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detailed reason why it is a terrible idea to break nc with an a$$ clown

bikinibeach

By bikinibeach
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

Posted
Posted (edited)

... and a warning to all women on plenty of fish- there are probably a zillion guys like my ex on there! read on...

 

so, i finally did it.

 

after one month nc, i got drunk and sent him a text asking if he was home.

 

he responded right away.

 

i chickened out and never showed up or answered. i had no desire to see him again in person.

 

next day, i got this email. and then it all went down hill from there :(

 

i can't say i was back to square one exactly, but it all stung horribly. nc part II has already begun...

 

assclown ex boyfriend wrote:

 

I'm not really sure what happened last night. At the end of it all, the best guess I can make is that you were disappointed I didn't offer to pick you up, or your roommate talked you out of it, or you just changed your mind. Either way, you got in touch with me and that meant something. Of course I've thought of you, and I think so have you. You don't need to be drunk to want to talk to me or to want to sleep with me. That stuff's ok, that's stuff normal people do. I want to talk to you again, and yes, spend a night lying next to you and adoring your body, but I can handle my **** because I know my immediate future is elsewhere. I've started going on dates using plenty of fish, and one girl I just started talking to, it feels like there might be something there. In the meantime though I'm still single, and ostensibly so are you.

 

The one thing I wanted to ask you most last night is how you've been, I wanted to hug you and show you I gave a ****. What I'm saying is this, come over, and we'll laugh together, and make out to sexy music and drink Spanish wine. And then morning will come and we will resume our lives as two separate people trying to carve out a corner of this world, but we will be able to face it again singing that "I just had sex" song. Just saying ;)

 

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On Sun, Jul 10, 2011 at 1:26 PM, bikinibeach wrote::

 

agh i should not have sent that email

 

there are a few things i should not have done the other night...hmm..got to learn when enough is enough, even when the drinks are free.. no more partying for a while. too much fun for this girl....

 

in the past i was blind enough to want to give you it all and you were a fool so you lost it ALL. i have something pretty good going for me and i made the mistake of choosing you once, it certainly won't happen again. the idea of actually sleeping with you (essentially,a stranger) is something i find beyond repulsive. don't kid yourself.

 

besides, sadly, you've already got three emotionally weak, vulnerable and self-esteem challenged individuals you string around who are willing to play by your rules. i'm an actual, real grown up-type woman and i can now see plain as day that you you're not worth that kind of hassle! and by the way, people you treat that way you don't truly care about. it is actually quite cruel and manipulative. which is why there are only certain types of people you'll be able to keep hooked with that crap. but, you already know that ;)

 

the person i thought you were is now only a small part of something and someone who never existed that i keep in my heart like the memory of a dream. i never knew the real you and once i got a glimpse of that, it took me a while to accept it and then i had to leave.

 

you're a toxic person and until you resolve your issues in life instead of living in a comfortable fog of denial, you will only continue to attract and "connect" with similar people. even the words in your emails are twisted and poisonous.

i am doing very well now.

 

i hope you find peace and are well.

 

i sometimes miss your cat, she was really happy to see me that last morning.

 

goodbye again

 

 

 

 

 

From: Assclown ex-boyfriend

Thanks for talking with me like this, there are thoughts that would make sense to no one else but you, and it's good to bring them to light.

 

I don't think that email was an accident. I've been guilty of doing that, like when sometimes there's something you know you shouldn't do, that you'd never do sober, but you desperately want to do, you get drunk so you can tell yourself later, that wasn't me doing that, I was someone else at the time.

 

Reading your email, I realize I wasn't a fool and lost it all, I just ran out of steam. I didn't do the wrong things to try and keep you, I did the only thing I could do and stopped fighting. You made me into a fighter, and that went completely against my nature. The thing is, I was willing to fight for you, and if you remember, I did that again and again, the problem was that in trying to keep you, I wasn't only fighting for you, I had to fight against you. I gave up on trying to keep you because it was too painful to keep doing the same things and expect different results. It started to feel like you were making me fight just so you could feel like you were worth fighting for, but that drive you had to feel wanted could never be satisfied, and that exhausted me past any of my limits.

 

It made me sad to read that you're doing well, and that you have something good going for you, but not for the reason you might think. I was sad because people who are doing well and have something good going for them don't send midnight emails to old lovers. You've never been great at being honest with yourself, in fact I think you're almost as bad as I am ;) I could have told you that it wasn't the right move to start dating so soon after we broke up. I could have also told you that if there wasn't anything there before with him, it wasn't going to change just because you needed it to. I don't want you back, but I do want you to be honest with yourself.

 

I realize now the paradox of how little you know me vs how much you think you know me, but you're not bothered by that difference. The sad thing is that even that little bit that you know is more than most people get of me, which is why I'm writing to you now.

 

Did you know I don't talk to ////// anymore, that as of this moment she is effectively no longer my friend?

 

Did you know that **his bitchy best friend" of an ex who always gave me the cold shoulder** has been seriously dating a guy she met on plenty of fish for almost a month and that I haven't seen her at all for over a week? We were actually supposed to hang out today, but then she called me to say he wanted to hang out with her after work, and even though she offered to hang out with me instead, because we'd actually made plans, I told her no, she should enjoy her honeymoon period with this guy. How could you know any of that? You didn't ask, all you ever knew of me is what you built up in your mind. Last time I saw **** was when I went out with her and her boyfriend and some other people last week, and the two of them disappeared halfway through the night, so it wasn't exactly a satisfying visit. But I realize this is good for her, and she probably took a lesson from what happened between me and you as far as not spending too much time with me. Despite the abruptness of the change, I can honestly say I'm happy for her.

 

Did you know I haven't talked to ****girl who claimed platonic but hated on me for no reason and came btwn us constantly**** lately based on the fact that she got really drunk that same evening and clung to my arm and tried to hold my hand the entire night? That was really embarrassing, and it's not what I want from my friends. I don't need an ego boost, and I don't want to be the focus of their lusty attentions, but you don't know any of that, because your theories are enough for you, and damn you for it. My "harem" has essentially been decimated, and I'm still surviving, actually I'm doing great emotionally, given that girls I'm talking to on POF seem genuinely interested in me. You never appreciated me for the complex and genuinely cool person I am, only for the broken and dysfunctional person you thought I was, and I couldn't deal with that anymore.

 

The reason I didn't want to date you is that you made me into someone I wasn't. You made me feel small and pathetic, and that really affected me. By the same token, I'm sure I made you feel like you didn't matter to me, which was very possibly the biggest ****-up I've ever made in a relationship, and what's really ****ty is that it didn't reflect how I really felt about you.

 

We're a lot of things to each other, but we'll never be strangers, and I can't remember the last time I propositioned someone I found repulsive. The look on your face the last time we saw each other told me that you meant it when you said you were sorry we didn't work out, and I felt the same way. All those things you said about having the amazing sexual chemistry we had with everyone you ever dated, I don't know how you thought I'd ever believe that. Special isn't adequate to describe what happened between us, nobody has yet thought up a fitting adjective for what we had, and oops is not enough to cover up something you felt last night that you may not have wanted to feel, but that you obviously do feel despite yourself. If you're not able to put everything negative that we were aside and relive those things that were beautiful, I understand, in fact I should probably have expected that. I'm not the person I was, mostly because circumstances have changed rather than that I went out of my way to get away from what you were criticizing, but it is what it is, I have changed and am continuing to change. If after everything I have told you, you still don't want to reclaim your nook and feel my arms around you again, (looks like I had one last fight in me after all) at the end of the day it is your decision to make, my love.

 

I guess I'll talk to you next time you're sloshed out of your mind, I just hope I don't have to wait that long ;)

 

----------------

Bikinibeach said:

 

Wow. You still don't get it.

 

I was really into you and I had nothing to do with how things ended.

 

LOL I couldn't care less about where your "good friends" are now. I had guessed as much, knowing all of those things would happen eventually. Anyway, it's kind of late for that.

 

You didn't need to fight, you just needed to be a man. And a friend to someone other than people who were not genuinely interested in seeing you happy with someone else. Namely, me. YOU wanted ME to fight THEM for you! Why should I fight for someone who wasn't even on my side? The time that I did put in, trying to love someone who disrespected and allowed others to disrespect me over and over again was single-handedly the worst relationship mistake of my 28 years of life. If there's anyone I need to forgive now, it's myself for that.

 

So far, you were the person with whom I've had the strongest connection. You are also the worst excuse for a boyfriend, friend or man that I have ever met in my entire life. Sigh, conundrums.

 

I heartily encourage you to pursue your internet love interests! I'll stop there, I don't want to spoil the ending.

 

I hope you're never treated the way you did me. No one deserves that.

 

I hope your friend never has to deal with her new boyfriend inviting his ex over to his house a few nights a week with his phone turned off, or emailing his ex complaining about the free trip she took him on. She is smart to know how to show him that she cares and that he is a priority in her life. You were a really "good friend" to sacrifice what we had to teach her that! I hope she appreciated it :)

 

You will never hear my voice, see my face or be graced with my words ever again.

 

In a month I will have forgotten what you like like. Two, and I won't remember your last name.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
stray Established Member

stray

Posted
Posted

Haha! Wow, you were spot on, WHAT an as*clown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank god you're no longer with this guy! He would totally hook up with you and then throw you straight in the trash. Your reply was good. You said the things you needed to say. Now you actually will get over him, knowing what a complete douchbag he is. Amen sista, let the official moving on process begin.

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

Posted
Posted

good grief, what a condescending jerk! i love how he tried to turn things around on you and make you seem like the crazy one while he's supposedly the calm logical one; but all he's really do is using so-called logic to cover up illogic :rolleyes: sounds just like my ex. the only difference is your ex has a cat and mine doesnt - - he's allergic.

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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hahaha thanks babes.

 

see, i told you he was a moron.

 

truth is:

 

1) no i'm not dating anyone, just told him that to get under his skin

2) i actually DID want to sleep with him and had to severely fight urges for that 'one last time' by reminding myself of all the a****** moves he's made (it wasn't hard lol)...

 

including half assed asking if i want to get back together because his "best friend" b1tch ex is no longer single and won't interfere anymore and his other interfering friend showed her true colors that i suspected all along so now that they've removed THEMSELVES from the picture, i should jump for joy and waltz on over??

 

hilarious.

 

i'd be dumb if i did because when that fool and her pof freak break up, she's going to ring that bell, tug that chain and he'll be right back over there, driving her around, taking her shopping, going to dinner and movies with her... and probably lying about it to whomever he is with at the time! too freaking funny.

 

before this, he also suggested that he and i meet up again in six months because that is when his ex is moving away--lol...is he out of his mind?????

 

i feel ridiculously sorry for anyone who responds to his ad.

 

i fell for him right away but i also knew something wasn't right by the end of the first date.

 

i hope whoever she is trusts her instincts.

 

he's worthless.

 

lol about cats ;)

Edited by bikinibeach
geegirl Established Member

geegirl

Posted
Posted

He reminds me of my ex. Especially the first email. So arrogant and smug with his proposition. I remember we were fighting once and he said, "Gee, even if you move on with another and I move on to another, we will still be having sex. I don't care who I am with, I will always want your body and you will want to give it to me." Blech. Puke. Just so shallow and empty. Narcissistic assclown. I almost wonder if he's my ex.

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

Posted
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He reminds me of my ex. Especially the first email. So arrogant and smug with his proposition. I remember we were fighting once and he said, "Gee, even if you move on with another and I move on to another, we will still be having sex. I don't care who I am with, I will always want your body and you will want to give it to me." Blech. Puke. Just so shallow and empty. Narcissistic assclown. I almost wonder if he's my ex.

 

HAHAHAHAH omg he did say something like that to me before too!

 

i broke up with him for the zillionth time and somehow managed to get suckered into going over to his house the next day for a final talk.

 

when i got there, he proceeded to tell me how he had just gotten off the phone from discussing me with his "best friend" ex girlfriend (the same one that we broke up over) and they were criticizing my "jealousy and insecurities" (lol) talking about how if it was SUCH a big deal to me, she would have just stopped hanging out with him (LIES we dated for 5 months, he told her what was happening, she feigned concern and carried on).

 

basically told me how they disccussed all of the reasons why he was better off without me.

 

i told him, ok well this is final goodbye, have a nice life and he goes "NO no it's not. one of us will miss the other and we'll be back here in a week"

 

he then proceeded to try to invite me in to "watch a movie".......!

 

are you disgusted or what?

 

good grief.

 

stray once wrote about how crap like this will inevitably happen when you date men off the internet. i second that with all my might, adding that it's likely going to be doubly worse if it's a FREE dating site.

 

lmfao

:lmao::laugh::D:rolleyes:

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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OH MY GOD.

 

OMFG

 

guys he just sent me 6 paragraph long email reply!!! i was going to block him but i was just too curious.

 

i am now in STITCHES!!!!!!!!

 

laughing so hard i can't breathe!!!!!!!! OH GOD.

 

will post when i'm done reading...

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

Posted
Posted

Ugh, he sounds just like my ex. Just arrogant and entitled. Everytime I told him goodbye, he'd say, oh this is not goodbye, we will miss each other and you will come back again. Yeah, if I want to infect myself with some type of disease. Jerk.

 

These guys won't leave you alone. They will fish when they need attention and will always keep you on a string. Don't even reply to his email. Silence drives them crazy.

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

 

you guys this fool knows how to get to me!!! ahhh... how is it that i am feeling weak?

 

oh god, i'm going to go wake up my roommate.

 

hilarious point to make: OKAY so last night, after partying til 3am with my roomie, i came home and reactivated my pof account and poked around on there for a bit...this will come into play when you read this hilarious email.

 

support please???

 

bleh :( :( :(

 

i am so tempted to fight back!!!! it's almost fun at this point but look at what he said!! he called it!!!! :mad:

 

HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!!! lol

 

king assclown extraordinaire:

 

"I'm kind of glad you wrote back to disagree with me, otherwise how could I know for sure that I'm right? And you know what, I'm one step ahead of you, I've already forgotten your last name, how do you like that? ;) What was it again, something duranduran?

 

I saw you online on pof when I got home last night, and had to check out your profile. Your pics are phenomenal, but you look so different in each one, the only one that I could really say looked like you was the one that I was conspicuously missing from. Kind of a stragely a propos comment on how much you can change from a blink of the eye to the next. It was upbeat though, and I hope you're able to be the person you described in there with someone else, but I had wondered if you'd include anything about me in it. I'd originally ended my profile by saying something like, if you're nice to small animals and don't enjoy picking fights, we can probably be friends, but it sounded too small, and would seem like a direct comment about you if you ever read it, so I took it out.

 

How did you guess as much, that all those things would happen with my friends? Your last email has dire warnings about what would happen if I didn't change my ways immediately, and spoke as though you were guessing that it was business as usual with me, when really it was anything but. What somehow isn't registering with you is that I have evolved and will continue to evolve as a person, largely based on what you've told me about myself. Can you say the same about the points I've brought up with you?

 

And how can you tell me you had no role to play in our breakup? If you were blind to anything, it wasn't to my behaviour. You were never grouchy with me. Grouchy is cute, grouchy pouts when doesn't wake up on time because its alarm didn't ring, grouchy grumbles under its breath when somebody says something passive aggressive to it. Do you remember my grouchy at all? It goes a little something like this, mmmgrrrrmmmmmgrrrrr. Grouchy certainly does not lose its cool under the slightest provocation or go looking for trouble with a flashlight.

 

You know what your problem is? Besides the fact that that was your favourite expression to use on me when we were together. You want to really know what your problem is? You still like me, and you do appreciate me for the cool person I am. There's your problem right there, but for some reason you're not able to put anything in the past. Every single issue you've brought up with me, I've apologized for and meant it, and I can point to evidence that says I have changed. Can you say the same? Do you remember the first week we were dating, and you wouldn't stop telling me to shup up and to **** myself? Those things shocked me, but I talked to you about them, and I never used your slip-ups to confirm a foregone conclusion, such as that you were a bad person who was out to hurt me. Your other problem is that you make absolute statements that you can't keep. I like you too. This is the part of the fight where I would usually stop to kiss you.

CaliBabe Established Member

CaliBabe

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Oh I love it, you did so good! Go girl!

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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Don't even reply to his email. Silence drives them crazy.

 

i am going to hold onto that truth with everything i've got. i am SOOOOOOOOO SO tempted to fight back with him but he knows that! he baited me for that particular scenario.

 

what can i do from here? i messed up. and yes i still loved being with him when i was just the two of us and i have some beautiful memories with him and we just. jive.

 

but i DON'T want to be with him. and i don't want him intruding into my life, i don't want to be stuck with him for good, like you say!

 

i see my therapist again in a week.

 

i have a history of depression so when i'm bothered by something, i hole up and let it fester- it's horrible!

 

what can i do?

 

rhetorical really, i know what i can do.

 

i will post my progress on here.

 

i won't write him back if i have to chop my fingers off!!

 

:( :( :(

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

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Posted

Makes my skin crawl. He's poking you for a response. He's selecting the right words to make you react. Don't give in. This will just keep going on and on. And this type of guy, lives for the drama and the attention. Any attention is good attention. Feed him and he will drag you. Cut him off and you will find peace.

 

It's up to you. You can keep debating with him. He will never stand to lose anything as he is not emotionally invested in you. This is a game to him. Manipulation at it's best. You on the other hand can keep debating, suffer emotionally and mentally and in the end, you will lose. This is not your game to win.

 

He's a cool cat in his emails. I can see him smiling deviantly behind his computer as he concocts ways to get you going. And you...you're the one pulling your hair out feeling confused and angry. Disengage.

 

You can't win this. You can't change his thought process. You can't change his views. Everytime you challenge him, he will tear you down.

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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by the way, the "slightest provocation" incident he's referring to was him inviting me over to his cousin's house.

 

on the way there he tells me i'm also going to meet his cousin's friend who will be, without a doubt the most beautiful person i have ever met.

 

i kind of laugh as that's a strange thing to say and he goes,

 

"no, seriously. she is like very beautiful. a gorgeous, gorgeous girl. if she were my type she would have to watch out"

 

then, we walk in the door. lmfao

 

she turned out to be nothing special of course. actually, i liked her and we got along.

 

what he said was really still sticking like a thorn in my side though.

 

another one of their guy friends came over.

 

in a lull in the conversation, i took the opportunity to take my revenge. i told everyone there exactly what he had said with a smile on my face and her and i laughed.

 

BAAHAHAHAHA

 

dead silence from the guys. then they quickly went for smoke breaks.

 

priceless.

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

Posted
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Makes my skin crawl. He's poking you for a response. He's selecting the right words to make you react. Don't give in. This will just keep going on and on. And this type of guy, lives for the drama and the attention. Any attention is good attention. Feed him and he will drag you. Cut him off and you will find peace.

 

It's up to you. You can keep debating with him. He will never stand to lose anything as he is not emotionally invested in you. This is a game to him. Manipulation at it's best. You on the other hand can keep debating, suffer emotionally and mentally and in the end, you will lose. This is not your game to win.

 

He's a cool cat in his emails. I can see him smiling deviantly behind his computer as he concocts ways to get you going. And you...you're the one pulling your hair out feeling confused and angry. Disengage.

 

You can't win this. You can't change his thought process. You can't change his views. Everytime you challenge him, he will tear you down.

 

He will never stand to lose anything as he is not emotionally invested in you.

ouch.

 

wow. ummm... who are you?

 

i hope it it sunny wherever you are :)

 

you know exactly what to say.

 

so so true. thankyou.

 

i am printing this and sticking it on my bedroom door!!

 

now i feel like i not only owe it to myself but to you guys too.

 

 

this might sound juvenile but i am going to add a :cool: face to my signature for every day i maintain nc. when i get 7, i'll change it to a :bunny:

 

i hope to see rows of bunnies soon. or to maybe not even have to come here out of necessity anymore :)

 

xoxo

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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just blocked his email. auto-delete.

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

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I'm sorry bikinibeach. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just that we have to see this for what it is. If someone who tells you bluntly that all they want from you is sex and then you can go on your way, there is hardly any emotional tie in a proposition like that. My ex was the same way. And while I still fantasised that he did still have an emotional attachment to me, eventhough he treated me like crap, I was fooling myself.

 

Someone who still has love and care for you, even after a break up, will never manipulate you that way or perceive you as a mere object.

 

Yes, please disengage. Good job for blocking him!!

TheHurtProcess Established Member

TheHurtProcess

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How old is this guy? No offense to you, but he sounds like he's 12.

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

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How old is this guy? No offense to you, but he sounds like he's 12.

 

sigh...wouldnt be the first time i've heard that.

 

he's 26.

 

have any single girl friends? i'll give you his pof profile number!! lol

TheHurtProcess Established Member

TheHurtProcess

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sigh...wouldnt be the first time i've heard that.

 

he's 26.

 

have any single girl friends? i'll give you his pof profile number!! lol

 

I'll just register as a female and hit him up, haha.

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

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I normally say there are two sides to every story. I always preach about forgiveness, but you can't excuse the fact this guy is a total moron. I would break NC one last time here. I wouldn't be able to resist...How about writing him a poem. Something like...

 

I need to be honest and I have to be true,

Assclown is my new knickname for you..

I no longer care, I'm no longer sad,

You are far from the best sex, that I've ever had..

 

You think you are all that and think you are so cool,

Never in my life, have I met a bigger fool..

I'm so glad and happy, now we have now split

Boy did I dodge a major bullet..

 

I feel sorry for the girl that ends up with you,

You are the equivalent of chewing gum, stuck on my shoe..

Now please take the hint and always leave me be,

I'm so much better happier, now that I'm back to me..

 

Tada!!

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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i can't speak for bikinibeach but i have to say - - i love it!! :laugh:

TheHurtProcess Established Member

TheHurtProcess

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Who wants to bet that within the next 6 months, this guy wins a Darwin award? :laugh:

amethyste Established Member

amethyste

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I normally say there are two sides to every story. I always preach about forgiveness, but you can't excuse the fact this guy is a total moron. I would break NC one last time here. I wouldn't be able to resist...How about writing him a poem. Something like...

 

I need to be honest and I have to be true,

Assclown is my new knickname for you..

I no longer care, I'm no longer sad,

You are far from the best sex, that I've ever had..

 

You think you are all that and think you are so cool,

Never in my life, have I met a bigger fool..

I'm so glad and happy, now we have now split

Boy did I dodge a major bullet..

 

I feel sorry for the girl that ends up with you,

You are the equivalent of chewing gum, stuck on my shoe..

Now please take the hint and always leave me be,

I'm so much better happier, now that I'm back to me..

 

Tada!!

 

Lolololololol :lmao:

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bikinibeach Established Member

bikinibeach

Posted
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Posted
I normally say there are two sides to every story. I always preach about forgiveness, but you can't excuse the fact this guy is a total moron. I would break NC one last time here. I wouldn't be able to resist...How about writing him a poem. Something like...

 

I need to be honest and I have to be true,

Assclown is my new knickname for you..

I no longer care, I'm no longer sad,

You are far from the best sex, that I've ever had..

 

You think you are all that and think you are so cool,

Never in my life, have I met a bigger fool..

I'm so glad and happy, now we have now split

Boy did I dodge a major bullet..

 

I feel sorry for the girl that ends up with you,

You are the equivalent of chewing gum, stuck on my shoe..

Now please take the hint and always leave me be,

I'm so much better happier, now that I'm back to me..

 

Tada!!

 

ok... i read this 3 times and laughed each time!

 

thanks for seeing my point of view and validating my sanity!

 

'assclown is my new nickname for you' lol

lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

Posted
Posted

You know what sucks? All this bitterness you have towards each other. That's what's really sad here. No denying you both loved each other very much at one point. I think you both need to let it go and do some growing up. You're definitely hurt, and so is he. And I don't know why you're laughing? Hurt feelings, letting go, moving on, broken hearts, love lost, isn't fun. Maybe when you both can dig a little deeper and be honest with each other without trying to gain any ground, then you should talk.

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