Butterflying Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 A guy I met three months ago. Things were going great. We spoke every day and had a date at least once a week. He told me he had filed for a divorce from his wife. They had been separated for over a year when we met. Suddenly, the wife returned a month after we started dating, claiming she wanted him back. Then he tells me the divorce papers had been filed incorrectly and would have to be resubmitted. He acted very upset about all of this and assured me he has no intentions of ever taking his ex-wife back. But.... He stopped calling me as much as he used to. He stopped texting. When I call, it always goes to voicemail. It takes days for him to respond to an email. We had planned to spend a weekend together next week (we made the plan a month before the wife returned). All of a sudden he sends me a text message canceling those plans. He didn't even give a reason. Only said that he needed to be somewhere else that weekend. And he apologized for canceling. Obviously, this man is not interested in me anymore (or at least not right now). I stopped contacting him for two weeks. Then he sends an email stating how much he misses me. I responded to that email by telling him a few things that have been going on in my life. He waited a week to reply with a very brief message about how he was thinking of me. I'm just so over this guy!! Even if he's stringing me along, he's not doing a very good job at it.
thehead Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Yeah, you know you're being strung along. Pretty crappy and also pretty common set of actions and excuses he's using. Make sure you make it clear he should lose your number.
Silivren Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 The answer to your question is - yes. You are being stung along. He can't answer your calls and reply to your emails because he is busy wooing his ex-wife and you are a backup in case things don't work out again. Sorry to be so blunt - but it's best not to kid yourself. Chin up, keep looking - a keeper is out there.
Star Gazer Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Suddenly, the wife returned a month after we started dating, claiming she wanted him back. We had planned to spend a weekend together next week (we made the plan a month before the wife returned). Huh? Did you make a plan to spend a weekend together the very night you met?
Author Butterflying Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Huh? Did you make a plan to spend a weekend together the very night you met? It was a few days after we began dating, so give or take a few days, it was still a month prior to the wife's return. Two months later, he and I barely communicate anymore. But he hasn't said anything like "Hey I need some space to sort things out with my wife."
Star Gazer Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 It was a few days after we began dating, so give or take a few days, it was still a month prior to the wife's return. Two months later, he and I barely communicate anymore. But he hasn't said anything like "Hey I need some space to sort things out with my wife." Did it occur to you that it was a little strange (not to mention fast!) to be planning a trip only a few days after you started dating? Especially to a man who had (allegedly) just filed for divorce?
Silivren Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Did it occur to you that it was a little strange (not to mention fast!) to be planning a trip only a few days after you started dating? Especially to a man who had (allegedly) just filed for divorce? ...kind of reminded me of those guys who like to force intimacy too quickly...
Author Butterflying Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Did it occur to you that it was a little strange (not to mention fast!) to be planning a trip only a few days after you started dating? Especially to a man who had (allegedly) just filed for divorce? They had been seperated for a year before he filed. Also, she was living in a different country because "she" left him for another guy. When she returned, she had broken up with that guy and is now planning to move back to the neighborhood she shared with her husband, perhaps maybe they'll get back together. That's not my issue. My issue is with him because he has only told me he ABSOLUTELY does not want her back in his life. He is ANGRY the divorce papers haven't been approved it's going on six months since he filed. He hasn't told me to put things on hold between us, instead he just makes a lot of excuses for why we can't be together. Today I asked him to meet me for dinner since we're both working in the same state away from home. The drive to a dinner spot is halfway for each of us. He told me he can't drive to meet me because he left his drivers license at home. Of course he could take a cab, or he could have offered for me to drive to him instead. Unfortunately, he didn't. He also added that he'd be in meetings most of the evening anyway. "I really really would love to see you," he said. "But I can't because I left my drivers license at home. Sorry :-( "
Author Butterflying Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 ...kind of reminded me of those guys who like to force intimacy too quickly... Actually we haven't forced anything. It's his birthday this week (yesterday actually). When we met, I told him I could get concert tickets for his favorite band. Coincendentally there was s show scheduled for this weekend. I booked it and told him it would be his birthday present. No big deal. We both like the band. When he canceled, there was no mention of the concert, as if he forgot about it, or no longer cares. I didn't push the issue. We haven't had a decent conversation in the past few weeks for me to even address it. I just sold the tickets and made other plans for this weekend. Maybe if he and I ever do have a decent conversation, I'll know where things stand. In the meantime, it feels like I'm being strung along. I don't know what to do.
oaks Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 "I really really would love to see you," he said. "But I can't because I left my drivers license at home. Sorry :-( " Oh well. His loss. I think you know what to do. Good luck with the next one!
Author Butterflying Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) He just sent me a text message further explaining his distress in detail. Mind you... I didn't ask for an explanation. I didn't even question is exuse. I only said "Ok maybe some other time." He claims to be depressed without transportation, so much that the hotel staff feels sorry for him. They had a small birthday celebration for him in the lobby with Little Debbie cakes and junk food. They did this because they felt sorry he was spending his birthday alone without transportation. ....so I wanted to text him back to ask how he's getting to work. I know his job is at least a 30 minute drive from the hotel where he's staying. If he's getting a cab to work, he could also get a cab for dinner tonight. We're both in this state all week until Friday. He knew this. I'm confused why he didn't suggest some way for us to see each other sometime this week even if we can't be together this weekend. Not to mention that I still don't know what caused him to cancel this weekend in the first place. Edited July 13, 2011 by Butterflying
sm1tten Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I think you know that you have to let this one go. Even if he's not entertaining the idea of getting back together with his wife, he's distancing himself from you. Sounds like he wants to keep you an option but isn't willing to make you a priority. On to the next!
curlygirl40 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Simply put, he's unavailable. He's still married. He might like you and miss you, but he has a lot of other things on his mind including his ex wife. Distance yourself it will only end badly. Read some of this website: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ You'll see your situation in there.
carhill Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Then he sends an email stating how much he misses me. I responded to that email by telling him a few things that have been going on in my life. He waited a week to reply with a very brief message about how he was thinking of me. I like you. Good move. He's a Hoover. Move on.
Author Butterflying Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 I responded to his text message with a friendly "it's just not working out." That prompted a phone call from him later that evening. We talked for about three hours. I told him all the reasons his behavior is making even a simple friendship impossible, more or less a relationship. He listened. I told him it's best if we stop communicating, PERIOD. No social networking, phones, nothing. And this is in order for me to move on. I told him I really like him, but not enough to be strung along the way he's been doing. He was disappointed but agreed to let me go. The next day, I got a suprise knock on the door at home. It was him. He decided not to attend his weekend event (a company party hosted by his boss and several other big wigs) and spent the weekend with me instead. The only problem was that I'd already sold the concert tickets so we had to improvise on plans. We had a lovely time anyway. But I don't want him to think my decision to let him go was a temper tantrum. It's not like I'm going to dump him everytime I don't get my way.
KathyM Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 A guy I met three months ago. Things were going great. We spoke every day and had a date at least once a week. He told me he had filed for a divorce from his wife. They had been separated for over a year when we met. Suddenly, the wife returned a month after we started dating, claiming she wanted him back. Then he tells me the divorce papers had been filed incorrectly and would have to be resubmitted. He acted very upset about all of this and assured me he has no intentions of ever taking his ex-wife back. But.... He stopped calling me as much as he used to. He stopped texting. When I call, it always goes to voicemail. It takes days for him to respond to an email. We had planned to spend a weekend together next week (we made the plan a month before the wife returned). All of a sudden he sends me a text message canceling those plans. He didn't even give a reason. Only said that he needed to be somewhere else that weekend. And he apologized for canceling. Obviously, this man is not interested in me anymore (or at least not right now). I stopped contacting him for two weeks. Then he sends an email stating how much he misses me. I responded to that email by telling him a few things that have been going on in my life. He waited a week to reply with a very brief message about how he was thinking of me. I'm just so over this guy!! Even if he's stringing me along, he's not doing a very good job at it. He's back with his wife, and is trying to work it out with her, but is stringing you along in case it doesn't work out with her. Time for you to date other people, and step out of the picture so he can reconcile with the wife. That's the right thing to do.
carhill Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Persistent *and* good looking. A man who is used to getting what he wants. While roses and champagne reign the present, be mindful that we teach people how to treat us. Even if he's stringing me along, he's not doing a very good job at it. Bringing this statement forward for further consideration
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