continues. However, I doubt it's that black and white. That either a guy is a loser or a stud and then the women choose the losers later on. Women still want winners. The kind of guy I am describing usually gets lots of women anyway because of how he is.
Emilia Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 This is a pointless thread because everyone is different. I am 39 and I know what kind of company I enjoy but as I'm getting older, my lovers are getting younger. This is because I am financially secure and don't need a provider. I keep in shape therefore I can pick and choose. Why would I want a 40 year-old when I can have a 22 year-old? Men my age are fat and boring, I'll bother with them when I'm 50. Until then I keep surfing and sailing and bed hotties. Many women at my age are pretty secure I can assure you.
oldguy Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 generally speaking, I think that hot women with much older men are in it for the money. Also, by the time they reach 36 years of age, they figure out that most men have a lower tolerance to stress, get frustrated easily, and act like a little boy way too often. That's why when they do find a good man, they give him their romantic love, passionate sex, and amazing conversation. I was informed that most younger women are frustrated with the games younger men play & the fact that more of them are more interested in material things like their cars. Between marriages i dated some younger women, trust me they where not into me for my money:D
Enchanted Girl Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I do think women care more about internal characteristics than men. I've found that all the guys that I've dated in the past are now dating women who look like me but otherwise seem to be very different from me. While me, I've dated men of all heights, races, and weights, but for the most part, they all liked playing D&D, were intellectuals who went to college for some kind of computer degree, love reading comic books, are very complimentary, loved playing WoW, and were obsessed with fantasy. Don't know why I date geeky/nerdy guys, but I do and they come in various physical varieties. Here's my male standpoint: I think the late teens and early 20s are a growth period for both genders. Many guys now are raised to be sensitive and "nice" to women. Unfortunately, women are raised to desire big bold manly men, which often is the opposite of the sensitive "nice" guy. So women spend that time from 17-28 seeking out that masculine man while rejecting the sensitive guys. The problem though is they then run into the issue that the men they pursue generally don't end up being the long-term thing they hoped for. It's why you'll see many women chase "eye candy" guys and yet end up disappointed. The women have been educated about "dream men" from soaps to Twilight movies, Sex and the City, Jersey Shore, and even chick flicks. Meanwhile, the men divide up. One half realizes women want a hot looking guy with "excitement" surrounding him. Maybe this guy originally wanted to find a wife, but the ego boost of women jumping into bed easily with him makes him question why he should give anything. The other half is confused. They were raised by their moms to love women and be good to them, but their actions only make them alone. Perhaps even their moms went though what the younger women went through and thus didn't want their son to grow up to be like their dad. Unfortunately these guys end up facing a lot of hell. Now we get older, and the women more or less "figured it out". They came to the conclusion that most of the eye candy guys they lusted for won't be good to them, and now as they are reaching the big 3-0 they fear missing out on marriage and possibly children. So they change up their selection standards, and even wonder if they can find a nice balance between sensitive guy and manly man. On the other side of the gender gap, the men who have gotten sex easily simply keep up with it and prioritize on staying in that zone. Maybe they make more money, stay in the gym regularly, or whatever. Some of them simply move on to slightly older insecure women they can toy with, others move on to very trashy drama queens who look hot. The sensitive guys though end up bitter and angry. They feel betrayed and burned. Many then become commitment-phobic and misogynistic, so the women who are now seeking that "balanced guy" end up meeting loads of guys who won't commit or even trust women. Thus the mess continues. I disagree with you. Most "nice guys" who aren't getting any girl are going after shallow women or after women for stupid reasons and that's why they get rejected over and over again. Take whatever a "nice guy" is, make it into a girl, and you have me. I dress nicely, but not slutty. I'm shy, so I don't flirt very much. I'm not a tease, don't even know how to be. I can be insecure and quiet. I'm compassionate and in most men's eyes more motherly than sexual, even though I have a high libido and am actually more like the horny librarian (even have the glasses for it), than the prude. For this reason, men often overlook me. My best friends are all very different from me. Wearing slutty clothes, purposefully bending over so men can admire their asses, saying sexual comments that make some men blush, dancing in slutty manners, and flirting their asses off. And funnily enough, they have lower libidos than me and often tell me they hate sex. XD While I feel differently. Do you know how much attention they get on a regular basis versus how much I get ignored? I'm very committed to relationships and I'm attracted to nice guys, but I've had many of them ignore me because they were chasing after some slutty girl. All of high school for me was guys approaching me to ask me if they thought they could get with one of my friends. It's not actually a curse though. My friends all date ******* men on a regular basis who can't commit to them and treat them like ****. I only get into long term relationships and it tends to be with non-shallow men who are as serious about relationships as I am. I get told "I love you" more often than they do. Yes, bitchy, shallow girls often like bad boys. In fact, I roll my eyes and place every friend I have in that category who says she likes a bad boy. But the nice, serious girls like me, don't. And if you really are a nice guy who is looking for a serious relationship, then open your eyes to the non-slutty girls, the ones who aren't constantly showing their body's for attention, and you'll probably find a person who is more compatible for you. Because the problem with a lot of "nice guys" is they are too busy letting their hormones direct them towards girls who act slutty all the time because they behave in ways that tend to demand all your attention.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I do think women care more about internal characteristics than men. I've found that all the guys that I've dated in the past are now dating women who look like me but otherwise seem to be very different from me. While me, I've dated men of all heights, races, and weights, but for the most part, they all liked playing D&D, were intellectuals who went to college for some kind of computer degree, love reading comic books, are very complimentary, loved playing WoW, and were obsessed with fantasy. Don't know why I date geeky/nerdy guys, but I do and they come in various physical varieties. I disagree with you. Most "nice guys" who aren't getting any girl are going after shallow women or after women for stupid reasons and that's why they get rejected over and over again. Take whatever a "nice guy" is, make it into a girl, and you have me. I dress nicely, but not slutty. I'm shy, so I don't flirt very much. I'm not a tease, don't even know how to be. I can be insecure and quiet. I'm compassionate and in most men's eyes more motherly than sexual, even though I have a high libido and am actually more like the horny librarian (even have the glasses for it), than the prude. For this reason, men often overlook me. My best friends are all very different from me. Wearing slutty clothes, purposefully bending over so men can admire their asses, saying sexual comments that make some men blush, dancing in slutty manners, and flirting their asses off. And funnily enough, they have lower libidos than me and often tell me they hate sex. XD While I feel differently. Do you know how much attention they get on a regular basis versus how much I get ignored? I'm very committed to relationships and I'm attracted to nice guys, but I've had many of them ignore me because they were chasing after some slutty girl. All of high school for me was guys approaching me to ask me if they thought they could get with one of my friends. It's not actually a curse though. My friends all date ******* men on a regular basis who can't commit to them and treat them like ****. I only get into long term relationships and it tends to be with non-shallow men who are as serious about relationships as I am. I get told "I love you" more often than they do. Yes, bitchy, shallow girls often like bad boys. In fact, I roll my eyes and place every friend I have in that category who says she likes a bad boy. But the nice, serious girls like me, don't. And if you really are a nice guy who is looking for a serious relationship, then open your eyes to the non-slutty girls, the ones who aren't constantly showing their body's for attention, and you'll probably find a person who is more compatible for you. Because the problem with a lot of "nice guys" is they are too busy letting their hormones direct them towards girls who act slutty all the time because they behave in ways that tend to demand all your attention. I don't know if this is true for the overall population, but for me I often see the opposite of this. My own personality is kind of all over the place, I'd define myself as geeky/nerdy but not in the video games and comics sense, more like in the academic/scholarly sense (I'd love to discuss Hobbes and Locke, or the geopolitics of Afghanistan). But at the same time I love sports (playing and watching) and music and good movies. I'm not a "nice guy" in the traditional understanding of the word but a generally good guy I think. In any case, all of the women I've ever gone for were the academic/scholarly type women (whose smarts I found incredibly sexy) and almost all of them without fail wouldn't give me the time of day. The guys they were interested in? All guys who could generally be classified as "bad guys". The women who do act interested in me? The ditsy types who have boyfriends. I don't mean to imply that your experience is not valid, but merely to point out that I just can't relate to it.
Author singlelife Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 I don't know if this is true for the overall population, but for me I often see the opposite of this. My own personality is kind of all over the place, I'd define myself as geeky/nerdy but not in the video games and comics sense, more like in the academic/scholarly sense (I'd love to discuss Hobbes and Locke, or the geopolitics of Afghanistan). But at the same time I love sports (playing and watching) and music and good movies. I'm not a "nice guy" in the traditional understanding of the word but a generally good guy I think. In any case, all of the women I've ever gone for were the academic/scholarly type women (whose smarts I found incredibly sexy) and almost all of them without fail wouldn't give me the time of day. The guys they were interested in? All guys who could generally be classified as "bad guys". The women who do act interested in me? The ditsy types who have boyfriends. I don't mean to imply that your experience is not valid, but merely to point out that I just can't relate to it. I agree with you. I think some women are being condescending instead of giving truthful answers.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I don't know if this is true for the overall population, but for me I often see the opposite of this. My own personality is kind of all over the place, I'd define myself as geeky/nerdy but not in the video games and comics sense, more like in the academic/scholarly sense (I'd love to discuss Hobbes and Locke, or the geopolitics of Afghanistan). But at the same time I love sports (playing and watching) and music and good movies. I'm not a "nice guy" in the traditional understanding of the word but a generally good guy I think. In any case, all of the women I've ever gone for were the academic/scholarly type women (whose smarts I found incredibly sexy) and almost all of them without fail wouldn't give me the time of day. The guys they were interested in? All guys who could generally be classified as "bad guys". The women who do act interested in me? The ditsy types who have boyfriends. I don't mean to imply that your experience is not valid, but merely to point out that I just can't relate to it. Those ditsy girls aren't actually interested in you. I've been friends with a lot of them. They show the same level of interest to the majority of men regardless of whether they have a boyfriend or not. Are you sure those smart girls are dating bad boys? Or are they just not interested in you in particular?
misssmartypants Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I do think women care more about internal characteristics than men. I've found that all the guys that I've dated in the past are now dating women who look like me but otherwise seem to be very different from me. While me, I've dated men of all heights, races, and weights, but for the most part, they all liked playing D&D, were intellectuals who went to college for some kind of computer degree, love reading comic books, are very complimentary, loved playing WoW, and were obsessed with fantasy. Don't know why I date geeky/nerdy guys, but I do and they come in various physical varieties. I disagree with you. Most "nice guys" who aren't getting any girl are going after shallow women or after women for stupid reasons and that's why they get rejected over and over again. Take whatever a "nice guy" is, make it into a girl, and you have me. I dress nicely, but not slutty. I'm shy, so I don't flirt very much. I'm not a tease, don't even know how to be. I can be insecure and quiet. I'm compassionate and in most men's eyes more motherly than sexual, even though I have a high libido and am actually more like the horny librarian (even have the glasses for it), than the prude. For this reason, men often overlook me. My best friends are all very different from me. Wearing slutty clothes, purposefully bending over so men can admire their asses, saying sexual comments that make some men blush, dancing in slutty manners, and flirting their asses off. And funnily enough, they have lower libidos than me and often tell me they hate sex. XD While I feel differently. Do you know how much attention they get on a regular basis versus how much I get ignored? I'm very committed to relationships and I'm attracted to nice guys, but I've had many of them ignore me because they were chasing after some slutty girl. All of high school for me was guys approaching me to ask me if they thought they could get with one of my friends. It's not actually a curse though. My friends all date ******* men on a regular basis who can't commit to them and treat them like ****. I only get into long term relationships and it tends to be with non-shallow men who are as serious about relationships as I am. I get told "I love you" more often than they do. Yes, bitchy, shallow girls often like bad boys. In fact, I roll my eyes and place every friend I have in that category who says she likes a bad boy. But the nice, serious girls like me, don't. And if you really are a nice guy who is looking for a serious relationship, then open your eyes to the non-slutty girls, the ones who aren't constantly showing their body's for attention, and you'll probably find a person who is more compatible for you. Because the problem with a lot of "nice guys" is they are too busy letting their hormones direct them towards girls who act slutty all the time because they behave in ways that tend to demand all your attention. I think there are two types of nice guy. There are nice guys who realize that when they were young and not ready to be settled and were maybe partying or experimenting, the women their age were too. They understand that women in their peer group do not owe them attention or affection. These men mature, become ready for a more settled life and pursue women who seem to want the same thing. They find one they "click" with and magic happens. Then there are "NICE GUYS" this is a group that really isn't all that nice once one scratches the surface, but the maintain a "nice" front. They dress well, but probably not trendy. When they were younger, like many men, they were very into women. But the women weren't into them. Instead of doing any sort of self reflection and realizing that maybe the issues was the women they were targeting (party girls surrounded by adoring men instead of the quieter ones) or it was a matter of social skills and timing. What ever the cause, these NICE GUYS fell cheated by women. They feel that their peer group owed them attention and affection and that by declining to offer these things in the desired quantities, women as a group have somehow cheated these men. These guys are now a little older, a little more socially skilled. They probably have a career that gives them more pocket money than they had as young, frustrated kids. And now they feel like they can "punish" the women who "unfairly" rejected them in the past by toying with the (now older, more mature) women's affections. This group will often go after damaged women who's defenses can't detect how messed up they are, unfortunately this can lead to a messed up relationship and the cycle of blaming women for mens' problems continues. Or they target younger girls, who might be happy to have a fling with an older guy who has his own place and money, but who are ultimately not interested in settling into a domestic relationship. And cue the woman blaming. One group is actually nice. The other group is bitter and angry and dislikes having been told "no". I suggest that anyone who wants something but isn't getting it needs to look at themselves before they make sweeping statements about others. Women do not owe men anything. To say that women screwed up the situation is just silly.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Those ditsy girls aren't actually interested in you. I've been friends with a lot of them. They show the same level of interest to the majority of men regardless of whether they have a boyfriend or not. Are you sure those smart girls are dating bad boys? Or are they just not interested in you in particular? Well what a relief, that means that no women have been interested in me. I guess that's way better than having ditsy women interested in me. Now, I will clarify that I tend to lump a lot of guys together in the category of "bad guys". Some of them engage in illegal behavior, sometimes just immature behavior. But yes, these girls ended up with less than quality guys, most of these guys were not wealthy, good looking, or doing anything substantial with their lives aside from getting drunk several times a week. I don't think this has anything to do with being "nice", I know plenty of nice (pleasant, good, any other applicable adjective) guys with very cool and good looking girlfriends. And honestly, I won't begrudge anyone the right to date whatever person makes them happy, even if it makes no logical sense to me. But it does get frustrating when people suggest that you try for girls that have stuff in common with you and those are the very girls you strike out with. I don't know, I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that my tastes in women are somewhat unreasonable.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Well what a relief, that means that no women have been interested in me. I guess that's way better than having ditsy women interested in me. Now, I will clarify that I tend to lump a lot of guys together in the category of "bad guys". Some of them engage in illegal behavior, sometimes just immature behavior. But yes, these girls ended up with less than quality guys, most of these guys were not wealthy, good looking, or doing anything substantial with their lives aside from getting drunk several times a week. I don't think this has anything to do with being "nice", I know plenty of nice (pleasant, good, any other applicable adjective) guys with very cool and good looking girlfriends. And honestly, I won't begrudge anyone the right to date whatever person makes them happy, even if it makes no logical sense to me. But it does get frustrating when people suggest that you try for girls that have stuff in common with you and those are the very girls you strike out with. I don't know, I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that my tastes in women are somewhat unreasonable. There are more than two types of women in the world. Jocks have never been interested in me and neither have musicians, but it doesn't mean there aren't other types of men in the world that ARE interested in me. I also find it strange that girls who have a lot in common with you don't go for you. Those are the only types of guys I go for. The ones as geeky/nerdy as me.
GoodOnPaper Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Because the problem with a lot of "nice guys" is they are too busy letting their hormones direct them towards girls who act slutty all the time because they behave in ways that tend to demand all your attention. That's because young "nice guys" equate such attention-gathering to higher libido. It doesn't matter where a guy is on the looks/charisma spectrum, if he is in his teens or early 20s, he is VERY interested in sex. I think most "nice guys" would LOVE to have a relationship with a high-libido "nice girl". The nice guy/nice girl pairing, though, is difficult because you are trying to put together a guy who can't read interest cues with someone who can't send them. To me, the "nice girls" -- often my geeky science counterparts -- always came off as unapproachable. I wish that hadn't been the case. Another underlying assumption I always had was that better looking = better sex life. Can two compatible average- or below-average-looking people in a LTR have sex as good as a player/party slut hookup? If the answer is yes, that's a message that may actually make a difference to the young "nice guy" who feels that the only way to any kind of satisfying sex life is to go for the attention whores . . .
ChessPieceFace Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I agree with you that the qualities you described are more important to women than looks. Most women who want something with any depth at all place a higher value on positive interior traits than exterior ones. "Positive interior traits" = contents of wallet
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 That's because young "nice guys" equate such attention-gathering to higher libido. It doesn't matter where a guy is on the looks/charisma spectrum, if he is in his teens or early 20s, he is VERY interested in sex. I think most "nice guys" would LOVE to have a relationship with a high-libido "nice girl". The nice guy/nice girl pairing, though, is difficult because you are trying to put together a guy who can't read interest cues with someone who can't send them. To me, the "nice girls" -- often my geeky science counterparts -- always came off as unapproachable. I wish that hadn't been the case. Another underlying assumption I always had was that better looking = better sex life. Can two compatible average- or below-average-looking people in a LTR have sex as good as a player/party slut hookup? If the answer is yes, that's a message that may actually make a difference to the young "nice guy" who feels that the only way to any kind of satisfying sex life is to go for the attention whores . . . That all makes sense. I've feared a lot of times that my shyness makes me seem unapproachable and I'm not sure if my current boyfriend would have approached me at all if I hadn't been working on that at the time.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Most women (35 and up) mostly want a decent man who is fun and not too crazy and excellent in bed. Once they have been through the messed up men they seem to place a high value on the above type of guy. Looks aren't always as important as they become attracted to this guy. I have had friends ask me when they see ht girls with ok looking guys and they are fwb and no problems. Well from what I know the above seems to be why. I could be wrong but that's why I am posting this to get the ladies opinion. I'm sure they can articulate it better or explain if I am off base. What? I struggle to comprehend what you are asking. Yes, women of all ages want a guy like that. In regards to why women 35 and up are less shallow... that has a very simple answer. Women rapidly lose attractiveness as they age... and women in their mid 30's understand this concept much better. Additionally many have children to look after and having a man around with these qualities helps a lot.
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