superb Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I met this man 3 months ago, we hit it off...hung out, one thing led to another...yadda yadda. Anyway he kept coming back, contacting me..wantin to see me more so I went with it bc I liked him. He has some charming quality, I don't even know what it is. I'm attracted so I continue. I'm starting to feel like I want more, monogamy, the promise of it...the lie of it even? something. He's kinda stand offish like not willing to commit, keeping me at bay and not emotional at all. I think its just about sex to him so I've let him know how I feel, hoping he'd spare me bc at this point I feel unable to break it off with him for real. I'd say it would be in a booty call category, except I'm doing gf things and he's not doing bf things. Is it a time to end it? A time to demand more? Or a time to just be patient and understand that this is "getting to kno each other" or "taking it slow" as he says. This is driving me insane, thinking about him and wondering what he's doing. Sometimes he just ignores my texts, and when that happens I assume he's with someone else. I don't know what to do!
Forever Learning Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) He has some charming quality,............ He's kinda stand offish like not willing to commit, keeping me at bay and not emotional at all. I think its just about sex to him Sometimes he just ignores my texts Yes he is using you for sex. I picked out the things you said above that are big Red Flags. His charming quality is typically a sign of a user / player. A bad sign. Get rid of him. Give yourself time and space from him to heal. Going "No Contact" will do that. Then, you will see this more clearly. Something else you should know. Sex and love addictions DO EXIST. Google it and learn more. They have 12 step programs for people to overcome these problems. You mentioned you don't know if you can end it with him. That means you might be addicted to him. It's a chemical process, in your brain, that keeps you hooked. For some people, it's every bit as hard to break up with someone, as it is to kick a heroin drug habit. You need space to heal and see things better. Go "No Contact' and read all you can around here, it will help educate you and you won't feel so alone in this situation. He is probably a Narcississt too, read here for that: http://www.lisaescott.com/ . Narcississts are nasty creatures who love to lie to get sex. Good luck, you can do this. Spend time learning here, instead of chasing him. Edited July 13, 2011 by Forever Learning
Author superb Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Something else you should know. Sex and love addictions DO EXIST. Google it and learn more. They have 12 step programs for people to overcome these problems. You mentioned you don't know if you can end it with him. That means you might be addicted to him. It's a chemical process, in your brain, that keeps you hooked. Thanks for the advice, yesterday he pulled some more bs with me after a great night together on Monday. So I sent him three msgs letting him know that I cannot do this anymore and I changed my phone number. I do feel chemically addicted to him in some way, like he messes up my chemistry. I've gone NO CONTACT as of yesterday afternoon and I know I'll be okay. I'm just sad. Going to miss him. I deserve better and I know it!
Forever Learning Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Way to go and congratulations to you!! You might want to set up some personal boudaries for yourself, I know that is something I am working on too. There have been some threads here about boundaries, along with lots of great info all over the web. Read all you can around here about 'Spotting Red Flags' so next time you might recognize a jerk before things progress too far. Good luck!
Author superb Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Personal boundaries as far as what? How far or how fast a relationship moves? I'm doing okay on no contact but I woke up today feeling terrible...crying. It's so weird to me. Can't stop thinking about him! ugh. I won't text him tho, I know I can do this.
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Personal boundaries as far as what? How far or how fast a relationship moves? I'm doing okay on no contact but I woke up today feeling terrible...crying. It's so weird to me. Can't stop thinking about him! ugh. I won't text him tho, I know I can do this. Here you go momma! Boundary info GALORE!! Good stuff, be sure and read parts 1 & 2 as well. This link is to part 3, but the link to parts 1 & 2 are within the article. This 'baggage reclaim' website is awesome, a million great articles (it's a British site, sometimes they say things slightly differently than we do, keep that in mind when reading - but is only occasionally.) Cheers! http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-fundamental-lessons-onboundaries-in-relationships-part-3/
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