Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 So, I have registered a profile at OK Cupid, but I haven't put up a picture or any info in my profile. They send me quiver matches occasionally, and I go check out the guys and save them as favorites if I like them. Basically, I think of these guys as motivation to get out there and start meeting people again. They remind me that cool guys do exist, and it's worth it to come out of my shell. Well, yesterday, I saved this guy in my quiver who seems very awesome, and today, he messaged me through the site, asking how he made it onto my list and calling me a "mysterious stranger". hehe So, we've been messaging a bit, and he seems awesome. He's very cute, an active musician in a few bands, a perfect astro match with me , does humanitarian work for a living, and every single detail on his profile is appealing to me. This is embarrassing for me to admit, but my concern is that he's out of my league. He's really tall and very good looking, in several bands, and just seems like a very likable, attractive guy. I think I measure up everywhere but looks. I'm not bad, but he's really, really good looking. I think he's more good looking than I am. I have no idea where I rate on the scale, but I think he's at least 1-2 points higher, objectively speaking. He said I should post some pictures and fill out my profile a bit, or at least e-mail him a picture. But I'm intimidated, because he's so cute and seems very awesome. Should I bother?
Damien Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Of course you should bother! You two seem to be getting along well so far so just go ahead. I know the feeling all too well when the other person just seems way out of your league. But I'll give ya the same advice a friend of mine gave me when I started Job-Hunting: "You miss all of the shots you don't take." - Pretty much self explanatory there
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Yes, that's good advice. But I guess I am gun shy. My last boyfriend was VERY good looking, and I just never got the feeling he found me as gorgeous as I found him. I think he did love me, but he had dated a lot of very attractive women -- women who are objectively more attractive than I am. But he told me the quality of those relationships was kind of shallow, and what we had was passionate, sensual, and awesome. And it was. I never felt more like a sex bomb, and we had a total blast together. He was also a musician, like me, and we wrote and played music together all the time, which was super hot and connected. But he's the only guy I've ever been with who had a real roving eye, the grass is greener syndrome. I NEVER really felt secure with him, and my self-esteem took a beating. This is scary!!
carhill Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I'm cynical but will set aside that cynicism to suggest you explore it and him with reasonable expectations. The question I asked myself is why a 'perfect catch' like the man you describe, and one who interacts socially in a wide sense, would be looking for potentials online. Nevertheless, see how it goes. For myself, from what I know of you, my 'worry' is more that you'll be out of his 'league' Good luck
Stupid Girl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Well you said you didn't put a picture up, so that means he messaged you based on your written profile alone. Which means he is probably not a very shallow person, and he thinks you two would be genuinely compatible. I don't think you have anything to lose
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 The question I asked myself is why a 'perfect catch' like the man you describe, and one who interacts socially in a wide sense, would be looking for potentials online. Yes, I wondered about that, too. The only "negative" I can see on his profile is that he's a college dropout. But I really don't care about that. It sounds like he has a good job that has meaning for him, and that's really all that matters where that is concerned. He also strikes me as a perfectionist (Virgo, hehe), so maybe he's really picky? Or yeah, maybe he has hidden emotional issues that are getting in the way. Because I can't see ANY reason why this guy would be single. He seems like a total catch. For myself, from what I know of you, my 'worry' is more that you'll be out of his 'league' Good luck Awww, that's so sweet. Thanks, carhill. Well you said you didn't put a picture up, so that means he messaged you based on your written profile alone. Which means he is probably not a very shallow person, and he thinks you two would be genuinely compatible. I don't think you have anything to lose I haven't written anything on my profile, either! All I've done is answer a few dozen of the questions, so I guess he can see that we are a very high match, from that point of view.
Damien Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I am intimidated by online dating, too. But I have a profile at POF, and once I get a job and start driving, I'm going to start contacting women on there. I think I should put off dating for now, because who wants to date someone who A.) lives at home, B.) doesn't drive, C.) doesn't have a job, and D.) doesn't go to school right now? If I fix three out of the four, I might have a fighting chance. Right now, all odds are against me. Well said that is EXACTLY my situation right now. I'm honestly not 'intimidated' more along the lines of 'eh..where do I start?'. How old are you by the way, Lawmaker? I keep thinking of myself as a late bloomer getting these things sorted out at 21
NoReallyThatHappened Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Nothing ventured, nothing gained! What's the worst thing that will happen if you send him a picture? I always ask myself that when I'm intimidated or scared to do something. I picture the absolutely worst scenario in my head, decide that it's not the end of the world, and forge ahead.
Damien Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Nothing ventured, nothing gained! What's the worst thing that will happen if you send him a picture? I always ask myself that when I'm intimidated or scared to do something. I picture the absolutely worst scenario in my head, decide that it's not the end of the world, and forge ahead. Well put! Far too many people forget this. Go for it Ruby and let us know how it went ^^
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 I think there are three possible outcomes, and from best to worst, these are: 1. He likes what he sees, he asks me out, and we hit it off. 2. He thinks I'm not pretty enough to date, but cute enough to sleep with, and we end up in a FWB situation. Not the end of the world, provided I verify he is STD-free. These days, I think sex and fun with a cool guy would be better than nothing. I tried this last month, but the guy wanted more and couldn't handle it. This guy is a musician, so there is the added potential for some creative collaboration and inspiration, which I always love. 3. He thinks I'm unattractive and doesn't respond, or makes a disparaging comment. I am prepared for this possibility, so while it would probably sting, I could take it, and hopefully be glad that at least I "put myself out there". I am leaning toward e-mailing him some pictures. I'll let y'all know if I go through with it, and if anything comes of it.
krz12 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Did you fill out the 'weight' or 'build' section honestly?
delilah123 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I'm cynical but will set aside that cynicism to suggest you explore it and him with reasonable expectations. The question I asked myself is why a 'perfect catch' like the man you describe, and one who interacts socially in a wide sense, would be looking for potentials online. Nevertheless, see how it goes. For myself, from what I know of you, my 'worry' is more that you'll be out of his 'league' Good luck This is why I worry! I AM a good catch. I mean I'm not perfect haha obviously, but I am pretty and smart and funny and I enjoy socializing etc etc. I do meet guys out and in "real life" guys do ask me out. It's just that online dating is another way to meet guys and with half the hassle of going to a bar and being hassled by people you aren't interested in. Dont know if it's just me and my area, but guys round here come up and literally grab you to get your attention. But yeh I worry that by being online all the guys online are looking at my profile thinking, there must be something wong with her. There actually isn't! I just really want to meet a nice person and I'm too impatient to wait around for it to happen!
Stupid Girl Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 The question I asked myself is why a 'perfect catch' like the man you describe, and one who interacts socially in a wide sense, would be looking for potentials online. Not quite understanding the logic there, seeing as Ruby is also looking for a mate online. Or is it only acceptable for females to do it?
Stung Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Ruby, from my experience with online dating, there ARE "good catches" on there. Of course, I'm obviously biased, having met my husband on OkCupid . However, I'd have a couple reservations about the guy contacting you in this instance--you said you had no pictures up, but you also had no written profile, which makes me wonder if he just writes to everything female in his Zip code looking for a lay, which IS the preferred method of a lot of online Lotharios. Of course it's possible that I'm just being cynical and you have a high enough match with him that it piqued his curiosity, or that what little you did have written struck a chord with him somehow. I'm not saying don't meet him if you're really intrigued by him, just keep your eyes open. As for whether you're objectively attractive or whatever, you know better than that. Even objectively attractive is still wildly subjective. I know you're not looking to date me, but I can tell you that when I was going out with women also many of the women that might be considered objectively hottest, with the greatest mass market appeal as it were, left me cold. Cookie cutter looks have just never done it for me, male or female, and the Barbies of the world have all the sex appeal of a cardboard cutout in my opinion--but every once in a while a woman would come along who had the right intelligence and passion and bohemian streak and crooked nose and je ne sais quoi that she would turn my head and elevate my heart rate. Yeah, for some reason they always had crooked noses. Little button noses just really don't do it for me. Point is, you never know what is going to make someone else sit up and take note of you, it could even be the nose you dreamed of getting "fixed" when you were sixteen (for example).
Art_Critic Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Email him a couple of pictures ... Don't worry about leagues .. You are not out of his league
Feelsgoodman Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I haven't written anything on my profile, either! All I've done is answer a few dozen of the questions, so I guess he can see that we are a very high match, from that point of view. I hate to be a skeptic, but unlike carhill, I just can't pass up the opportunity the inject a bit of common sense into this thread. Let's look at things objectively, shall we? Why would a guy who is super hot, totally amazing and a musician waste time messaging a person with an empty profile and no pics? Put yourself in his shoes. Would you message a guy with an empty profile and no pics simply because he saved you as a favorite? I'd say there's a pretty good chance this guy is not who he says he is (i.e. fake pictures, fake info, or both...) This is the internet after all. The charming musician could easily be a balding, fat, 50-year old pervert.
Damien Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 He could be rapist or killer, watch out.... How? Just from messaging a person with no picture? :S. I'm sure Ruby filled out her profile nicely and the guy probably picked up on it. But jeez, if people are afraid he might be someone else just act normal and when you feel it's time to meet, get a Friend to go to said location first? @Ruby: Keep everything in mind, expecially what dasein has said (I've seen that happen before also) but don't assume anything at this point, it's far too early for that. Good luck
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 (edited) Of course it's possible that I'm just being cynical and you have a high enough match with him that it piqued his curiosity, or that what little you did have written struck a chord with him somehow. I'm not saying don't meet him if you're really intrigued by him, just keep your eyes open. Hey, Stung. He was a "quiver match" for me, and after I looked at his profile, I added him to my "favorites" list. So silly, but kind of fun. Oh, the world of the human-machine merge. You get a question when you add a guy to your "favorites" list -- "Do you want to let him know you added him to your favorites list?" And I clicked YES. So I imagine he gets an e-mail from OK Cupid saying, "Ruby has added you to her favorites list." Right? With a link to me. And he wondered why I added him, and asked. I appreciate the proactive approach. And his messages were all cool, light, and positive. Nothing creepy or sexual. I am a dork -- I had friends over tonight, and I showed my best girlfriend his profile, messages, pictures, and everything. We were actually laughing our butts off about the whole thing and really having fun with it. She agrees he is totally cute and seems really cool, and said I have nothing to worry about, that I am totally as cute as he is. Now, yeah, I was thinking she's my good friend and she has to say that. But this girl doesn't sugarcoat anything, and she has no problem pointing out my weak points. And I love that! And then of course, she's like, "OMG, you are totally going to maaaarry this guy!!!" And I hit her and told her to SHUT UP. haha And then I did a tarot reading to ask what would happen if I met him. haha It was fun. I pulled one card, and it was like SUCCESS, awesomeness, yes all the way. Man, some of y'all are CYNICAL. I might have to take a little detox break from LS. I hate to do it, but I need sunshine in my life right now, big time! I think I'm gonna e-mail him. Edited July 10, 2011 by Ruby Slippers
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 But yeh I worry that by being online all the guys online are looking at my profile thinking, there must be something wong with her. There actually isn't! I just really want to meet a nice person and I'm too impatient to wait around for it to happen! My friend had some wise comments about that, too. She said it's likely that he meets lots of people, but it can be hard to meet a good match no matter how social you are. And she knows, because she is VERY social -- way more than I am. She said people try many different avenues to meet the right person. I think this makes sense. She also said almost everyone has some issues -- the question is, can you deal with their issues, and can they deal with yours?
musemaj11 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 A woman who is less attractive than the man is like a man who is less wealthy than the woman. Its chance to work is against the odds.
sugarmomma Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 RubySlippers, I say "Go for it". I mean really, what do you have to lose? As long as you trust yourself and have a fairly good judge of character you will be fine. Good Luck!!
Disillusioned Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 So, I have registered a profile at OK Cupid, but I haven't put up a picture or any info in my profile. They send me quiver matches occasionally, and I go check out the guys and save them as favorites if I like them. Basically, I think of these guys as motivation to get out there and start meeting people again. They remind me that cool guys do exist, and it's worth it to come out of my shell. Well, yesterday, I saved this guy in my quiver who seems very awesome, and today, he messaged me through the site, asking how he made it onto my list and calling me a "mysterious stranger". hehe So, we've been messaging a bit, and he seems awesome. He's very cute, an active musician in a few bands, a perfect astro match with me , does humanitarian work for a living, and every single detail on his profile is appealing to me. This is embarrassing for me to admit, but my concern is that he's out of my league. He's really tall and very good looking, in several bands, and just seems like a very likable, attractive guy. I think I measure up everywhere but looks. I'm not bad, but he's really, really good looking. I think he's more good looking than I am. I have no idea where I rate on the scale, but I think he's at least 1-2 points higher, objectively speaking. He said I should post some pictures and fill out my profile a bit, or at least e-mail him a picture. But I'm intimidated, because he's so cute and seems very awesome. Should I bother? What's to be intimidated about? It's online dating, FGS!!! If it doesn't work out, you can just walk away. Did you suddenly change your mind halfway through it and decide you really didn't want to meet someone after all?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I think I am going to chicken out. I just looked through all these pictures of me, trying to find some good ones to send, and I couldn't find one that I think looks like it would "go" with his. I think he's just too good-looking for me. And I don't think I could have just sex with him, because I think I would like him too much. If he approached me in real life, I would totally talk to him and say yes to a date. But online it's too weird and intimidating. I say I wouldn't care if he just ignored me after I sent pictures, but I think I would. However, two real-life guys who are not quite as cute but just as interesting started flirting me up since this guy messaged me, so I feel like there are other options and I'll be getting silly with a man again soon enough.
Art_Critic Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Stop it RS.. Pick a good picture and send it.. This crap that he is too good looking for you is nonsense. Just bite the bullet.. pick the pic, email it and rely on his integrity to go from there. If he isn't interested.. then his loss.. By the way.. fear of rejection is tough to work around.. you aren't feeling anything that we all haven't felt.. including him.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Yeah, I am a dork and I know it. Now I am looking at his main band's web site, and this is only intimidating me more, because they seem to have played at every cool venue in this city, and he is the cutest one in the band. There's this video on the home page. AND he's THE QUIET ONE. LIKE ME! All the other guys are yakking about nothing, and he only speaks up occasionally, when he has something good to say. And he's not pretentious and egomaniacal on stage. *sigh* Maybe I will have to do another photo shoot. I have lost 5-10 pounds since the last pictures of me were taken, and I'm in better shape. I have already picked out which song of mine I'm going to send him, and I am very confident he's going to love that. Guys are always wowed by my music, especially musicians. And my music is definitely way better than this band's. I'm just not so sure I'm enough of a looker for him.
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