fauxleather Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I would first like to say that after googling around since the breakup and ending up in this forum multiple times, although this forum is built upon foundations of sorrow and negativity, it's really nice to see everyone reading each other's stories and offering kind feedbacks. This is my breakup story, which is kinda short in comparison to most of the people here, but relatively it's the most painful experience in my life. We met on Jan this year, hit it off damn well, but I was attached to my gf of 2.5 years at that point of time but our relationship was getting a bit stagnant already. We eventually broke up around Feb and I got together with this girl around March. For the first time in my life, I actually felt that I could really love someone a lot. (on hindsight, this sounds pretty bastard considering that I was with someone for 2.5 years) Like all relationships, we had a pretty good time at the start until things started to go downhill come June. There were a lot of miscommunications and misunderstandings, and my bad temper and sarcastic tone just aggravated the whole situation and she eventually got sick and tired of my temper and sarcastic remarks and called it quits. I was devastated at that moment and pleaded my way back like an apologetic loser, sending texts throughout the night of how we should get back together and how we still had a future together and stuffs like that. But she was persistant, stubborn and just downright cold. So okay, I decided that there was no way I'm getting this relationship back tonight, so I decided to bank on the fact that "we remain as good friends". She agreed, although I'm quite sure she did it just to get my off her back, and we left that night as that. Next morning after the breakup, I still continued to whatsapp her like normal, but her replies were really accommodating and showed no signs of interest (examples like "hahahah", "omggg", etc etc) and I decided that there was no way this was gonna work out. So I stopped contact with her, went home and did what everyone else did - googled for help. Then I came onto the whole theory of NC. I started NC, and within a few days, I could see her posting sad stuffs like "Everyone said goodnight to me. Everyone but you." I thought it's working, so one week after NC, I talked to her online, but the conversation was still downright accommodating and showed no signs of interest. I was devastated, and resumed NC for another week. Then more sad updates were posted on Facebook and stuffs. Updates like "It hurts the most when someone who could make you feel so special yesterday, make you feel so unwanted tomorrow." Once again I thought I had a chance, so I called her. Biggest mistake of my life. I wanted to ask her out for coffee and stuff, but she gave me excuses that she had an overnight stay or something over the weekend. I was desperate and asked if she's free on weekdays as well, but she just said she was really busy. Devastated, I hung up and made up my mind never to contact her again. That was 2 weeks ago, and I have really not contacted her ever since. I thought this was gone for sure, then she updated statuses like "Forget about it" and "I apologize for wasting your time then, sorry I'm not good enough for you haha.". Hell, she even muted me on Twitter cause she was "irked by my DP". And now, she's like seeing another guy and is damn glad she met him and she's "SO HAPPY now". My feelings are like a combination of regret, sadness, frustration and pure annoyance. The fact that I even bothered to follow up till now shows that I still have feelings for her, but I'm not too sure where this is headed. She seems to be happily in a rebound relationship now though. Logically, I feel that she's operating in a way that's exactly what someone who still has feelings for this relationship would do. She's filling up the hole in her heart with this new person and all. But, I don't really know what to do from here. It's obvious that there's absolutely no way I should be contacting her anytime soon cause she has zero interest for me right now and rather give all her love to that "new guy". And while on the surface of social media I'm still doing fine in my life by not pleading/texting/calling her and still hanging out with my friends as per normal, in reality I'm really demolished inside. Thanks for reading the whole thing if you did, I would appreciate some feedbacks on what do you think she is going through right now and what's best I should do (if there's even any chance) if I want to get back with her.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 You are right, it IS your story. How are you going to have your story end? Those status updates may not have been about you, just something you might want to consider. Stay NC with her, if she comes back on her own then great. If not you are already on your way to healing and moving on. This IS your story, I hope you choose the least painful ending.
Author fauxleather Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 It's one of those situations where you KNOW what's the right thing to do - aka not caring and moving on with life seriously, but it's just so damn difficult to do. Every night I can't really sleep cause all these stupid thoughts just haunt me. I still dream of her and me patching up together and it's just so annoying. I really wish I could just snap out of all these and forget. But admist all these strong-willed thoughts, a small part of me will still bear a hope that we will still eventually patch up one day. It's just too difficult to let go of that. I sound so silly and stupid really.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 everything you are going through is normal, not stupid and silly. The dreams will stop as time goes on, and your hope will diminish in the same fashion. You can have that hope as long as it's not your top priority (you and her getting back together). Focus on you for now and let life unfold itself.
Author fauxleather Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 So it's okay to keep some hope as long as it's not the top priority huh? That's nice. Shall keep that thought that it be nice if something miraculous like that happens. I sure hope all these stupid feelings diminish soon though. It's been about a month since we broke and 2 weeks of NC and it feels like I haven't really moved an inch. I'm still contemplating to drop by her house to visit her mom (obviously when she's not around) to give some closure to the whole thing and to sincerely thank her mom for taking care of me (cooking me dinners and stuffs) the past few months or so. Would that strike off as creepy? Cause I seriously have no ulterior motives in doing that rather than just showing my appreciation and thanks.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 There's nothing wrong with visiting her mom. But I would stay NC a little longer before making that visit. When you make that visit, or think about making that visit, be honest with yourself and make sure it's not a "one more shot" kind of thing to get your ex back. I think the 3rd week of NC is probably the worst for most people, was for me but it seemed like the 4th week was the time I really stopped hoping for recon. It's different for everyone but you'll get there eventually. Try to turn that hope that you have into something productive in yourself. Maybe use that hope as motivation to meet a goal of yours (like get in shape, get a promotion, ect.).
Author fauxleather Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Alright. Thanks for all your replies by the way HoaP. We don't even know each other but yet you still bother to reply. I guess I'll just wait it out a bit more then. Nowadays my moods are fluctuating. Sometimes I think I can definitely handle it and am ready to move on without her. After all, the next one's definitely gonna be better and it's her loss that she's without me. But sometimes, I just crumble and want her back. It's so weird. Onwards to third week of NC then.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 no problem bud, your moods will continue to fluctuate for some time. after you gain control over your moods again then you should be ready to visit her mother and give your thanks. keep in mind that you weren't born with this woman so you CAN live without her. If that doesn't work just think "well I've gone X amount of time without her... and I'm still alive". Best Wishes.
Crisis Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I know how you feel man. It sucks to go to bed not thinking of someone and then waking up cause of a dream about them and then they are stuck in you head. It's the same with me. It's been about 2 weeks of NC for me too and a little over a month after my breakup. 5 years bro, so I know the hurt. Listen to everyone on here. If you ever doubt yourself, come on here, these people will help you get through it, and it's nice to have an "Outside the Box" opinion/advice. I still have hope for mine, it's not dumb, but like Heart said, don't let it become you priority. Expect the worst, bear with it and move past it. It's hard and if she had such an impact on you, it will definitely change who you are (being more guarded and emotionally smarter). Seriously though, work on yourself. Try to fix the things that could have made the relationship stronger not weaker that you could have changed. Incorporate it in you daily life. Just something to help you do to take you mind of things, and once you do that, everything else will come with time, the healing will begin. Only if you let it.
Author fauxleather Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Sorry to hear your story Crisis, but let's try and pull through NC together and hope for the best. Whether or not we reconcile or move on, NC is ultimately the one and only ideal solution. Thanks for all the help guys. I'm in one of the more okay moods now. Although I know judging from experience, these moods just fluctuate and I'll feel down soon again but I'll embrace my up times. Just went to wash my motorcycle which was something I wanted to do for a damn long time but somehow I just couldn't find the time or energy when I was attached. In fact, I met up with so many great friends whom I totally neglected while I was stuck with that ex of mine. Gave up too much of myself and invested too much of myself in her which seriously led to the downfall of our relationship. Time to wisen up and not repeat this stupid mistake. But somehow, I still feel that nudging feeling in my heart that had I managed to juggle all these earlier on while I was still with her, that life would have been perfect. But I guess it's too late for regrets now.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I think the 3rd week of NC is probably the worst for most people, was for me but it seemed like the 4th week was the time I really stopped hoping for recon. It's different for everyone but you'll get there eventually. You're definitely right on that one. The third week is the worst in my opinion. Then again I'm just entering week 4, so I have yet to see how this one plays out. It's almost as if the first two weeks you still have some hope left that there just might be a chance for reconciliation. By the third week, the reality of the breakup has finally set in and your hope then starts to fade. Now that the third week has passed, I'm still somewhat struggling with reality, but I now understand and know for a fact that it's completely over and I am now ready to accept reality and officially move on from here. I wish everyone the best of luck on their journey. It's going to be a rough one. That's for sure. But there are rewards for your patience at the end.
Author fauxleather Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 I'm entering the 1 month into breakup and 3rd week of NC. It still feels super bad. Haha. ;(
meroyce26 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Hi, I Discover how I got my ex back and never have to worry about relationship problems ever again: http://waystogetbackatyourextips.blogspot.com/ It helped save many relationship.
Author fauxleather Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 I've chosen to maintain 100% NC right now. No twitter feeds, no FB feeds, nothing zilch. This is it. Here beings the REAL healing. Wish me luck.
Author fauxleather Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 So i broke my promise to myself and took a sneak peek at her blog but surprise surprise, i found a new post juz posting "im sorry" and the previous post about her being "SO HAPPY now" being removed. Hmmmm, what gives? Still maintaining NC though regardless. It's getting super easy to not think of contacting her now.
Recommended Posts