cdclint Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Iam a 21 year old and i have had been dating her for almost 2 years , i have never cheated, or more or less glanced at another woman.. let alone another man. Over the past 8 years since i started dating ive been dumped over 20 times for miscellaneous reasons from them moving, cheating then dumping me, and so forth. I ussually put the woman before my own self, dont bring up anything of my past, and put forth my effort towards the womans troubles.. and try and work them out together. This relationship does mean alot to me though obviously doesnt resemble anything in her view. 10 days ago was Canada day, and obviously all my friends went to get drunk and or just have a good time, in the end her friend saw me holding another womans hand... such a small thing eh ? i was also holding a mans hand... (4 people in a line holding hands and singing OH canada. Ect. My ex took it as cheating and says she cant trust me ? , she went out.. about a week later..got drunk as per ussual though i do not like the idea of getting completely wasted... since alcoholism runs in my family and ive seen everything from poisoning to dieing from suffocating off their own vomit as well i suffered from some sort of liver failure when i was a teenager (i hadnt drank) . Before getting drunk she started to make out with another individual.. who was another woman, than when she was drunk she started sucking on some guys fingers and toes (screwed up eh? ) eventually she passed out naked (for some reason....) than woke up in different clothes... somehow...To my opinioon who ever the girl was... shes an individual... and i consider that cheating.. as per the man... i think shes leaving out some aspects... so more or less i presume she cheated on me twice in one night.,, than there is wondering rumours of her grinding half naked men @ clubs ect.. so that adds to the fact as well...All the information she gave me.. And so i called her a HIPOCRITE.. since i hold a womans hand and she flips sh**. Than she has some binge thing and more or less cheated twice.. showing no regard for sacrific in a relationship. In the end i WAS upset,, but iam used to people cheating on me, and so.. i forgave her.. though i promised her.. ill never make her live it down (i eventually would have though) After the one word of HIPOCRITE.. she dumped me saying she couldnt do this anymore... than i tried to describe the situation from my sight.. she declined everyyy singggleee aspecttttt of my feelings on the situation.. i eventually talked her back into coming back to me... than the next day (today) she dumped me again,,, i did show some remorse... but not enough to catch her back... i really want her back.. but everyone says other wise after hearing of my situation... I just hate starting over a relationship and being lonely in the feild.. and rather not be a "Player"... im more or less in it for finding the right person. I was wondering your opinions on my situation and any reasonings to this. I'd appreciate it.
wilsonx Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER forgive someone that cheated on you to their face. It shows that you have no dignity as a guy. Women will never respect you if you do. Having it happen to you in the past is no excuse. This is a lesson for the future. If you have such high standards for yourself that you aren't going to cheat then you should have those expectations for your significant others. If they violate them, then you kick them to the curb and move on. It's that simple. Another key hint is when a woman is breaking up with you as a guy. Say absolutely nothing, just sit there take it in and listen to it. Its going to be the most painful experience but you have to take it. When she's done and you have said nothing, she will question herself. You have 2 things to do. #1 Start NC immediately and walk away #2 Agree with the breakup and walk away and start NC pick one of these 2 and do it. She will realize that she made a mistake because you did not validate her reasons for the breakup. She will question it over and over and over and over in her head and you keep walking away and NEVER look back. That is the best revenge to someone that's a cheater. As for finding someone else... thats what you need to do immediately if someone cheats on you. There's no such thing as a being a player if you do not cheat or aren't looking to sleep with a bunch of women. I personally would rather be lonely then be with a cheater. Any normal person would.
Sebstian Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Hey CD, I can understand how frustrating this thing must be for you and I feel sorry for you. I think you should forget about this relationship and start working on the issues that gets you dumped 20 times. It will be very hard to turn things around now, as you have screwed it up with your behaviour. It seems to me that you do a lot of things wrong when it comes to interacting with women. However, you must get something right to begin with as you got dumped so many times, which is a good starting point ;-) It seems to me that you are way too compliant, that you don't value yourself enough and don't put your foot down when you should - and women hate that! For instance, when she freaked over that ridiculous hand holding, you should have told her that you found her insecurity unattractive and that you'd happily help her pack her bags and call her a taxi. She would have apologized for being silly and respected you for being prepared to walk away if she didn't live up to your standards. Right now you have no standards. You're willing to accept her fooling around, her punishing you for doing nothing wrong, and willing to accept her treating you like dirt and then dumping you. Women want strong men! And strong men don't take no ****. Basically you shouldn't put your gf before yourself too much. That doesn't translate into being and a-hole. She wont respect you for not valuing yourself, rather she'll loose attraction as it's a clear sign that you think she's better than you and you're the one who got lucky. Insecurity and low self worth = sexual repellants. I would advice you to read 'train your girlfriend'. It's not the most politically correct book, but it's spot on none-the-less. Also, you might want to work on the things that build high self esteem - you can't fake it anyways. Helping out in community centers, hit the gym, devoting your time to your hobbies etc. ~Good luck // Sebastian
Author cdclint Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Thanks guys, but someone she turned it back on me :/ More or less she said i used her ? Though i cant possiblely thing of how i could have used her in the first place. When we were intimate... she started it.. so she cant blame me their, i asked her every single time before i went out with friends, and gave her every oportunity to be with me, and she has "no" in her vocab. as well.. as she used it, soo, what do ya thinkk ?
Author cdclint Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 And..... I have COITUS alott. (Just wanted to add that out for Sebstian
wilsonx Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Thanks guys, but someone she turned it back on me :/ More or less she said i used her ? Though i cant possiblely thing of how i could have used her in the first place. When we were intimate... she started it.. so she cant blame me their, i asked her every single time before i went out with friends, and gave her every oportunity to be with me, and she has "no" in her vocab. as well.. as she used it, soo, what do ya thinkk ? There's a couple of things I want you to read and learn from. This mentality is not what women want. As the guy, you need to control the relationship. You control you first, you never ask for permission to be yourself and do what you want to do. Also do a search here for alphamale... its called alpha males guide to keeping women around. Its spot on accurate. Theres a good book you should read. It's called No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
Author cdclint Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Aha! She admited to cheating... with a guy @ the binge thing. So more or less she did cheat on me twice.. though the reasoning for her dumping me... is because she knew i would not do so.. Though in my opinion.. No one gave her the right to run the relationship, and personally i would like to have a say in what happend in the end.
wilsonx Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 No one gave her the right to run the relationship, and personally i would like to have a say in what happend in the end. Your actions and your lack of actions gave her the right to run the relationship.
Author cdclint Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 True, though in the end I found out what i wanted, and Ill read that book. Ive never really tried to run a relationship due to childhood troubles (we all had them and they afect us in different ways). Thanks for the help guyss.
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