Sin-e Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I'm 29 years old, and there's a woman I work with who's 41 that loves getting mix CDs from me. It started several months back when we were talking about music, since we're both big music lovers. One day out of the blue, she said "I want you to make a mix CD for me." I said sure and asked her what she would want on it, and she said "I'll leave that up to you!" and smiled. So in the last few months, I've made several for her, and she's loved every one of them, and gets all giddy like a teenage girl when I tell her I have another one for her. She'll listen to one constantly for a month at a time, and I'll get random texts from her telling me how much she loves it. I'll even get texts from her while she's on vacation that say "still listening to this one :)" literally a month after giving it to her. She's single and very attractive, and we've known each other for over a year now, but I just think it's kind of funny that a woman her age is into that sort of thing. Which leads me to this ... She's high up at the company I work for. She's not my boss ... she's actually further up than that. I'm very attracted to her, and I've always had the feeling that she was attracted to me, too. Several months ago, she gave me her number without me asking for it, but 95% of her friends are guys, so I didn't really know how to take that at the time. I actually asked her out a couple of months ago, and she said we can't because it would be a conflict of interest. She mentioned the fact that I was much younger than her, and that right now, I need to be focusing on my work. She also mentioned the fact that she doesn't want to be with the company much longer (her way of saying "we can, just not right now"?). The closest thing I got to an "I like you" was that she told me she thinks about me all the time. All of this leads me back to my original question. I don't mind making music for her because I love music myself and I know she appreciates it, especially when she just says "I don't care what you put on it, I'll leave it up to you" every time. But I guess I'm wondering, does she want me to make them because she likes me, or is it because she just likes the attention?
daphne Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I think she likes you, but knows that it would ultimately just be a fling and she's not up for that, or the stigma of dating someone that much younger. People might make fun of her. More than likely, she's someone who wants someone she can go the distance with. And that excludes that much of an age difference.
Author Sin-e Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 I think she likes you, but knows that it would ultimately just be a fling and she's not up for that, or the stigma of dating someone that much younger. People might make fun of her. More than likely, she's someone who wants someone she can go the distance with. And that excludes that much of an age difference. This is kind of what I was thinking, too. I learned from a mutual friend a while back that she dated a guy that was 22 when she was 38. She fell in love with him and he ran for the hills, so of course she was devastated. I understand why she might have reservations about dating me, aside from the fact that we work together, because of my age. I can totally understand her reluctance, and I would probably be that way too if I was her, especially after what happened with the last younger guy she dated. Having said that, I'm almost 30, I know exactly what I want, and she knows that. I have a solid job, I'm stable, honest ... we've actually had talks before about how much we trust each other. I think she wants to, but there's some kind of fear holding her back. Maybe she feels she's at the age where she doesn't want to take chances anymore. You would think she would realize that I'm not interested in just a fling, considering we're just as good of friends now after I asked her out as we were before.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I think she is an attention grabbing woman, who needs it to cover her extreme insecurity.
daphne Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Ahh... that information would have been helpful. Well, she's definitely not willing to take the risk twice. She has no idea that you know what you want. You're still in your 20's, albeit late 20's. You could change your mind at any time and leave her hanging. Once bitten, twice shy. At my company, a few of the guys in their early to mid 20's have pursued me and I'm older. I don't date at work, because I don't like my reputation being soiled. Plus, they were just too young. However, I did date a guy that lied to me and turned out to be 22. When I thought he was late 20's I figured I wouldn't get heckled. 22, no way jose. Btw, my final analysis is that she likes you, she likes the attention from a younger hotty, but is not going to take the risk of getting hurt again.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 If 95% of her friends are guys, you can bet she's an attention whore. In any event, it doesn't even matter. If, for whatever, reason, you want to bang this old broad (which is kinda weird considering you are 12 years younger than her, but I understand that many American men have a mommy fetish these days...), wait until she quits her job and ask her out again (but do so with the expectation that you will, more likely than not, get shot down). For the time being, don't take her too seriously. She already told you that she wants nothing to do with your while you are still co-workers.
Author Sin-e Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 I don't date at work, because I don't like my reputation being soiled. I'm with you completely on this. I've never dated nor pursued anyone I've worked with for the same reason you mentioned. This is the first time I've ever been willing to take the risk. Btw, my final analysis is that she likes you, she likes the attention from a younger hotty, but is not going to take the risk of getting hurt again. I think you're right. It's a shame if she does indeed feel that way, yet it's understandable, and I can't say I wouldn't be the same way. I'm assuming there's nothing I can do at this point?
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 This means you not getting her wet the way you should bro, yea you not all that, live with it....
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 (edited) Truth sometimes hurts.... I did call him Bro. Edited July 10, 2011 by RedRussian8080
Feelin Frisky Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Something ain't right. Bottom line is you already asked her and she didn't go for it. She like to tease.
daphne Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I'm with you completely on this. I've never dated nor pursued anyone I've worked with for the same reason you mentioned. This is the first time I've ever been willing to take the risk. I think you're right. It's a shame if she does indeed feel that way, yet it's understandable, and I can't say I wouldn't be the same way. I'm assuming there's nothing I can do at this point? Well, if you're willing to take a chance on rejection, you could tell her what you said here. But don't expect anything to happen. She may not believe that you know what you want. But at least you'll know that you did what you could. Sometimes, there's nothing worse than the what if's. Just don't have any expectations, and you'll be fine.
spiderowl Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I'm almost 30, I know exactly what I want, and she knows that. But do you really? Is the prospect of having a little fun time with an attractive older woman clouding your judgement somewhat? What if she wants to get married and have children? Would you see an older woman as suitable for you? Most younger guys who are interested in older women are attracted, yes, but only thinking of the moment, not the long term. How many years do you see this relationship lasting? What kind of future is there in it for her? Having said the above, I think she enjoys your company and she enjoys the music. I'm in a similar position with a younger guy. He's a lovely guy, kind to me, but in some ways he acts very immature and so I've kept it as friends. If he was one of these mature, younger guys, it may have gone differently, but there is still the issue of would he want a family? How far ahead is he really thinking. She wants someone she's interested in, who is good to her and who will be there for the foreseeable future, not just for a fling. You fulfil the first two criteria but I suspect she's not convinced about the rest.
Author Sin-e Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 I'm in a similar position with a younger guy. He's a lovely guy, kind to me, but in some ways he acts very immature and so I've kept it as friends. If he was one of these mature, younger guys, it may have gone differently Just out of curiosity, in what ways is he immature? And daphne, I completely agree, wondering "what if" is the worst feeling to harbor. Considering we work together, and with her being in the position she's in, I'll have to choose my words carefully.
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