Author RuinedLife Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) Mack I'm so sorry you feel like I'm a lost cause to you. And I know I can't make you believe me, but I am doing many of the things suggested to try and help myself. Reading all the self help books you and others recommended, listing to self hypnosis videos online, writing my poetry, journaling, getting therapy, going out as much as I can given my ill health to visit other family and spending time with my brother and my parents playing games and talking about many things (not just my problems), helping my mother cook dinner, wash the dishes, sort the laundry, etc, offering advice to others on this forum so they can hopefully learn from my experiences and not make my mistakes. But I know my constant posts must be warring for you, so I do sincerely apologize for that. And I acknowledge that you are right about me, that I need help. And I am getting therapy and doing the CBT so hopefully in time that will give me more tools that I need to better manage my anxiety and depression alone. I know you may not believe me, especially given my repeated posts written in moments of intense desperation, but I really do want to get better, I really really do. And sometimes I do wonder whether my place on this Earth is wasted, but I really hope that in the long term that is not the case, because I don't want to die or end up in a mental hospital (even though it has been suggested and is still a possibility for me and if I again get worse I would willingly go to reduce my family's suffering). All I can say is how grateful I am for all your support thus far, and to apologize for any stress I have put you through, as that was never my intention. I can't, however, promise not to post more of the same because this is the best outlet for the pain I'm feeling that I've found and coming here just makes me feel like I belong somewhere, and that really does mean a lot to me right now, as I've been banned from other depression sites, for.. yes you guessed it.. being too depressing and I would hate to lose this place too, as I really do want to belong somewhere. I'm really hoping that my medication will help me to keep my emotions more in check, its already working a bit, but I may need an increased dosage, so I will go back to my doctor to ask about that if I show no signs of improvement soon. And I promise I will get all the help I need to get me back on the right track and I will do everything in my power to get me back on that track. I'm sending my love your way Mack. You are such a kind caring guy and you don't deserve the hassle that someone like me can cause. Please please don't stress out any more because of me, you've been through more than enough yourself. You deserve better in life than having to stress out about me. I really do wish you all the best in life, and its clear that you are very dedicated to helping others which is very commendable. Just please, don't stress out about me anymore. Edited July 13, 2011 by RuinedLife
Mack05 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Ruined I just want to help you. I really feel for you. Tonight I will be praying for someone I have never met!...I just have this impression that you believe if you keep posting here on "how much you are sorry" and "how much you love him" that you think he will come back!!! You have no idea of the damage you are doing to yourself. I can see it, everyone here can see it. Most people here are suffering from a broken heart. They are fixable with the correct support, grieving and time. Your problems go so way beyond that. In your current state if I was your ex I would run a mile. Not only that but in your current state, you will not find any man. How many more posts, how many more excuses before the penny drops??Keep going the way you are going and soon your problems will no longer be fixable...Is obsessing over this man really worth that? You will only get better if you want to get better but you don't. You would rather get more and more unhealthy and stay stuck on a fantasy that has 0% chance of happening. You have lost 6 months of your life on this futility, How much more?? I have spent time in A&E visiting a friend. You should go down there and get a reality check and see real people with real problems.
coltsfan1 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Ruined- I have been where you are, when the first breakup happened with my current ex I was unemployed but attending school. I would snoop, ask questions about her, and get TOTALLY wasted. I would cry in public and keep my girl friends up till all hours of the night. I then I got her back and gave everything to make it work and you know what happened? She treated me worse then ever!!! You have to take responsibilities for your actions, realize that YOU CAN change, then do it!!!! It is your life grab hold of it, become a better woman and at some point you will see your ex and he will forgive you. It won't be anytime soon, but he will eventually do it. Mack is willing to help you in anyway he can and doesn't even know you, never met you, but knows exactly where you are with this. Why don't you take him up on it, might be the thing that helps you to realize you CAN pull through this!!
stray Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Ruined... Mack was very sweet to offer his help to you. I'm not as nice; I'll just give it to you straight. You need to start taking care of yourself. And I mean, YOU taking care of YOURSELF. I don't know how old you are, but I think the problem here is you're very use to peole taking care of things for you and solving your problems for you. There is no pill or therapy that's going to force you to GROW UP! You have to actually grow up, all by yourself! You can keep putting it off, or you can begin - now! Get a job, maybe go back to school, learn something - anything! HELP OTHERS in REAL LIFE - volunteer work, etc., move out on your own! You have to prove to yourself you can hold yourself up if you want your mind to change. NO ADVICE is going to prove that to you. No posting on ANY board is going to make you grow up. You have to do it in real life - buy your own food, get yourself to the doctor, or work, make plans with friends and keep them, GIVE to others without expecting anything in return, prioritize your needs, organize your time. You can't appreciate life at all if you just sit around all day feeling sorry for yourself. You pick YOURSELF up, or no one picks you up. Your call.
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