cybclimb Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Ok this is my original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t283566/?highlight=cybclimb So we had low contact ever since we broke up 3 weeks ago. I had surgery the week after and she texted me if I was doing ok. I responded that I was in Boston and I am doing fine but told her that she is still in my mind (I didn't tell her that I was with an ex GF who invited me to come with her in Boston). She said that she's going up to Boston too in 2 weeks and she agrees with me that we should be friends. The second contact was on July 4th, I just sent a text greeting her a happy independence day, and she responded by greeting me the same and she just finished running 6 miles. Ok so I thought, I am not going anywhere with this so I decided just to do NC. Wednesday she accepted my Linkedin request ( I sent it while we were still together). Today I was biking around town and I chanced upon a firemen's parade by her street so I went over and I saw her standing in front of her house. She saw me across the street and she waived, I waived too. Just want to be civil so I went over and she hugged me instead of maintaining distance which was I was expecting. We had a small talk over the sounds of sirens so we were talking really close to be able to hear each other. I played it cool the whole time, but it feels so great to smell and feel her body once again. Man I miss her so much. I told her that I am biking against doctor's advice ( I have an upper leg incision) and can't stand just being in my house doing nothing. She showed concern about that and I said its the best decision I made today! Then I told her I better get going and don't want to hold her, and she said that her friend is arriving soon from out town so she needs to prepare. We hugged each other again and she told me that we should do happy hour soon and she'll text me. I told her that I would LOVE to do that, and rode away. I was like: That was serendipity - very unexpected! Should I have my hopes high with her? She was all smiles while we were talking and didn't feel that she want's to distance herself from me. The look on her face is one of wonderment, like she was happy to see me again. Do you think we can get back together again.... do a reset? I really want her back. The only thing is that I just started to date this single mom (I started talking to her about the same time as we started dating - so the 2 of them were the competition). She lives 60 miles away and we have the same profession, but we are compatible in so many ways (except maybe distance and time constraints being a mom). How should I play this? I want her back but at the same time I want to explore my options with the single mom. You think she is still interested in me? Why ask me out again for happy hour (that's how she suggested to meet the first time)? I'm hopeful but guarded... Any thoughts?
Bronco Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Ok this is my original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t283566/?highlight=cybclimb How should I play this? I want her back but at the same time I want to explore my options with the single mom. You think she is still interested in me? Why ask me out again for happy hour (that's how she suggested to meet the first time)? I'm hopeful but guarded... Any thoughts? The best way to play this is to MOVE ON. Never ever get yourself strung along to hopes of rekindling a broken relationship. Well, it might get reignited, and you two may build something even stronger than the relationship that lay in ruins. However, there are no guarantees. Hope is not a plan, and neither is it a strategy. Continue talking to the other woman you have become friendly with. Do not hold back at all with what is developing with this new woman (in the hopes of the ex calling you back). It is possible that you may be more compatible with this new woman. In any case you are not obligated to remain celibate or single dreaming of the ex. ex-GFs have a tendency to be ambivalent about their emotions, and have been known to make emotional statements like, "I love you", "I miss you", "I want to hug you", "I can not forget the great times we had". These are all good statements, just dont take it to mean that she wants you two to be an item again. "I made a mistake and would love for us to get together again", or "I love you, and I would like to get back together with you", or stuff on those lines indicate to you that she wants to work on a relationship with you again. It does not mean that every girl will right off the bat scream these exact same words to you as you go biking through her neighborhood. So what you are doing with your ex is good, and hopefully once you meet again (happy hour, or whatever else), you would know better what is in her mind. Dont force her, or pressure her into revealing her mind, or hand, play the 'non chalance' like you did to a T when you stumbled upon her when out biking. Appearing over eager, or desperate, will immediately set you back, as women tend to recoil when they sense desperation in men. You will be non chalant, if you have your normal social/dating life on track with other women, and you dont put all your eggs in one basket (especially not this basket that crashed out once already!). I have heard of ex GFs that have given all the right indications and hints to the ex BFs and the guys got excited and strung along, until one fine day they hear from mutual friends (and through FB updates) that the ex is so head over heals with a new BF. The more you keep contacting her, and make yourself 'available' to her, the greater the chances of her moving on. Be confident, cheerful, and appear happy whenever you stumble upon her. That will arouse her fascination for you. Meet the other woman, take her out on dates, even trips or a vacation. It will help get your confidence back and make you feel so nice about yourself. Remember, you are single now that you have broken up with your ex, so dont feel guilty about dating other women and enjoying their company. For all you know, you could find a much more satisfying and loving relationship with another woman (hard as it may be to imagine that at this point, so soon after a break up). Lastly, remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE. Never the other party! Edited July 9, 2011 by Bronco
Author cybclimb Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Good advice Bronco! We'll see if she contacts me and set up a meeting. Otherwise I will not initiate any contact or even mention it if I bump into her again. And if ever we get to go out again, I will never force the issue on her. I like us to rekindle our relationship, but not on my expense. I will make it known to her that I am currently seeing someone but at the same time leave a door open for a possible reconciliation. And you know what? After attending a party last night and talking to one of my close friends from college, I finally realized that I can be contended not to see her again. Seeing her yesterday was somewhat my CLOSURE (she broke up with me thru text and didn't answer me for my request to meet face to face for the breakup). I guess in my mind all I need was one last look of her. I had many relationships in the past and have been to this situation before. Why should be this be different? I woke up this morning and the first person I thought off was the single mom. She's spending the next weekend with me so I'm looking forward to that. As for her..... unless she tells me she wants me back, then its pretty much a dead issue.
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