LK30 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Hi all! I've written on here loads - mainly whingeing about being unlucky in love. Wanted to mention this one though. I'm 31 and do voluntary work, and today I ran an activity alongside a girl who was asked to come and help as we were short staffed. We clicked completely, had lots in common, had the most bizarre conversation that people wouldn't understand, and talked for hours... And then I realised she's only 20 half way through!! Absolutely gutted because the age gap would not be acceptable, and I tried to carry on the conversation imagining that just for a while she was my age (the fact she's 19 was barely noticeable). How bloody frustrating! She had all the qualities I have wished for in a girl, and these people don't come along very often, but yet again there's something that someone 'up there' is putting in the way to test me and make me wait!! I've heard the song 'you can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait' but come on, gimme a break!!
Damien Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I really think you should've given her a fair chance to be honest. Why is the age gap 'unacceptable' to you by the way?
Author LK30 Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Hi Damien, I remember posting on here once before when a girl of 19 took an interest and people on here said it was disgusting! I certainly don't want to give people the impression I go around trying to attract younger girls, but I think my line of work and social circles means I have more contact with younger people than girls my own age. I suppose younger girls aren't fully developed emotionally and physically, so perhaps more chance they just see it as a crush. Funny coz I dropped her home today and her mum waved at me. She then phoned the girl and said 'got a new boyfriend?' while we were sitting in the car. I told her she had better not try to kiss me as her mum would get wrong idea and she turned and said to me 'i'm not that bad!' I really think that joke was not a good one at all and I cringe even writing about it!!
Damien Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Hi Damien, I remember posting on here once before when a girl of 19 took an interest and people on here said it was disgusting! I certainly don't want to give people the impression I go around trying to attract younger girls, but I think my line of work and social circles means I have more contact with younger people than girls my own age. I suppose younger girls aren't fully developed emotionally and physically, so perhaps more chance they just see it as a crush. Funny coz I dropped her home today and her mum waved at me. She then phoned the girl and said 'got a new boyfriend?' while we were sitting in the car. I told her she had better not try to kiss me as her mum would get wrong idea and she turned and said to me 'i'm not that bad!' I really think that joke was not a good one at all and I cringe even writing about it!! Ahh, fair enough. People can be so closed-minded sometimes, a 19yr old and a 31yr old doesn't even seem that big of a gap anyway! The fact that she volunteered for the day gave me the impression that she's a pretty nice girl. However, the comment her mom made really makes me think otherwise Now I'm thinking "Oh god, how many has she had..!" But whatever you decide, don't let others get you down bud .
ascendotum Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) You start with -> We clicked completely, had lots in common, talked for hours, then follow up with -> She then phoned the girl and said 'got a new boyfriend?' while we were sitting in the car. I told her she had better not try to kiss me as her mum would get wrong idea and she turned and said to me 'i'm not that bad!' I really think that joke was not a good one at all and I cringe.." You're certainly not in 'old creepy man' territory yet, and I think you're prematurely writing yourself off. I agree your comment was a bit lame, but it sounds to me like you cringed over what ended up being a great opportunity to test the waters with some subtle flirty banter, as a come back to her comment. If the girl had you pegged in the 'eeeew creepy old guy' category, she would have come back with something like 'I think I'll be abe to contain myself' or 'I think you're safe', said in a sarcastic tone, and not 'i'm not that bad' which practically predisposes you to come back with nice things to say about her. I'm not saying it was sure thing remark from her by any means, just that it was an opportunity to take the conversation in the direction where you could have found out if you were a possible contender. You said girls with all the qualities I have wished for don't come along very often and it sounded like she's just temping at your work, so take a chance and follow up. Screw what others think about a 11 yr age gap. Life's too short to wait around hoping to meet the equivalent 30 yr old women who is still single. Edited July 11, 2011 by ascendotum
Author LK30 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) Thanks ascendotum, a really good way of looking at it from you. I must admit her saying 'i'm not that bad' did sound like she was implying that she wouldn't have minded if I'd taken it further. She did say a couple of other things during the time I spent with her like 'oh you really remind me of a friend I have with your mannerisms' and I replied 'oh, is that a bad thing!' and she then said 'no, he was really nice.' She then texted me last night and we had a brief exchange of messages until she sort of cut the ping-pong short by 'anyway, thanks for today, see you later.' I might see her tomorrow at another event that's running, so will say hello and see what happens from there. If only she was 23/24/25 I would've been straight in there to ask her out. I guess the real positive either way is that despite her age I did hold a great conversation and (hopefully) attracted some interest which shows perhaps I'm more confident than I think, and it is a nice feeling being 'wanted' even if it ends up being cut short. Edited July 11, 2011 by LK30
Author LK30 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Well I didn't see her today as hoped and not had any more texts since Sunday when I met her for the first time, so another one bites the dust!
Author LK30 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Well, unexpectedly I have found myself meeting up with the girl I have been mentioning throughout this thread! Last night I saw her at a meeting but didn't get chance to chat, and afterwards she said 'hey how are you?' in a text and it went from there. We ping-ponged about 20 messages back and forth, and half way through I asked her if she fancied chips on the beach...she said yes! Suprisingly I still felt not quite as ecstatic as I thought I might. Partly because I'm still conscious about her age. Don't get me wrong, it's just a catch up and chat, but things like this can lead to catch up number 2, 3 and so on. I'm meeting her next Weds and I guess I'll have to go from there. I admit I do like being with her but I am also accepting (to myself) that the chances of sustaining a relationship with an age gap are slim. I guess I should be happy I had the guts to ask her out at least!!!
Feelsgoodman Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Hi Damien, I remember posting on here once before when a girl of 19 took an interest and people on here said it was disgusting! I certainly don't want to give people the impression I go around trying to attract younger girls, but I think my line of work and social circles means I have more contact with younger people than girls my own age. I wouldn't put much stock in what bitter old feminists (i.e. Taramere) write on this board. They try to shame you into thinking that going after the young ones is "disgusting" because, let's face it, they are having a hard enough time attracting men as it is. In other words, they are using shaming tactics to minimize competition from younger, hotter, more desirable women (and also to brainwash the young one into thinking that going out with an older man is 'yucky').
zengirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I'm probably a voice on here about how age gaps can get kind of gross, but if you didn't like her because she was 19 (i.e. you genuinely liked her for who she was and didn't realize her age at first), it's not really gross. A little weird and likely destined to fail since you've definitely not had anywhere near the same life experiences, but it happens accidentally. Definitely not my personal cuppa. A 21 year old asked me out the other day and I'm not even 27 yet and found it creepy. But I realize I look younger than I am, so he probably didn't realize. But I think "gross old man" territory is when you start trolling for 19 year olds, not when you happen to meet one who has potential. (I still wouldn't have dated a 31 year old when I was 19, but I also looked about 14 when I was 19 so it would've been super creepy.)
GiselleDiann Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I personally don't see anything wrong with the age gap. If you two have a lot in comment and the conversations flow then there shouldn't be any issues. Now, if you are looking to settle down and get serious with someone then this might not be the girl for you...
Author LK30 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Zengirl - good points there. And actually whenever she texts me she never puts any 'x's' at the end of the messages and funnily enough this was apart from one 'X' and she texted me later to say "i'm really sorry for putting a kiss on the text, I just wrote it in haste and did it subconsciously." I would've thought if she was that keen she'd be a bit more intense, but she seems very controlled and not showing any signs of particular interest so I'm not sure what she's really thinking. In fact, her last text last night was 'see you on Weds' and that's a week away, so it's not like she's messaging me left right and centre. Gosh, life is complicated!!
RickyTaylor Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 It could seem frustrating and strange the age gap but in these days that its not even close to a strange situation. Go for it, if both like each other you or she should move on and be happy.
Author LK30 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Well, the update is I'm meeting this girl on Tuesday. We're going for a drink but i've arranged for us to go Ten Pin Bowling! She doesn't know yet either! I'm trying to treat it as friendship, because I've listened to what people have said, and a 31-19 age gap means it's ok to hang out and good in the short term, but long term this is unlikely to work out. I think it's just nice feeling wanted, even if it unrealistic, because I know if this girl was nearer my age then she'd probably be 'the one!' Not sure if anyone wants to give me some last minute advice! I suppose the obvious one is avoid any 'moments' because if we did kiss then that could give the wrong impression and that wouldn't be fair on her. She certainly hasn't shown any signs of romantic interest so far, so perhaps that's lucky!!
rafallus Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Think more with your penis than with your brain. If she turns you on, and is legal, what's the problem?
Author LK30 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 Well, we went for a walk on the beach tonight and had some chips, then we went ten pin bowling which I didn't tell her beforehand! (I wanted to do an activity rather than staring at each other across the room like a job interview!!) Things went well and we had a great chat, but bit of a no-no really. I guess the age gap would always get in the way, and she did talk about blokes a lot and how many she knows and how she gets on much better with them than women blah blah blah! Almost thought my luck was in because she said 'do u think it's acceptable for me to go out with an older man?' I said it depends on the situation (obviously thinking it was a test and not wanting to rule myself out!) Then she said 'I've been seeing a 30 yr old on the quiet' Bam! Game over!! I've been home an hour and thought she may have texted me as I paid for everything. Perhaps she wonders if I fancy her, or perhaps she just sees me as a mate! It would be nice to feel wanted though!
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