Southofthebay Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Okay, A little history on my relationship. I was with my ex for 4 1/2 years, lived together for 1 1/2 years, I was an ******* to my girlfriend a lot of times, but we had some amazing times together. I was the first man she every did anything sexual with, and she even has my name tattooed on her. I wasn't abusive. But I wasn't giving her what she deserved. I got caught texting another girl and that's what broke off the relationship. Her best friend is my brothers girlfriend. I was already starting to heal a bit from the relationship. It had been 10 days since yesterday that I did not talk to her, complete NC. Yesterday my uncle told me not to give up on her if I really love her because that will mean I honestly didn't think it was worth the time to try. I told him the situation she said she needed time and I thought NC would be the best way to get on with my life, he disagreed. He advised me to talk to my brothers girlfriend, I did. I completely opened up to her about everything! I told her how how I did **** up, I was an incosiderate *******. But also how much I love her. She told me that she spoke to my ex and she said she still misses me and she doesn't know if she would get with me in the future but was an open option. Well, after talking to my brothers GF yesterday, she decided to have a talk with my ex this morning. She told me that my ex was surprised that I would ever open up to her Best friend like that, but she was happy about it. But she said she still needs time. She said that my ex wanted to see improvement and then she would decide if she would take me back. So my brothers GF set up a night to go out as couples kinda next friday. They want to go out to a Night Club. I've never really been to Clubs with my ex, mainly concerts or shows, but we danced for the first time in a night club when we first started talking. I'm not a great dancer, should I consider brushing up on my moves this week? I want to make this night amazing for her. What are some things I should or shouldn't do? Trying to kiss her or being pushy with her would probably be bad right? Flowers? That same day I am moving out to a new place, not too far from where her and I lived, so possibly if we all decide to come back to my new place she might be impressed of my new orgazined place(i lived like a slob here at home and she would clean for the most part). I just don't want to land in the friend zone.. I want to make her happy this night, I want to show her that I am changing. Not just for her but for myself. I have been working on myself alot since the break up which was on the 25th of last month, I've done a lot of reflecting and reading. I've been working out and have lost a lot of weight, probably emo weight but it's very noticable, everyone tells me. I honestly love this girl with all my heart, I was planning on marrying her in the future. I did **** up I made a lot of mistakes throughout our relationship but I am going to change, even if we don't end up back together. So help me out people, I know I know why help me? ****ing dick head that screwed up so much, but I honestly want to make her happy and change everything I did wrong. Thanks,
wilsonx Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) NC means NC from anyone about her or to her. Technically you are not NC. Another thing, you can't be just friends if you have feelings for her. Not going to happen ever. You do not have the strength or the internal game to hide them from her and its going to actually push her further away. The whole needing space thing is a cop out to she's testing out the waters with some other guy. Don't believe me? Read the 1049485869 other posts here. You NEED to separate yourself from the circle. Don't ever listen to retarded uncles or family members that say dont ever give up. Right now, you are not in the right mindset to even consider rebuilding her attraction to you. Whenever you have an EX tell you that they need space. YOU NEED TO IMMEDIATELY pull away and take your own space. You need to go Strict NC, not for her but for you. You need to do something with that NC that improves you which you are doing. You need to do this everyday for at least 2-3 months. After 2-3 months of strict (I mean strict NC ... no checking up on her and no her checking up on you), then thats when you make your decision on what you want to do. If you want to win her back then post here or send me a PM and I will try to help you but you have to be in the mindset that no matter what happens its going to happen. You might not win her back. My best advice is to move on. Second chances suck. Ask any of your friends that have had them or anyone here on this board. They typically dont work Edited July 11, 2011 by wilsonx
batsheba Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Well it seems the date is all set. And if you back out now, what would happen to the rest of your friends expecting you. So just try to enjoy the evening, do not talk about the past unless she opens it up. Make it known to her through actions and not words that you regret having been *** in the past and you will try everything to make it work. All the best!
Author Southofthebay Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 NC means NC from anyone about her or to her. Technically you are not NC. Another thing, you can't be just friends if you have feelings for her. Not going to happen ever. You do not have the strength or the internal game to hide them from her and its going to actually push her further away. The whole needing space thing is a cop out to she's testing out the waters with some other guy. Don't believe me? Read the 1049485869 other posts here. You NEED to separate yourself from the circle. Don't ever listen to retarded uncles or family members that say dont ever give up. Right now, you are not in the right mindset to even consider rebuilding her attraction to you. Whenever you have an EX tell you that they need space. YOU NEED TO IMMEDIATELY pull away and take your own space. You need to go Strict NC, not for her but for you. You need to do something with that NC that improves you which you are doing. You need to do this everyday for at least 2-3 months. After 2-3 months of strict (I mean strict NC ... no checking up on her and no her checking up on you), then thats when you make your decision on what you want to do. If you want to win her back then post here or send me a PM and I will try to help you but you have to be in the mindset that no matter what happens its going to happen. You might not win her back. My best advice is to move on. Second chances suck. Ask any of your friends that have had them or anyone here on this board. They typically dont work Wilsonx, You were so right. I feel like a fool for not listening. Long story short, throughout the time since I started this post, I went through a lot. We set up the date, she said okay, the night before the date she cancels. I call her and told her what the hell? She said we should the next week, she still wants to see me, and wants to get back together. During this time she's whoring out on Facebook posting pictures of her letting some tmz cast member writing over her breast(not naked but still) . she acts completely cool until the night before the date. She started acting ****ed up. The day of the date, we were supposed to go to a nice beach bar & grill, she says she doesnt want to because its too cold, she dressed like she was doing laundry and didn't want to go anywhere. We end up at a bar because we were with her friend and my brother(which is her friends bf). It was brutal I looked like a desperate kid trying to get her to be the least inteested in my presence. She acted like a complete Bitch. She acted as if I wasnt there, and even went as far as indirectly offending me through a conversation with her friend. I ended it that night. It hurts but I feel better now, im not getting suckered around. I just need to start meeting new women, which is hard because all my friends have girls , most which know her. Not that it matters but I have no wingman. Plus, she tore my self esteem right off my balls. I guess I just need time and wkrk on my game. when I talk to girls I feel like I'm coming on too desperate... I can't help it though... I wish I would have took your advice so bad. She would have been the one calling me by now.
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