betterdeal Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 It's been about 5 months since I stopped communication with the woman I was last involved with to any degree. I want to express how my life has progressed, and hope that it may be of interest to anyone out there, perhaps starting out afresh, more recently having broken up with someone. I feel a lot more human now. I'm aware of the past and the future, but I am most aware of now. I also appreciate there was a lot of other things affecting me at the time of the break up, and, to be frank, I didn't have the energy for a romantic relationship with someone and to solve the many things that were holding me back. It doesn't feel like I've hit the jackpot, woken up in bed with two supermodels, or been voted Britain's sexiest man. It feels good. Good like sitting down on a comfy chair in a dry place after a long, exhausting yet enjoyable walk in the mountains. I do think of my ex, from time to time, and I am a bit concerned about bumping into her. But I think about the good times now and that's not so painful as it used to be. No-one set out to hurt anyone. Neither of us. I feel younger now. Not so long ago, I felt old before my time. Now I feel refreshed and, most of the time, content, happy, me. I have concerns, but they don't dominate my life. What dominates my life is life. Getting good sleep is important to me. Don't go to bed angry - it never helps. Enjoy every moment, even the difficult ones, because they alongside the easy ones are what life is: a series of moments. And the secret to a happy life is to find things that make you happy and do them.
sleepykitten Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Thanks for posting-its good to read. I am 7 weeks post break up and 1 week nc-its hard, but like you I want to focus on myself and not jump into anything just to make myself feel better. I hope i can make it 5 months down the line and feel more together and happy.Sometimes i feel really lonely, i live in london and its so busy and full theres loads to do but i dont want to go out all the time and numb the pain with drink, new people etc. Dont know if this is right or not though!!
Author betterdeal Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Thanks for posting-its good to read. I am 7 weeks post break up and 1 week nc-its hard, but like you I want to focus on myself and not jump into anything just to make myself feel better. I hope i can make it 5 months down the line and feel more together and happy.Sometimes i feel really lonely, i live in london and its so busy and full theres loads to do but i dont want to go out all the time and numb the pain with drink, new people etc. Dont know if this is right or not though!! Well, you might like to think about going out and meeting people some other way, such as at yoga classes. That's what I did, and massage, and it's given me something to do that isn't just drinking. Not that drinking is bad in itself; rather, too much drinking is. Which bit of London are you in? I lived there fpor 7 years so I know it quite well.
tell-me-more Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Betterdeal It sounds as if you've moved on. These things need to happen organically, it's not an on/off switch that we humans have Being content with oneself is a huge plus in my book. Relying on others to bring contentment is fairly shallow and short lasting. I always find the right person comes into our lives at the right time
Mack05 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Betterdeal It sounds as if you've moved on. These things need to happen organically, it's not an on/off switch that we humans have Being content with oneself is a huge plus in my book. Relying on others to bring contentment is fairly shallow and short lasting. I always find the right person comes into our lives at the right time Nice post tell me more. I couldn't agree more. Maybe people who are in the worst place should read this thread, to give them sort of belief that they will eventually heal and meet someone else..I have come out of my own personal hell recently and have learnt many lessons. One of the biggest lessons is that if you are not happy within yourself, you will not attract the right kind of people for you. Also, when we are happy within ourselves relationships have a far higher chance of success. It's when we rely on others for our happiness do the problems come along..
Author betterdeal Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Aye, mostly. I was thinking today, we all seem to need some form of permanence; something that remains the same through our lives. It's like when you do a yoga stance, it's a lot easier to do a pose if you focus your vision on something static. That's a form of permanence. Now, since I quite my job two months ago, my house rental finishes end of September, and I have extricated myself from my old social life, I wondered what my permanence is nowadays? I think it's me. By taking care of myself first, I am beginning to understand that my relationship with myself is what remains at the centre of my life experience. That doesn't mean I don't miss the good times with X Y or Z ex, but it does mean I get to enjoy every day, whatever it brings, more and more. People come and go. Don't be sad it's over - be happy it happened.
Graceful Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 It doesn't feel like I've hit the jackpot, woken up in bed with two supermodels, or been voted Britain's sexiest man. It feels good. Good like sitting down on a comfy chair in a dry place after a long, exhausting yet enjoyable walk in the mountains. What? No supermodels? No magazine cover? Well, report back when you have those two achievements covered. :bunny: Only kidding, of course! You sound like you're in the best mental space anyone could ask for after only five months, and I applaud what you've learned, what you've accomplished, and how far you've come. You sound like a gentle, caring soul who is heading in the right direction, not in any rush, who's going to keep going forward. You're using your time to heal productively, and it's paying off. Kudos to you, Betterdeal. You can be as choosy as you want in the future, because you deserve the very best and there's no way you should settle for less. Take your time and enjoy the scenery along the way.
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