kele Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Hi guys, I'm here to share with everyone about a problem that I am facing and at the same time hoping to get some good advices on what should I do. Here I go.. My gf and I have been dating for 6 months and we were happy together, almost inseparable. We rarely go into quarrels or arguements except for one particular reason, her female best friend, Becky. She had strong bonds with Becky, they were the best of friends for 8 years. Becky is attached with a guy for almost 5years. Initially, we faces no problems but problems arise after we had passed the 1 month mark where my gf and I got closer. She spend more time with me (like almost all other couples did) and that probably caused a spark within Becky. While my gf and I were hanging out together and despite knowing that fact, Becky always tried to meet up my gf. When my gf rejected her, Becky would send pictures of places and food trying to tempt my gf over. At times when my gf and I had plans for the weekend, she would again come up with some ideas, act pityful/angry trying to "force" my gf to spend it with her. Putting both me and my gf in dilemma. At times like this, in order not to put my gf at a difficult spot, I asked my gf to spend time with her. But it seems like Becky is always hungry for more. She even goes to the extend of asking her NOT to text me when she is out with her. After sometime, this issue has been taking a toll on me. We did have a few arguements about the balancing of friendship to relationships. But I know it wasn't an easy choice therefore I've never asked her to choose between the two. I merely requested that on days where we had plans, Becky would not bother us. We had a few talks trying to solve that issue, but came up with no solution. (She is a little protective over Becky) A week ago, on Sunday, my gf had to give out pamphlets seeking for potential clients for her job. This was usually done together with Becky as they were both tutors but this time round I offered my help and just the two of us, my gf and I gave out the pamphlets to individual units around her area. It was a tiring day yet I was glad because I enjoyed my time helping the girl that I love. Then came my first week at work. I was rather busy and neglected my gf. I would reply her text late due to commitments at work but I always make an effort to rush home after work just to have a few hours of chat with her. We do meet up a day after my work and hang out together, we were still very happy. Until the 4th day of work, everything just seem to go wrong. My gf had a sudden change of attitude in me and my 6th sense is just telling me that something is wrong. Our initial plan to meet up on the weekend is once again spoilt by Becky. She told me she had to meet her up for lunch. I was mad but agreed. But I told her it was supposed to be our day and I had waited a week long for this day and when things like this happens she is slowly killing the relationship. I also took the chance to question about her sudden change of attitude in me, if it was because she is losing interest in the relationship. she replied "No. I was hurt to have read that". At that moment, I felt the need to have a talk to clear some misunderstandings so I told her to meet me after she is done with Becky and we would have a talk. She agreed but kept asking me what I wanted to talk about but I kept replying with "we will talk when we meet up ok?" Hours later, she called me and ask what I wanted to say to her. I knew she could be changing her mind on meeting up to talk so I asked she said she has no mood to meet me up. After insisting, she agreed and fix a time to meet up just near Becky's place. Upon reaching, I spoke to her clamly and maturely. We talk about our problems and she said she is feeling the stress of balancing friendship and relationship. I was puzzled because I had always allow her to be out with Becky. That couldn't be the reason. She also told me about her family problems and when I further probe into what she was thinking, then came this question... "Remember that day where we gave out pamphlets? Did you try to sabotage me? Becky told me that she recieved many complaints." (Becky was the point of contact for laising with clients) I was shocked to hear that. She said she had knew about the complaints from Becky a few days ago and admitted that was partly the cause for her sudden change in attitude. She said she trusted me but needed reassurance. I told her I did not do that and I would never ever hurt the girl I love. At that point her eyes were watery.. I felt my heart crushing and I gave a hug and told her I'm sorry for not trying to understand her problems earlier. I blamed myself for not asking and being there for her in her difficult week. She broke out immediately and tears rolled down endlessly down her cheek. I continuously wipe the tears off her and told her in a soft voice that everything is gonna be alright. After cooling down, she remained silent for a short while and smiled . She said she felt relief. At that moment I thought that everything is alright. We hugged and kissed as I walked her back to Becky's place. Everything was begining to feel normal until 2 hours later. She called me to mention a break up. I was puzzled and shock as I thought we had already cleared our problems. I asked her for the reason and if she was sure. She said the same problems she said to me earlier, (despite us solving it before) and said i can't assure her if the same issue would happen again. I was hurtful, I didnt probe any further and agreed with breaking up. She mentioned that it was her own decision and no one had forced or brainwashed her. We remain silent for a minute and I asked if she has anything else to say. We both hung up after she replied "No". We remain NC for a day now. I don't know if the whole "sabotage" thing were made up by Becky. (because she was the point of contact) I know I probably shouldn't jump to conclusion but my 6th sense is telling me that it has a very high possiblity. I don't know if Becky has badmouthed me or is it really my gf's own decision. But I couldn't understand why.. I don't know what I should do now.. and I need advice. I apologize for my boring long post but I really needed a place to rant out my feelings.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 She needs space to sort out her own problems, which may include her friend becky. Stay NC and get into the mindset that she isn't coming back. No Contact is for you to heal and move on so don't try to use it to get her back. I'm not saying that there is no chance of her coming back because there is always that slight possibility, but it's not likely. Use this time to focus on you and your problems, work on yourself, focus on your career, pick up new hobbies, just stay busy. You handled yourself very well during the breakup talk, I commend you. Now focus on you and if you feel the need to break no contact come here to LS and vent.
Author kele Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 It has been day 3 of NC... Although I am feeling better and also getting used to being single but I still cant help to check her fackbook and whatsapp status. Yesterday, she twitted "It is harder than what I had expected". I still remained NC because I thought it might not be directed to me.. Today I found out that she had our pictures removed from her facebook. I felt a little heartbreaking but it was easier to take it than what I had expected. Which makes me wonder if I am already begining to heal? Am I doing things right?
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Yes, you are doing the right thing. She needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. I have a feeling that her friend Becky played a BIG part in the end of your relationship and if your Ex is too blind to see it, then that's her problem, not yours. You need to stop following her on Twitter and de-friend her on Facebook. Sooner or later she's gonna start posting pics of herself out with other guys on there (probably at the encouragement of Becky). You don't need to see that crap. Once she notices that you don't follow her and you've de-friend her, she's gonna reach out to you. Ignore her! Her choice was to have you out of her life and that's EXACTLY what you need to give her.
Author kele Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 NC day 6. Almost a week now and I'm still missing her. Sometimes I laugh, I feel normal and sometimes I feel that the sky is dropping on me. All those memories will come back haunting my mind like mtv non-stop hits. I feel terrible. Sigh... Although the checking routine is getting lesser, I still can't bring myself to de-friend her on facebook and stop following her twitter. I'm back here to rant. I shouldn't break NC! I can do it!!! stop thinking!!!!
geegirl Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 NC day 6. Almost a week now and I'm still missing her. Sometimes I laugh, I feel normal and sometimes I feel that the sky is dropping on me. All those memories will come back haunting my mind like mtv non-stop hits. I feel terrible. Sigh... Although the checking routine is getting lesser, I still can't bring myself to de-friend her on facebook and stop following her twitter. I'm back here to rant. I shouldn't break NC! I can do it!!! stop thinking!!!! How are you not breaking NC when you are following her on Twitter and checking FB? NC is cutting all lifelines to what is causing you pain. NC is for you to focus solely on your path to healing and not focus on her tweets and what she is doing. How to "stop thinking" when you keep stalking her? Instead of slowly detaching yourself, you are keeping yourself engaged.
Author kele Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 and to make matter worse, I think I overworked and got myself sick. I foresee that this will be a very hard period to get by...
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