misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I am seeing a guy who's a pretty nice man. I'm not going to claim that he's "the one" because I'm not "there" with him at this point and I'm not going to say that he's perfect and that we agree on everything, because we don't. But we have fun conversations and have similar tastes when it comes to going out to see movies or having some fun. There are some issues as far as his living arrangements but since I have no intention of moving him in with me or vice-versa, that really isn't the issue. The issue is time. He will say "I'll be over in a little while" and I wont see him for almost four hours. To me a little while is less than an hour. Or he will say "I'm on my way" and it will be 45 minutes or more. We live in a tiny town with no traffic, he has a car in good working order and he has help at home in the form of his mother to help him with his kids. Am I being unreasonable that this drives me nuts? It happens all the time and he seems to think its okay. Time is one thing that drives me nuts. I hate being late to things and I always make sure that I am on time to any appointment or obligation or social event. How can you go through life being that lazy about time?
Fondue Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Maybe he's spending that time putting on make-up and getting ready. See what I'm getting at?
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Maybe he's spending that time putting on make-up and getting ready. See what I'm getting at? I know women have a reputation for being late primping, but I am not that way. I am a little OCD about time. If I need to be at a place by 6:00 and it takes about five minutes to drive across town, I guarantee I will be showered, dressed, hair done and makeup on by 5:30. Its a thing with me. My husband was the same way. It was a joke with family and friends. He was never on time and sometimes it was extreme like your examples. Yes, it irritated me but I learned to live with it and even joke about it. There was an adjustment period at first though. I can't stand being late for anything and if I waited for him, I would get angry. So I started walking out the door at the correct time. Even a "just one minute more" wouldn't sway me. Because it was never just one more minute. Eventually, he learned to be on time for important events. For unimportant events, I would just roll my eyes and wait for him. In cases where he said he would be home at a certain hour, I just ignored it. He showed up when he showed up and since I knew that, I wasn't sitting there waiting and could accept it. One more thing - with my husband it wasn't being lazy. It was actually just the opposite. He was always so busy and his mind was running a million miles an hour that he would get distracted and not realize what time it was. Ok, but when you were dating was he always saying things like "I'll come hang out in a little while" and then not showing up for four or five hours? If I say, plan on watching a movie with him, I won't start the dishwasher (noisey) or fold laundry (who wants to look as half a box of laundry while at their sweety's house?) but then he wont show up for a long time and I feel like my time's been wasted. He is in a band and was going to pick me up on the way to a gig and showed up at my house at the same time as his band was supposed to be doing sound check.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 No, those situations really didn't come up while we were dating. So, if they had, what would you have done? This evening I got fed up and just called him and told him I was worn out and not to come over because I didn't want to get into it.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 I am seeing a guy who's a pretty nice man. I'm not going to claim that he's "the one" because I'm not "there" with him at this point and I'm not going to say that he's perfect and that we agree on everything, because we don't. But we have fun conversations and have similar tastes when it comes to going out to see movies or having some fun. There are some issues as far as his living arrangements but since I have no intention of moving him in with me or vice-versa, that really isn't the issue. The issue is time. He will say "I'll be over in a little while" and I wont see him for almost four hours. To me a little while is less than an hour. Or he will say "I'm on my way" and it will be 45 minutes or more. We live in a tiny town with no traffic, he has a car in good working order and he has help at home in the form of his mother to help him with his kids. Am I being unreasonable that this drives me nuts? It happens all the time and he seems to think its okay. Time is one thing that drives me nuts. I hate being late to things and I always make sure that I am on time to any appointment or obligation or social event. How can you go through life being that lazy about time? " he's perfect and that we agree on everything" - hmm your perfect guy is who agrees with you on EVERYTHING??? HAHAHAHAHAAH Women.... Reading comprehension much?
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 "because I'm not "there" with him at this point and I'm not going to say that he's perfect and that we agree on everything, because we don't." - HAHAHAHAHAHA Women...
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I am pretty high right now, but you take the cake so far today....hmm cake...
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 "because I'm not "there" with him at this point and I'm not going to say that he's perfect and that we agree on everything, because we don't." - HAHAHAHAHAHA Women... Yeah, trolls have trouble with reading comprehension, that's why we don't make them take the NCLB tests. It must be rough to be so challenged in life.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 The only thing you will be making, if for your Man to lose his "rocks". If a man agrees with a woman on EVERYTHING he is not a Man.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Not addressing my point but deflecting with personal, baseless attacks. Emotional and not rational.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Not addressing my point but deflecting with personal, baseless attacks. Emotional and not rational. Dude, you can't read, I said we didn't agree on everything and I said I didn't think he was the one. Geesh, sober up a little before going on message boards.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Indeed, you said it is BECAUSE you don't agree on EVERYTHING he is not the one.... Do you even write these posts your self?
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Indeed, you said it is BECAUSE you don't agree on EVERYTHING he is not the one.... Do you even write these posts your self? No, that isn't what I said at all.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Let others read and say who is right, simple as that, perception is reality for you i guess not facts.
daphne Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Don't feed the trolls ms. pants. 4-5 hours is a dealbreaker for me. I am like you, I try my best to be on time, even if I am often extremely busy. I used to get really bent out of shape, but when it happens, I generally just make other plans and go with the flow. If it's egregious like the 4-5 hours thing tho, I don't think I'd have the patience of Job to sit around and wait. I simply don't have a lot of free time. Who does?
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Don't feed the trolls ms. pants. 4-5 hours is a dealbreaker for me. I am like you, I try my best to be on time, even if I am often extremely busy. I used to get really bent out of shape, but when it happens, I generally just make other plans and go with the flow. If it's egregious like the 4-5 hours thing tho, I don't think I'd have the patience of Job to sit around and wait. I simply don't have a lot of free time. Who does? Kinda where I am at this point. And this has happened several times and I've tried to explain to him that time is important to me. He either isn't getting that or doesn't care.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 As a Man i would go with answer... ( doesn't care ).
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Well, I told him I felt disrespected by his habit of being less than honest about times and that I didn't want to break up I just wanted a little space to think. And then he changed his facebook status to single and told me he felt he'd let me down and couldn't ever get back to where things were. So I guess we a broken up. And I can't say I feel very bad about it.
rafallus Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Some guys are actually pretty damn busy and their notion of time clearly gets warped by eg. work. My brother is an excellent example, where he can tell someone "that he will be in two hours", but what he does, wants to finish, and it may take, say, four hours. Anyway if it's over, sounds like hella miscommunication. But if you don't accept guys like this, then how breaking things off can be a bad thing?
daphne Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Well, I told him I felt disrespected by his habit of being less than honest about times and that I didn't want to break up I just wanted a little space to think. And then he changed his facebook status to single and told me he felt he'd let me down and couldn't ever get back to where things were. So I guess we a broken up. And I can't say I feel very bad about it. I'm sorry that it happened like this. Honestly, it sounds less like he felt he let you down, more like he wants to be the one that ends it. It was kinda shady to immediately go to fb to kick you in the teeth. Is he like this on other things? I'm glad you're taking it in stride. It's doubtful you'll be the last girl to have an issue with it.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Some guys are actually pretty damn busy and their notion of time clearly gets warped by eg. work. My brother is an excellent example, where he can tell someone "that he will be in two hours", but what he does, wants to finish, and it may take, say, four hours. Anyway if it's over, sounds like hella miscommunication. But if you don't accept guys like this, then how breaking things off can be a bad thing? Right, he wasn't working, he was off that day. And I am fine with someone saying "I have this and this to do and then I will be free" or in his case "I can come by after I get the kids bathed and in bed" He has a habit of not manning up and telling me or who ever what's actually going on because he wants to please every one. I'm sorry that it happened like this. Honestly, it sounds less like he felt he let you down, more like he wants to be the one that ends it. It was kinda shady to immediately go to fb to kick you in the teeth. Is he like this on other things? I'm glad you're taking it in stride. It's doubtful you'll be the last girl to have an issue with it. I had no intention of initiating a break up, I was just irritated and wanted to cool off before I had the conversation with him about it. His reaction to the thing is what has me just saying "its over". Who apologizes with one hand and with the other tells the world they are broken up? It feels manipulative. So, I'm done.
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