daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 For me, it was 3 months. I'm pretty sure it's over after last night. I was having, what I perceived, to be a political discussion that turned into being cussed out and told "f** you." I was completely shocked by the behavior, as I had been very calm and wasn't worked up about anything or condescending. I didn't even state that I necessarily disagreed, but presented a different viewpoint. We have different political views, but I'm pretty open minded and don't like getting into arguments about politics cos it's not imporant enough to me. However, there are others that are highly emotional and irrational, and cannot stand the idea that you might not agree with them. And I really don't like irrational. Before I left, I told him his behavior was unacceptable, and that nothing I said or did warranted it. He said "nice knowing you," and I left. I am at the point where I think you just have to pick your poison with guys. But that there's something wrong with every one of them. I'm really disappointed. And angry, because I'm not used to being treated that way. I wanted to cuss him out back, but unlike him, I can control myself.
rafallus Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Political discussions are evil - chances of turning into pissing contest - 99.999% As for question - around first or second time somebody gets drunk.
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Oh my gosh. It was about Walmart. Seriously. Did. Not. Care. But apparently he really did. Interesting.
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Political discussions are evil - chances of turning into pissing contest - 99.999% As for question - around first or second time somebody gets drunk. I know. I generally avoid them. A lot of people have emotional responses to their views, political or religious. I don't mind differences, as long as the person is respectful and has an educated point of view. I generally find myself in the position of stating my opinion, when asked, and avoid reacting or arguing. But that puts me in a precarious situation where other people feel like it's ok to spew their venom on me, and I don't appreciate it. As for the answer, there's something to that. He had a party and threw a drink on a guy for kissing him on the cheek. Whereas, it did appear the guy was trying to flirt with me and push his buttons, I was shocked by his reaction and put it in the wait and see category.
welikeincrowds Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Oh my gosh. It was about Walmart. Seriously. Did. Not. Care. But apparently he really did. Interesting. And it's pithy attitudes like that which allow gigantic megacorporations like Walmart to dominate this country. Good day.
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 And it's pithy attitudes like that which allow gigantic megacorporations like Walmart to dominate this country. Good day. Are you serious?
dreamingoftigers Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 It took me three years until the true colours came out. My h was amazing at hiding them. Then he simply couldn't do as well at it anymore. Lots of demons that man has.
welikeincrowds Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Are you serious? You've read my posts before, right?
Taramere Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Kinda sounds like you were both in the wrong to me. Being passionate about politics is a good thing. Being overly emotional and irrational is not. Not caring about politics is irresponsible and I can see why it would upset him. Agreed. Daphne mentioned picking her poison. With a politically aware person who has a social conscience, the poison could be that if they've had a drink or are in a bad mood they might get overly emotional and aggressive with people who aren't interested in causes they feel passionately about. The alternative might be a man who lacks a social conscience. Who is therefore unlikely to become aggressive and passionate about political matters. The poison with that man could be that he tends towards being a bit shallow and self centred. Exactly the same does, of course, apply with women.
OliveOyl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Kinda sounds like you were both in the wrong to me. Being passionate about politics is a good thing. Being overly emotional and irrational is not. Not caring about politics is irresponsible and I can see why it would upset him. The romance stage of a relationship generally lasts 2 months to 2 years according to CW. Ehh??? Not taking care of one's family is irresponsible. I fail to see how not caring about politics is "irresponsible." Most people who care so strongly actually end up doing little more to "help" other than voting.
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 It took me three years until the true colours came out. My h was amazing at hiding them. Then he simply couldn't do as well at it anymore. Lots of demons that man has. I'm sorry you wasted that much time. I guess I should feel lucky. Kinda sounds like you were both in the wrong to me. Being passionate about politics is a good thing. Being overly emotional and irrational is not. Not caring about politics is irresponsible and I can see why it would upset him. The romance stage of a relationship generally lasts 2 months to 2 years according to CW. I think you're making a big assumption. I prize relationships and getting along above politics. That's what I'm saying when I say I did not care. You've read my posts before, right? I have. I don't base my opinion or like of someone because we may or may not agree on something. Plus, I'm a swing voter. I just thought you were not inclined to knee jerk reactions and policizing something, that was not really related to my topic. It almost appeared that you were blaming me for his reaction, which was inappropriate unless I did some attacking on my part. Which I did not. I was trying to understand why people hate it so much. I hate other companies, because they screw the consumer and/or have corrupt business practices. I guess I don't understand why people hate this one in particular, for having some practices that most American companies practice (i.e. paying women less than men.) Essentially, I was neutral and was trying to look at it logically, to draw my own conclusions. Perhaps he could have shown me something that I didn't know, and I might have jumped on the bandwagon. But I won't be cussed out over trying to be neutral until I get the facts. I'm disappointed that you would even take it there. I don't like having to defend myself over an argument that didn't have to be one in the first place, or why I was cussed out over it. So as long as someone agrees with your line of thinking, it's ok to cuss some one out. Really?
Taramere Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Ehh??? Not taking care of one's family is irresponsible. I fail to see how not caring about politics is "irresponsible."on between being politically aware and taking care of your family. Most people who care so strongly actually end up doing little more to "help" other than voting. I don't agree. People who feel strongly about Walmart are probably the same people who make a point of giving their business to small, locally owned companies. Which helps those small businesses to survive...and also helps the people who own them to be in a position to take care of their families.
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 The alternative might be a man who lacks a social conscience. I have a social conscience. I put my money where my mouth is. I do not generally advertise this, but $ for $, I can guarantee that my social conscience runs deeper than the emotionally reactionary aggressive "talker." Please stay on topic. This is not a political post. The reason I say I do not care about politics, is because I do not care to argue with people. I believe that everyone has the right to their opinion.
OliveOyl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I have opinions on several of those issues, yes. Does that translate into actually making a difference? Outside of voting, not really, no. My mother is a VERY political person but she has never done anything to "help" a cause outside of voting. She doesn't even really give to charities that much. She cares about politics but is she more "responsible" than me because she has "cared" so much (which really amounted to having lots of opinions and discussing them to feed her ego)? I don't think so. Sorry I'll stop the threadjack here.
welikeincrowds Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I have. I don't base my opinion or like of someone because we may or may not agree on something. Plus, I'm a swing voter. I just thought you were not inclined to knee jerk reactions and policizing something, that was not really related to my topic. It almost appeared that you were blaming me for his reaction, which was inappropriate unless I did some attacking on my part. Which I did not. I was trying to understand why people hate it so much. I hate other companies, because they screw the consumer and/or have corrupt business practices. I guess I don't understand why people hate this one in particular, for having some practices that most American companies practice (i.e. paying women less than men.) Essentially, I was neutral and was trying to look at it logically, to draw my own conclusions. Perhaps he could have shown me something that I didn't know, and I might have jumped on the bandwagon. But I won't be cussed out over trying to be neutral until I get the facts. I'm disappointed that you would even take it there. I don't like having to defend myself over an argument that didn't have to be one in the first place, or why I was cussed out over it. So as long as someone agrees with your line of thinking, it's ok to cuss some one out. Really? DAPHNE!! I was trying to let you know that I was being facetious, as I often am on here. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you riled. I was just trying to poke fun at your dude to maybe help take the edge off of what you just experienced. One of my favorite moments from the show Mad Men is when Don Draper is cornered on a political issue, and he responds coolly with "I don't vote." I suspect that you and I would see eye-to-eye on this (non) issue.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I think the only people who have problems discussing politics or religion are the people who think their views are the product of either higher levels of education (thus they are smarter) or better morals (i.e. they are better people than those who disagree with them). Attitudes like that can really cause issues in a political discussion (name calling, cussing, condescension). Obviously these things can manifest in the discussion of other topics but it quickly becomes apparent in political and religious discussions. It's unfortunate that this guy acted this way but I think it's better to know now than later.
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 I have opinions on several of those issues, yes. Does that translate into actually making a difference? Outside of voting, not really, no. My mother is a VERY political person but she has never done anything to "help" a cause outside of voting. She doesn't even really give to charities that much. She cares about politics but is she more "responsible" than me because she has "cared" so much (which really amounted to having lots of opinions and discussing them to feed her ego)? I don't think so. Sorry I'll stop the threadjack here. Ok. Last one, because I appreciate your post. I completely agree with your observation about your mother. There are people that talk a lot and get angry, and there are people that try to help others. I put my money where my mouth is. If I had more time, I'd put that there too. But you won't find me cussing someone out because they disagree with me, in either direction. It shows an inflexible and reactionary mindset that I do not respect. I find it very difficult to be in the middle.
Taramere Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I have a social conscience. I put my money where my mouth is. I do not generally advertise this, but $ for $, I can guarantee that my social conscience runs deeper than the emotionally reactionary aggressive "talker." Please stay on topic. This is not a political post. The reason I say I do not care about politics, is because I do not care to argue with people. I believe that everyone has the right to their opinion. Well perhaps you can explain this to a boyfriend who likes to talk politics. That it's not a question of you not caring, or not having a social conscience...but that you tend to express it with the actions you take rather than by having heated debates, which you don't really enjoy. That way, you're showing respect for his position but also laying out your own boundaries. Not liking argument and conflict is fine, but sometimes diverting or reducing conflict requires something a bit more than simply saying "I'm not interested...." which can create more conflict than it resolves. If he was drunk and aggressive then I think that would be a separate issue that he has to take sole responsibility for.
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 DAPHNE!! I was trying to let you know that I was being facetious, as I often am on here. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you riled. I was just trying to poke fun at your dude to maybe help take the edge off of what you just experienced. One of my favorite moments from the show Mad Men is when Don Draper is cornered on a political issue, and he responds coolly with "I don't vote." I suspect that you and I would see eye-to-eye on this (non) issue. I'm so sorry. My nerves are shot and my feelings are pretty hurt. I didn't sleep at all last night. I was upset that he could be so mean, when I'm a pretty open minded person. I guess I felt attacked again. Forgive me.
welikeincrowds Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I'm so sorry. My nerves are shot and my feelings are pretty hurt. I didn't sleep at all last night. I was upset that he could be so mean, when I'm a pretty open minded person. I guess I felt attacked again. Forgive me. Nah, don't feel guilty. Believe me, you're not the first person to suffer from my being facetious at the wrong time I still get it wrong every now and then....
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) If he was drunk and aggressive then I think that would be a separate issue that he has to take sole responsibility for. That's not a separate issue. It is THE issue. Plus, he has no excuse of being drunk. I didn't tell him that I didn't care. I said it in this thread. I was interested in his view, prior to the yelling and aggressive behavior. Edited July 9, 2011 by daphne
Author daphne Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 I think the only people who have problems discussing politics or religion are the people who think their views are the product of either higher levels of education (thus they are smarter) or better morals (i.e. they are better people than those who disagree with them). Attitudes like that can really cause issues in a political discussion (name calling, cussing, condescension). Obviously these things can manifest in the discussion of other topics but it quickly becomes apparent in political and religious discussions. It's unfortunate that this guy acted this way but I think it's better to know now than later. Agreed. On all counts.
blueskyday Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Glad this guy showed his true colors so you can run away from him!! He is a jerk, not some passionate political guy. He treated you very disrespectfully. He obviously needs someone with exactly the same views who also won't challenge him. I'm sure you were simply enjoying a nice debate with him and didn't expect his reaction. Just the tip of the iceberg with him, no doubt. Mentally healthy people can enjoy opposing views. Being life partners with someone who holds opposite views is tough, unless the shared value of the two is respect for each other having their own minds....and valuing the relationship over politics anyway....
Nexus One Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I tend to not care what the political views are of the women I'm into, as long as they aren't radical in their views, because that radicalism tends to come with a certain type of personality that's really a huge turn-off. When you find more happiness and success in talking to a wall than to a certain person, then it's time to remove yourself far far away from that person, regardless of their political views.
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