Turned on by the thought of GF cheating on me

[Diglett]

I used to be a very jealous person. Very possessive and controlling. You can imagine the shock when I found out my ex was constantly talking and flirting with this guy I had told her not to speak to. They had a sexual history, she had blown him before at a party. My instant reaction was to be furious and I refused to speak to her. I just couldn't accept the thought, it killed me inside. I decided to man up and embrace the thought and suddenly I was extremely turned on. Cutting this part of the story short I masturbated over the thought of it several times each day. Eventually asked her to re-tell the story and then asked to hear of her other sexual experiences too. I was addicted.

 

I was convinced that this was some sort of mental defence mechanism. If you can't handle it, then find it erotic.

 

We eventually broke up, not related to my newly found 'fetish'. And it seemed to have killed my normal sex drive.

 

I thought I had gotten over it when I met this new girl I am currently with. She is really hot and the sex was great.

 

But it wasn't long until I started to get filled with thoughts, as we talked together about our previous experiences. She didn't like hearing mine (I never told her about the fetish thing) yet I loved hearing hers. I told her that it's better I know everything she's done now rather than later as an excuse to hear them.

 

Whenever we're not together the only thing that gets me off is thinking of her with an ex or thinking of her cheating on me with one of my friends. It's become an obsession and I don't really like it. I feel like our sex life is suffering slightly because although enjoyable it's not what it could be.

 

Part of me wants to tell her, part of me thinks it would scare her off. It does sound pretty messed up. It's a really selfish fantasy and I doubt she would get enjoyment from it. And if it became too obsessive when I admit it, what would be the point with her? If she's sleeping with others guys and not me, why not just be with another guy?

 

The only thing I like about my newly found preference is I am never jealous any more and I feel a lot more relaxed in general.

 

Should I tell her? Should I get help?

 

I don't want to ruin my relationship with her as I really do care strongly for her and we have a blast hanging out, she really makes me happy. I'm just caught somewhere between my penis and my brain. And I'm undecisive. Your thoughts would be much appreciated. Thanks .