Co worker break up and job loss..what is going on?

[NoDice]

So my girlfriend(and coworker) of the last 5 months dumped me right before 4th of july, throughout our time together there were issues with her communicating, her ex had space issues and she stopped being friends with him because of it but blamed me, even though he obviously still had feelings for her. She hated arguing, which we only did 4 times, walked all over me most of the time, but I still loved her and would let her know that since she told me that this was her first serious relationship (shes 27) that that kind of stuff wasn't cool. Anyways I treated her like a queen for the most part, I was understanding, caring, loving, supportive, and willing. I got her flowers, spent mothers day with her mom and grandma and family(first bf to do that), gifts, suprizes, did yard work for her, fixed her bike, picking up the tab usually, massages, cooked dinner, anything really...and without her asking most of the time and not really caring if I got anything in return. she would go quiet if I was ever bummed out and flip any situation back onto me for example "Me- You told me you coming over after the movie at your place that was done at 9, I was waiting since then and its now 11:30" Why didn't you give me a heads up?'- "My roommates(who adored me) and I started playing a drinking game instead and got drunk, I didn't feel like taking the bus, and knew you would be upset so I didn't want to call" "Why are you making me feel like **** for wanting to have fun with my friends?" But other times things were good and she would tell my how good i was to her, and that I am a keeper like her mom said. So a few months ago she backs out of our plan on moving in later this year because we argue and that scares her, then 3 weeks ago she un-invites me on the hawaii trip she and her friends were going on a week after inviting me.. so I was let down and I asked her "do I make you happy?" and shes like yeah but I need space,(fyi- she was unhappy with her roommates, her job, her dysfunctional dad, her cats, and her friends) and I asked ok well "if I wasn't making you happy you would tell me right?" and shes like of course you do...

 

So she comes over one night after work (to hang out & spend the night she said)and a great! week together... all of the sudden she starts talking about how things have been so rough between us and how she doesn't know if its going to work but it has to, we talk then kiss have sex(sex was horrible because towards the very end she went dead fish and at the very end started crying) I wouldn't have done it if I had noticed we both got off but after she got off it was like a different story..I felt horrible still do.. anyways she says she doesn't know if she loves me..even though 20 mins before she said she did...started bawling for 45 mins saying shes so unhappy, that we aren't a good match, that we bring out the worst in each other, etc etc etc every vague excuse ever..no concrete reasons.. then starts crying again and holds me, then lays on the couch holding her stomach telling me to look at what its doing to her..I was calm held her hand and said "baby no relationship is going to be easy but if there were things bothering you, why wait till now to bring them up instead of address them when they first started?" No answer! She said it had been stewing for over a month, and that she felt awful about it and cried more, said I was a good person but not right for her...she left, then I ran outside grabbed her and kissed and hugged her and told her think about it..and that I loved her..(called her 3 times right after she left but she didn't pick up, shock reaction)..

 

then NC.

 

So the next day I called into work because I was crying like goat and didn't want to see her, trying to figure out why this had happened, and what her reasons were, she wasn't very mature, shy, very flighty, and pretty in that too pretty to not have issues way.

 

On the 4th... shes texts me saying shes playing pinball(something i taught her) and that she cares... I was weak and said I cared and asked if we could try again? She said "I do care, but I don't know right now sorry" I text back like an idiot saying "We had something, there was some kind of love between us, I wish you would give it a chance, I still love you"...she texts back " I am drunk right now, so it doesn't count"..

 

NC again

 

on thursday I found out I was being asked to resign because of calling in on sunday even though my manager gave it to me off...(best week ever)

 

on friday my next day I was suppose to be back at work she texts me during the day "did you quit work?'..I ignored it.

 

So I am stuck, I look back and see she treated me like total **** sometimes, but other times she was supportive and nice...I never was rude to her, or cheat, or anything, or did anything to piss her off really. She would always say you are so great and honorable thats why I am hanging onto you. The thing is I don't know if shes going to try and contact me again, because so far when I have been trying to heal, when I am hitting a break through she pops up..

 

Could things ever work out? I am not sure to me and to my understanding she has things she needs to work out with herself, if I am just some casualty of her trying to make her life a better place then whatever, but I do still love her even though shes one cold ass child/woman..My main issue with letting go is that physically she was my ideal type (tall, I am 6'6 so its hard to find) dark hair, dark eyes, nice body, we had a lot in common since I was barely a year older. Its just hard ...shes still on my FB(but blocked) since we have a ton of mutual work friends or ex work friends now...

 

What do I do? How do I cope when it seems like she just got scared backed out? I feel like I lost the best thing ever? And honestly I treated her better than any girl I have ever dated! I lost my job(and where she worked) in part because of my reaction to this...not even my fiance leaving me was so confusing or hurtful.

 

Finding a new job isn't hard but giving the impression that I quit because of her, which I didn't really sucks hard ****.

Edited July 11, 2011 by NoDice
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[wilsonx]

there's an expression... dont crap where you eat... this is the prime reason you do not do this. If it wasn't for you posting her age, I would almost say that you were talking about my ex to the letter.

 

my ex broke up with me for a coworker. said she needed space. etc etc which means the other guy... you! that makes you the rebound. There's no way for you to have the emotional attachment with her that she has with her ex. You can try your hardest but when the ex goes NC on her, it will mess her up and she will blame you. Case in point what just happened to you.

 

There's absolutely nothing you can do but NC. You aren't going to get her back because she doesn't know what she wants. She probably wants her ex because she cant have him while you are making yourself full available to her. I'm not saying NC will bring her back but it will help you move forward and teach you a valuable lesson about rebounds and the power of EX's NC

[NoDice]

there's an expression... dont crap where you eat... this is the prime reason you do not do this. If it wasn't for you posting her age, I would almost say that you were talking about my ex to the letter.

 

my ex broke up with me for a coworker. said she needed space. etc etc which means the other guy... you! that makes you the rebound. There's no way for you to have the emotional attachment with her that she has with her ex. You can try your hardest but when the ex goes NC on her, it will mess her up and she will blame you. Case in point what just happened to you.

 

There's absolutely nothing you can do but NC. You aren't going to get her back because she doesn't know what she wants. She probably wants her ex because she cant have him while you are making yourself full available to her. I'm not saying NC will bring her back but it will help you move forward and teach you a valuable lesson about rebounds and the power of EX's NC

 

She rarely saw her ex and he was not around much at all they had hooked up a couple times after they broke up but she was single for at least 10 months before I started dating her, she is too shy to pull any weird behind the back crap...she felt that not being friends with him would help our relationship since he was being a super creep which was apparent to everyone but her..she asked for NC from him and got it well at least until now but shes not that horrid. I am sorry to hear yours left you for a coworker.. but I cased her for 5 months before asking her out, no toes stepped on.

[smudge21]

I agree with Wilsonx's reply. NC is for your healing now and that's what you need to concentrate on. No one can tell you what may or may not happen in the future, but try not to focus on it. Don't go NC hoping that it will bring her back. She's clearly got a lot of issues that need sorting.

 

My recent ex decided to go back to her previous ex too and due to work we still had to see each other. We tried the whole friends thing but my feelings got too much and I had to say goodbye. In that time she's made it clear that she too still does care for me but sadly it's never going to be as strong as she cares for him.

 

As hard as it is to say it, moving on is for the best (I find it so difficult to accept defeat in my own situation, so do know how difficult it will be for you to do the same).

 

If you want something positive to take with you, just remember that no one knows what the future holds - could she come back, could you find someone new who totally replaces your ex and makes your forget all about her, could you win the lottery... who knows.

[NoDice]

I may have miswrote the ex's space issues....they were friends after they split kind of, saw each other once in a while, but when me and her got together he started showing up more, and being rude towards me, telling her he was happy for for her..after a while she saw he was being creepy and asked him to go but blamed me because I was insecure about him since he emailed her in the beginning of our relationship unknowingly for sex from her.

[wilsonx]

Here's a key lesson in Men vs Women.

 

You can not be insecure with women hanging out with other men, even their ex's. If you are, you must hide it deep inside of you and never let it out, only to your closest male friend.

 

This goes into the jealousy trait. This is where you as a gentleman have to battle this conflict with yourself. If you were jealous of her hanging out with him, then its time for you to end the relationship. You and I both know that ex's can't hang out together. It's impossible because of the emotional attachment between them. My biggest problem in my last relationship with my ex was her hanging out with her ex. It ate me alive and ultimately ended the relationship a year later. That and the cheating at the end. But that was her fault not mine

[NoDice]

Here's a key lesson in Men vs Women.

 

You can not be insecure with women hanging out with other men, even their ex's. If you are, you must hide it deep inside of you and never let it out, only to your closest male friend.

 

This goes into the jealousy trait. This is where you as a gentleman have to battle this conflict with yourself. If you were jealous of her hanging out with him, then its time for you to end the relationship. You and I both know that ex's can't hang out together. It's impossible because of the emotional attachment between them. My biggest problem in my last relationship with my ex was her hanging out with her ex. It ate me alive and ultimately ended the relationship a year later. That and the cheating at the end. But that was her fault not mine

 

 

I totally agree and understand, but I don't think he Ex was the main reason, or the ultimate decider in the end of our relationship he only came up a handful of times, and she told me that it was taken care of and that there was nothing to worry about since he was moving to china in a few months. I just wanted advice on the rest of the relationship really and what could possibly have driven it so far that she just gave up...

[wilsonx]

well, when i first read this, I thought it was my ex... I reread this 3 times just to make sure it wasn't

 

From my personal experience with this, she's a runner. You said she does not talk about anything or like talking about anything. She's immature. She keeps everything bottled in. She's not happy for some reason. She probably has low self esteem. She probably wasn't truly over her ex.

 

I can list 30 more reasons from my ex and be correct but the mindset you have to get into now is it doesn't matter anymore. You have to start moving forward. Is there something you learned from dating someone like her? I will give you a hint... what takes a relationship to work... communication. So in the future, if you were to date someone like her again, you know you have to walk away or you are going to be in the same problem all over again

 

Bringing it up one time, is jealousy.

[NoDice]

well, when i first read this, I thought it was my ex... I reread this 3 times just to make sure it wasn't

 

From my personal experience with this, she's a runner. You said she does not talk about anything or like talking about anything. She's immature. She keeps everything bottled in. She's not happy for some reason. She probably has low self esteem. She probably wasn't truly over her ex.

 

I can list 30 more reasons from my ex and be correct but the mindset you have to get into now is it doesn't matter anymore. You have to start moving forward. Is there something you learned from dating someone like her? I will give you a hint... what takes a relationship to work... communication. So in the future, if you were to date someone like her again, you know you have to walk away or you are going to be in the same problem all over again

 

Bringing it up one time, is jealousy.

 

 

Thank you man.

 

I don't get the jealousy part though, I wasn't jealous I just told her it was weird to be such good friends with an ex if he obviously still has feelings for you, and she said she didn't have feelings for him, and thats why she eventually cut him off... if anything her defending his actions all the time made me more frustarted than anything.. but thank you...it wasn't worth it and when that issue came up I should have read the warning signs.

[TheHurtProcess]

well, when i first read this, I thought it was my ex... I reread this 3 times just to make sure it wasn't

 

From my personal experience with this, she's a runner. You said she does not talk about anything or like talking about anything. She's immature. She keeps everything bottled in. She's not happy for some reason. She probably has low self esteem. She probably wasn't truly over her ex.

 

I can list 30 more reasons from my ex and be correct but the mindset you have to get into now is it doesn't matter anymore. You have to start moving forward. Is there something you learned from dating someone like her? I will give you a hint... what takes a relationship to work... communication. So in the future, if you were to date someone like her again, you know you have to walk away or you are going to be in the same problem all over again

 

Bringing it up one time, is jealousy.

 

Oh yes... I know the "runner" type. My ex was the same way. Bottled everything up inside, ran from all of her problems, even the problems between the two of us, including me. She ran from her exes, she runs from problems with her family, problems at work, school, etc... you name it.

 

I haven't talked to her since the last time she ran off and that was about the 3rd or 4th time in the past couple of months. I didn't go NC because I wanted to move on/heal, I went NC because I didn't have a choice. She just up and stopped talking to me altogether sort of like your ex did. In other words, they ran far away from the latest problem...us/the relationship.

 

She is going to continue to run until she confronts this issue. You need to just go NC and leave her be. Maybe she'll turn around and run back this direction. But, I highly doubt you're going to want to reconcile with someone who is just going to up and leave you again when the going gets a little tough. I'm definitely not going to put up with that s**t

[wilsonx]

Im actually jealous of you 2 at the moment. I wish to god that my ex would leave me alone. She keeps finding reasons to contact me. I told her this last time that its time for her to move on. I already have. You know I get 2-3 weeks out from not talking to her and she reappears somehow in my life. Everytime I hear her name or see her name, my stomach churns and I feel sick. I know I was probably in the worst relationship of my life but my biggest problem is like NoDice, I had no clue what to do. I have never dealt with someone like her before. I did not know how to walk away from her. I have friends I work with say, its a shame because you 2 were such good friends. We really were the best of friends.

 

This is the part we both miss in each other. Right now its hitting me hard, I mean really hard. Its starting to hit her but she is on her emotional crutch right now thats why Im getting the bull**** emails. I am having a hard time letting go but I have to .

[TheHurtProcess]

Im actually jealous of you 2 at the moment. I wish to god that my ex would leave me alone. She keeps finding reasons to contact me. I told her this last time that its time for her to move on. I already have. You know I get 2-3 weeks out from not talking to her and she reappears somehow in my life. Everytime I hear her name or see her name, my stomach churns and I feel sick. I know I was probably in the worst relationship of my life but my biggest problem is like NoDice, I had no clue what to do. I have never dealt with someone like her before. I did not know how to walk away from her. I have friends I work with say, its a shame because you 2 were such good friends. We really were the best of friends.

 

This is the part we both miss in each other. Right now its hitting me hard, I mean really hard. Its starting to hit her but she is on her emotional crutch right now thats why Im getting the bull**** emails. I am having a hard time letting go but I have to .

 

Well knowing my ex, I have a feeling that she'll pop up one day out of the blue. I'm not sure if it's going to be anytime soon. But with her track record, she'll make an appearance or two sometime in the future. She did it to her ex-bf a month or two after we started dating. She definitely got her closure with him. That's for sure.

[wilsonx]

Runners will, they always do, they are the true definition of GIGS.

 

 

I have 2 female friends I work with that are runners and they both said they always try to run back to what was good and comfortable. You just have to get to the point where you are indifferent when they do make a reappearance in your life.

[TheHurtProcess]

Runners will, they always do, they are the true definition of GIGS.

 

 

I have 2 female friends I work with that are runners and they both said they always try to run back to what was good and comfortable. You just have to get to the point where you are indifferent when they do make a reappearance in your life.

 

Let's just hope I have that time. Regardless, if she were to "run" back tomorrow, it's over my friend.

[NoDice]

Runners will, they always do, they are the true definition of GIGS.

 

 

I have 2 female friends I work with that are runners and they both said they always try to run back to what was good and comfortable. You just have to get to the point where you are indifferent when they do make a reappearance in your life.

 

 

What is GIGS? A mutual friend of me and my ex talked to me last night at a BBQ and I made sure I seemed as happy as I possibly could and didn't bring her up at all, I was joking around and laughing with everyone. Yet another friend pulled me aside there and told me "We all know you treated her like a queen, I am sorry" and then left.

 

I just don't get it, shes a shy runner, which is like a double negative I think. Anyways don't be jealous of me Wilson , I can't get her out of my head or give up on hope completely yet..its lethal but it doesn't seem possible right now.

[TheHurtProcess]

"What is GIGS?"

 

Here's a link to Homebrew's GIGS thread. Check it out. It should help you out considerably.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/