lulu2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Back story: Married 6 years. DH left me in January, and we have 1 kid together. When he left in Jan he said it was because he didnt love me in that way anymore. That he has been wanting a divorce for a few years. So he moved out. I found out 3 months later that he had a long distance affair starting about 6 months prior (found sex pictures and videos). Then in Jan their affair spun up with visits and love letter sent through email. He spent those 3 months in what was leading to a serious relationship with her. Then when I found out about her their relationship ended because it caused too much stress. I dont think she knew he was still married or with me when they started to hook up. So since I found out I have been through the many emotions...rage, anger, saddness, depression, etc, etc...I did things to him that I regret. Now for the past few weeks I have found myself asking him for a second change at our marriage. He says things are too far gone and there has been things said and done that we will never get over. More so on his part. He is affaid that I will never get over it and that our marriage will never be the same. He thinks I will never be able to be sexual with him the same again. He says he does not have the "want" inside him to fix things. He has no desire to be with me. He says he cares for me deeply but that the love faded a while ago for him. When things were good it was amazing. We had a great friendship and connection and I cant forget about that part of our marriage. i feel that with a little work we can atleast see if we definately can never get back to that place. He says he doesnt want to try and then hurt me again. He feels extreme guilt for how he feels and just wants me to be happy and not hurt by him anymore. WHY do I want him back? He has screwed me over and has rejected me all around, even when he was the one that did wrong....WHY do I continue to torture myself with this? Should I keep hope or let go? And if I keep hope how do I get him to want to try to fix things?
Tasha49 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I'm sorry but, what an *******. You need to find it in yourself to accept that it is what it is and move on. If he wanted everything to work out he would be saying that he loves you and doesn't want to lose you. He needs to say more than "I care about you deeply." That is not enough. He is not worth your time of day when he does something like that to you. He doesn't care. So you need to find the strength to make yourself realize that you deserve better. From what he has told you, he does not want to work on anything. That is not okay.
Author lulu2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Thank you Tasha49 for your response. I dont know why I cant feel that way about it. I want to but I cant. I think it has to do with our daughter. And he has two sons from another marriage that I have been their mom since they were babies (their biomom abandoned them). Its hard for me to give up, I guess.
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