JTG707 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Hey everyone I'm new here at Loveshack. I guess I should give you a little backround on myself so anyone reading this can understand my situation better. I have been with this girl for a year and a half but we just recently broke up about 2 weeks ago. When we first broke up she said that she "needed space" and that "she was confused". All the classic break up lines that you can think of. I have been broken up with before. I have only ever loved 2 girls in my life, this girl being one and my ex before her the other. This breakup is much worse though. The only thing I asked her after she broke it off was whether or not she could see us together anymore, a simple question that she refused to answer. Flash forward through 2 weeks of no contact and we finally talked yesterday. She basically told me over the phone that she had no feelings for me at all. No romantic feelings whatsoever. She said that she stopped loving me awhile ago but she just now realized it. I asked her to be honest with me and tell me if there was someone else. At that point she admitted to me that she still loves her ex boyfriend and she always has but she just never knew it. She said that she realized it because she was always constantly comparing me to him and if she really loved me she wouldn't be thinking that way. The entire time on the phone she was crying and I asked her why. She told me because she felt bad for me. She said she knows she how bad this is hurting me. She knows that my last relationship ended almost the same way, and that it stayed with me for a long time.. I didn't even know what to say to her. This is the last thing she said to me before we hung up, "I' sorry.. I thought about it for a long time and I realize now that I your not the person I ever want to be with. I love someone else. I'm sorry if I lead you on. Bye." I love this girl more than anything.. Me and her have been through so much we were together over a year. I know its not that long but she basically lived with me I spent nearly everyday with her. I don't want anyone to misunderstand the point of this post though. I'm not trying to get advice on how to win her back or how to grieve or any of that. I know it's over between us.. I'm just really confused here.. How can someone say sorry for leading me on when we were together for that long?? Really she lead me on for a whole year? Did she even mean all those "I love you's" and "I miss you's"? It's hurts really bad knowing the girl I love loves someone else. I just need to understand all this better? I don't even know if she ever even loved me or what now. She used to say all the time "your stuck with me forever" or she'd always talk about marriage but what was it all for? Maybe she was just using me I really don't know anymore. If anyone has any advice or comments, anything would be appreciated.
Ajax Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Welcome to LoveShack JTG707. I'm sorry though that you're going through this. Many of us have been through similar things. The fact that you mentioned that your ex said that she was "confused" and "needed space" sounds exactly like what my ex told me. And I similarly felt led on. The fact that you seem to accepted that it's over is a good thing, and if it's true then you've taken the first step on your road to recovery. That being said, it's not a straight line and some days may be better than others. It's hurts really bad knowing the girl I love loves someone else. I just need to understand all this better? I don't even know if she ever even loved me or what now. She used to say all the time "your stuck with me forever" or she'd always talk about marriage but what was it all for? Maybe she was just using me I really don't know anymore. People say things they don't mean all the time. Sometimes they mean it when they say it, and then things change. Sometimes they think they know how they feel, but really aren't as mindful of their feelings as they should be. Rarely, people will intentionally mislead someone, using them until someone better comes along. For me, and I suspect for you, being broken up with in such a manner causes us to question whether or not anyone can really be trusted and relied on. What a lot of people will tell you on LoveShack is that words mean less than actions. We can choose to take someone at their word, but their actions should match up.
Author JTG707 Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Hey Ajax thanks for the reply. Yeah I agree with you about someone "thinking" that they feel a certain way.. but it really does make me question her true intentions. When my last break up happened I didn't trust anyone for a really long time. I was single for 2 years until I met my most recent ex. I don't know why I thought she was different, we just clicked right when we first met I don't know. I think I'm just not going to get attached to anyone anymore it's too hard to trust someone like that.
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